What Am I Doing With My Life?
Authors Note: Chapter four, my friends this right here is the chapter where the action is at. Now that I have said that lets move on to where I want to thank everyone who is reading and reviewing my story because it's really nice and encouraging. This chapter was harder to write than the rest and for that reason I would really love some super special reviews to help me decide a few things.
Spoilers: None.
Premise: Sophie's Choice, the Musical! No wait; this is the fic about one of the millions of possible ways that Luke and Lorelai might have gotten together.
Chapter Four: "The Absorbency of Purple Hoodies…"
"What I'm saying is, and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form, is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way."
Lorelai stared at her TV completely transfixed by the image on the screen. She was languidly spread out on her couch hugging a throw pillow tightly against her chest. The volume on the television was much louder than was completely necessary. Lorelai's theory was that if the TV was loud enough it would drown out the thoughts in her head. She was happy to report that for the moment it was working. However, the shrill sounds of the phone ringing were even louder than the television, and the noise snapped Lorelai right out of her dazed like state. The cordless phone rested somewhere between the pillow she had clenched to her chest and the cushions of the couch. The sound of the phone made her jump. In an attempt to find the cause of the incessant ringing the pillow she was hugging so tightly fell off the couch. The pillow landed on the coffee table knocking over a large glass of water. The water then spilled in every direction soaking anything in its path, which included an old carton of Chinese food and a copy of the latest Jane Magazine.
"Oh this is just crapping lovely." Were the first words that the person on the other end of the line heard as Lorelai brought the receiver to her ear.
"And hello to you too," Rory laughed.
"Sorry, I just knocked over a glass of water in an attempt to answer the phone. It's pretty typical of my Eeyore like luck these days," Lorelai frustratedly replied. "Oh and hi Rory," She added almost as an afterthought.
As Lorelai spoke she sat up on the couch and looked around for something near by to her to mop up the watery mess. The last thing she wanted to do was unnecessarily leave the sanctuary that was her living room. She noticed a purple hooded zip up sweatshirt on the other end of the couch and grabbed it. She figured it was probably just as absorbent as a towel so she placed it over the puddle on the coffee table, not even bothering to wipe it down.
"You know when you greet me like that I can actually feel how much you miss me." Rory joked. She was silent for a moment before she continued, "Mom am I hearing what I think I am hearing in the back ground?"
"No!" Lorelai guiltily replied.
"It is too! It's When Harry Met Sally! I told you to stop watching that movie. It can not be healthy. You have been watching that movie every time I have called for the last week." Rory sternly responded.
"Rory, this movie is the only thing that is giving me hope that maybe things will work out. I mean if Harry and Sally can make it work…." Lorelai trailed off as soon as she knew how pathetic she sounded.
"How many times do I have to tell you should just go in there and talk to him?" Rory asked.
"Did you not hear the story? Did you not hear what happened that night! Rory, I told the man that I liked him, and he said nothing. He just stared at me with this shocked look on his face. Then I ran out of there and he just let me leave. He hasn't even made any attempt to talk to me since then. Rory, I am Lloyd Dobler. I am 'I gave her my heart, and she gave me a pen' I mean sure you have to change the pronouns around a bit but the idea behind it is the same." Lorelai said in a tone that was very similar to yelling.
"Okay you don't have to yell at me." Rory said quickly. "Fine, watch the movie again. I am just saying that going to work and coming straight home everyday and hiding out in our house isn't going to solve anything."
"You don't know that. You are young Rory there are a lot of things you don't know. Maybe my plan will solve everything." Lorelai stubbornly replied. "Plus, that's not all I'm doing. I am also trying to find a way to build a time machine, or some kind of Men In Black type mind erasing device."
"Well, as long as you have goals." Rory sarcastically remarked.
"This is really all your fault." Lorelai added.
"How is what happened my fault?" Rory replied incredulously.
"If you wouldn't have put the idea in my head that there was another reason I was mad about Luke and Nicole I never would have come to all these conclusions. He would just be Luke, this flannel wearing, coffee supplier slash friend of mine. Not Luke, this great guy I make a fool out of myself in front by telling him I like him when he has a wife. A wife Rory, the man has a wife!"
"Mom, its not my fault and we both know it. Call me crazy but I still think this will all work out." Rory said with sincerity.
"And that is precisely why I am watching When Harry Met Sally to give me that same hope. I don't think it's working though…" Lorelai said sadly.
"It's going to be okay." Rory sympathetically returned.
"I am not so sure." Lorelai sighed. I am not sure of anything anymore. She thought. "I hate that I am turning into one of those girls who gets all depressed over a guy. I feel like I should be eating bon bon's or something, I suck."
"Aww, my poor little kitten, you don't suck," Rory declared.
