Knowing that they had entered a parody of Narnia and not wanting to be part of it, they tried to retrace their steps. They walked back into the thicket they had come out of, but there was no inside of a coat closet waiting for them, but just more snow on the other side. This was one of the times when things that are sometimes there simply are not there when you want them to be, just as when the Pevensies had checked Lucy's claim and found only hard wood on the back of the wardrobe. Whoever had called them unwillingly into Narnia for evil intent had now closed the door on them, and they were trapped.
So now that magic stared them in the face, Pete and Suzie apologized to Ed and Lou for acting like the Muggles in Harry Potter by refusing to believe that they had had a magical experience, and they made off to see Mr. Thomas. But as the original story goes, the children only came to an empty house. They could tell that no one had been there for a long time, because the house was cold, and there was a note on the door. It read,
"Dear McKenzies, hopefully you have not continued your series of unfortunate events by coming all four of you here, looking for me. But if you are here, then let me tell you this. I am at the Queen's castle, helping her do some paperwork. I have told her all about you, and we have been discussing what to do about these evil-doers who are trying to bring people here from other worlds in order to bring down Narnia and the other worlds with it, and doing it in the name of Aslan. Please do not stop at the Beavers' house but come straight to us. The Queen plans to take you on her sleigh south to Archenland. From there, you should continue on to Calormen and try to get as far away from Narnia as possible. We think it is very dangerous for you to be here. It might even be necessary for you to be transformed so that our enemies won't recognize you. Signed, Mr. Thomas the Faun".
The children gasped as they read the note. Pete said, "So they've not only read Lewis, Tolkien, and Baum, but even Lemony Snicket? Our series of events certainly has been unfortunate! First, our parents have to go off on some business trip and serve in an inconvenient war, and we are missing them. Then we get caught in terrible traffic while we're traveling through Philly, and it takes hours to get to Professor's house. Then Lou discovers this awful tragedy that is happening in one of our favorite fictional universes. Then we watch the game and our team loses. Then we're all trapped here, and we find that the queen really is a witch who is considering transforming us. What are we to do?"
"Not only that", said Suzie, "But even before that, our country is at war, we've experienced September Eleventh, and people are not liking our President. And last Superbowl, they made a big spectacle of Janet Jackson".
"Well, those events are irrelevant to us now", said Ed. "We must do something, and I'd say that travelling to Calormen is a good idea, although I don't cherish the thought of being slaves in an Islamic-like society similar to what they have in the Sudan".
"But I don't trust the thought of seeing the Queen, either. Since we know that she has considered transforming us, we know she must be a witch", said Lou.
"But we don't really know that she's a bad witch", said Ed. "I know. I don't understand how there could be a good witch in Narnia like Glinda in 'The Wizard of Oz', but I don't wish to be led to the Stone table to be deceived by a fake Aslan, 'Last Battle' style, either".
"Then maybe we can go south by ourselves, and not meet the witch at all", suggested Suzie".
"But I don't think that's a wise choice. We don't know where all our enemies might be hiding in the woods. The Queen's castle is much closer, and we could be there by nightfall. The Queen would know the safe roads to take. So I think we'll just have to take our chances with the witch and hope she's good".
So the children resolved to travel north until they spotted the two hills where they knew from the book that the Witch's castle must lie. They folded up the note, inserted it inside "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone", and started on their way. They saw a Robin trying to nod to them to give them a hint to follow him. But they ignored him, figuring that in this version of the story, he was an enemy. Their path took them along a frozen river. But just as they passed a damn, a gang of Monkeys jumped down from the trees and grabbed three of the children, leaving only Ed free, who managed to run away. The Beavers said to the Monkeys, "Let the fourth one go. In order for our plans to work, we will need a traitor".
The trapped children shouted toward Ed, "Go on without us. The Queen must hear from us"-but were muffled by their captors.
The Monkeys dropped the children off at the house of the Beavers. The Beavers already had dinner waiting for the children, and fed them a delicious meal. The children asked the Beavers, "Since I know that in 'The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe' the Beavers are good and honest, why is it that you are acting like thieves?"
