Disclaimer: I don't own Resident Evil.

Luna: Hey everyone! Chapter 6! Read! Review! Enjoy!

Chapter 6: Return to Freaky Village

Leon recieved a transmission from Hunnigan.

" Hey guess what?" asked Leon.

" What?" repiled Hunnigan.

" I saved Ashely! Who the man?"

" Great! We'll have a helicopter pick you up, although there's a high probablity it'll be shot down, cause there's still much more horrors and stupidity to endure!"

" What?"

" Uh, its a Resident Evil rule. 1: If your encounter with the undead and/or infected persons seems too quick and too easy and your promised an escape route out; odds are you won't be saved."

"...Then what do I do?"

" Just pretend we never had this conversation."

" Wait! So your saying noones coming?"

" Leon..." said Ashely.

" What?"

" There's an infected creepy guy over there," she said, and cowered behind him.

Leon fired some rounds into the infected ones kneecaps and finished him off with a KKD.

" Leon, what happened before?" asked Ashely.

"...we'll have a helicopter pick us up soon." he annouced, and completly forgot his conversation with Hunnigan;due to ADD.

They traveled through the deserted village and came to a hidden path. The whiny president's daughter and her guardian went through the door and ended up in a farm area.

Leon heard some infected people approaching and said, " My Kennedy infected senses are tingling. Quick Ashely, hide in that conviently placed garbage can!"

" What?" said Ashely, " No way! These boots are 800 Prada boots!"

Leon looked at her boots and said, " Looks like something more from Payless Shoes."
" Leon!" said Ashely, " You! Well, your boots look like they came from a thrif shop!"

" Uh, Ashely I'm a guy, remember? I don't care about footwear. Who does...?"

Somewhere...in a mansion.

Alfred Ashford was wearing a dress, pradas and makeup. The door bell rings and Alfred runs to answer it.

" Special Devlivery for Mr./Mrs. Ashford." said the UPS guy.

" Oooo! I'm Mr. and Mrs. Ashford!" said Alfred.

" Here you go," said The UPS guy and handed him a package, " that'll be 800!"

" Fine," he answered and over the cash.

Our cross-dressing friend tears open the bag hungrily.

" ITS FABULOUS!" squealed Alfred, holding up none other than Leon's 500 jacket.

He puts it on and says, " Now I'm a man and a woman:in Alexia's voice: Does this jacket make my hips look big:in normal voice: No, Alexia, it looks wonderful!"

I know I have disturbed you by typing this, heck I just disturbed myself. So I'll go back to the story.

Back to brat & our cute but dumb agent...

" Look, I'm trying to save your life here!" said Leon, annoyed, " I'll get less money if I bring you back dead!"

" Alright, I'll go on one condition," said Ashely, " You just come with me shopping for new Pradas when we get home."

" Ugh. Shopping..." said Leon, " Fine. JUST GET IN THE DAMN GARBAGE CAN!"

Ashely obeyed. Finally.

Leon cleaned house with his abilities of squeezing a trigger and KKDS. Funny how he's only 7 years older than her and yet she can't use a gun. Or any weapon. I mean, Rebecca was 18 and she used a gun...I guess Ashely's too much of a prima donna. Or maybe Leon should teach her just in case they get separated :hint hint:Anyway, Leon whistled for her and they countied to the exit.

" Hmm...it's locked." said Leon, " Hey Ashely, get on my back and open it."

" WHAT?" screamed Ashely.

" Piggyback. ON my shoulders."

" Oh...Okay."

She did and Leon tried hard to stop his knees from buckling. She wasn't as light as she looked.

" Leon, I unlocked it." said Ashely.

" Encore!" I cried, " She unlocked the door! WOW she is so useful..."

Leon chuckles and opens the door. They walk along a bridge and Leon recieves a call from Hunnigan.

" Leon! The helicopter was shot down! I knew it'd be shot down! 1 point for Hunnigan on foreshadowing!"

" Dammnit! What do we do?"

" PANIC! Sorry, I always wanted to say that. We'll send a second copter soon."

" Fine Hunnigan...We'll go to the extraction point anyway."

Leon and Ashely kept walking until Ashely sniffed the air said, " I smell...unfashionable...villagers...about 200...maybe 400..."

" You can smell them?" asked Leon.

Well, looks like she is useful.

He looked behind him and saw an angry mob several yards away running towards them.

" An angry mob!" cried Ashely, " What do we do?"

" Are mobs ever happy?" asked Leon, " COME ON! TO THE CABIN!"

They raced into the cabin where Luis was waiting.

" OH so this is Ashely," said Luis, " Looks like the president armed his daughter with Ballistics."

" What?" screamed Leon, " They rigged her with bombs! Don't worry Ashley, I'll disarm those bombs!"

Leon was about to jump on top of her when she shouted, " No! He's just being perverted!"

" Oh..." said Leon.

" Did you send out those invitiations?"asked Luis, " I said no more than 50 people!"

" You were having a party and didn't invite me?" asked Leon, sadly.

" It was a joke..."

" Ashely go do what you do best! Hide!"

Ashely ran upstairs as the mob surrounded the house.

" Ready?" asked Luis.

" No! I'm still writing my Last Will and Testament!"

" Leon!"

" Alright! Let's do this!"

Luna: Guess what time it is folks? TIME FOR A CHAPTER END! Next chapter: 2 chainsaw wielding psychos, a cute but dumb agent and a brat.