What Am I Doing With My Life?

Authors Note: Chapter 5 isin the house. For everyone who has been reviewing you are all awesome and I thank you so much. Remember reviews are what make the world go round, so please if you are reading let me know what's up. P.S. waiting for next weeks Gilmore Girls is killing me!

Spoilers: None.

Premise: It's about this really big boat that no one thinks will sink, until Iceberg ahead….No, I am wrong that's Titanic and this is the fic about one of the millions of possible ways that Luke and Lorelai might have gotten together.

Chapter Five: "Looking For Signs In All The Wrong Places…"

Lorelai slowly walked back into her living room tightly gripping the box of pizza she had just acquired. She stole a quick glance at Luke who was now sitting on the couch looking straight ahead. Luke was so nervous that Lorelai could actually feel the anxious energy radiating off of him. Lorelai paused for a moment because she just didn't know what to do. She couldn't quite figure out the proper etiquette in this particular situation. What do I do now? Do I tell him we need to talk about all this? Do I throw the pizza dramatically across the room and then jump on him? Do I give him some kind of out since he looks like he might throw up? Ahhhhh….

Lorelai gradually made her way over to the couch. She placed the pizza box on top of the sweatshirt slash make shift towel that was on the coffee table. Then she slowly sat down on the couch. This time Lorelai purposely sat right next to Luke leaving little to no space between them. This is okay right, how close I am sitting? Lorelai wondered. He looks so weird. I wish he would say something. I mean sitting this close has to be alright. Lets be honest here a second ago this mans tongue was in my mouth. I think I can sit close to him.

"Um, feel free to have some pizza if you want. As it turns out I am not so hungry. Shocking I Know!" Lorelai's words filled up the silence of the room.

"Oh thanks, but you do know that dairy is really bad for you. I mean think about it, milk is juice squeezed from a cow. It wasn't meant for human consumption and as for cheese I mean that's like congealed milk. I mean if you just think about where dairy products come from, and how they are made, it's not really surprising that they are not healthy…." Luke ranted finally finding his voice.

As Luke spoke Lorelai began to laugh, not just a tiny chuckle but full fledged hysterical laughter. In an attempt to calm herself down she put her head in her hands while her elbows rested on her lap.

"What so funny?" Luke asked slightly annoyed.

"Nothing, everything I don't know. One minute we are all over each other like a couple of a teenagers and the next you are talking to me about the dangers of dairy. I mean if you think about it Luke it's pretty funny." Lorelai said between giggles.

"I guess you are right. It is a little ridiculous." Luke let out a small laugh as he spoke.

"I think maybe we should talk about what just happened, don't you?" Lorelai asked suddenly turning serious.

"Yeah, I guess we should. " Luke conceded.

"Okay…" Lorelai began.

"Okay…" Luke replied.

Both Luke and Lorelai once again stared straight ahead not wanting to look each other in the eye. Both of them were trying to silently will the other to be the first one to speak.

"Alright well then I guess I will start. I have a lot of things to say. I think I do anyway. I don't really know where to start actually." Lorelai giggled nervously as she continued. "I guess one thing I what I want to know is why you never asked me out? I mean I know that sounds kind of bad, or like conceited, and maybe that shouldn't be my first question. But, you said something before about watching me with other guys and to me that kind of implied that you have maybe felt something for me for awhile. So I just wondered why you didn't just ask because there were plenty of times when I wasn't with anyone."

"I tried." Luke admitted. For the first time since they kissed they both looked at each other directly in the eyes. "At first something always happened. I was always interrupted or someone would show up or something. I don't know exactly what it was but something always got in the way. Then one day you came up to me seemingly out of no where in the diner. You started to talk to me about how you were no good at relationships and dating and that you didn't have many people you could count on, but that I was one of them."

"I remember that." Lorelai said softly.

"Yeah well after that I didn't try anymore. I knew what you needed was a friend. I kind of thought we had some kind of unspoken something… I don't know what I thought or what I am trying to say here. Talking about this kind of stuff is not my strong point, and I am coming off sounding like an idiot right now." Luke gruffly responded.

"You aren't coming off like an idiot. I understand what you are saying about the unspoken entity we have always had between us. Believe me I get it... "Lorelai honestly replied.

"Yeah well…" Luke started but then trailed off.

"So what do you want to do? Are things with you and Nicole really done? Do you want to pretend this never happened? Do we date? Why am I always the one asking all the questions?" Lorelai said hurriedly.

Luke chuckled at Lorelai's nervous line of questioning. "Yes Nicole and I are done. I broke things off with Nicole the day after what happened with you and me in the diner. Plus, its not like I planned on kissing you tonight but I am not the kind of guy who would do something like that if I was still with someone else, especially not to you."

"Good to know." Lorelai said with a slight smile on her face.

