Author's Note: Most of this was written on little sleep and abundance of fortune cookies and fake!Twizzlers. Marvel in it's shiny greatness.

Bex

PS. The plaque mentioned in the following chapter is an actual meme, posted in many people's greatest- or livejournal userinfo. Also, I do not own any of this loverly crap, except maybe the Canadian Mary Sue Union. But that one is certainly debatable. Much much credit to Vee, JKR teh Goddess, and Reese Witherspoon (for playing in Legally Blonde).

Mishy Mochrie sat, sulking in the Slytherin Common Room; she had no right to show so much angst only three chapters into the story, but she didn't really seem to care. The Canadian Mary Sue Union gave her the right to do whatever she wanted.

Feeling suddenly homesick, she drew her wallet from a random!pocket in her totally-out-of-dress-code Abercrombie Fitch jeans, which tastefully showed off her sparkly pink Frederick's of Hollywood thong, and plucked out her Canadian Mary Sue Union (hereafter known as CaMSU) membership card. Oh wait, no; that was her library card. The red one, with the little maple leaf on it, was her CaMSU card. Anyway, she fondled it fondly, and remembered her home of Mounties and maple trees and a little tear ran down her incredibly smooth cheek.

Just as we all though the angst level could rise no higher in one room alone, in strolled the morning sunshine, accompanied by a little ferrety fellow. The room's occupants paused dramatically, and simultaneously put on matching Ray Ban® Aviators, smiling brightly as Bozo the Photographer snapped away with his camera, no doubt taking pictures for Witch Weekly.

Blinking at the shininess, Mishy suddenly realized that the little ferret-like boy, trailing in Shiny-Girl's wake, was the love of her life, Draco Malfoy. He was so totally making goo-goo eyes at her. The Shiny-Girl. Not Mishy. And this observation outraged Mishy, causing the angst level to rise another fifty decibels. "Draco!" she exclaimed, the jealous blush on her cheeks rather becoming of her, "how could you? You said you loved me, eh!"

The Shiny-Girl looked insulted that Mishy would ever even speak to Draco. She spoke, in a voice that could rival Reese Witherspoon's, "Tsch, didn't you, like, know? You and Draco are so yesterday. Like whoa."

The other inhabitants of the Slytherin Common Room scoffed right along with her, causing Michelle to melt into her own little pool of teenage angst.

Draco finally pulled his gaze away from the Shiny-Girl, whose name was actually Nicole... something. He wasn't quite sure, as he had only met her the day before. He ran his fingers through his white-blond hair, in a manner that made many fangirls swoon, making his attempt to mask the less-than-skillful point-of-view change. He took a step closer to the puddle-that-was-once-Mishy. "I'm sorry, Mishy, dear. Didn't you read the sign?" He looked pointedly at the wall. Hanging there was a plaque, in semblance of those irritating color memes, that was green-and-silver striped. Below it was inscribed, Slytherin is I'll-tell-you-I-love-you-so-I-can-get-in-your-pants-and-then-only-call-you-again-if-I'm-really-horny.

Nicole shook her hair, then, suddenly realizing that no one was paying attention to her shiny hair or her amazing, color-changing eyes. Theodore Nott, who had been hovering nearby, promptly went blind from the incredible radiance. He gasped in agony, and clutched his eyes, but no one seemed to notice, as they were once again mesmerized by Nikki's hair.