Chapter 5

Remus froze in his kneeling position in front of Sirius, completely numb from his confession. A prostitute? Could Sirius have really sunk that low in order to earn money? Surely Sirius must be joking, lying, pulling a prank on him, right? The deadened, defeated look in the teenager's eyes told him otherwise.

"Sirius," he began, softly, yet sternly, "why are you doing this?"

Laughing hollowly, Sirius replied, "I need the money. I can't be a charity case for the rest of my life. That's not the kind of person I want to be. I want to support myself. That requires money. I don't have any other way of earning money and if it's one thing that I've learned from my parents, it's 'if you have assets, use them'."

Incredulous, Remus shook his head. "Why would you do something so stupid?" he exclaimed, frustrated with his friend. Sirius flinched back slightly and avoided the werewolf's gaze. "Sure you might have needed money, but there has got to be a better way to earn it than selling your body!"

Sirius remained motionless, staring over Remus's shoulder at the wall. Remus groaned and forced the dark haired teenager to look into his eyes. His concerned and worried honey brown eyes met Sirius's ashamed, tired, and fearful chocolate brown eyes.

"I don't know what to do, Remmie," he whispered finally, sounding as exhausted as he looked.

Taken aback by his defeated tone, Remus was not quitecertain as to what to do. Sirius Black never sounded unsure or nervous, it just wasn't his personality. "You should stop before you're in too deep, mate," Remus replied, gently stroking back his friend's hair. He shuddered at Remus's touch but didn't pull away.

"I need the money though. I'm not sure I can find another job that pays as well."

"It's not about money!" Remus exclaimed, losing his patience. "Life is not about money. Happiness is not about money! There is so much more to life than that."

"Yeah, well life may not be about money, but you still need it if you're going to survive. And while it may not buy me happiness, it will buy me independence."

"What about James?"

Sirius faltered at that and he bit his lower lip, unsure as to what to say again. "I don't know. I really don't know. I only want to be with him. I couldn't think about anything but him tonight while I was with Greg. James was completely occupying my thoughts, and there was nothing I could do about it."

"You do realize that what you're doing is cheating, right?"

Sirius rolled his eyes at that comment and laughed slightly. "Thank you Captain Obvious. I never would have guessed that." His smile faded and he glanced away from his friend again. "You're not mad at me are you? I mean, you don't hate me right? I know you think it's disgusting and despicable and that I must be scum for cheating on James like that, but...you don't hate me? Please...don't. I don't feel I have a choice. Say you don't hate me, please."

Remus hesitated and then shook his head. "I don't hate you. But…I don't approve and I am not even going to act like I do. However, I'm not going to tell you what to do and I'm not even going to tell you what I wish you would do, even though you already. It's your life and it is your body and if you want to…sell it to random people, then that's your choice. I just don't want to be a part of it and I don't want to have to lie to James. So you'd better sort out what you're doing soon. Plus, word will probably get out anyways. It always does." Remus smiled briefly and stood up. "I'm going to go to bed now, as studying for tests has been driving me crazy. Are you going to come?"

Sirius shook his head slightly, absorbing Remus's words. "I'll be up later. Good night," he said, staring at the ceiling in deep concentration.

Still worried about his friend, Remus walked up to the dormitory to get some much needed sleep. Sirius watched his retreating back and slumped against the wall, depression setting in. He was starting to regret telling Remus. He sounded so disappointed and…something else. It was like his respect for Sirius had gone. If there was anything Sirius valued intensely, over the feelings of being wanted, loved, and needed, it was being respected. At his house, he earned about as much respect as the house elf. Actually, that was a lie, as Kreacher was more respected than him.

"Nice going, Black," he snarled softly to himself. He felt so stupid. If only he had decided to just continue living with the Potters. Of course, if he had done that he would have been a charity case still and nothing would have improved (except his physical and mentalhealth would probably better). He hated the idea of others sacrificing for him. James said that he felt that way because no one had sacrificed for him before. It was parental to sacrifice and parents were something Sirius didn't possess. Well, at least he didn't have decent parents.

How was he going to tell James? Remus had been more than correct when he said that the rest of the school would soon know of his "job". He was afraid to tell his best friend, as they had just gotten together and, although Sirius would never admit it, he deeply loved James. James would view it as definite cheating (which it was) and would not want to be with him.

He was so screwed up. He finally got a good thing right as he took on a bad thing. Go figure. "Life is just so bloody perfect," he muttered under his breath, trying to decide on what to do.

Footsteps on the stairs coming from the boys' dormitory made Sirius look up uneasily and shrink back against the wall. He really did not want to see anyone at that given moment, but when James came into view, he felt a sense of unexplainable relief.

"Hey, Siri, what're you doing up?" he asked, looking worried. Sirius felt his heart break at the sound of concern in his lover's voice. He felt like the lowest scum on the planet.

"I couldn't sleep," Sirius said softly, looking to the side, hoping that James didn't notice that anything was wrong.

Of course, James had been Sirius's best friend for seven years and most certainly noticed that something was wrong with his friend. "What's wrong?" he asked, walking over to him and sitting down, pulling him into a tight embrace.

Sirius felt his resolve weaken, but choked back the urge to confess everything. James would find out, in his own time. "I'm just…I don't know. I want to tell you, but I can't. I have too many thoughts running through my head and I can't get rid of them or sort them out. Everything's just...not working," responded Sirius, not lying, yet not telling the truth.

James kissed Sirius on the forehead gently, pushing back his raven black hair and pulling him closer. "I'm sorry," he muttered into Sirius's head.

Sirius cuddled into James's side, trying to forget everything going through his mind. He felt so safe and comfortable in James's arms, as if there was no where else he could possibly function properly. It was then that he realized that not only did he love James, but he needed James in order for him to be Sirius. James was what madeSirius…well, Sirius. Without James, he probably would have been just like the Slytherins. Without James's encouragement, Sirius probably would have been dead from suicide. Without James's love, Sirius probably would have been a black hole with no emotions.

With these revelations in his mind, Sirius breathed in deeply, smelling the distinctly "James" smell. He smiled slightly and listened to James's heart beat, a comforting, consistent beat that managed to lull him into a shockingly peacefulsleep.

James sat with a now sleeping Sirius in his arms, wondering what had happened. Sirius was too subdued, too…uncertain, nervous. It worried James. He pushed all concerns back though and kissed him on the cheek. He could see a bruise on his cheek and raised his eyebrows. How had he gotten that? He sighed and carefully picked up the slightly smaller boy. So as not to wake him, James simply lay him on the couch and conjured up a blanket. Sitting on the floor next to the couch, James watched him sleeping before eventually falling asleep himself.

A.N. alright, there you go. No cliffhangers now. I don't think. I don't know. Anyways, anything you guys want to see? If you have any requests, please share. I'm more than open to any ideas. Thank you for reading and reviewing.