Chapter 4: Supply and Demand
The next morning, Artalax and Tariel were ready to try again to get their new crystal ball to work. But before they could get started, Artalax started reading the newspaper. "I think this here is something you should read," he told Tariel. "It might be important for your future.
Unemployment Rate for Adventurers at Record High Levels
Analysts Blame "Evil Shortage"; Prince Arthanis Announces Job Creation Plan
According to the latest economic census, the unemployment rate for adventurers and heroes has increased for the 10th straight year to 47 percent, the highest it has been in over 400 years. While adventurers could once count on a steady supply of income from thwarting evil schemes and killing horrible monsters, they are increasingly finding that, in the words of one 12th level paladin, "there just isn't enough evil out there left to fight anymore." "No kobold! No goblin! No guga-gat! No ouga-douga-bibberbasher!" complained Kreg Grok, a 7th-level half-orc fighter. Adventurers not directly involved in combat have also been affected. "Everywhere I go in this kingdom, it seems like there are just no desecrated temples left to purify anymore," explained Halia Hieron, a 14th level human cleric. "I know, yes, I probably could put my skills to use healing the peasantry, but back at the seminary all they taught me was the basic hit point healing spells, curing spells, and the combat buffs. None of those would be useful domestically – what I really need is a "Cure Scurvy and Malnutrition" spell or a "Purge Bubonic Plague" spell – those might be useful." Nevertheless, while analysts are unable to explain the trend, predictions for the future look grim for adventurers. The trend shows no signs of reversing.
On the political front, reactions to the news were mixed. Many non-adventurers are happy with the situation, praising Prince Arthanis for his "wise and benevolent rule" that has led the kingdom to a state of near-complete peace for the past 10 years. "Since Prince Arthanis came to the throne our farm hasn't been attacked by bandits once," explained a peasant. "Now maybe some adventurer doesn't get his glory, but at least I can eat for once." While Prince Arthanis has a record-high approval rating of 87 percent among the peasant and serf demographics, many are skeptical about whether his strict "anti-evil" policies bode well for the kingdom's future. "Unless Prince Arthanis wants to return Altaria to a completely agricultural economy and destroy all progress we have made toward an industrialized society, the fact of the matter is that getting rid of all the jobs for adventurers is simply economic suicide," said an economist with the Royal Guild of Economists. However, Prince Arthanis says he has a plan to give the adventurers new jobs by "using their prowess in fighting evil to solve the challenges of a new millennium." In a recent speech, he explained: "For example, thief es who specialize in sneaking into places and stealing other people's hard-earned stashes are being actively recruited as tax collection agents. So, as you can see, I really do have a plan for leading this kingdom to a better economy. So vote for me next election. Wait a second, we don't have elections; we're not a democracy yet. But you can at least not try to assassinate me. That would be a big help."
Meanwhile, somewhere in Carpathia…
The Lady of Darkness, chief assistant to the Dark Lord Kalmeth, brought Kalmeth a copy of the same newspaper article printed above. "Here is your latest intelligence report," she said. "So, how's your evil plan coming?"
Kalmeth read the article. "I knew it," he said, "everything is going exactly according to plan. Soon they will be defenseless and our forces will be able to invade. How ignorant they are, not seeing what is so obvious. It's no wonder they are so backward and primitive."
"Wait a second, I'm still kind of confused about what this evil plan is, Kalmeth," she replied. "Can you explain it to me again?"
"It is a simple matter of economics. We bribe the run-of-the mill evil guys. The robbers, the bandits, the heretics, and the like. We bribe them to lay off for a while."
"But how does that help?"
Kalmeth continued: "The process is happening right now as we speak. With all the evil essentially gone, because of us, all the adventurers are out of a job, and those who do can't make much money. We get rid of the demand for adventurers, the price decreases and then the supply decreases to maintain equilibrium. Supply and demand. Basic principles of economics."
"And how does that help us conquer them?"
"Simple, extremely simple. That is also happening as we speak. The adventurers lose their jobs, so they move to a place where jobs are plentiful. Like Carpathia, for instance. And we have a deal with Sherma, the Goddess of Travel. She leads them to our Temples of the Snake, where adventurers have to pay even more money, to us."
"Oh, I get it, so that's like supply and demand too. There's an increased demand for information on where the Gate to Carpathia is, so the price goes up and people will pay us more money for it."
"Correct, Lady of Darkness. I see you may be becoming an economist just like me. Anyway, soon Altaria will be depleted of adventurers, and we will have the money to build an army and invade. And with no adventurers, they will be defenseless!"
"This sounds like a quite awkward plan. Do you really think it's going to work?"
"I have a doctorate in economics from Carpathia University. Or at least, I almost do. I know what I'm talking about. In fact, I was told that this specific plan was foolproof."
FLASHBACK TO WHEN KALMETH (ALMOST) GOT HIS DOCTORATE IN ECONOMICS FROM CARPATHIA UNIVERSITY
Kalmeth approached his professor cautiously, uncertain of his fate. "So, Professor Keldar, have you read my thesis yet?"
"Yes, I did, and I showed it to several of my colleagues for peer review. They all agreed that the plan was completely foolproof."
"So does that mean I get my degree now?"
"Well, if I understand correctly, this thesis involves an evil plan to take over a kingdom by destroying its economy. University policy clearly dictates that we do not give credit for theses that involve evil plans to take over the world. Believe me; we've had plenty of them."
"No!" Kalmeth boomed in a sinister voice. "I have worked for years on this! You will not trifle with this plan so easily!"
"Like I said, we don't give credit for evil plans. Remember what happened a few years ago, when we gave a doctorate in divinity to that guy who had a plan to release the evil Deities of Doom from Cataclysmica. He would have succeeded, if only the good-aligned gods hadn't intervened."
"But my plan is perfect!" Kalmeth said. "My plan will work. Completely. Sign the thesis!"
"Anyway, Kalmeth, here is what happened. Kelenda, our patron deity, had to step in and tell us not to give degrees to people with evil plans, so that wouldn't happen again. And as a Good-aligned institution it is our policy not to contravene direct orders from major deities-"
"Those insolent deities know nothing," Kalmeth replied. "Why, they don't even know the difference between microeconomics and macroeconomics. Don't be stopped by such trifling concerns as morality. Join with me in my plan. Sign this thesis and together we will rule the kingdom of Altaria as economist and, well, fellow economist."
"I will never succumb to the dark side!" Professor Keldar said, and then started praying to the gods. "Adamicus Smithicus, God of Economics, protect me from this evil that is in my midst!"
A voice boomed from the air: "I am Adamicus Smithicus, God of Economics. I would be glad to help you. However, we do not believe in government interference, and neither do you. Capitalism is the key."
Kalmeth pointed his staff at the professor, ready to cast a fireball spell that would immolate him. "I told you the deities know nothing," he said. "One final chance. Sign my thesis or you will be destroyed!"
"Well, there was one thing I forgot to mention. Yes, I said it was foolproof, but that's only based on a theoretical model. If the assumptions –"
Kalmeth cast his fire spell on Keldar, who burned to the ground in a gigantic blaze of fire. "Now that that obstacle is out of the way, I can start executing my plan", he cackled evilly. "Then those puny University administrators can see who's really in charge."
FLASH FORWARD
As you can see, the bad guy's evil plan
Was based upon laws of supply and demand.
Of course it seemed like the plan was foolproof,
But was that correct? Was it foolproof in truth?