Disclaimer: Sadly, all these wonderful characters belong to J.K. Rowling. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm making no money, so please don't sue! The song belongs to Clay Aiken.
A/N: This is the first first person point of view story I've ever done, so bear with me. The point of view will change a lot, so I'll always tell you whose talking. The lyrics to Clay Aiken's song "The Way" are scattered through the first chapter are in Bold. That's all I have to say for now, enjoy.
Warning: This story is slash- meaning a male/male relationship. If this bothers you please don't read, or read but don't tell me that you dislike it because it is slash. If you haven't hit the back button by now, I assume that you have no problem with it and want me to shut up now. So, enjoy.
Sirius' POV
It's dark. I've always liked the dark. It hides things; it keeps secrets. The dark doesn't care who you are or where you've been; it just listens. I've got nothing against light. Light helps you see things, things like Remus Lupin.
I've had a crush on Remus for a while now; I think that I may even love him. He can never know how I feel though. As in the Muggle world, homosexuality is not widely accepted here. I can think of three reactions to this knowledge that might come from him: 1 he'd freak out and never talk to me again. 2: he'd calmly tell me that it could never happen, that he just doesn't like me like that but could we still be friends. 3: he actually does like me like that. I think that number two is most likely, that's just the way that he is. One comes next, then three. I give three about a 1% chance. So, I can't tell the golden eyed werewolf how I feel. I don't want to ruin what we have.
Right now I'm laying in our sixth year dorm watching him sleep. The moonlight falls on his thin form; too thin. The moon takes its toll on him so much, but there's nothing that I can do. He says that Padfoot helps and I believe him. Before James, Peter, and I learned how to transform, he was a lot worse off, but it is still painful for him. I want to take him in my arms and comfort him so bad it aches, but I cannot. He wants no sympathy, and I can't say that I blame him. So for now I'll just watch him sleep……
There's somethin' 'bout the way
You look tonight
There's somethin' 'bout the way that
I can't take my eyes off you
There's somethin' 'bout the way your lips invite
Maybe it's the way I get nervous when you're around
I have terrible insomnia. I have ever since I was a very small child. It's driven by the fear of my mother. Only two other people know about it; Remus and a late house elf named Krare. I say late, because my mother killed her three years ago. Her head hangs on the Black family manor wall now along with all of our other late house elves. Her nasty son Kreature is our elf now. My mother calls her the worst house elf ever, I call her the best. Since she is no longer living, I guess that only one person knows.
It's almost midnight now. He'll come any minute, he always does. Before he does, I let my mind wander back to Remus. I think that I realized that I liked him and that I was gay in the summer before fourth year. I missed him a lot, and couldn't stop thinking about him. It was when I saw him on the platform on September first that it fully hit me. The way that his hair fell into his beautiful amber eyes and the way that I felt when he hugged me in greeting; he was perfect and he still is….
And I want you too be mine
And if you need a reason why
It's in the way that you move me
And the way that you tease me
That way that I want you tonight
It's in the way that you hold me
And the way that you know me
And when I can't find the right words to say
You feel it in the way
Oh, feel it in the way
I look at the clock once more, it's three minutes to midnight. I smile as I think about the first time he came-
Flashback
Finally the feast was over. I was a Gryffindor! The first in my family to not be in Slytherin! I had never been into all that "pureblood" crap, even though it had been ingrained into my head from day one. Maybe that's why they preferred Regulus; he was their perfect son. I knew that a verbal and probably a physical beating were in store for me the next time I went home, but for now I was elated. And best of all, I had friends, or the beginnings of some. We had met on the train, and surprisingly had been sorted into the same house.
When we got in the dorm, we quickly located our beds. Mine was between Remus and James. We all got ready for bed quickly, for all the rich food at the feast had made us very sleepy. I went to take off my shirt and caught myself just in time. My brother Regulus had beaten me right before my coming to Hogwarts. I was ashamed that he had this power over me; two years younger and still he could beat me. The fact that he had a wand and I didn't had something to do with it. It's hard to fight back when you're in a full body bind. My parents never beat me, they had other ways. Besides, if they beat me where would Regulus get all his entertainment? I went behind my bed curtains to change; I noticed that Remus did too.
Even though I was exhausted by the day's events, sleep would not come. I tossed and turned, but sleep evaded me, as it did every night. Around midnight, the figure in the bed next to mine shot bolt upright.
"Remus," I whispered. Was he awake, or was he sleep walking? I got my answer quickly.
"Sirius," he answered, "is that you? Why are you awake? I didn't wake you did I?" He seemed terrified at the prospect. At that moment my heart went out to him. He seemed so scared and lonely and in need of a friend.