"As for what we do now. I don't really know. I do know that I am not divorced yet and that is something I have to deal with. I also know that I don't want this to be the last time this happens." Luke admitted quickly looking away from her.

"Good. That's good. I feel the same way. I mean about this happening again. In the fact that I would like it to happen again and I don't want it to not happen again…" Lorelai started to ramble.

"So we both want this to happen again." Luke smiled.

"That appears to be the consensus." Lorelai smiled back.

"Well, that's good. It's pretty late. I guess I should probably go now and leave you to your pizza." Luke said almost reluctantly.

"Oh you mean my death by dairy." Lorelai joked.

"Exactly," Luke said as he stood up. "I will call you tomorrow and we can decide on some things."

Luke and Lorelai both got up and made their way to the door. As Luke opened the front door Lorelai lightly grabbed his hand. He immediately turned around so he was face to face with her.

"Luke." Lorelai quietly uttered. "This was nice, extremely weird but in the end very nice."

"I know what you mean."

Luke leaned in and placed the lightest of kisses on Lorelai's lips. As Luke's lips brushed Lorelai's a shiver traveled down her back and she instantly wanted to make the kiss deeper. But before she was given that chance Luke backed away.

"Goodnight Lorelai. Sweet dreams." Luke huskily whispered.

Luke squeezed Lorelai's hand and then let go of it. He opened the door and walked out to the porch.

"Sweet dreams, that is a distinct possibility Luke Danes. Good night." Lorelai blushed.

Luke looked back at her and smiled.

"Oh and Luke remember to call me." Lorelai added shyly.

"I will," Luke affirmed as he made his way towards his truck.

Lorelai watched him go for a minute and once he made it inside his truck she finally and some what reluctantly closed the front door. She leaned her back against the door and slowly slid down it until she was on the floor. She closed her eyes and sighed contentedly. Her thoughts began to wash over her.

This is good. This is really good. He wants this to happen again, I want this to happen again, this is good. I can't believe he remembered that conversation I had with him about relationships… Wait a second. Holy crap this is LUKE. There was a reason I said that to him. I didn't want to end up hurting him. I remember Sookie told me to look in his eyes and that freaked me out. Oh man I could hurt Luke. I do suck at dating and relationships that wasn't a lie. I freak out. I am freaking out. Oh crap, crap, crap, crap!

"Hello," Rory said as she picked up her ringing phone.

"Rory, I am freaking out!" Lorelai exclaimed into her cell phone. Lorelai was frantically pacing back and forth in her living room.

"Is saying hello passé now? Or are we just past saying hello?" Rory asked jokingly.

"Fine, Hello Rory I am freaking out!" Lorelai quickly responded.

"Is this about Luke again? How much could have changed? I talked to you like an hour or two ago." Rory asked slightly exasperated.

"We kissed!" Lorelai interrupted.

"Who'd you kiss?" Rory wondered momentarily confused.

"The Pizza guy, Rory it was straight out of Cinemax after dark," Lorelai deadpanned. "Who do you think I kissed, Rory? Luke I kissed Luke!"

"You kissed Luke!" Rory excitedly yelled, "When? Where? How? An hour ago you were watching When Harry Met Sally telling me you are Lloyd Dobler and now you're kissing Luke. Who last time I checked was married, and oh wow so much is going on. My head is spinning…"

"You're telling me sister. One minute I am contemplating how to build a time machine thinking I am the next Elenor Rigby and the next I am up against a wall making out with Luke." Lorelai quickly added.

"Eww and now we venture into too much information territory… Seriously, without the gory details what happened?"

"Its too much I am freaking out!" Lorelai added seemingly out of no where.

"Well just slow down." Rory said soothingly, "and sit down I can hear you pacing. Just tell me what happened."

"Well it wasn't the pizza guy at the door when I hung up with you." Lorelai said as she plopped herself down on the couch. "It was Luke at the door. From this point on it all happened so fast. One minute it's all awkward, and I'm breaking the house phone, and he is telling me he doesn't know why he came here. The next minute I find out him and Nicole are over. Then we are yelling at each other about timing, and the fact that he has had a thing for me and didn't tell me. And let me tell you kid by that point I was really pissed off and I told him he should just leave and then bam! Next thing I know Luke lips are on mine and we are having this amazing mind blowing kiss…"

"Oh my god! That's crazy! That is great, you and Luke, yay!" Rory exclaimed. "What happened after that? Wait, will I be emotionally scarred if we continue? Cause if you and Luke and dirtiness…"

"No, no dirtiness. But if the real pizza guy hadn't come, I don't know that there wouldn't have been a whole lot of all kinds of dirtiness …" Lorelai started.

"Oh Jeez, what did I say about gory details. Please let's try and focus on what did happen." Rory quickly cut her mother off.

