A/N: Thanks to Mariann for the beta. As always, please send me feedback
and let me know if something doesn't seem to fit right. I fell off the
planet for awhile, but hopefully I'll be posting more stuff soon.
"After Doc threw you off the platform, things kinds went downhill." Dawn began in a shaky voice. "He took the knife and cut here." She explained, making slashing motions across her torso. Spike knew this already; after all, he'd sat with her in the hospital room while she'd been stitched up. He didn't say anything, but let her continue. "It hurt so bad, but all I could think was that it was over. That I was the end of the world." Dawn said, letting out a sob before continuing with her story. "Buffy came charging up behind him as he was deciding where to cut me next. She pushed Doc right off the tower, and then untied me." Dawn's tears picked up a little, her tone becoming bitter. "But she was too late. The portal had opened." She hung her head, as if ashamed. Spike reached out and grabbed a hold of her hand. "I tried to do what was right, I swear." She went on, her voice earnest. "She wouldn't let me. I wanted to jump in and stop it, but she wouldn't let me. She had this look in her eyes, and I knew what she was going to do. I couldn't stop her, couldn't talk her out of it. I'll never forget her last words.... They haunt me in my dreams." Dawn managed to get out. She felt like she was never going to stop. Just when she thought she had it all under control, the waterworks started up again.
"What did she say?" Spike asked, not sure he wanted to know. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could handle, much less Dawn. Dawn swallowed heavily, before speaking very softly.
"She told me that she love me...all of us. She said she'd figured it out, that she'd be okay." Dawn's voice broke as she struggled to get the words out. Spike felt himself tearing up as well. Watching his Niblet suffer was killing him. He felt a desperate need to do something violent. "She said that life was hard, and that I had to live." Dawn paused before finishing. "For her." She looked up at him, her big brown eyes bright with tears.
"You should listen to her. Your sister is...was very wise. She wouldn't want you to do this." Spike replied to Dawn's speech.
"I hurt." Dawn whimpered, looking down at the bedspread. Her hair made a curtain around her face, hiding it from him.
"I know. I'm not going to tell you it will go away over night. Take it from someone who knows, Pet. Hurt fades...and when it does, regret sets in. Don't have any regrets." Spike said. She nodded, wiping her eyes and sniffling. She spotted a tissue on Buffy's nightstand and blew her nose loudly. She threw the tissue blindly at the trashcan and then laid down on Buffy's pillows. Drowsily, she looked up at Spike. "Why don't you get some sleep?" Spike suggested, getting up off the bed. Dawn sniffled, and settled under the covers of Buffy's bed. Spike flipped off the light switch and stood in the doorway.
"Spike?" Dawn asked, in a small voice.
"Yes, Pet?" Spike replied.
"Stay?" She said, not wanting to be alone.
"Right here." He agreed, and pulled Buffy's oversize armchair next to the bed.
He sat down and leaned back in the chair. After a moment, he got up and slid his leather duster off. Spike pulled his flask out of the inner pocket and then set the coat on the arm of the chair. Sitting back down, he reached into his shirt pocket for his cigarettes. He put a cigarette to his lips and flicked his zippo lighter. He glanced at Dawn on the bed and sighed. Spike took the cigarette out of his mouth and put it back in the box, and lit the candle on Buffy's nightstand instead. Frustrated, he flung his pack of cigarettes to the floor. He drank from his flask and set it down next to the candle, effectively knocking a book off. It slid into his lap and opened, as if inviting him to read. Spike picked up the book and studied it in the candlelight. He nearly dropped it when he realized the book he was holding was Buffy's diary. A momentary debate raged in his head as he debated whether or not to read it. He stole another glance and Dawn before slowly opening the worn book cover.
"After Doc threw you off the platform, things kinds went downhill." Dawn began in a shaky voice. "He took the knife and cut here." She explained, making slashing motions across her torso. Spike knew this already; after all, he'd sat with her in the hospital room while she'd been stitched up. He didn't say anything, but let her continue. "It hurt so bad, but all I could think was that it was over. That I was the end of the world." Dawn said, letting out a sob before continuing with her story. "Buffy came charging up behind him as he was deciding where to cut me next. She pushed Doc right off the tower, and then untied me." Dawn's tears picked up a little, her tone becoming bitter. "But she was too late. The portal had opened." She hung her head, as if ashamed. Spike reached out and grabbed a hold of her hand. "I tried to do what was right, I swear." She went on, her voice earnest. "She wouldn't let me. I wanted to jump in and stop it, but she wouldn't let me. She had this look in her eyes, and I knew what she was going to do. I couldn't stop her, couldn't talk her out of it. I'll never forget her last words.... They haunt me in my dreams." Dawn managed to get out. She felt like she was never going to stop. Just when she thought she had it all under control, the waterworks started up again.
"What did she say?" Spike asked, not sure he wanted to know. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could handle, much less Dawn. Dawn swallowed heavily, before speaking very softly.
"She told me that she love me...all of us. She said she'd figured it out, that she'd be okay." Dawn's voice broke as she struggled to get the words out. Spike felt himself tearing up as well. Watching his Niblet suffer was killing him. He felt a desperate need to do something violent. "She said that life was hard, and that I had to live." Dawn paused before finishing. "For her." She looked up at him, her big brown eyes bright with tears.
"You should listen to her. Your sister is...was very wise. She wouldn't want you to do this." Spike replied to Dawn's speech.
"I hurt." Dawn whimpered, looking down at the bedspread. Her hair made a curtain around her face, hiding it from him.
"I know. I'm not going to tell you it will go away over night. Take it from someone who knows, Pet. Hurt fades...and when it does, regret sets in. Don't have any regrets." Spike said. She nodded, wiping her eyes and sniffling. She spotted a tissue on Buffy's nightstand and blew her nose loudly. She threw the tissue blindly at the trashcan and then laid down on Buffy's pillows. Drowsily, she looked up at Spike. "Why don't you get some sleep?" Spike suggested, getting up off the bed. Dawn sniffled, and settled under the covers of Buffy's bed. Spike flipped off the light switch and stood in the doorway.
"Spike?" Dawn asked, in a small voice.
"Yes, Pet?" Spike replied.
"Stay?" She said, not wanting to be alone.
"Right here." He agreed, and pulled Buffy's oversize armchair next to the bed.
He sat down and leaned back in the chair. After a moment, he got up and slid his leather duster off. Spike pulled his flask out of the inner pocket and then set the coat on the arm of the chair. Sitting back down, he reached into his shirt pocket for his cigarettes. He put a cigarette to his lips and flicked his zippo lighter. He glanced at Dawn on the bed and sighed. Spike took the cigarette out of his mouth and put it back in the box, and lit the candle on Buffy's nightstand instead. Frustrated, he flung his pack of cigarettes to the floor. He drank from his flask and set it down next to the candle, effectively knocking a book off. It slid into his lap and opened, as if inviting him to read. Spike picked up the book and studied it in the candlelight. He nearly dropped it when he realized the book he was holding was Buffy's diary. A momentary debate raged in his head as he debated whether or not to read it. He stole another glance and Dawn before slowly opening the worn book cover.