She Thinks She Needs Me: Part 7

The trip back turned out to be a whole lot more peaceful than the trip there for 90 of the Autobots. For some reason though, Angel was almost as distressed as she had been driving there to begin with. This time though I could tell that rather than just worried she was truly up set. Instead of getting hyper and fidgety the way she had going to Kentucky, she stopped doing everything but breathing and stared out the window. She got completely quiet and that more than anything else started worrying me. She's not the type of person that stays quiet on anything unless she's got a problem. Still even though I could tell something was wrong it wasn't like I could force her to tell me what was on her mind so I drove back to the Ark just hoping that she would tell me when she was ready.

The debriefings went off with out much of a hitch. Everyone that had been left behind at the base had some wonderful laughing fits over what the girls had pulled, and I watched Angel cheer up slightly. I was starting to get a good idea of what was wrong with her, but still she hadn't done or said much to me about it. So I did the best I could to keep my mind on what was going on with my troops, hoping she's snap out of it sooner or later.

It turned out to be later. Much, much later, in fact it turned out to be some time around 3 am when it finally came out. The briefings and the parties had been over several hours ago and the two of us had called it a night. Some where half between recharge and being awake I put my arm out to hold her and found her missing. If that hadn't woken me up almost immediately the next sound I heard would have. She was some where in our rooms and she was crying. She was doing her level best to hide it from me, but she was upset none the less. So I did the only thing a man in my position can do, I went and found her.

She was in the living room part of our rooms, with her face in her hands curled up on the couch. It told me how bad off she was when she didn't hear me coming, and jumped when I touched her shoulder.

"Angel?" I asked.

She jumped and sat up and started swiping at her face.

"Optimus," She sniffed, "what are y…. I was just…"

I shook my head at her attempts and just put my arms around her. "Its okay, you don't have to explain it to me."

And just like that all of that resolve she'd been trying to muster for me crumbled. Everything behind the mask that she'd had on during the whole mess with Megatron came tumbling out and she held on to me and sobbed.

"Come on," I hugged her more, "Don't cry now, its over."

"He could have really done something," She got out, "If you guys hadn't…."

Now I had to laugh, and that got her attention. She looked up at me and made a face.

"What…"

I pulled her away from me and looked at her, "What exactly do you mean you guys? It wasn't us that did any of that young lady."
She gapped at me in amazement, "What are you...?"

"You and Alyssa came up with every thing that was responsible for us winning this one. All we provided the transportation and communications."

"Still," She spluttered, "If it weren't for you… Optimus! I don't know what any one else thinks of me, I don't know how to take half of the things that go on in this world. I do know that if you weren't here with me there's no way that I could do this."

And once again she buried her head in my shoulder. All I could do was put my arms around her and do what she asked. She had been so scared, and had been acting. Covering up how she really felt and being brave because that was what she thought she needed to do. There are so many people out there who would never have been able to do what she did. But she was claiming that I was the one that gave her what she needed to keep going and be like this.

That amazed me more than any thing else, that this incredible girl who had shown me that life was worth living, that love is worth dying for, would never realize that it was the other way around. That I was the one that needed her. I don't think she would have believed me if I had come right out and told her that right then. She was upset beyond all plain reason and just needed someone. She didn't want to talk or need to; she just needed to be held. I wracked my processor wondering if the day would ever come when she found out that it was as much of her being there to hold me as it was my holding her.

Eventually she calmed down and finally started to settle some. The looked up at me.

"I'm sorry Optimus, I know that the last thing you need when you come back from something like all of this on this mission, is to have some air headed woman needing to be coddled."

Now I had to laugh at her, "Will you stop please? Okay first off, if you went to the local seven eleven and stuck the air hose in your ear and turned it on full you couldn't be air headed. Secondly I couldn't think of any thing in the world I'd rather do than this. Stop worrying about the rest of the world for five minutes okay?"

She smiled over that and looked at me, "Okay, okay you win I promise. I'll stop."

I hugged her again, "Thanks. Now can I tell you something?" She blinked at me and nodded and so I kept going. "Your getting up set is perfectly natural babe. You were worried about your family, and as annoying as they can be. You'd be insane if you weren't."

"But Optimus, I thought, during all of that," She waved her hand in the direction of the east, "I wanted to scream."

"Any normal person would Angel," I pushed her hair back from her face, "Your not weak or scatter brained because you did that. Just a normal person."

"You never get up set like that," She hugged into me again, "I wish I could be more like you."

I rolled my eyes skyward, knowing that she was never ever going to come around on this whole mess. So I conceded and let her have it this time. There were thousands of things I could say to try and make her see that she was selling her self short on this. But right then that wasn't what she wanted, or needed. So I just held on to her and kept her in my arms until she finally started drifting back off to sleep.

Eventually I got up and carried her back and just sat there for a very long time watching her sleep. Wondering at this strange paradox of a woman that I was so very desperately in love with, that keeps telling me that I'm what she needs. Then turns around and dose something that shows me just the opposite. That she's strong, independent and more than willing to do what ever it takes to make life count. She's what I need in my life more than any thing else. Some day I guess she'll realize that I'm not the one that matters the most, that she's a wonderful person and full of life all on her own. Until then I have no problems being the one that catches her when she falls, or most of all having her there to do the same for me.