Hey everyone. Welcome to Insanity is Contagious. It's just another POTC story by an obsessed fan. And if your wondering this story so far has no plot what so ever. It's just an idea that popped up in my bed I mean head and wouldn't go away.

I posted this quite a while ago and got writers block a few chapters in. This is the new revised version, and after the first two chapters is very different.

Disclaimer: Until Disney puts up Pirates of the Caribbean for sale and I buy it I don't own anything it. Also, any insults against Captain Jack Sparrow written here are entirely untrue (except for maybe the drunken pirate and crazy pirate ones) and only there for the sake of the story. Will Turner insults on the other hand . . .

And now, the feature presentation . . . Insanity is Contagious! (Applause all around.)

Waking up next to Captain Jack Sparrow might sound wonderful. Half the female population probably dreams about it happen and the other half just hasn't been lucky enough to have seen Pirates of the Caribbean. And it wasn't as if I was any different. I was obsessed over him. Posters, wallpaper, movies, clothes. You name it; I've got it, if it was about Captain Jack Sparrow.

But it's not all it's cracked up to be. For instance, you know that smirk of his? The one that he has whenever he gets his way? It looks so cute on him. Right up until you see it in person. Then you discover it's the absolute most annoying thing on Earth. It far surpasses those people walking around singing the Batman theme constantly. Or listening to people prattle on about dresses and the 'in' style. It even beats dealing with customer service when all you can get is a recording.

Or the sexy voice of his? Wouldn't you like to hear that for real? You'd love it right up until you learned how downright infuriating it is. Always smug and amused. Worse than hearing your science teacher drone on and on or hearing a lecture about cleaning your room.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. You probably think I'm crazy; going on about waking up next to Jack Sparrow. He's a fictional character; just something made up by Disney. At most, just an incredibly hot actor. That's what I thought.

Right up until I woke next to him. At first I thought he was my kitten, Psycho. She only weighs about five pounds, but by the space she takes up, you'd think she weighed fifty. I know, I know. I sound like some hallucinating idiot but Psycho's definitely not normal. I mean, she's the most annoying thing on Earth next to Jack. It's only a matter of time before she starts talking and nags me about feeding her and grooming her.

It took me about ten minutes before I realized that unless Psycho had gone on a major growth spurt, it wasn't her. I was half drowsing, knowing my snooze alarm was going to go off any second, but wanting any extra second of sleep to deal with the coming Monday. After a few minutes, partly awake, in the lazy, half awake, half asleep time, you know, the feeling you get on a Saturday morning when you know you can sleep as long as you want. Feeling like that, I wasn't too worried. How bad could it be? I hadn't gone to any parties so it couldn't be some guy. It was most likely just my pillows. All this thinking didn't give me enough warning when I opened my eyes to see a face looking at me. A darkly tanned face with a red bandanna tied around the forehead to contain the dark, untamed hair. A face with closed eyes surrounded by kohl and a dreamy smile, as if he was looking towards the horizon. For this face was a face—the face—that unmistakably belonged to Captain Jack Sparrow.

He's even hotter than I thought he was. I thought. Then another, more sensible part of me added its voice to the already insane situation. Great reaction. You wake up with a guy in your bed that from a movie, and no memory of how he got there and you think 'He's even hotter than I thought he was.' Absolutely brilliant. Before the part of me that thought he was hot could jump in again, it hit me. Captain Jack Sparrow—or somebody who looked a hell of a lot like him was sleeping right in front of my eyes.

I closed my eyes hoping that he would disappear. Opened them; no luck. Or, one part of me noted, great luck. Why would I want a hot guy to get out of my bed? Crushing those thought, my sensible part started thinking again. Closing my eyes hadn't made the situation any better; he was still there. In fact, it had gotten worse. He was now awake and looking at me.

"You can't be Jack Sparrow." Now, that was pure genius. Yet another voice complimented me. Great, I've got a mysterious guy in my bed and I'm going schizophrenic.

"But I am. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?" I nearly jumped out of my skin. Not only was he talking but he sounded exactly like Captain Jack Sparrow, husky and sarcastic.

"You can't be. He's just a character. You're just an actor that looks like Johnny Depp—or maybe is for all I know-someone paid to play a joke on me." An awful weird one, too. Who would pay for someone to do this? I was beginning to be frantic. How had he gotten here? And why was he here?