"No," I answered quietly, "I was awake, couldn't sleep." I hesitated a moment before asking, "Why don't you come over here and talk seeing as we're both awake." I hear the rustle of blankets and a few seconds later I feel a weight by my feet.
"What do you want to talk about," he whispers as I sit up and look at him.
I think for a moment before saying tentatively, "Why did you wake up?" I feel him tense at my feet instead of answering my question he asks one of his own.
"Why are you still awake? Everyone should have been tired after today." I decide to tell him, after all what is friendship without trust? Also if I answer his question maybe he'll answer mine.
"Well," I start, "I'll tell you why I'm awake Remus. I have insomnia. I have ever since I was a small child. You see, every night I lay in my bed waiting for my mother to go to bed, which is most of the time pretty late. Why? Because she isn't the nicest person in the world and I don't want to be asleep when she is awake. After she goes to bed, our house elf Krare normally comes in and strokes my head until I'm asleep. Seeing as she is not here, I am still awake." I'm glad that the dark hides my reddening cheeks. I didn't mean to tell him that much, it just kind of slipped. I find that it's easy to do that in the dead of night. "So why are you awake?" I ask to fill in the silence.
"I always wake up at midnight," he says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. I give him a look that says 'I've just told you my secret now you tell me yours'. Even though the only light comes from the moon, I know that he sees me.
He chooses his words carefully as he says, "well, at home my Dad always comes home at midnight. He isn't always in the best of moods when he gets there, so over the years I've started to wake up at midnight. After he went to bed I usually pet my dog Snuffles to help me fall asleep." I had to contain my laughter at the name of the dog, but the rest of the story explained a lot. His Dad sounded a lot like my Mum.
"Looks like we have a lot in common," I commented. "Neither of us has very nice parents and we both can't sleep."
Through the dark I saw him smile a bit. "Yeah," he said "I guess that we do. Oh, and Sirius, my Mum named the dog." That wasn't the first time that I felt like he was reading my mind.
I had an idea then, a wild idea, and an idea that I've never regretted having. "Remus," started, "what if I played the role of your dog and you played the role of my house elf? That way maybe we'd both get some sleep at night and not in classes."
He smiled again and agreed. I lay back down and he scooted forward. Soon I found myself drifting into an untroubled sleep.
~*End flashback*~
Somethin' 'bout how you stay on my mind
There's somethin' 'bout the way that
I whisper your name when I'm asleep
Maybe it's the look you get in your eyes
Oh, baby it's the way that it makes me feel to see you smile
And the reasons they may change
But what I'm feelin' stays the same
In the way that you move me
And the way that you tease me
The way that I want you tonight (tonight)
It's in the way that you know me
And when I can't find the right words to say
You feel it in the way
Oh feel it in the way
We've been friends ever since that first night. He comes every night now, except on full moons. I can never sleep then anyway because I'm busy worrying about him. Even magic cannot heal all of his wounds. I've seen his scars and they're not pretty. I'm afraid that one night he'll damage himself beyond repair and we'll lose him. I can't bear the thought of losing him.
I hear the rustle of blankets as he sits up in the next bed. Midnight, right in time as usual Moony.
I can't put my fingers on just what it is that makes me
Love you, you, baby
So don't ask me to describe
I get all choked up inside
Just thinkin' 'bout the way
"Sirius," he whispers so as not to wake the others or me if I'm asleep. I'm not, I never am. "Are you awake Siri?"
"Yeah Moony," I call back, "I'm awake, come on over." I feel my heart lurch as I feel his body come down next to mine seconds later. Why did I have to fall for one of my best friends?
I smile as his hand descends onto my forehead. I love this ritual. It's our secret and I like it that way. Not even James knows. I like the way that Moony and I have something like this to share.
It's in the way that you move me
And the way that you tease me
The way that I want you tonight
Oh, It's in the way that
You hold me
And the way that
You know me
When I can't find the right words to say
It's in the way that you move me
And the way that you tease me
The way-ay-ay-ay-ay (feel it in the way)
His hands feel so good on my flesh, so right. I've always loved the touch of them; warm and soft and soothing. They start on my forehead then work upward to tangle in my hair before lifting up and going back to their starting point.
His hands are getting sluggish now. He is falling asleep and so am I. I know that he will leave soon.
"Night Sirius," he says drowsily as I feel his weight leave my bed.
"Night Remus," I answer in a tone that matches his. I smile and turn over, letting sleep claim me at last.
There's somethin' 'bout the way you look tonight
There's nothin' more to say than I feel it in the way
Review!