"Okay, what did happen, got it. Well the pizza guy knocked and we both jumped off each other and I hit my head, which on a side note is killing me!"

"Mom, focus," Rory reminded.

"Focus, okay so that kind of snapped us out of it. When the pizza guy left I asked Luke why he had never asked me out. Point blank I just said it. I was so proud of myself! So anyway, he tells me that he tried a few times to ask me out but something always happened. Then he tells me this story about how one day I went up to him and told him I sucked at relationships and dating and that he was one of the only people I could count on and that's when he gave up on the idea of us cause it was clear I wanted him as a friend."

"Oh wow." Rory said really into her mom's story.

"Yeah and that part of the conversation is exactly why I am freaking out right now. Rory you know me, I do suck at relationships and dating! I run away, I am a runner! I was so preoccupied with these swirling stomach feelings I was having for Luke that are on like an 11 that I wasn't thinking clearly. I am not a good dater and is that even what he wants from me, to date? I am not sure. He never really said dating. He did say he would call me. All I know is we kissed and now it's like that line has been crossed. If only I knew for sure that everything would work out and that I wouldn't go all Lorelai and bolt. But let's look at the facts man. I am Julia Roberts in runaway bride! I am Flo Jo, I am something else that runs a lot, I am cheetah they run a lot don't they?" Lorelai rambled.

"Stop freaking out. Things will work out; you won't run it is Luke."

"Oh it's Luke, oh okay then. I wasn't clear on that, that it was in fact Luke, thanks for that!" Lorelai snapped.

"Watch it snappy pants!" Rory responded.

"Okay I need to just calm down and look for a sign that things will work out. Come on how about you give me a sign things will work out. "Lorelai desperately replied.

"What kind of sign?" Rory asked.

"Some kind of sign that I won't run, something that tells me that things will work out. You know a sign from the universe and what not."

"And I am supposed to come up with this sign."

"Yes, if you love me you will find me a sign," Lorelai added.

"Okay. Umm," Rory started and then took a long pause.

"Okay, this is not helping me!"

"Got It! Coffee," Rory said after a moment.

"What?" Lorelai questioned.

"Luke makes the best coffee. You could never be without it; therefore you won't run from Luke because Luke has the coffee. Coffee that is your sign."

"That is the lamest sign I have ever heard." Lorelai cried.

"Hey, you only gave me a moments notice on this whole sign business!" Rory stated.

"Okay how about this one?" Lorelai asked. "Luke and Laura were the greatest soap opera couple of all time. Luke and me aka Lorelai have names that are remarkably similar to theirs, hence we are meant to be."

"And you think my coffee sign was lame? Plus, I was sick last week and watching General Hospital and from what I could gather Luke is with some red head and Laura is cationic."

"Great. So I am going to end up catatonic and I think at one point Nicole's hair was red. Super! Thanks universe!" Lorelai pronounced.

"Oh I know and this one is good!" Rory responded happily.

"Well tell me…" Lorelai exclaimed.

"Okay remember that one time we played 1, 2, 3 he's yours and you ended up with Kirk?"

"How could I forget that was the worst outcome of that game ever." Lorelai answered. "But what does this have to do with a Luke sign."

"I am getting there! The thing was you didn't really end up with Kirk. It was Luke you ended up with. Luke was the third guy but you wouldn't admit that he was fair game and I wasn't going to argue about it. But the reality is that he was the third guy we saw and he did count and he is yours. So 1, 2, 3 Luke's yours that is your universal sign!" Rory finished proudly.

"Really, 1, 2, 3, Luke's mine?" Lorelai questioned with a tinge of happiness coming through her voice. "That's just a game though."

"Or a sign" Rory declared.

"Or a game," Lorelai argued

"Or a sign!" Rory countered. "Admit it mom, it's a pretty good sign."

"I admit nothing." Lorelai laughed.

"You're laughing that's a good sign too," Rory laughed as well. "Honestly mom stop freaking out and just calm down and everything will be fine."

"How can you know that?" Lorelai asked.

"Oh not this again! Okay mom it's late and a college girl needs her beauty rest. So if you want this thing with Luke and I know you do then just stay calm. If you get running urges or you start to freak out just remember one, two, three, he's yours."

"Okay we never even agreed on the fact that the game was a sign." Lorelai persisted.

"Yes we did. Or I did and what I say goes missy. Now good night and have dirty Luke dreams," Rory paused for a second. "Okay I thought I was in a place where I could say something like that but, wow I really just creeped myself out."

Lorelai laughed into the phone, "Okay good night, I guess."

"Night, Mom." Rory said as she hung up the phone.

After Rory hung up Lorelai started to make her way up to her room. When she walked passed a certain wall the memory of being pressed up against it returned to her instantly.

"I AM STAYING CALM!" Lorelai shouted at the wall before making her way up the stairs.