They were gone. For real now, all of them.
What did I feel? Regret? Did I wish I was with them, on that crazy, suicidal mission to save Ax, someone who was more than a friend? I couldn't tell.
I tried to tell myself I did the right thing by staying. I had work to do here, I was needed. And I had Ronnie so I wasn't alone. Not completely.
But Ronnie would never be Jake. And Ronnie would never understand the things that only the others had understood. We were all part of this little clique, this group. But now, I was the only one left.
It's a horrible feeling, knowing you're the last one standing.
I had thought about the war ending. Of course I had, we all had. We all had dreamed about it, in our own different ways. Had Rachel dreaded it? The end? I didn't know, and know I never would. All the time while I thought about the end, it had always seemed so far away, so impossible. Like death, I suppose. Or just growing old. I guess some part of me thought that I would never survive the war. And now, look! Here I am! Alive! Well! Against all the odds.
I was never like Rachel, loving it. I hated it. And I was never like Jake, needing it too, it a different sort of way. And I'm glad I survived, glad, yes that I lived even while my best friend, and James and his people and countless others hadall perished in the fury of the war.
Perished.
And now, were the others gone too? Were they dead? Oh, God, if there is a God, please. Protect them. Let them live.
"Cass?"
I wiped away my tears quickly and turned to Ronnie, a forced smile on my face. He looked so concerned for me, and I hated for him to worry.
"You okay? It's getting chilly out. You should come in."
I nodded. I took one last glance at the stars, the bright multitude glittering in the unending darkness, before turning my back on them, walking to Ronnie.
He kissed my lips softly. A nice kiss, yes. But not Jake's kiss.
Forget Jake! I kissed Ronnie back, swallowing the next wave of tears that threatened to surface. What Jake andI had was over long before he had left in search of Ax. Our love had ended with the war. He couldn't move on. I had.
"Hey, we've got a big day tomorrow. You do remember, right? The Hork-Bajirs?"
Of course I remembered. The Hork-Bajir Valley dedication. With the Hork-Bajir population growing, we had finally found a new Valley for them to live in. I decided to focus upon that, the good. What else could I do?
They were gone.