Whoever said "getting there is half the fun," had evidently never been to Valinor.
That was her first rational thought as she picked herself up off the cold marble floor on which she'd landed with a quite ungracious, unladylike thump just a few moments before.
The trip, all ninety seconds of it, had been cold, dark, dizzying and vaguely nauseating…none of which sensations she looked forward to repeating on the trip back. The hard landing had just been the icing on the cake.
Glorfindel, ever the gentleman, had already moved away to speak with a dark haired Elf standing off to one side of the room. As she picked herself up off the floor, brushing herself off, she shot what she hoped were venomous looks in the Balrog Slayer's direction. The dark haired Elf caught the looks she was trying to kill Glorfindel with, and smiled broadly.
"Glorfindel…really, where are your manners? First, you fail to help the Lady rise from her most undignified position on the floor, and then you fail to introduce us," he said, brushing past the golden haired warrior, walking over and holding out his hands to her. "My dear, welcome to Valinor. I am Elrond, erstwhile Lord of Imladris."
She accepted his hands, unable to keep from staring at the handsome Peredhil Lord. "Thank you, Lord Elrond…it's a pleasure to be here, and I'm grateful for the opportunity."
"I trust Glorfindel has explained things in a suitable manner?"
"Yes, I think so…he invited me to visit because he said you were all curious about the type of people who write stories about you," she replied rather absently, still a bit overcome by the sleek dark mane and the aristocratic features and bearing of the Peredhil Lord.
"Excellent. So, where shall we begin? A tour perhaps? Would you care to see the library?"
"Elrond, really…she's just arrived. You have the audacity to impugn my manners while your own are deplorable! Did you think that perhaps she'd like a beverage? Something to eat? Be shown to her quarters? She is carrying a suitcase, you know. Perhaps she'd like to unpack first," Glorfindel admonished, taking her elbow.
Elrond caught hold of the other elbow, frowning at the Lord of the Golden Flower. "At least I didn't leave her sitting on the floor like some misplaced footstool!"
"Um…gentlemen, er…gentleElves, er…gentleWhatever, I could use something to drink - preferably something strong…as in alcoholic…as in cross-my-eyes-make-my-hair-stand-on-end alcoholic."
The two Elves looked at her with renewed interest. "Usually a Lady will request water…or tea…or juice…" Elrond offered, raising those trademark brows of his.
"Uh huh. Well this Lady would prefer a Margarita. In absence of that she'll take ale or wine, or whatever else passes for booze around here."
"Very well, milady…I will escort you to your rooms, while Glorfindel fetches a bottle of our finest wine from the cellars," Elrond acquiesced, taking her suitcase from her and leading her toward the door
"I am a Lord, too, you know!" Glorfindel muttered, frowning at the darker Lord as he led the human away. "Exactly at what point in time was I demoted to wine steward?"
The room Elrond led her to was lovely, simply but elegantly furnished and decorated with vivid, painstakingly detailed, embroidered tapestries. Elrond deposited the suitcase on the floor near the large carved sleigh bed, before pulling a chair out from a nearby table, offering her a seat.
Sitting, she looked out of the window at the view of the crashing waves far below, and the expanse of white, pristine beach that ran in both directions as far as her eye could travel.
"Ooh…beachfront property…very nice," she muttered. "Your home is absolutely beautiful, Lord Elrond."
"Thank you, but it is not mine…not alone. We all live here. My wife will appreciate your compliments, though, since she and Lady Galadriel did most of the decorating."
"I'm looking forward to meeting them…is that a television?" she asked, suddenly distracted by the sight of a familiar square box sitting on a rich, dark wood dresser.
"Haven't you ever seen one before? Amazing contraptions, I must say. We used to only get three channels, and those were very fuzzy and not reliable at all, but since we've had cable installed, we get hundreds. Quite amazing."
"I'm finding it difficult to picture you and your friends sitting around watching the boob tube."
"My favorite show right now is 'The Apprentice.' You're fired!" Elrond said, in a voice that sounded vaguely like Donald Trump with a British accent, jabbing his finger in the air.
She snorted, covering her mouth with her hand. "What else do you like to watch?" she asked, curious now.
"Legolas and Haldir cannot seem to tear themselves away from Orange County Chopper. I'm not sure what it is about that show that captivates them so…it may be all the shiny metal," Elrond said derisively. "Our Ladies prefer movies on a channel called 'Lifetime' and Mithrandir likes to watch the Discovery Channel. Erestor, although he would never admit it, is hooked on those daytime soap operas, and Glorfindel has a fondness for the Price Is Right."
"And Elrohir and Elladan?"
Elrond looked quite annoyed, the tips of his ears burning a bright red as he answered, "Adult Pay Per View. They cost us a small fortune every month."
She snorted again, thinking that at least the fanfic writers had gotten that one right. Elladan and Elrohir were, apparently, a couple of perverts. She couldn't wait to meet them…she had the feeling they'd get along famously.
A knock at the door signaled Glorfindel's arrival with a bottle of wine and three glasses. He did not look happy at having to play servant, although he uncorked the bottle and poured a glass for all of them.
"Well, catch me up. What are we discussing?" he asked, sipping his wine.
"Adult Pay Per View," she answered, enjoying the look on his face as he choked on the wine.