Disclaimer: No, I don't own Resident Evil, 0-4 as I've been stating for THE PAST 8 CHAPTERS!

Luna: Okay, here's Chapter 9! Still in awe of the popularity of this fic...um...yeah, here's Chapter 9!

Chapter 9: Enter the Midget

Leon sold his old weapons for the Blacktail, Riot gun and Sniper Rifle :the semi-auto shiny one: He also drooled over the Rocket Launcher, but was too poor to buy it..awwww...

So Leon Ashely ran up the castle stairs to the roof. There they were attacked by fireballs.

" Goodness, Graucious, GREAT BALLS OF FIRE" screamed Leon.

" Leon, that wasn't funny, it was dumb" said Ashely" OH MY GOD! THE FIRE BALLS ARE COMING! HOLD ME, LEON"

Ashely threw herself at Leon, who side stepped her.

" How about we NEVER talk about this again" asked Leon"OOO! A penny..."

The 2 heros, make that 1 hero and 1 piece of whiny baggage ran some more until they saw a small building.

" Hide in that shack thing" commanded Leon.

He left Ashely in the shack and sniped out the conviently place gasoline cans next to the cultists operating the catapults.

" Careless, careless" said Leon" Someone could accidently shoot that container and have you all go boom. DIE INFECTED SCUM, DIE"

And they did die. Leon turned the crank to raise the cannon which blew open the castle doors.

" Come on, Ashely" said Leon.

" Can't we take a break" whined Ashely" I'm cold, hungry, my feet ache and I haven't been able to condition my hair in the longest! My Pradas are ruined, you tend to not get a hint about anything and...I'm INFECTED."

Leon rolled his eyes.

I thought Leon was bad with his spastic victory dances, KKDS, ADD, bad desicion making and cheesy pick-up lines...But Ashely is just a whiny brat who's sole purpose is to A. Get in the way B. Get kidnapped C. Seduce Leon D. Whine.

" Hey Leon" said a new voice, Luis" I got something for you guys."

Luis reached in hsi pocket and pulled out: lint, Snoopy Pez Despenser and a piece of string.

" I want the Snoopy Pez Despenser" cried Leon.

" No" said Luis" That's not what...Damn, I must've dropped it when they were chasing me."

" But...its Snoopy" declared our 3-year old Leon, who grabbed it out of Luis's hand.

" I'll go with you" offered Ashely.

" Why" asked Leon" So you can get killed? You can't use any weapons, and since Luis isn't getting paid; he'd probably run off and leave you for dead."

" Yeah, he's right" said Luis" So stay with Leon and be a good girl."

And Luis ran off. He was a very dumb man.

" Mmmm...Lemon" said Leon, as he ate some Pez.

Leon and Ashely countied beyond the doors. Leon had fun shooting and Ashely had fun cowering behind him. Wait...that came out wrong... Nothing more mentionable happened until they went in the Castle Hall.

On the baloney was a short, creepy man surrounded by 2 red cloaked figures.

" Welcome, Mr.Kennedy" said the midget" I am Ramon Salazar, the owner of this castle."

" Hi! I'm Leon and this is Ashely" said Leon" And I'll be kicking your midgety ass shortly as Ashely hides somewhere."

" Your very funny, Mr. Kennedy" said Salazar" And I love how you take cheap shots at my height."
" Yeah, well, rain, shine, sleet, hail or snow I'm gonna beat you" said Leon.

" Hehehe, Enjoy yourselves at my humble abode" said Salazar, and he and his creepy bodyguards departed.

" Creepy..." said Ashely.

" Don't worry, Ashely" said Leon" He seems easy to beat. I mean, he's the height of a 3-year old. Ack, grape Pez...want some"

" Uh...no..." said Ashely.

And you have the mind of a 3-year old, thought Ashely, but the body of a hot 27 year old...

They went through another room with fire breathing horses and couldn't pass. So they got to a dining room like area.

" Hmm...there must be a switch in the room somewhere..." said Leon, after taking everything that wasn't nailed down" And my Kennedy infected senses tell me you must stay behind."

" Okay...Can I have the Pez? Incase, you like, die"

" Never" cried Leon" ITS MINE! MINE"

And Leon descended, into a prison like area. There was one guy behind bars with his eyes sewn shut.

" Ouch..." muttered Leon" That's gotta hurt..."

He raised the lever next to the creepy guy's cell. It did turn off the flaming horses, but opened the THINGS cell door as well. :Its real name is the Garrader:

" Ahhhhh" screamed Leon, and ran.

The Garroder heard him and charged, Leon avoiding becoming mince meat by a fraction of a second.

" No! Idiot! He can't see you, only hear! Don't make a sound, walk and shoot the bells." I said.

Leon did listen. Since he didn't have to fight, he listened to his instincts. He ran. Or walked, rather, out the door.

Leon commanded Ashely to follow him. They walked through the firebreathing horses, without the fire.

They entered an area that was swamped with enemies. Carrying shields. So Leon tossed some grenades and blew them apart with his Riot Gun. I'm going to skip ahead to the part when Ashely raises the platforms, to stop boring you people with details of Leon's fight.

" Leave it to me, Leon" said Ashely, who climbed from his shoulders to a platform.

Leon got into sniper mode and sucessfully sniped the first 2 cultists that tried to attack her. But he was then distracted by the infected cultists running straight at him. He dealt with them, but by doing so, allowed Ashely to get carried off.

" LEON, HELP! LEON! HELP! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE LEEEOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNN" shrieked Ashely.

She was so loud, Leon swore she bursted his eardrums. But the whiny screams worked, and the cultist dropped her. Ashely's screams were so loud, that the cultist's head exploded.

" That's convient" said Leon, ears still ringing.

Luna: Yay! I'm done for now. Next Chapter: Leon losses things easily.