Chapter 11: The Gatekeeper

After stepping into the portal, the heroes found themselves propelled through a long tunnel of swirling purple light. They eventually came out on the other end of the portal. They tried to look around but before they could a large robed figure stepped in front of them, blocking their view.

"You may not pass!", it said.

"Who are you?" asked Tariel. "And why can't we go through?"

"I am the Gatekeeper. You may not pass, not without your tickets."

Artalax whispered in Tariel's ear. "This looks like the bad guy," he said.

"What makes you think so?"

"Well, he's big, and he's blocking our way, and we can't get by him without defeating him, so I guess…"

Tariel turned back to the Gatekeeper. "I am Tariel, of the elite Paladins of Altaria! Your evil activities will go on no longer! Prepare to face the, uh, um – I forgot my line. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to defeat you."

The Gatekeeper thrust his staff down on the ground, creating a virtually impenetrable shield around him. "Where do you think you come from? You can't just get in for free! You have to buy a ticket just like everyone else."

"You were right," said Robari. "He is evil. You just saw? He wants you to pay him money. That means he's a capitalist pig!"

"Don't call me a capitalist pig," said the Gatekeeper. "Where do you think the money to operate these portals comes from? Did you think that some ancient wizard just creates the portal in some abandoned area and just leaves it alone forever?"

"Well, yes, that's what we thought," said Tariel. "I mean, that's how it was in all the books…"

"Well, whoever wrote those books must have thought the ancient wizards were very sloppy, just ripping holes in the fabric of space-time and then leaving them there. But I'm telling you, these are really heavy-duty portals we've got here. Level 16 teleportation spell, maximum capacity 200 people per hour. These things take a lot of magical energy to maintain, and someone's got to pay for it."

"How much does a ticket cost?"

"Well, a ticket costs 1,000 gold pieces each, but we're having a special deal. Buy three, get one free. So that will be three thousand for the four of you."

"We don't have any money at all. We're all broke."

"Well, that's no problem. You can earn your way in. Just – like – THIS!"

The Gatekeeper unleashed a blast of magical energy from his fingertips, teleporting the four adventurers away to an unknown location. They got up and looked around. It was just one flat piece of land, as far as the eye could see. "I told you he was a capitalist pig!" said Robari. "He's exploiting the working class! And we're the working class! Now we can't make any money and we're left here to starve!"

Tariel took out his Magical Global Positioning System device. It said "ERROR – NO SIGNAL." "Now we're screwed," said Tariel. "I guess this is what happens when you rely too much on magical technology. But I thought this was the one thing that would always work. However many non-working magical items the Prince gave me, however many times I got waylaid by monsters twice my level, whenever my life was in upheaval, whatever happened in the world, whenever I needed someone or something to save my life, the reliability of the MGPS was the one thing that was always constant."

"Don't forget the First Rule of Adventuring," Artalax said.

"What's that?"

"The First Rule of Adventuring: Unnecessary scenes with excessive personal reflection serve only to delay the adventurer in accomplishing his goals and give the bad guys time to do their evil deeds. Therefore, unnecessary scenes with excessive personal reflection are redundant, unnecessary, unneeded, useless, and should be eliminated."

"Oh, yeah, that one. So do you have any idea where we are?"

"No, but if you let me use my magical powers I think I might be able to find out."

Artalax concentrated on the space around him. He knew that since the MGPS was not receiving a signal, it was likely that they had been transported to an area removed from normal space-time. He tried to sense the fabric of space to determine whether it was different from normal. When he did, though, he was shocked by what he found.

"There are transient spatial vortices forming at multiple locations!", Artalax shouted to the group. "Get ready for –"

"This isn't Star Trek," replied Tariel. "Please speak in English."

"Tariel, uh – behind you!"

Tariel turned around and saw a large hobgoblin materialize out of thin air. He quickly thrust his sword through it and killed it. He then searched its corpse, finding three gold pieces on it.

"3 gold pieces down, 2,997 more to go," said Tariel. "You still wonder, though, why all monsters carry gold on them. It's perfectly convenient for us adventurers, since we get money. But you'd think the monsters would wise up now that they know that we kill them for the gold. I mean, the way it is now, it's almost as if the monsters were just put there specifically for adventurers to –"

"Another one! Behind you!"

SEVERAL HOURS LATER

The adventurers had been fighting almost continuously for the past several hours. It was exciting because the monsters came constantly, so there was not a long wait between monsters and romantic love scenes were kept to a minimum. In just a few hours they had acquired all the money they needed for the tickets, and then some. "It's as if these monsters were being teleported in specifically for us to kill," said Princess Talia. "Are you sure this is the ethical thing to do? These monsters have done nothing wrong. We can't kill them just because we need money. That would be murder. It's like what Robari said, except this time we're the capitalist pigs and the monsters are the working class. Maybe we need to take a more holistic approach."

"What do you mean, more holistic approach," Tariel said as he chopped an orc's head off. "There really isn't a whole lot of holistic stuff to do when you're out in the middle of nowhere like this and the only other living things are monsters. But you are right that maybe we should look for a way out of here."

A voice boomed from above. "You have done well, young adventurers. You seem to have passed the tests. Now you will be permitted to enter."

The adventurers got teleported back to the Gatekeeper. They gave the Gatekeeper 3,000 gold pieces for the tickets, and they still had plenty left over.

"Is this your frist visit to Carpathia?", asked the Gatekeeper

"Yes, said Tariel.

"Then you should probably visit the Welcome Center first, so you can buy the equipment that you will need in your quests." The Gatekeeper stepped aside, letting the heroes pass. "Welcome to the Adventurer's Paradise."