AT THE COURTHOUSE

Hector reread the note again. 'Who the heck was Achilles?' he wondered. 'Some lowlife slave of Agamemnon's illegal empire?'

"Briseis," Hector said slowly, his eyes focusing on hers. "Do you know this person?"

For a moment, Briseis considered lying and saying that this guy was probably some psycho and that Helen was still stuck in the bathroom because it took her ten hours to apply makeup. But Paris looked desperate and Hector would know.

"Yes, I know him," she muttered. "He's that guy who sued me."

Hector wrinkled his forehead. "You think that he kidnapped Helen cause of a grudge against you?"

Briseis shrugged. "All I did was give him a good bonk on the head. Believe me, his ego needed it."

Paris let out a frustrated sigh and wringing his hands, hissed, "But what about Helen? My precious?!"

Hector racked his brain. What about Helen?

"Do we really have to go and get her?" Hector questioned. "She's kinda a lot of trouble."

"YES!" Paris insisted with such vehemence that Hector backed off.

Proving that he did indeed could think, Paris explained his plan. Get off the train at the next stop and buy another train ticket back to their home. Then, drive like the devil himself was chasing you to the Spartan Courthouse. There, they would do whatever it took to get Helen back.

"That's your plan?" Hector demanded. "By the time we get there, Helen will probably have escaped on her own."

"Do you have a better one?" Paris challenged, his eyes gleaming with an unfamiliar fire. "Besides, I've already told Helen that in the case of an emergency kidnapping, she is to do whatever her kidnapper says and she is to wait for me to rescue her."

Hector snorted. Great, his little brother had just become a knight in shining armor.

HOURS LATER

They were sitting in Hector's car, driving toward the Spartan Courthouse. Paris was fretting, Briseis was bored, and Hector was fuming about how he had just spent $210 on three train tickets that had taken them to nowhere and back again.

"Sooooo," Briseis said, breaking the buzzing silence. "We're just going to charge in there and demand Helen back?"

"That's the only way I can think of," Paris admitted.

"Then you realize that you're going to be basically committing suicide, right?" Briseis asked. "The Greeks inside that Courthouse tear people apart."

Hector drove into parking lot which was empty except for three other cars, two limos and one sleek Mercedes. As they got out of the car, Hector grabbed Briseis by the hand and said sternly,

"Not you. You've already been in too much trouble for the day."

Briseis protested. "Then what am I supposed to do?"

Hector tossed her the keys. "Watch the car. If I don't come back, you can keep the car for your next birthday."

"But you will," Briseis insisted. "They can't do anything to you! You didn't commit any crime!"

Hector smiled stiffly and marched away. 'I've lied to my boss and helped my brother steal away another man's wife,' Hector mused. 'If that wasn't a crime, then what is? Agamemnon won't care. He'll find a way to make me look guilty.'

Hector was now too sure that this was one of Agamemnon's plots and this was one that would probably succeed. He was sure that behind the Courthouse's imposing pillars waited lions ready for the kill.

Paris and Hector climbed up the endless set of marble stairs, wondering what awaited them. After a stony silence, Paris started panting and said,

"Hector, you're the best brother anyone could ever have."

Hector looked quizzically at Paris and asked,

"Why are you saying this now? You sound like I'm going to die or something."

"Exactly," Paris said, slapping him on the back. "That's what people always say to the big brother who sacrifices himself to save everyone in the movies."

Hector was about to growl that he wasn't going to die when they both heard a familiar, blood-chilling shriek.

"PARIS!"

It was Helen for sure.

Hector and Paris rapidly skipped up the stairs two at a time as if they were made of hot coals. Dashing into the building, they scanned the area. The main lobby was dark and empty, cold and dead quiet. The only sound came from the splash of the stone fountain at the center of the room. There was a solid gold statue of some sort god figure in the fountain holding a gigantic bow with a fitted arrow that pointed at them.

And then, the head of that god statue came flying off, soaring through the air like a cannonball. It fell at the feet of Hector and Paris, the gold dented and pushed inward. The neck had been very neatly severed.

They looked up to see the same guy on the train, Mr. L'oreal Shampoo Model himself. Hector presumed that this could only be Achilles. At least, Hector could understand why this snob had sued Briseis. If Hector had hair like that and some girl had messed it up by dropping something on it, he would've sued Briseis too.

Achilles had swung from behind the statue to the front where they could see him in the clear glow of moonlight. His features looked sinister, his lips frozen in sneer. He held a sword from who knew where in one hand and a loaded pistol in the other.

At that same moment, Hector heard Agamemnon's voice right behind him and he knew they were in deep, deep trouble.