The blade shines, silver-white flashing in the dark. I press it slowly, deliberately into the white flesh of my wrist, going just deep enough to hurt and stopping … for now…I fondle the weapon, admiring the harsh contrast of steel and new blood.
The clock chirps, a harsh shrill sound… 7 p.m…. the afternoon shifts will be heading to dinner now… what will they think when I was gone?
They won't care, …my captain and crew dead… I am a failure; I should have done something… they won't care… I cut again… a little deeper… right there…
Blood is now gushing… a trickling, crimson stream… but not enough… not for what I've done, all those people dead… it was my fault… I should have done something
The door chimes… no, not now… "Who is it?"… go away … let me finish… "Sulu, do you want to come to dinner?" not you… I'm not done… I look at the blood stained knife… so beautiful… red on white…"No, I'm not hungry, I'll catch you and Uhura later" … not really… do you care?
"Pavel, open the door."… No… you can't stop me… they're dead… I should have done something… "Open the door and talk to me" …blood on steel… "I'm fine" …you don't care… "No, you're not, I know what you're thinking…and…it's wrong"
It can't be wrong… it's my fault they're dead… impaled … hung…so much blood…I should have done something… all my fault… you don't care… nobody will
"You can't do this…just open the door"… "You won't care" Should have done something … it's all my – "I care, please… just let me help" … with those words… he saved me