"Yes, I do. I am being that girl we hate. The Oh I was rejected and now I can't function girl. I am like one big walking romantic cliché. I feel like I should be wearing an ugly robe and have tissues surrounding me. Hell, even the movie I am watching has so been done. I just can't seem to help my utter lameness in this situation." Lorelai ranted.
"Mom, you have always been a firm believer in wallowing." Rory reminded.
"Yeah, but this is pathetic even for me. Luke and I never even went out this shouldn't be so hard…"
"You are being way too hard on yourself." Rory argued.
"I guess what it is, and let's just put aside this sudden stomach gnawing type feeling I am having for him, Luke is a really good friend. Usually if I am feeling sad or weird about something like I am with this I will go to Luke's and get some coffee. Then sometime during my stay I will admit what's bothering me, and he will just say or do something so sweet to make me feel better. Sure he tries to hide it by being all grumpy and ranting but he is such a good guy. Did I ever tell you the year that I was uninvited to your grandparents Christmas party Luke made me a Santa Burger just to cheer me up?" Lorelai stated.
"He did. That is so sweet!" Rory responded.
"Yeah he did. But, now I can't go to him because he is the one making me all confused and sad. Yuck, I hate this."
Just then there was a loud knock at the door.
"I have to go, Rory. Someone is at the door, and I ordered Pizza." Lorelai said as she dragged herself off the couch and made her way towards the door.
"Okay, I love you mom. It will get better." Rory replied.
"Love you too." Lorelai said.
Lorelai took the phone away from her head and pressed the off button as she simultaneously opened the door.
"Hey Joe…" She started but abruptly stopped as she saw who was on the other side of the door. The phone that was in her hand fell with a loud thud on the ground. The battery pack flew out of the phone landing at Lorelai's feet.
"Luke…" Lorelai said in the quietest voice that either she or Luke had ever heard.
"Hey," Luke said quietly.
"Hey," Lorelai said tentatively.
Luke and Lorelai both sat at opposite sides of the door staring at each other. It was weird she thought for some reason he might look different to her when she finally saw him again. But he didn't, he was the same old Luke with the same flannel and blue baseball cap she had given him years ago. She looked at him right in the eyes and for a moment was transfixed by the deep blue intensity of them. So maybe he does look a little different she thought. She wondered if he had always looked at her in that intense way, or if was just as new as everything that had to do with him lately.
"Mind if I…" Luke gestured with his hands indicating he wanted to go inside. "I mean unless you are busy."
"Oh sure, sorry come on in." Lorelai moved out of the way letting Luke inside. "The place is a little messy, but you are used to it..." Lorelai added nervously.
Luke bent down and picked up the pieces of her cordless phone as Lorelai closed the door behind him.
"I can fix this for you." Luke said with the pieces of the phone now in his hands.
"Oh good," Lorelai awkwardly replied. What is he doing here? She wondered. Why am I wearing Hello Kitty pajamas and no bra while When Harry Met Sally plays in the background? I know why, because apparently I need to feel as humiliated as possible around Luke at all times...
"So you want something to drink or to sit down or something?" she added after a second.
"I am okay." Luke responded as they both made there way into Lorelai's living room.
"So…" Lorelai started.
Luke looked like he was about to say something when he looked down at the coffee table and saw the soaking wet purple sweatshirt. Lorelai noticed where his eyes had wondered and spoke again.
"I spilled and I couldn't find a towel." She said as way of an explanation.
"Oh, um creative, I guess." Luke said it like it was a question.
They sat in a silence so uncomfortable that Lorelai really regretting not getting farther on her time machine idea. The tension in the air finally got to Luke and he dramatically sat down on her couch, complete with a heavy sigh. Lorelai didn't know what to do so she followed his lead and sat down on the couch. She sat as far away from him on the couch as humanly possible practically hugging the arm of the sofa.
"I don't know why I came here." Luke finally admitted while he placed the pieces of the broken phone in the space on the couch between him and Lorelai.
"Okay." Lorelai quietly said. She was not about to embarrass herself again. She was going to let him lead this conversation if it killed her.
"You said you liked me." Luke finally exclaimed.
"Yeah, about that..." Lorelai started.
Before she could finish Luke cut her off, "You said you like me and then you ran away. And for days now I have been telling myself that you couldn't have possibly meant what I think you meant. I know that with Rory being gone and everything, you must get …"
"What I said had nothing to do with Rory." Lorelai quickly cut him off. Sadly she continued, "Luke, if you want to we can just forget it ever happened. We can just forget I said it. You're married, you are with Nicole, I shouldn't, and I had no right to…"
"I think I am getting divorced." Luke revealed.
"You are?" Lorelai questioned trying desperately to keep the hope out of her voice.
Suddenly Luke stood up. "Yeah, I am. It just wasn't right with Nicole and it was stupid to try and think it could be."
