Chapter Nine – Coming Clean
The next day Buffy walked to the Magic Box, prepared to confess to everything she'd done that had caused Spike's sudden transformation. She'd successfully avoided the Scoobies for most of the day, but she knew that she couldn't put it off any longer. So, feeling resolved, she pushed the door to the Magic Box open and, with a deep breath, walked in.
What she hadn't expected was to find Spike there, with all the others in what looked like full scale research mode. Every head turned to her at the sound of the bell. Something didn't seem right.
"Oh hey Buffy." Willow said quietly.
"Hey Will. Hey you guys. Listen, I need to talk to you all about something."
"Don't you think you've done enough talking?" Dawn snapped at her.
"What do you mean?"
"Please don't tell me you're gonna try to deny what you've done to Spike!"
"You told them." Buffy said quietly in Spike's direction.
"Of course he did, we're his friends. Not that you'd know much about that."
"I…I…You're right. Of course you're right. I've done a really terrible thing, and that's why I'm here. To see if there's anything I can to put it right."
Dawn opened her mouth to say something back, but Giles cut across her.
"Buffy, I really do not understand what would make you do something like this to a friend, someone you say you care about. Quite frankly I'm disappointed, but if you are truly sorry than we could use your help answering some questions."
"I'll do anything." She answered quietly.
"You can start by telling us exactly what it is you've done."
"Ok…Well… err…Where to start?" Buffy was suddenly reminded that although she was the one who'd made this mess, it was Spike's new girlfriend that had actually brought it into being. As much as she wanted to help, she didn't think the others would believe her if she tried to point the finger at Sarah, and she'd probably lose this one chance that they seemed to be giving her to make up for what she'd done.
"Right, well I met this girl… Saved her life actually, and she said that she wanted to give me a spell in return. She seemed really nice. Said it was like a tip or something. So I agreed."
"Ok…but that doesn't explain why you chose to change Spike." Giles had a point. Even Buffy didn't know really. The thought was just put out there by Sarah and she'd run with it without giving it a second thought.
"The girl suggested it. "
"Oh well that explains it all! No wonder you wished Spike human so you could put the moves on him. What else could you do if some evil witch suggested it?" Dawn bit out sarcastically.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say." It was true. Buffy knew that nothing she could say would make this right.
"So what exactly did this girl do?" Giles redirected the conversation.
"Like I said, she offered to do a spell for me. A simple request spell. I wrote down what I wanted and she did it."
"You wrote a list?" Willow asked incredulously.
"Well… yeh." Buffy cringed, waiting for the response, mildly noting that Spike was yet to comment on her confession.
"This just gets better and better." Dawn muttered.
"This girl-" Giles interrupted, "-do you know her?" Buffy breathed deeply, stealing a quick glance at Spike before she answered.
"No, I'd never met her before and I have no idea how I'd find her again."
A few days later, Buffy got home from her successful interview at the Doublemeat Palace. Ok, so it wasn't the best job in the world and it was going to be a strain on her time, but at least it meant money and stability for her and Dawn. She secretly hoped that Dawn would be pleased enough about the news that she'd start talking to her again. It had been days since the confession at the Magic Box and she was starting to feel that the silent treatment was never going to stop. As she opened the door, looking forward to sharing the good news she saw the others, dressed and ready to go out. Cursing herself, Buffy remembered it was Spike's house warming. She was sure that no one wanted her there, least of all Spike, but she had to show him she was sorry, that she wanted to make amends.
"Hey Buffy, how'd the interview go?" Tara asked gently.
"I got the job." Dawn nodded and looked the other way.
"Are you coming with us to Spike's?" Willow asked.
"You guys go on ahead. I need to change first, so I'll be along later." Buffy said as brightly as she could manage.
"Whatever. Let's go." Dawn said coldly. Buffy sighed as she made her way upstairs. It was going to take a lot more than a new job to convince her sister she was trying to make things right.
Buffy smoothed down her shirt and took a deep breath. Then she knocked on the door to Spike's apartment. Spike was looking back over his shoulder as he opened the door with a wide grin towards the room which abruptly fell when he acknowledged Buffy standing there.
"Oh. It's you." He said surprised.
"Yeh… I…I…This wasn't such a good idea. I should go." Buffy gave up. What was the point of being there if no one wanted her there. Surely it would just make things worse. She turned to leave, but Spike stopped her.
"Wait. Buffy. I'm sorry, that was rude of me. I just didn't expect you to come, that's all. You're very welcome though." He said with a smile.
"Thanks. Thank you." Buffy smiled back and relaxed a bit as he led her into the apartment.
"This is for you." Buffy brought a bottle of wine out of the bag she was holding.
"Oh how thoughtful of you; alcohol that Spike can't drink because you wished it!" Buffy flushed at Dawn's scathing remark and was glad when she left her to rejoin the group. Only Spike saw the coke Buffy had also brought for the party.
