A/N This chapter is R-rated. Please respect that if you're not of age. This is a little angsty in places, but I tried to get a balance right. Anyway, let me know what you think. Xx til

Chapter Fifteen – Morning After

The sun was filtering in through the window and onto the bed. Spike squeezed his eyes shut tighter, feeling himself retuning to full consciousness. It was a Saturday, damn it, so he was going to have a proper lie-in. It was as he tried to turn over and bury himself further in the blankets that Spike's body finally reminded him of his bed companion. Some time during the night, Spike and Buffy had cuddled up together, leaving Spike to wake up with his arms full of slayer. Her head was tucked in underneath his chin so he could smell the vanilla scent of her shampoo each time he breathed in. their legs were tangled together intimately but comfortably. A faint smile ghosted Spike's lips. She felt so good. Her breath against his skin felt warm and wonderful. He decided to ignore that one of his hands had moved to her ass during the night, but moved the one that had sneaked up her T-shirt and onto her lace-covered breast to pull her closer. Unconsciously Buffy wriggled in the embrace, snuggling against his chest. This felt so right, like he could spend forever like this, wake up every day like this. Spike left those thoughts, choosing to let sleep reclaim him, glad to welcome the sweet dreams that came from sleeping in her arms. His girl's arms.

A little while later, after Spike had fallen back to sleep, Buffy's eyelids fluttered open. Her first thought was 'huh?'; her mind raced to fill in the gaps. She had been over for the regular video night, then there was the power cut and she'd had to stay the night. Still no explanation for the gratuitous snuggling that was going on. Spike must be asleep. Or insane. No, he was asleep, probably dreaming. Why else would he be gently caressing her butt cheek with his hand while making that low humming noise? Buffy tried to pull away only to find Spike's grip tighten around her. It didn't look like she was getting away any time soon. Maybe she should just lie back and enjoy the snuggling. Except that Spike might not remember when he wakes up. He might think she'd taken advantage of him again; after all he was probably dreaming about Sarah and had no clue that she was enjoying the benefits. She definitely had to get out of the bed; this could have very bad consequences for her. Buffy managed to pull herself upwards out of Spike's grip until their heads were level, but halted, taking in the sight before her with awe. She had never seen Spike like this before; so innocent and vulnerable looking. His relaxed, sleeping form had a beauty that was spell-binding. At that moment, Buffy just wanted to throw her arms around him and protect him forever.

"I love you, William." She whispered and planted a soft kiss on his forehead.

As Buffy pulled back, her eyes met with the azure depths of Spike's. She gasped in shock. They held each others stare for a moment, trapped by the other person's gaze. Buffy was still reeling. Had he heard her? His eyes were so dark and unreadable. He still wasn't saying anything, just staring. He seemed really mad.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." Buffy scrambled to untangle herself from Spike's limbs and the bed sheets, not hearing his soft moan at the loss of the contact of her body against his.

Buffy was obviously waiting for him to do something or say something, but Spike's morning brain had helpfully decided to replay the feeling of her supple ass against his hand on loop. Situations were made worse by the sight of her chewing her bottom lip nervously as she stood, dwarfed by his T-shirt and sweats, with her hair all tousled and out of place. God, he wished he'd been the one to mess it up. He chuckled. In a way he had.

Finally he opted for a quiet "G' morning" to get the ball rolling.

"Spike, I mean it. I really wasn't trying to take advantage of you. I promise I wasn't trying anything on. I guess I'm just not used to sharing a bed anymore. If I'd known that that would happen when I was asleep, I would have taken the couch. Please don't hate me." Spike wanted to laugh. This was so silly, but he could see how worked up Buffy was about it. This was no joke to her. She was really afraid that he was going to kick her out, out of his home and out of this life. He had to reassure her.

"Relax, Buffy. You were a perfect gentleman." Buffy's body relaxed as if obeying his very command. Spike noticed her eyes sparkling brightly as she hesitantly smiled back at him. She really was gorgeous.

"Are you sure you don't mind?" She asked quietly.