"Oh, I see." Lorelai said once again giving away nothing.
Luke began pacing back and forth before going into full Luke rant mode, "You know originally, I came over here to yell at you. To tell you had no right to do that to me. To only say what you said to me when I finally had someone. And I mean in a way it's the truth. I sat back and watched you with so many guys and I finally realized you'd never see me in that way. So I moved on, ya know. I did the healthy thing. Then all of a sudden you seem like you are jealous, and then you tell me you like me and it seemed like it was all too little too late."
Lorelai stood up and made her way over to Luke. Finally when she was just inches away from him she exploded in anger, "So that's why you came over here? To tell me I am this horrible person who never saw you that way until it was too late? What the hell is that, Luke?" She poked him in the chest and continued, "What about you? From what I can gather you knew that you felt something for me, and you did nothing! I didn't know, Luke. You knew and just like you said you just sat back and watched me with guys and now you're mad that I never got the clue. You never said anything! I am not Miss Cleo, how the hell was I supposed to know?" She finished with a shout.
Hot angry tears began to fall down Lorelai's cheek. She didn't want to let him get to her like this and she was trying with everything inside of her to will the tears back.
"You should just go, Luke. This is pointless, all we do is yell at each other. I for one am tired of feeling like an ass." Lorelai's breath caught in her throat as she spoke.
Lorelai began to turn around and walk away from Luke when he suddenly grabbed one of her hands and spun her around to face him.
"Don't feel like an ass. I am an idiot." Luke said in an unrecognizable tone. I don't think I have ever heard him sound like that before, his voice is all low and throaty, and before Lorelai's thoughts could go any further Luke was pulling her towards him and he had placed his lips on hers.
For a second Lorelai wanted to back away. Nothing was resolved between them and she was so angry just the second before. However, she just couldn't back away because the feel of Luke's lips on her was simply too intense. She hadn't been kissed in awhile but she couldn't remember it ever feeling the way it did when Luke's lips tentatively touched hers. She instinctually moved closer to him and began to be an active participant in their kiss. When Luke's tongue lightly brushed her lips, a chill ran through her body that made her have this indescribable tingling sensation. The gnawing feeling in her stomach felt like it had exploded into butterflies, which were fluttering every which way inside of her. The only thought in her head was the intense need she had to be closer to him. There was practically no space between them and yet she still wanted closer.
As if Luke had read her mind her moved his hands to the small of her back and pulled her even tighter to him, putting one of his legs between hers. Their mouths opened to let each other in deeper and from that point on it was all lips, tongues, teeth, and gut instinct. Their kisses were deliberate but rapid. Each kiss was more impassioned and fervent then the last. They would take a second to breathe but never long enough to think about anything but putting their lips back on to each other. The only thing they could hear was their hearts rapidly beating. The only thing they could feel were each others searing lips and swift hands as they roamed freely all over each others bodies. However, this wasn't a fairly tale situation. Luke and Lorelai kissing felt insanely real for the both of them and neither one of them wanted the messy perfection to end.
Lorelai only realized her and Luke were moving when she felt her shirt inching up her stomach and an icy coolness on the now bare skin of her back. Her brain started to be able to function. Am I against the wall? She wondered. Stop thinking this feels too damn good to be ruined by thoughts.
As Luke began to trail kisses down her neck she decided she was in fact against the wall. It was a damn good thing to because she knew that the massive wall and Luke's strong hands were the only things keeping her upright.
"You smell like lilies..." Luke grunted into her skin as he slowly made his way from her neck back up to her mouth.
Just as his lips once again reached hers, the second loud knock of the night was heard at the door.
No one had discovered them, but they both jumped off of each other at the sound of the knock as if they had been caught.
As Lorelai jumped, she smacked her head against the wall with a loud thud.
"Son of a…" Lorelai yelled as she hit her head.
She looked at Luke who had a dazed deer in the head lights expression on his face.
Lorelai didn't know what to do. Too many things were happening at once. Luke and I kissed. We more than Kissed, we made out. I made out with Luke and it was good. It was more than good it was all kinds of "OH MY GOD." And what's weird is how it wasn't weird, it wasn't weird at all. Oww my head hurts… Oh crap my head hurts because someone's at the door and Luke and I jumped off each other, and I hit my head. Luke, whom I have now made out with, who looks like he might pass out? That can't be good. Okay stop thinking! Start doing! Get the door; you know where that is, you should probably speak as well, speaking is good….
"Pizza," Lorelai blurted out.
Luke looked at her even more bewildered than he had just a moment ago.
"I ordered Pizza, that's probably it…" Lorelai said trying to complete her thought. As she spoke she walked out of the room to answer the door. What she left behind her was a still in shock unmoving Luke.