As she walked into the living room, Buffy observed her friends. She watched as Spike reclaimed his seat under Sarah and resumed his conversation about manly appliances with Xander, Clem and Giles. She saw Spike's arm placed protectively around Sarah's waist and it hurt. Was this how Spike had felt whenever he'd seen her with Riley, because that would explain a lot? Buffy was sure she'd go mad having to see that everyday and act like it wasn't chewing her up inside.
Buffy sat down and tried to ignore the glares her sister was giving her. This wasn't going to be easy. Clearing her throat, she attempted to strike up casual conversation.
"So how are things?" She nervously asked nobody in particular.
"About the same as they were an hour ago." Dawn rolled her eyes and the others looked away.
"Oh…good, that's good."
"Can we watch a video, Spike?" Dawn suddenly asked brightly.
"Sure, Bit. What did you have in mind?"
"Fatal attraction." Dawn said, looking pointedly at her sister.
"I think I'll go get a drink." Buffy muttered to herself before practically running out of the room.
As she poured herself some wine to steady her nerves, Willow walked into the kitchen.
"Hey." Buffy was unsure what to say.
"Buffy, I need to ask you something."
"Ok."
"Why?" Buffy instantly knew what Willow was referring to. She'd been asking herself the same question since her conversation with Sarah a few nights ago. Why had she changed Spike so freely, with no consideration for his feelings?
"I'm sorry, Will, I don't know why. The reasons I had at the time were selfish and thoughtless, and I would give anything to undo what I did, but I can't. I just hope that Spike and the rest of you will be able to find it in your heart to forgive me."
"That's just it, Buffy. I don't know if I can."
"Willow." Buffy whispered as tear flooded her eyes.
"You're not the person I thought you were; the person I trusted with my life. You played with the life of someone you say you care about. I'm really not sure that I can trust you again right now. You've really hurt me," Now Willow had tears in her eyes too.
"I'm so sorry." Buffy whispered as she left the kitchen. Blinded by her tears, she walked straight into Spike coming the other way.
"Oh God, I'm so sorry." Buffy said, trying to move past him quickly, but Spike saw the tears before she could get away.
"Are you okay, Buffy?"
"Yeh, sure! This is a great party!" Buffy tried to sound enthusiastic, putting on a fake smile through the tears.
"So you're leaving because..?"
"I shouldn't have come. Nobody wants me to be here."
"I beg to differ. I invited you, and you came. That means at least two people want you to be here." Spike said with a warm smile.
"Thank you." Buffy replied with a small smile of her own.
"So you'll stay?"
"No. If it's ok with you, I'd like some alone time. The kind that involves the undead and pointy wooden things."
"Ok, I get ya. Look after yourself, Buffy." Spike said sincerely as he led her to the door. After he'd let her out and closed the door behind her, he went into the kitchen, as had been his original plan before Buffy waylaid him.
"Hey Will." He said, before noticing the tears on her face.
"You know, a guy could get a complex."
"Huh?" Willow looked up confused.
"If every pretty girl at his party burst into tears when he walks into the room."
"Sorry, I'm sure it's nothing personal." She said, vaguely hinting at a joke whilst tears still ran down her face.
"Care to share?" Spike asked gently.
"It's… Well… It's Buffy. I've been one of her best friends for years now. I never thought she was capable of doing something like this. I feel like I don't know her at all anymore."
"We all make mistakes."
"I know, but playing with someone's life like that."
"Isn't that what you did to Tara?"
"What?" Willow's eyes went wide. "How… how do you… how?"
"Tara told me."
"Tara knows? Oh my God, no."
"Yes, and you know I never would have thought you'd do something like that, but like I said, we all make mistakes."
"What should I do?"
"Talk to her about it. Come clean, tell her you're sorry."
"I am sorry. God, I was so stupid, it was so stupid. She means everything to me." Tears were falling down Willow's face fast again. Spike pulled her in for a tight hug.
"If she means that much to you, you need to fight for her. You need to fight the urge to change her when things are rough. Make her see that you want her as she is more than anything else." Spike told her gently.
"Thank you, Spike. I'm so grateful to have you as my friend." Willow said with a watery smile.
"Grateful enough to ease up on Buffy for me?"
"I don't get it. Why are you so ready to forgive her? She treated you so badly. You should be angrier than the rest of us."
"But you don't know some of the good she's done for me. She's my friend, and more importantly, she's your friend. I don't want me to be the reason you guys fall out."
"And you're sure you only feel friendship for Buffy? I mean, I believe you, but it still feels pretty weird."
"I know, but I'm so happy with Sarah, things are going so well between us. Everything seems to be falling into place for me. Buffy's part of that, but only like the rest of you are." Willow nodded at this, but gave no reply.
"I think we should go back to the party. Enough serious talk for one night. It's time to have some fun. Real life starts again tomorrow." Spike said with a grin.