"I don't know who this Johnny Depp is and I'm not him. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow," whoever it was said, amused, but something told me that he was deadly serious behind the first impression.

"Then you're a look-alike. Captain Jack Sparrow just some imaginary person. He was never even alive," I protested.

"Look, luv, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow." His voice was hard and his face had turned frightening, even angry. Becoming slightly worried, I got out of bed and took a few steps away.

A niggle of doubt wormed its way into my heart. In the movie he had been sensitive about his name, only letting his friends call him Jack. Maybe . . . Maybe that was because that was the only possession he had since he lost the Black Pearl. But that would be if he really was Captain Jack Sparrow. He couldn't be. He couldn't.

I shook my head no. Desperately, I said, "You're not. I don't know who you are or where you came from but you're not Jack Sparrow. Jack Sparrow isn't real." I had a feeling that I was saying this not only to convince him that I knew it was a joke but to convince me that it wasn't true.

"If Captain Jack Sparrow isn't real, and I am Captain Jack Sparrow I shouldn't be able to do this." Stepping suddenly off the bed, he began walking toward me. I backed away and hit the wall. Nowhere left to run, I stood there silently shaking my head. Impossibly fast, his hand flashed out and grabbed my wrists. "Hallucinations can't touch you, luv."

Breathing fast, I stared at him. We were even closer than we had been when I had first woken up. His face was less an inch a way. I could feel his breath, slow and even on my face. His eyes, black and kohl lined, stared into my eyes, daring me to disbelieve him one more time.

Before I could deny what was right in front of my face, he suddenly released me. I dropped to my knees when the force holding me up disappeared. Pushing up his right sleeve, he stuck his bare forearm in front of my face. The brand P for pirates was there. So was the Sparrow tattoo. Unthinkingly, I reached out to touch; to confirm that it was real.

At first Captain Jack Sparrow winced at my gentle brush of his brand and I pulled away. Steadying himself, he nodded, "It's all right. If that's what it takes to believe me."

Hesitantly, I reached out again. Lightly touching the brand, then the tattoo I began to believe. Maybe, just maybe it was Captain Jack Sparrow.

Shoving up his other sleeve he showed me the white scars under his forearm. You see them in a deleted scene on the DVD. That scene had been my favorite. Now seeing him do it in front of my eyes made me realize how much it hurt him to show his scars. It was like déjà vu to see him pull down his shirt to reveal two bullet wounds, just like he done for Elizabeth. Done for Elizabeth to believe that he was the Captain Jack Sparrow she had read about or not.

Looking at me he said quietly "Now do you believe I'm Captain Jack Sparrow?"

I nodded. In the movie you see glimpses of Jack's dark side but most of the time all you see is him half drunk and uncaring of the world beside his Pearl. I was beginning to realize that the dark side of him wasn't as deeply hidden as it had seemed.

As swiftly as Jack had become angry, he reversed. He went back to his swagger and slurred words. "Now that we've gotten that over with, I was really wondering why you've kidnapped me."

Startles at this sudden change of topics all I managed was a "Huh?"

"You see, I don't recall threatening you before and darling, your beauty is unforgettable."

Now I was really perplexed. Waking up to find Captain Jack Sparrow sleeping next to me, and subsequently being threatened by him was confusing enough. He was just making it worse. I'm never at my best in the morning, but this was too much. Letting my annoyance get a hold of me, I started in on him.

"What are you talking about? You're the one who showed up in my bed, so if anyone should be complaining, it's me."

Oblivious to me, Jack continued on his tangent. "You could have at least known who you were kidnapping. You might have woken up with a bloody Navy man instead of my wonderful self. You've really got to think these things through."

"You just pop up in my bed, no warning whatsoever and start threatening me," I continued, ignoring him as much as he was ignoring me.

". . . It is more usual to wait a few weeks or at least until you've been properly introduced before you share a bed. Not that I'm complaining . . ."

"Since you seem to know so much about kidnapping, I'll believe you on that. But, you see, I didn't kidnap you."

"I'll forgive you this time. I'm sure my good looks just broke your resistance."

The little voice in my head saying, Your hotness may not have broken my resistance yet, but if you give me a minute I'm sure we can arrange something just broke whatever was keeping me sane.

Even mad, tired and utterly annoyed at my unexpected visitor I didn't make the mistake of not believing he was real a second time. That was about the only intelligent part of what I did.

"You stupid drunk pirate! You're just an idiotic pirate who happened to get lucky and your luck's run out! You got stuck in 2004 now!"