"Because we're rebels", said Mr. Beaver. "We are rebelling against the Witch and trying to persuade others to join our rebellion, and sometimes we must use force. Like the White Witch before her, she is planning on making it always winter and never Christas. She hasn't succeeded yet, but she's trying to. And so far, she has given us a horrible winter. It doesn't often snow this late in March. We think she has finally found the enchantment that will make it always winter, and that as March becomes April and April becomes May, it will not get any warmer, and we'll keep getting more blizzards. And next December, we won't have any Christmas. Think about it. We're about to have another hundred years of winter, unless we act now. But my friends say that Aslan is already on the move. He's been calling people from other worlds over here to fight for him, and he's called you from your world".
"But I'm afraid there's a mistake. I was told that this business of bringing people here from other worlds is not the work of Aslan, but something that some workers of dark magic are up to".
"That's a lie straight out of the mouth from the Witch. She's the one who made up all this Mary Sue nonsense. Mary Sues don't exist! Anyone with common sense should know that".
"But aren't some folks on your side blaming the Witch herself for these strange-looking creatures coming over from those other worlds such as Oz and Middle Earth?"
"Oh, there are some religious wackos who take things to extremes. But we're not extremists. And none of these visitors I've seen are strange. I know an Elf from Middle Earth who has joined our forces, and she said she'd be glad to use all the Elf Magic she knew in order to help us. And I know there are rumors of strange people, but I've never seen the Talking Scarecrows and what-nots that have been described, and anyone with common sense would know that any world that contains such creatures is merely the figment of the author's imagination. Such an author, having no inspiration and no direction to his work, doesn't know what he's writing about".
"Well, I guess I can't really say, because although I've watched 'The Wizard of Oz' on television, I've never seen the Scarecrow, or the Tin Man, or the Cowardly Lion, or the Good Witch of the South, or the humbug Wizard, and so far we haven't run into any of them on this strange adventure we've been having, but only heard rumors about them from people who are on the Witch's side and from the Witch herself. But if the Witch hasn't started the winter or abolished Christmas until just recenlty, but has tried for a long time as you say, how would you say she's ruled you up until just last year?"
"We all thought she was good. In fact, it never occurred to any of us that our Queen was a Witch. Sure, we knew she had some magic, but we never questioned its source. But recently some Centaurs have come with warnings and beseechings to beware of her, repent, and seek Aslan. They have reminded us that the Queen's own mother was Jadis II, and that she was as cruel a Witch as Jadis I. They pointed out that the Queen had killed her mother by her own magic. Also, when Witches are born, they have magic already in them. It's in their blood. They can't help but use it for evil. Since the present Witch is Jadis's own daughter, her magic has the same source, and it can only be evil. If you read the original story, you will recall that Jadis I was half Jinn and half Giantess. It is no different with Jadis II and her daughter. They too have an evil heritage and cannot help but to act according to their nature. Any appearance of having good intentions can therefore only be to deceive and lead astray. Ultimately, they want to make all of us their miserable slaves".
"But isn't it really a racist notion", said Suzie, "that one is evil because of what one is instead of what one becomes? That would be like saying all the black people in my world are evil. In fact, not long ago, before I was born, there were Christians who believed just that. They would say that Blacks were the cursed Canaanites, and made all kinds of harsh laws restricting their freedom. They formed the terrorist organization known as the Ku Klux Klan, which acted like highway robbers, murdering black folks wherever they could find them and burning their churches. And before that, they used to make them slaves. It is fortunate that people like Martin Luther King spoke out against that kind of crap. And now, you're saying that all albino women with magic are evil?"
"You know, I have never thought of it that way. But it really doesn't matter if there are any good witches, because we know that Jadis III is no better than either of her predecessors. Some of our forces used to work as her secret police, and they possess top secret information that is very embarassing to the regime".
"But if the witch is really evil as you say, then why would you let our brother Ed run off to her to tell us where we live? Why did you shout to your friends that you needed a traitor?"
