MISTAKEN AND MISUNDERSTOOD-

It was a dark and stormy night when three people were huddled close together in a lone phone booth. The tallest was flipping through a phone book, hoping to find a number listed by the name, Achilles.

"You're expecting to actually find Achilles' number among millions of others?" Paris asked his brother doubtfully.

"How many people could actually be named Achilles?" Hector demanded. "What kind of weird, eccentric mother would name her child that?"

Paris looked down at the open page Hector was scanning. "Well, there must be a lot of weird, eccentric mothers in this city."

"This one!" Helen pointed a well-manicured finger. "I've been to his home at Larisa Lane."

Hector dialed the number and waited fretfully.

1 LARISA LANE, THE HOUSE OF ACHILLES

"I'll get it!" Briseis volunteered before the phone's first ring had finished. She was willing to do anything to get as far away as she could from Achilles.

She snatched up the phone and hesitantly whispered, "Hello?"

"Briseis?" a familiar voice questioned in disbelief.

"Hector!" Briseis urgently began babbling. "You have to get me out of here. This guy is really scary. First, he hits me unconscious over the head. Then, he invites me to have dinner with his family and I tell his mom that he kidnapped me and she smiled!"

'I never knew Briseis could say so many words in a minute,' was Hector's first thought. 'She sounds more like a mad chipmunk than a person.'

"Don't worry!" Hector assured her. "We're coming. Just tell them that you have to go to the bathroom and if you can't get out the front door, then just climb out of a window."

"Okay," Briseis reluctantly hanged up and turned around to face two amused eyes bluer than the morning sky on a cloudless day.

"Did you really imagine that climbing out of a window would let you escape from me?" Achilles inquired, his tone mild as if casually chatting with a friend.

"It doesn't matter," Briseis boldly stepped toward him. "My cousins' are coming for me and I'll be out of your house by bedtime."

'Bedtime?' Achilles wondered. 'What is she? Five?'

"Yes, your cousins' are coming," Achilles nodded, satisfied. "And when Hector comes, he will pay for telling Menelaus such a pathetic lie."

Briseis backed away and darted for the front door. Surprisingly, it wasn't bolted shut like she expected it to be and she easily opened it, ready to dash outside. The only obstacle in her way was a massive mountain of a human with a perfectly rounded potbelly and a stench of thick sweat and rotten sweetness. The man's face had been carefully applied with bright red eye shadow, rouge, and lipstick. The graying masses of hair on his head reached the short skirt under his night-robe.

Briseis stared. She had always heard of such things, but she had never really met a cross-dresser.

"Being a woman doesn't suit you," was all she could say.

Then quickly, she tried to slam the door against his belly that stood out the same way a camel's hump did.

"I agree with the girl, Agamemnon," Achilles said, a sudden smile on his lips. "Of all the queer things you've done, this is the queerest of them all and you've done a lot of strange things."

'Agamemnon?' Briseis thought blankly. 'That couldn't be…'

"I suggest that you stop your snickering, Achilles," Agamemnon growled, pushing Briseis out of the way and entering. "You'd be a fool if you think I did this to myself."

"Then who did it?" Achilles questioned, his eyes gleaming in triumph to see Agamemnon in such humiliation. "Your shrew or your whore?"

"What about my wife?" Agamemnon demanded.

"Your shrew is your wife," Achilles answered simply.

Agamemnon's eyes narrowed and he muttered, "I swear to Zeus that I will dye Achilles' hair green one day. Then let's see if he still flaunts himself like a peacock."

Agamemnon's eyes caught sight of the girl who was edging slowly for the door. His meaty hand gripped her wrist and pulled her back. 'Hector's cousin,' he recognized. 'Perfect. Hector will pay dearly for making a fool of Agamemnon.'

"Release her, Agamemnon," Achilles said, his tone suddenly hostile. "She's not yours."

"Well, she's certainly not yours," Agamemnon replied smoothly. "If you haven't noticed, she was trying to get away from you."

'No, I'm trying to get away from both of you,' Briseis thought as she slipped out of Agamemnon's hold and ran out. Achilles' driveway was a long one and she was already panting by the time she got to the end of it. A long black car suddenly pulled up and she knocked on the window desperately. The black glass smoothly sank down and a man dressed in a very stiff suit looked at her with concerned eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"It's a long story, but I really need a drive away from here," Briseis pleaded.

The man looked reluctant and looked down at his cell phone before saying, "Fine, get in, but you have to explain yourself, young lady."

"Sure," Briseis nodded and opened the back door.

As she finally relaxed in the black leather seats, she looked out of the back window and gladly noticed that they were driving farther and farther away from the house of Achilles. Then, she wondered why she had just so happily stepped into a stranger's car. Hadn't Hector always told her since she was toddler not to ever do so?

"You know, you can just let me out here," Briseis told the driver.

"You know, I would," the driver replied. "But my boss told me not to."

"Who's your boss?" Briseis asked, nervous again.

"Oh, you know," the driver said nonchalantly. "That man you called a woman, Agamemnon."