CREAMCAKE-
As Hector drove closer and closer toward Helen's private estate, he began to feel his heart sinking lower and lower. 'It's a lose-lose situation,' he thought. 'If I don't bring Helen back to Menelaus, Agamemnon will butcher me and if I do bring Helen back, Paris will never forgive me.'
He stopped in front of a locked iron gate and noticed that the gate's nosy security camera had swiveled around to focus in on him.
"Uh Helen," Hector said, speaking to the camera. "This is Hector, Paris's brother. Remember me?"
"Hector?" Helen's voice asked from the camera. "You're not that Hector who told me not to -,"
And then, Hector could hear Paris's voice in the backround.
"Helen!" Paris was saying. "Is that the pizza guy? Tell him we're not going to pay him because I'm broke and he's an hour late."
"Actually," Hector remarked. "I am that Hector who told you not to have anything to do with my brother and yet I can hear his voice in the backround. Isn't that strange?"
"Are you threatening me?" Helen snapped.
"Yes, I am," Hector replied in a matter-of-fact voice.
"Oh," Helen said cheerfully. "Well then you can come in right away!"
The gate swung open and Hector stormed through and past the door of the mansion. Just then, he heard Helen's voice, low and seductive.
"Hector, we're in the bedroom," she nearly moaned.
Hector raised his eyebrows and wondered if it was time to retreat. Gingerly, he walked up the grand staircase of polished oak and edged toward a room with an open door. It was also where all the moans and groans were coming from.
"Aren't you coming in?" Helen questioned from inside the bedroom.
Hector shut his eyes as he entered and asked blindly,
"Um...is there any chance that I can just grab Paris and leave?"
"Why are you closing your eyes, Hector?" Paris's voice asked.
Hector opened his eyes slowly and realized in relief that both Helen and Paris were clothed in very sober clothes and merely sitting next to each other on the bed, watching the tv in front of them. Suddenly, his relief was replaced by his stored rage and immediately, he grabbed Paris's arm and started dragging him from the bed.
"You are coming home with me this instant!" Hector bellowed.
"But Oprah's still talking!" Paris protested, his eyes still glued to the screen of the tv.
"Well, she can stop!" Hector retorted and pointed a finger at Helen. "And you're coming along too."
Paris brightened. "Can we sit next to each other?"
IN HECTOR'S CAR-
Hector parked in front of the café and turned around to look a sullen Paris and a bored Helen in the face.
"Now look here," Hector said sternly. "When you get in there, you will have nothing to do with each other. If either of you mention plans of eloping, I'll...I'll..."
"You'll do what?" Paris challenged. "Pour boiling coffee down my throat?"
Hector rolled his eyes. "No, I'll personally see to it that you two never set eyes on each other ever again."
A sharp gasp was torn out of both Paris's and Helen's throats.
"And your husband who's waiting just inside that café will help me do just that," Hector confirmed.
Helen crossed her arms. "Then, I'm not going in there."
Hector laughed a dry, humorless laugh and just like he would pick up a small child, he picked up Helen and pried her fingers away from the seatbelt. With Paris following, Hector walked into the coffeehouse, cringing as Helen beat her fists furiously at his back.
"Darling!" Menelaus cried as he approached her. Helen practically snarled at him. Stepping back quickly with an amused smile, he cooed,
"There there sweet one."
And he continued the list with names like honeypot and creamcake.
Andromache shuddered.
"No wonder Helen doesn't like him," she whispered to Hector. "Who would call their wife creamcake?"
Hector glanced at her in puzzlement and rubbing her shoulders, asked,
"But I thought that you liked the name creamcake, jellybun."
"Anyway, thank you," Menelaus yelled over his shoulder to Hector. "I'll make sure that your debt is taken away permanently."
Hector was beaming as bright as a lighthouse now, but he didn't notice Paris looking at Helen in a longing, desperate way.
"Meet me at the boutique," he mouthed before disappearing upstairs.
"Come on, lover," Menelaus murmured to Helen, putting his arm around her and walking her away.
Later, that evening, Hector woke up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep. Without know why, he opened the door to Paris's room and in horror, found the bed empty. And in the room across, Briseis's bed was also empty.