Chapter 11.

Harry was standing outside the door of his and Hermione's apartment. Hermione would be sitting inside. He reached for the door handle, but quickly withdrew it. How can he put this into words? How could he possibly do this? He walked in a few slow circles in the hall, attempting to open the door a few times, but he never actually managed to open it. Shaking his head, he stormed out and into a small cafe on the main street round the corner. He sat at a table in the back corner and rested his elbows on the table, chin in hands. One of the women behind the counter stared at him with a frown on her face that said "you-better-be-buying-something-mister", despite the fact that there were only three other people in the cafe. A young girl with a ponytail bounded over to him with a smile.

"What would you like?" She asked, pen poised over her notepad.

"Oh, um, hi." He said, grabbing at the menu which was lying on the table. "I'll just have a coffee thanks."

"Okay!" She smiled again and skipped off again.

Harry watched her go in amazement. How could anyone be happy right now? How could anyone be happy when his whole life had been flipped upside down? It's simple. The voice in his head perked up again. They have simple, happy lives. They haven't cheated on their girlfriends.

"Shut up." He whispered, and quickly blushed when the man at the next table turned round and stared at him curiously. He busied himself with scanning and twirling the plastic-coated menu.

"There you go." He was startled at the voice as the girl placed his coffee in front of him, leaving the receipt on the saucer. He hadn't noticed her approaching.

"Thanks." He said, as she left again.

He stared into the cup. It didn't look very appetising. The thin brown liquid swirled in the cup. He glanced up at the counter, where the woman was staring at him again. He gave a small half-smile and took a sip. The boiling liquid scolded his lips. He quickly lowered the cup. It didn't taste as bad as it looked, but still wasn't the best coffee he had tasted.

Back to the real issue. How was he going to tell Hermione? He had to tell her. There was no doubting it now. He ran through various scenarios in his head, various ways of telling her, various reactions from her...none sounded very appealing. There was no way he could say this to make it sound good. What were the other options? A letter? A phone call? An owl? A singing telegram? He shook his head as, against his will, a mental picture formed of four men in red pinstripe suits and wicker hats sang an open-mouthed Hermione a short cheesy song in harmony about how he had cheated on her.

Sighing, he reached into the napkin dispenser and pulled out a crisp white napkin. Smoothing it out on the table, he reached into his pocket for a pen. He began to write.

Dear Hermione...

What now?

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to say. This is going to be so hard to te....

He scribbled over the napkin and scrunched it up. No, he couldn't say that. He took a fresh napkin.

Dear Hermione.

I really don't know what to do. I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart and I have no idea how this happened. No idea how I could have let it happened. I thought I could put this behind me. I thought we could start afresh. I'm sorry Hermione. I...I had an affair. I cheated on you. I hate myself every day for doing this to you. But now, now she's told me she's pregnant. It's mine, Hermione. You have no idea how sorry I am. You have no idea how much I love y...

He looked at what he had written. No way. That's crap. He sighed to himself, scrunching it up and throwing it beside the other one. He took a new one.

Dear Hermione.

You know I love you. You know I'd do anything for you. I know that you love me. And that hurts me so much, because there you were, sitting at home, like the best girlfriend in the world, because you trusted me. You had no idea the things I done to you, you trusted me and loved me and....

He looked at the words on the page. It was no use. He had to tell her to her face. He couldn't give it in a letter. Still, having nothing else to do, he tried one last time.

Hermione.

I haven't been completely honest with you. Actually, I haven't been honest at all. There's no other way to say it but to say it straight. Hermione, I cheated on you. I hate to admit it, but I did. You have no idea how much I regret it. But, worse of all, the thought of hurting you is worse. I hope you can respect the fact that I'm telling you this. But, there's more. Hermione...she's pregnant. She's pregnant with my baby. I hate to admit that you were, even for a tiny fraction of time, second place in my thoughts. But I want you to know you mean more to me than she ever did. I know it's selfish, but I hope you can forgive me. I can't see any reason why you would, but I love you so much, Hermione. You're a part of me. I know now, this isn't going to make you want to stay. You'll never want to see me again, you'll want to hit me, scream at me, kick me. And I'm not saying I don't deserve any of that, because I do. Believe me, if I could turn back time...

