Harry Potter And The Something Something Something!

Disclaimer: Sorry this chapter took soooo long!

Summary: Hello.

Chapter Four: New Teachers And Three-Second Makeovers

In which everyone is really accepting and all that jazz

Dumbledore clapped his hands for attention.

Everyone's eyes swiveled over automatically.

"Okay, I'll keep this short," Dumbledore started lazily, "Because everyone thinks my speeches are really boring. I'd like to introduce our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Sirius Black."

Sirius rose and winked roguishly.

All the Hufflepuff, Slytherin, and Gryffindor girls besides Hermione and the Mary Sues fainted. The Mary Sues didn't because they had special powers. Hermione didn't because she was busy arguing with Ron, unaware of her soon-to-come three-second makeover into a Mary Sue clone. The Ravenclaws didn't because they all had their noses stuck in books, but were listening closely at the same time.

"You may have heard of Sirius before, because he supposedly murdered people and stuff, and because he's the new Minister of Magic because Fudge is a moron. But because all of you are so accepting – see Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets – Section Parseltongue in addition to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire – Section Two Hogwarts Champions – I'm sure you will all be glad to have him here."

Everyone clapped, including the fainted girls, but the latter clapped telepathically, the Mary Sues pitying them and giving them a taste of their powers.

"In addition…" Dumbledore started, but was cut off.

"Oh, no need, Dumbly, no need!" Miss Mary-Sue cut in, in her simpering laugh, "I'm Mary-Sue Mathers, and I'll be your new Divination teacher." She immediately started to weep softly, and took out a handkerchief, dabbing at her eyes. "I am a replacement because Firenze, a dear old friend of mine, who I met on my wide travels, has died in a terrible accident. Hagrid accidentally stepped on him."

The Mary-Sues all made pitying looks at each other.

"But no one cares about that," Mary Sue cried brightly.

Everyone cheered.

All the fainted people became un-fainted.

Harry turned his gaze back to Hermione, and his eyes widened.

Hermione's hair was now wavy, blond, and had blue streaks. In addition, her eyes were now blue, due to colored contacts.

"Hi, Harry!" she said happily.

All the Mary-Sues giggled and whispered to her.

"The new girls gave me a new makeover!"

Ron noticed that Parvati Patil was eyeing Hermione enviously.

"Oh, yeah," Harry replied awkwardly, "That's, uh, great."

"Harry? I need to talk to you for a second," Misty said in a shushed voice.

"Okay," Harry replied. Suddenly the two of them were in a deserted dungeon.

"One of my kin is one you may not trust," she whispered.

"Kin?" Harry asked.

"Mary-Sues!"

"Oh. Which one?"

"I may not tell, Harry Potter."

Harry was reminded frightfully of Dobby.

"Well, okay then. I guess I'll find out later."

Misty began to sob. Harry was instantly reverted to perfect mode with a jerk by the author, who was getting tired of his obliviousness.

After Misty was comforted, they were sent back to the Great Hall.

"What was that?" asked Ron curiously.

"Oh, nothing," Harry replied.

"Oh my god!" Krissy shrieked elegantly.

Everyone turned in the direction of the teacher's table, and standing right in front of the teachers was….

A/N: Haha, a cliffy! How I love to torture you.