Harry Potter and The Something Something Something!

A Cute But Psycho Bunny: LOL. I know about the whole Lupin/James thing. Such an idiotic rumor! Snape and Dumbledore appear to be able to "read minds", are THEY James Potter in disguise? Pshaw. What the heck is 'pshaw'? Anyway, I stole your James!Lupin idea, haha. Well, you suggested it anyway, except you'll NEVER FIND OUT WHICH MARY-SUE IS THE TRAITOR! Well, not soon.

Watergal01: Heehee, I included you now.

Chapter Five: Yet Another Mary-Sue, Lupin!James, And Peanut Butter Pancakes

….And standing directly in front of the teacher's table was..REMUS LUPIN!

"Professor Lupin?" Harry asked blankly.

"No, Harry," Lupin said seriously, "I am your father!" With a little 'pop', he transformed into James Potter!

Harry's eyes filled with tears, and all the Mary-Sues, Hermione included, gasped. Ron choked on his soup, which is unusually hard to do. "Daddy?" he asked weakly.

"No way, dude!" James!Lupin said before turning back into himself and dissapearing.

Harry burst into sobs that were so fake they would have frightened a Komodo Dragon. Before anyone could comfort him, the doors to the Great Hall burst open.

"ITS ARAGORN, SON OF ARATHORN!" screamed a random Ravenclaw. Then she was thrown out of the room because there was no purpose to her other than that.

Fortunately, the Ravenclaw was wrong, anyway.

It was a red-headed girl.

She was obviously a Mary-Sue.

She looked around boredly.

"Like, oh my god," she exclaimed, "Am I, like, late?"

"No," said Ron sarcastically, who wasn't paying attention to her looks as he was shoving mashed potatoes into his mouth.

"Oh," she said blankly.

Then she sat down at the Gryffindor table.

There was an awkward silence.

"AWKWARD SILENCE!" screamed a random Hufflepuff, who was also excavated from the room.

"I'm like, Aly," she announced.

"Aly!" Mandy said crossly, but gently at the same time as Mary-Sues are NEVER mad except at really stupid dramatic moments or at the Enemy. "We were really worried!"

"Didn't show it too much," snickered Ron to Harry.

"At least you get to stay in character!" Harry hissed to Ron.

"Can you send us to bed already so we sneak off on adventures and to the Astronomy Tower to snog and stuff?" Erica asked Dumbledore.

"Yeah, whatever."

"PARTY TIME!" shrieked the Mary-Sues.

Mary-Sue Mathers did the disco as the Great Hall shone with colored lights.

"Not cool," said the Mary-Sues anxiously.

"Oh, right," said Mary-Sue calmly, and then stopped.

Harry blinked.

"Am I the only one that's confused?" he whispered to Ron.

"Like, totally," Aly replied instead. "We can't, like, be confused, because, like, we're, like, perfect. Like."

Harry didn't understand a word she'd just said.

"Okay then," he said awkwardly.

Kristy began to sob randomly.

"I am upset about Firenze!" she declared.

Harry stared. He hadn't done very well with Cho, and now there were sobbing girls everywhere he turned.

"…Sorry?" he offered.

"You, like, seriously need, like, some lessons in, like, perfectness," Aly put in, obviously the rude, "rebellious" one of the group, "I'm, like, the rebellious one," she added knowledgably.

"I'm the mysterious one," Misty told Harry.

"I'm the girl everyone's obsessed with!" bragged Erica.

"I'm the studious yet attractive nerd," Kristy put in.

"I'm the really hyper and funny one," Mandy said.

"That's…informative," Harry said politely.

"Like, so totally informative." Aly agreed. "Wanna go to the Forbidden Forest with me and save me from a vampire?"

"Wanna go and snog in the Astronomy tower and then cheat on you with Ron Weasley AND Draco Malfoy?" Erica asked.

"Wanna go help me with my homework that's really hard and eventually breaks me down because I have so much work to do and then I spill out my unfortunate past?" asked Kristy.

"Wanna go to Hogsmeade and tell jokes and then Draco Malfoy teases me and you stand up to him for me?" Mandy asked.

"Wanna go and see my really cool Animagus powers in a secret room in Hogwarts and then have me almost tell you who the traitor is but then get cut off somehow?" asked Misty.

"Maybe later," Harry said, overwhelmed. After that, he sped into bed and slept, because no one likes details about dreaming or not getting to sleep unless he's getting one of those weird Voldy dreams.

THE END of Chapter Five