He stopped. Yeah, this was all the truth, but he had to tell her the truth to her face. He scrunched up this last letter and joined it to the small pile on the table. He noticed a few of the women behind the counter staring at him curiously now. He realised he hadn't even drank his coffee. Taking one more sip, and trying to keep a straight face, he gathered together the spare napkins and shoved them in his pocket. He walked up to the counter with his receipt, which the girl took, along with his money.

He walked out onto the street and shielded his eyes from the afternoon sun. He trudged back to the apartment and slowly climbed the stairs. Once more, he was standing outside his own door, too afraid to go in.

Come on, you need to do this. He told himself. Be strong, he thought. Taking a deep breath, he put his hand on the small gold handle and turned it. The door opened with a small click, to reveal everything as it normally was, jackets thrown onto pegs on the rack at the door, plates from breakfast still lying in the kitchen, crumbs around the toaster, ironing in a basket behind the sofa...and Hermione, smiling up at him with a book in her hand, completely unaware of the turmoil he was about to set upon the atmosphere.

"Hey! What's made you so late? Did you go out with Ron?" She asked half-heartedly.

"Um no. I went for a walk." He said, closing the door slowly and making his way towards the sofas. Hermione smiled up at him once more and her eyes fell back to her book.

"Hermione, I need to talk to you." He said, wringing his hands.

"Yeah?" She asked, still reading.

"I, um..." He began, unsure and terrified. She hadn't noticed as she was engrossed in her reading. He bent down and closed the book, gently trapping her hand at the page she was reading. She looked up.

"What?" She asked. So sweet, so innocent.

"Hermione...I...I have to tell you something." he said rubbing his hand over his face.

"What's wrong?" She asked, standing up to face him.

"Hermione..." He said, taking her hands in his.

"Yeah?" Her eyes lit up, ever-so-slightly. Running through her own mind were light, completely unrelated topics, but she didn't know that. He sounds so serious, but is this one of his little tricks? One of those little games to make me even more surprised because I'm not expecting it? Oh my god! her stomach flipped. He's going to propose! She tried to stop herself from grinning. No, don't...it might not be. Don't get so exci...Lavender and Ginny will be the bridesmaids! Ron will be the best man! I'll look gorgeous in a big white dress and Harry, Harry...She snapped back to reality as he started talking again.

"What?" He asked, looking at her confused. She was smiling.

"Oh, nothing. Go on." She said, suppressing the smile and putting on a serious, concerned face.

"Hermione...I love you with all my heart..."

"I love you too!" She interrupted, squeezing his hands.

"No, listen." He said, dropping her hands and putting his hands on her elbows, pinning her arms gently to her sides, trying to ignore her facial expressions. "Hermione, I...I made a...mistake. I tried, I tried so hard to put it behind me and make a fresh start, but I hate lying to you..."

"What?" She asked, forehead furrowed.

Harry sighed. "I don't know how to tell you this, Hermione. I...I...I cheated on you." He said quietly.

"Oh." She said, heart sinking to her feet. "Oh..."

"I'm so sorry, but I can't lie to you any longe..."

"Harry. When was this?"

"A...A few months ago."

Hermione stared at him, obviously deep in thought. "Well...I'm glad you had the courage to admit it to me. You said you've put it behind you, and you've admitted it."

"Wait." Harry said. "What?"

"I love you so much. I have been insanely in love with you for too many years now. I don't want to loose all that. I'm prepared to forgive you."

"No, Hermione."

"Harry, I love y..."

"Don't say that." He said, looking to the ground.

"Harry..."

"Hermione, there's more." He said, voice croaking slightly.

"More?" She asked, meeting his eyes, which he quickly dropped again.

"She...she...She's pregnant." He said, bring his eyes back up to meet hers briefly.

Hermione was speechless. "I...uh...preg...Har...M...Who? What?"

"I'm sorry." He said.

"Get out." She said quietly, falling back onto the couch.

"Hermione..." He said, placing a hand on her shoulder. She tensed at his touch.

"Get out." She repeated, in the same tone of voice. He walked away slowly, unsure. "GET OUT!" She yelled.

He walked towards the door and, with one look at her, closed it shut. He leant against the door and looked at the ceiling. He could hear her. She was crying, wailing into a pillow by the muffled sound of it. The sound made his whole body cringe inwards. He scrunched his eyes and stared at the light on the wall. He closed his eyes as a tear escaped his eye and chased down his cheek. He had always hated seeing her cry, it really cut him up, but it was worse now. He wasn't there to hug her and kiss her and tell her it would be ok, because it wouldn't. Because he had caused those tears.