Disclaimer: Don't own them. J.K. Rowling does. The movies woudn't be rated PG and Pg-13 if I owned them.
Please read. One shot. RatingPg-13 for language and minor sexual implications.
OUR DANCE
I know that you would never look at me like you stare at him, your blue eyes emotional for a brief moment. And I hate him so. Hate him for making you cry as the night slowly disappears through a void. Hate him for making you question your worth as you look in the mirror to rim your eyes with the kohl pencil. But more than that, I hate him because he has the one thing I could never claim.
He has your love, Sirius. And what's worse, he doesn't give a damn about you. He wants you for one reason and one reason alone: sex. He wants your body, wants to feel the sick pleasure of being able to control you. You'll bend to his every wish. You used to put up such a terrific fight if anyone every told you how to act, how to be. It was the game you played with your parents, disobeying every order.
No, your eyes looked glazed when you speak to me. Every sentence is controlled, as if you can't even think for yourself. He is governing our conversations. It isn't bad enough that he manipulates you every night, makes you feel like a whore. Now he controls even when you can't see his presence. He'll always be a part of you, won't he Sirius?
And I, I play the fool. I want what I'll never have. Want what your glassy blue eyes will never let me see.
He holds your heart Sirius, and you hold mine. We'll twist and turn in a dance that has no set rhythm, no music, no passion. You'll trip, I'll stumble. One day he'll leave. You'll cry, fall to the earth, the dance will end.
Without passion we can't exist. Without love there is no hope.
But a life without hope would be preferable than this unrequited love, this damned sin, the fucking hell I put myself through every time you two make love! And I'll scream. I'll curse.
But dammit Sirius, I curse him, when I long . . . I long to curse you!
I know you can't help it and, gods, it kills me to think like this. No one can help who they fall for. It would be better for me to just fall asleep forever than try and sort this fucking mess out.
Instead, I glance at your empty bed, sheets you slept it. "Good night, Sirius." I whisper to the dark. And then, for reasons I'll never comprehend, I finally say it out loud. Finality a chord that makes my ears protest the sound. "Good night, Lucius."