"Because that's how it was with the first Witch. Four of you came here, and one of them was a traitor. It will surely be no different this time. We thought it best that the traitor be sent away before he could everhear anything. And Aslan will no doubt do what he did last time, making wrong right and restoring order and justice. But in order to do so, he will need to make sacrifice. Now, I suggest we get packing. We will need to be quicker than our forerunners, since the Witch will have read the books too, and she will already know where we're going".
While they were packing, Pete asked, "But don't you think it's silly trying to repeat Aslan's sacrifice? I know that in my world, Jesus made the perfect sacrifice that ended all sacrifices. Any continuation of the Jewish sacrifical system was an abomination, which God brought to an end with the prophesied destruction of the temple in 70 AD. Since Aslan is the name by which Jesus Christ is known in Narnia, then I'm sure that with his sacrifice, it's no different. There used to be a law in Narnia that required traitors to be killed in order that Narnia be saved from certain destruction. But one would think that that law has been abolished by the death of the Lion".
"I know it's a hard teaching, but I need to explain something to you. Last time Aslan came, it was to re-establish the human line that was to rule Narnia. Twice, Aslan has put Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve on the throne, and twice, they have failed him. The first time was at the Dawn of Time. The second time was after the defeat of the first Witch. Both times, people have lost faith in their kings, the kingdom has become corrupt, and an evil sorceress has conquered us. We have just now survived a succession of two evil sorceresses, a mother and her daughter. Therefore, Aslan must bring in a new dispensation, in which Narnia will no longer be ruled by men, but directly by the Lion himself. I'm afraid to say that you three children along with your missing brother will not be kings and queens. During the new age, it will be necessary to rebuild the Stone Table and reinstitute a system of sacrifice, and these sacrifices will be a reminder that Aslan once had to sacrifice himself for the good of all of Narnia, in order that the prophecy of Cair Paravel and the four thrones be fulfilled".
"That sounds a lot like what Tim LaHaye teaches", said Lou. "I have never been a fan of 'Left Behind', and I certainly don't agree with that teaching of the dispensationalists. But even LaHaye doesn't teach that Jesus himself will have to be resacrificed. This whole thing is getting ridiculous".
"But it is the new prophecy that we have been receiving from the Centaurs", explained Mr. Beaver, as the children and the Beavers walked out of the house and set off in the direction of the site of the Stone Table. "Surely, you do not question Aslan when he has given us new wisdom".
"But we do need to be on the look out for false prophets", Pete pointed out. "In my world, there are many false teachers who teach dangerous doctrine. We have TV preachers, for instance, who teach that faith is a force and that believers have equality with God. We've had Jim Jones, David Koresh, and the Jehovah's Witnesses. These teachers teach a different Jesus than the Jesus of the Bible, deny who he really is, and lead people into damnation. The same thing could happen to Narnia with respect to Aslan. I have read a book called 'The Last Battle', which describes a scenario in Narnia's far future in which one of Man's Alleged Ancestors misleads the Narnians by teaching that Aslan and the Calormene vulture-god, Tash, are one and the same. As a consequence of the deception, some of the Talking Animals lose their speech. I fear that we may encounter a dreadfully similar situation".
And suddenly, everyone was silent. The Beavers did not reply to the last point that was made in the argument, but stared at the ground as if in stunned silence. Soon, it began to flurry, and Mr. Beaver spotted a cave where they could spend the night. While they were tucking themselves in bed, Lou tried to bring the subject back up. She said, "Don't you see, Mr. Beaver, that what the prophets are telling you is lies?"
"What's obvious to me", said Mr. Beaver, "is that there are only two sides, Aslan and the Witch, good and evil, and the Lion is obviously good. Therefore, the Witch must be bad. I am not an expert on prophecy, but I have to trust the one who I know is good".
"I am not suggesting that you join the Witch. I'm only pointing out that the prophets obviously have it all wrong. Just think about it. Anything is better than going to the Stone Table to watch an abomination take place, and being taken in by the deception".
"No, I'm not thinking of join the WiZZZZZZZ".
"And we must not join that crazy crowd, either".
"Don't worry, He'll be victorious. ZZZZZZ"
"You're not making much sense".
"He's sleepy", said Suzie. And so am I. I think we should just go to sleep now, and we'll continue this discussion in the morning".