Disclaimer: Okay question. If i didnt own Resident Evil before why would I own it now? CAUSE I STILL DONT!

Luna: Wow!!! I got more reviews! YAY!!! I bet everyone wants to know a totally useless fact about RE4! The fact is: The chainsaw guys real name is Dr.Salvotore. Yep, and i knew that from getting a bottle cap at the minigame shooting range......anyway, I'll stop the randomness now. On with the fic!

Chapter 3: Flasher!

After Leon's foot recovered, he ran off to an area where the virus-infected ones threw explosives. Yes, EXPLOSIVES.

" Son of a-"

"- bagel! Damnit, Leon STOP the profanity!" I shouted.

" INFECTED!" he said, "The voices...make it STOPPP!!!"

Leon did the only thing any normal person would do. He ran away, screaming on the top of his lungs. He hid behind best friend #2: the tree, where he was able to shoot them.

After killing them, Leon made his way to a broken down shack where there was a closet, rattling. He ran at it, doing several Kennedy Kicks of Doom in the process, and then opened it. A bounded and gagged man fell out of it and Leon removed the gag and the guy asked, " Are you infected?"

" No....really..." said Leon, " Are you INFECTED?"

" What do you think?" asked the man.

" INFECTED!" cried Leon and pointed his gun at the guy's head.

" No! I'm not! Geez....."

Then they were rushed by a mob of angry,cloaked psychos who knocked them both out.

Leon dreamed that he was given a shot in the arm, and screamed remembering his fear of needles. Then he woke up, tied to that other guy.

"Well my names Luis," said Luis, who was tied to him, " I was an ex-cop sent to investigate-"

" My jacket!" responed Leon.

" What?"

" Those bas-"

" Bass!" I said, " I swear Leon, you just don't stop cursing do you?"

" Tell me you heard that...." begged Leon.

" Heard what?"

" The voice! It scolds me when I curse........DAMN! My jacket! My $500 jacket! They can attack me with knives, axes even chainsaws but now my jacket!? they've gone too far....."

" I wonder what they're using it for..."

Somewhere in a random hut........

A villager had Leon's jacket on and was sitting in front of a laptop. He spoke to his friend in rapid Spanish. Translation:

" Hey, Don Perdo! Look at this nice jacket! How much you think I could sell it on Ebay?"

" Hmm....." said Don Perdo, " Maybe 400 pestas? I don't know ask Dr. Salvortore."

Dr. Salvortore was none other than the chainsaw man, drinking a martini.

" Pestas?! Ha! " he said, as he pet his chainsaw lovingly. " How 'bout $600 american dollars! Then I can finally buy my baby a tune-up!"

" We'll be rich!" said Don Pedro, and they all laughed at their evil plan.

Back to our hero......Leon that is

Just then, a villager came in with an axe.

" You better think of something!" cried Luis.

" I know!" answered Leon, " If we stand up at the same time I can him a Kennedy Kick of Doom!"

" A what?"

Too late. The axe came swinging down, but luckily it hit the ropes and freed Luis and Leon. This allowed Leon to jump up and give him a Kennedy Kick of Doom :: which I'll now call a KKD because I'm too lazy to type.:: that took his head off.

" Victory Dance time!" cried Leon, and did his dance.

'His Dance' consisted of hops in the air, spastic arm movements and doing the monkey.

Luis ran off, scared. I can't say I blame him.

" Come here, stranger," said a cloaked figure from the window.

"Who....?" asked Leon.

He quickly moved outside of the house to see a trench-coat wearing man.

" I have something that may interst you." he said and opened up his coat.

" AHHHHH!!" screamed Leon, " Bad enough I have Spanish speaking nutcases wanting to cut me in tiny pieces and now I have to meet the village FLASHER!"

" What are you talking about, stranger?" asked the merchant.

Leon opened his eyes and saw that there was guns strapped to his coat.

" Uh.....forget what I said. Weapons, YAY!"

He picked out best friend #3, the sniper rifle.

" That'll be 1000 pestas," said the merchant.

" What?" asked Leon, " The hell I should pay money for weapons from an infected psycho. Infact, I should just shot you now and TAKE THE WEAPONS!"

" You can't do that."

" Why not?"

" Because your Leon, Mr. Goody 2 shoes. And besides if you kill me here I'll never sell you stuff in this area again."

" Ah, damn."

So Leon paid for the sniper rifle, grumbling.

Luna: wow.....longgggg chapter there. REVIEW! next chapter: The Big Cheese; Leon really shouldn't try to be witty.