Disclaimer: I don't own Resident Evil! Or James Bond OR Solid Snake ::Metal Gear::

Luna: Wow.....21 reviews!? And I only put up 3 chapters so far! WOw! Thank u people who reviewed I love feedback!!! So here's Chapter 4!

Chapter 4: The Big Cheese; Leon really shouldn't try to be witty

Leon sniped out several annoying virus/psychotic/angry villagers, and then ran out of ammo. When he ran through the barracks, he shot the remainig 15.....relax its only 15..... He dashed to the door and paniced. THERE WAS NO DOORKNOB. Leon wanted to call Hunnigan, but he had a faint flashback of Raccoon City.

FlashBack!

" Ada!" whined Leon, " How do I open the door? It......doesn't have a DOORKNOB!"

Ada sighed. She thought Leon was hot, but kinda dumb. The door was locked, it needed a card key.

"You use a card key," said Ada, patiently, " Like this."

She put the card in the slot, and it opened.

" Magic!" exclaimed the rookie, gulliabe cop.

" Uh....yeah...." said Ada, rolling her eyes.

End flashback

" A card key!" said Leon, " Not only do I kick ass, are cooler and more popular with the ladies than James Bond and Solid Snake put together; I are smart!"

Leon back tracked and checked all the houses for a card key, but just ended up with 2 stone slabs. He went back to the door knob-less door and put the stones in the hole on the door.

" There's no card key....Ada....WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE?!" cried Leon.

Leon slammed his fist against the door and it opened.

" Magic!" cried Leon, the 27 year old man.

Then, he went through the waterways, underground. It was pretty boring and uneventful, except when he got ambushed. Leon was cornored and decided to use one of his most lethal weapons: the chicken eggs. He threw the egg in one of the villager's face; who screamed out, " Runaway! He's loaded!" They retreated.

Finally, Leon entered the village chief's house. He ran upstairs to see a 6'9 foot tall man in a cloak with a beard standing there. Instead of shooting him with a shotgun, or even a hangun, he gave him a taste of the KKD.

Unfortunlety, the chief didn't flinch when Leon kicked him square in the chest. The chief began choking Leon, who now couldn't breathe.

" Our blood runs through your veins..." he said, and threw Leon on his ass.

" Hunnigan!" screamed Leon into the walkietalkie, " I just had a run in with the Big Cheese of the village!"

" Big.....Cheese?" asked Hunnigan.

" Yeah! he could of killed me, but he didn't."

" Big Cheese? Who uses that term!? Seriously Leon, you shouldn't try to be witty.....Anyway, the people who are attacking you are cultists or something."

" What's wrong with Big Cheese? Did I mention how fine you look today?"

" Leon, look. We have to set rules. The first, no hitting on me. You were just almost killed and then you flirt with me? Where's your head at?"

" Well Hunnigan," I said, jacking the line, " Leon has a very short attention span. Note his stupidity and idol worship of Snake."

" YOU!" cried Leon, " You're the voice that yells at me for cursing!"

" Uh.....yeah...." said Hunnigan, " It's just Luna."

" Why do I hear her voice?" panicked Leon.

" I'm.....just your conscience!" I declared, an idea forming, " Like Jimmey Cricket!"

" OH.....but then why can she hear you too?"

"Um.....magic...?"

" OKAY!" said Leon, buying it.

Well, that was close. ANyway, Leon went his way to the lake. OF HELL. There he spotted one of the cowardly guys who drove him to the Village of Freakyness being thrown into the lake, as food. He was eaten by a large, whale, sharp-toothed thing.

" Well, that's my plan," said Leon, and hopped on the motor boat.

He rode a short while until the thing which I call 'Big-toothed-annoyance-that-takes-too-long-to-kill' or BTA for short. BTA hooks itself onto the anchor and drags Leon's boat along with him.

" AHHHHHH!!!" screamed Leon, then he noticed a harpoon, " A harpoon.....heheheh COME AND GET ME!"

The BTA surfaced, mouth wide open. Leon threw a harpoon in its mouth and it screamed. Leon smiled, proud of his smartness. Then, he made a fatal error. He did his dance, and fell out of the boat.

Luna: CLIFFHANGER TIME! MWHAHAHAHAHAH ::pauses for breath:: AHHAHAHAHAH......um...review! Next chapter: If I shoot them in the head....WHAT THE?