Oops. Just another stroke of brilliance. I just insulted a person who's not really against killing people and is already gone to two of his own hangings for at least a few murder counts who's already mad at me. Moreover, wrecked any chance of him getting back in the bed with you. One part of my mind said wistfully.

We stared at each other for a moment, glaring. Have you ever realized how hard it is to glare into eyes lined with kohl? Or maybe its just Jack's eyes. They seemed to soak up my glare and send it back ten times stronger, daring you to say something, not mention that he's sooo hot you don't want to argue with him.

Jack finally broke the silence. Sarcastically and skeptically, he replied. "What hell do mean by saying I'm in 2004? Thanks to bloody Will and Barbossa, I'm no longer 'The Immortal Captain Jack Sparrow'," he said with some wild hand gestures.

"No, you've become Sleeping Beauty." I shot back. Then, sighing, I began to try to explain. My insults, his interruptions made this way longer than it had to be. "Well, you see, when you tactlessly teleported onto—"

"You're making it sound like it was my fault. I didn't have anything to do with it!"

"How am I supposed to know that? But, anyway, when you teleported onto my bed, causing me immeasurable annoyance in the process—no doubt on purpose—"

"You immeasurable annoyance? What about me? Not only am I far away from the Pearl but now I have to listen to you. If I did have anything to do with my appearance—not that I did—but if I had, I would have appeared on your bed just to cause you annoyance! You certainly deserve it."

"Do you want me to tell you or not?" I wasn't really sure if I was telling him anything but if it would shut him up . . .

"Just get on with."

"So when you appeared on my bed, you not only teleported but time traveled as well. Unless you live in the year 2004?"

"Of course not."

"Now you do." I replied smugly.

"If you're not lying."

"Why would I lie? If anyone was going to lie here it would be you; you're the pirate."

"Just get on with the story."

"You sure? I mean, you've interrupted so much I was beginning to think you didn't want to know."

"I'm sure."

'Okay. I was just checking."

"You've checked. Now get on with it."

"It's 2004 now. The end."

"That's the end! You didn't explain anything."

"I never said I knew anything. You asked what I meant by saying you're stuck in 2004. I explained. I know nothing more. The end."

Jack stared at me, somewhere between fury and amazement that anyone could even come close to his own annoyingness.

"If anyone knows more, it's you. You're the one who actually did the teleporting and time traveling." I added helpfully. "Though, now that I think . . ."

"I knew you knew more."

"You probably didn't time travel. You just popped out of a movie you were put in."

"What in hell is a movie?"

"Oh god. Just what I need now. Explaining technology to Neanderthal. Why me? Why does it always have to be me?" I complained, with my head in my hands. "Long story. It's a bit complicated." I said to Jack.

"It's not like I have to go any where."

"Too bad." Sighing, I began to explain. "See this?" Pointing to my light, I flipped the switch. "We use electricity now for lights and a lot of other stuff. Ummm. It's like contained lightning."

"And this had what to do with movies?"

"I'm getting there. See, when you channel it right you can, ummm, make pictures on screens. Like that one." Pointing to my computer. "When you do this with a television screen, and they move it's called a movie. The moving pictures make a story called a movie." That was simple enough. "The movie itself is kind of like a play. It was make-believe."

"I am not make-believe. I'm real," Jack insisted. A flash of his dark side appeared. "We went over this."

"I believe you're Captain Jack Sparrow. But he's not from history."

"I am too."

"Are not."

"Am too."

"Whatever. We can decide that later. Don't you know anything?"

"I know less than you do. All I remember is going to sleep after Anamaria yelled at me to get some rest after sailing through a storm. What do we do now?"

Oh God. What have I done? I stopped Jack on his way to rescuing Elizabeth. I messed up history! No, stupid. That was a movie not history and you don't even know if it was that storm. Besides you didn't do anything. It was him that popped up in 2004.

I shrugged. I had no idea about what was going on. I had given up on it being a dream or hallucination. Some part of me was screaming that it was impossible, you can't time travel or pop out of movies but the more sensible part of me was ignoring it. It has happened deal with it. But how?

And that concludes the first chapter for this story.

Calling all beta-readers, calling all beta-readers. If anyone would be willing to beta-read this I'd really appreciate it. I don't need help with the grammar and punctuation as much as characterization and plot pacing. Just email me or review me. Thanks.

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