"Of course I am. We're friends, Buffy. It would be no different if it had been Dawn that stayed over." As soon as the words had escaped Spike's mouth, he wanted to take them back. The sparkle in Buffy's eyes disappeared and was replaced by tears welling up and threatening to fall. She began to gather her clothes quickly, determined not to let him see her cry. They were just friends, she had known the score. It was her own stupid fault this hurt so much. Why couldn't she have just let it go?

Spike felt like he'd been stabbed in the stomach. He had done this to her. His girl. His angel. At that moment he knew that he'd do anything to see that smile back on her face. Not the regular Buffy one that everybody got, but the vulnerable one, the hesitant one she showed him as she opened up to him a little bit more, let him get just that little bit closer.

Buffy opened his bedroom door to leave.

"Buffy, wait. Come over here." She stopped and slowly turned around to see him sat on the end of the bed, staring at the floor. If she didn't know any better, she would have sworn she saw him willing away tears before he looked up at her. Finally she went to him. He held her on his lap in a tight hug. Both of them relaxed at the contact and the closeness. It felt so safe.

"Right, I need to get a move on." Spike said, trying to sound cheery as he pulled away. Buffy just managed to stop herself from flinging herself back into his arms and having him hold her forever. Get over it girl. He just wants to be friends, remember?

"Are you going somewhere?" If he was kicking her out, then this was getting more awkward by the second.

"I do believe I owe a devilishly good looking lady a cooked breakfast. Not before I have a shower though." Buffy looked for the leer or the innuendo in the words, but Spike's eyes just spoke honesty and sincerity. As Spike grabbed a towel and went for a shower, Buffy's mind was temporarily hi-jacked by the sight of him taking of his shirt and revealing his tight back muscles for inspection. Coupled with the cute slept-on hair he was sporting, Buffy knew she was sunk. And he cooks. I've made a god, she thought as she got dressed.

The hot water running over Spike's body was warming him as well as refreshing him, allowing him to think a little clearer. As he massaged shower gel into his chest and torso, his mind started to wander once more to the blonde girl in the next room. This really wasn't good. Get over it, he told himself. You just want to be friends, remember? Besides, that girl had repeatedly chewed him up and spat him out. When he'd finally won the small amount of trust and friendship she'd bestowed on him, it had all been on her terms until she'd got bored and betrayed his trust. He loved her. Back then he'd wanted her too, but he had never been good enough. Sure, things were different now, but he still couldn't trust her. Not completely. She would hurt him again. Put him back in his place. That girl could probably ask rip out his heart and he'd hold still for her and apologize for getting blood on her top. Even now she had more of a hold on him than she knew. And it was definitely best kept that way. Besides he had Sarah now. His sweet princess. Always there for him to turn to. She seemed to understand exactly what he was going through. She was definitely the right option, the sensible option. He could not be consumed by her until there was nothing left, he couldn't be burnt from one innocent caress by her hand. This time he was going to do the right thing. He was going to follow his head. This was his heart would not be broken. Yes, she was his choice. Sarah.

Spike realised too late that he'd been soaping his morning erection as his thoughts clouded. As he gripped himself and began to pump his thick cock through his hands, he concentrated hard on an image of Sarah that first night they'd met. He imagined waking up in bed with her, legs intertwined. She whispered 'I love you, William' and then kissed him on the forehead. She squeaked when she saw him staring intensely back at her, but he gave her no time to talk. He captured her mouth with his, eliciting a heady moan as he grabbed her blonde hair and deepened the kiss. Wait, blonde? He slid his tongue into her mouth and coaxed her into playing with it. One of his hands went to her small, pert breast as the other tugged at his sweats that she was wearing. Breaking the kiss, she moved down and pulled at his boxers, revealing his throbbing hard on. She held his cock firmly in her hand and began to stroke it, long, firm strokes. At his grunt of approval, she parted her luscious pink lips over the head and began to suck. She slowly took him all the way into her hot, wet little mouth and continued to bob her head in an intense rhythm, her hands moving to play with his balls. Spike's hand was moving faster as he continued to imagine her between his legs. He needed something more, something to take him over the edge. He remembered her this morning curled up asleep like an angel against him and came in long, thick spurts with her name a whispered prayer on his lips.

"Buffy."

By the time he'd got out of the shower, she was gone.