A thousand other boys could never reach you, how could I have been the one? I saw the world spin beneath you, and scatter like ice from the spoon…
*****
Gossamer Dreams
Part 6
*****
"Come here, let me see you." A tall woman, her form willowy and frail, but her voice firm and strong, approached Kikyo. "You're the new girl, then? Awfully young, aren't you?"
"I'm…six." Kikyo lied again. It was probably bad to tell these people that she had lied about her age in the first place, so she figured that the best course of action would be to maintain that one falsehood. It was not as if they would know or find her out unless they happened to be rather close with Miroku, which she severely doubted. Not that Miroku would not enjoy meeting all the women in this Apartment, as the secret chamber was called. It was covered in lush silks and pillows, like a lovely lounge for the most beautiful women in the kingdom. It was true, they were all women, some close to her age, but some old enough to be her mother. However, they were none of them old women, and every last one was very beautiful in her own way.
"Well then, you can be our littlest sister, can't you?" the woman, who had at first seemed a bit scary because of her impressive height, smiled warmly and squeezed Kikyo's shoulder reassuringly. "Are you scared, little sister?"
"I…am a bit confused." Kikyo admitted. One other thing she had noted almost immediately on her arrival in the Apartment was that no matter her height or hair color or age, every single girl in this chamber had purple eyes. Just like her. "You are one of the Gifted, are you not?"
"Girls, come listen to her talk!" the tall woman's laugh was as strong and solid as the voice so at odds with her slender form. "Like a princess, it's beautiful."
"Let me have a look at her, Yanagi." Another woman stepped forward from the milling masses that were simply going about their business, dressing, doing their hair, cleaning themselves, or staring at Kikyo. The young girl assumed there weren't many new arrivals in the Apartment. "Oh, isn't she sweet? Like a little porcelain doll, her face is so white and clear."
"Her hair is still a bit short, but it will be able to grow out here." Yanagi added her opinion, fingering the upswept black locks that Kikyo had always thought were rather long, seeing as they went halfway down her back, while Miroku kept his own hair cropped much shorter. Of course, he had explained to her that girls often wore their hair much longer than boys, but that had formerly been something she simply had to take his word on, seeing as she never had a chance to see many outsiders other than the refugee Gifted that they aided. "It has a lovely sheen to it, though. Don't you think?"
"Indeed." The other woman seemed to be about Miroku's age. She had large, pouty lips and a heart-shaped face that was framed in painstakingly curled ringlets of hair. "Were you only just caught, little one?"
"I…they found me a bit ago, wandering through the capital." Kikyo attempted to keep her poise. "I was lost, you see."
"It really is a very pretty way to talk, isn't it?" the younger girl asked Yanagi, her nose scrunching slightly in amusement. "We shall call you Hime-chan, our little princess."
"My name is Kikyo." The girl informed her helpfully, and she only laughed, patting her shoulder warmly.
"And mine is Suneru, child." She replied. "It is a pleasure to meet you, and I hope you enjoy your time in the Apartment." At this, both women burst into peals of laughter as though Suneru had told some great joke.
"How…long do you think I will be here?" Kikyo asked. Yanagi's brow furrowed as though she were concerned, and she sighed lightly.
"Well, Hime-chan, I suppose that depends. What did the Empress say?" Yanagi's eyes went round, curious at this inquisition and what the reply could be. "Did she like you?"
"She must have liked the poppet well enough to send her here." Suneru noted.
"She did say that I was educated…something about her brother." At this, both women blanched as if all the blood had been drained from their faces.
"Her brother? Oh, child, no." Suneru clutched at her chest as though her heart were breaking in two. "I can only hope you mistook her. If Empress Kijo means you for him, I truly pity you."
"Ah, but if she's only six, he'll just have to wait. Seven years until he's allowed, you remember." Yanagi pointed out carefully. "By then she might be ugly enough to escape. Or perhaps he would lose interest, waiting that long."
"I remember, Yanagi. I've only been old enough for two years now, if you'll recall." Suneru sighed sadly. "But I doubt he would lose interest in something he really wanted. Remember Namida? She was his old favorite."
"Of course," Yanagi's face was sad, older than it had been moments ago. "I was sad to lose a sister, but she couldn't stay here, not as dead as she was inside."
"Poor girl." Suneru put a hand to her temple. "He would scarcely let her come back to the Apartment, he was so busy with her once she came of age."
"She was sad to start out with, sadder than most of us." Yanagi bit her lip. "It was too much grief for one child to bear."
"She died, you know, Kikyo." Suneru spoke in a low, hushed tone. "Not three weeks ago. Killed herself with herbs."
"She…killed herself?" Kikyo's lilac eyes were as wide as they could go. "Why would anyone do that?"
"Namida had a sister, a twin, you see." Suneru kept her hushed tone while Yanagi nodded mournfully at each pause. "When she was caught, her sister got sick in the dungeons, and she died before they could bring her here. So she was always distant, always sad. And then the Empress' brother took a liking to her. He likes the sad ones, easier for him to break, you see. So he waited until she came of age, but he was hounding her almost every day before then. When she did…he took her to his chambers and never let her come back except when she was so spent she nearly had to be carried. I thought he'd kill her like that, but she lived through it. She started getting used to it, and she got really cold, distant even more than before. Quiet. And then one morning, he came for her, and when we went to wake her, she just…wouldn't move."
"Dead." Yanagi confirmed. "Killed herself. We found a cup of tea next to her futon, it was full of enough belladonna to kill ten men, and it was already half-empty."
"Where would she get herbs like that in here?" Kikyo asked, curious about her surroundings. "Do you get to go outside often?"
"Outside?" Suneru laughed at that. "Hardly. Someone might see." She pointed sharply at her eyes, the sign of her heritage, clear on her face for anyone to see. "No, they keep us in here, but some that know about the Apartment come by and pick a few."
"Of course, once you're thirty, they send you to the dungeons again. Let you starve to death or die of some disease. We wouldn't want any old women in here, now would we?" Yanagi's voice was bitter and harsh. "You count every day, Kikyo. It's precious, because in twenty-four years, they'll get rid of you, as well."
"Unless you find someone that will sponsor you." Suneru added. "Like Keiko. She'll never have to leave."
"Not as long as the Emperor's alive, that's for sure." Yanagi nodded, bending and pointing to a woman who was by herself, writing in what looked like a journal. "That's her, the Emperor's consort herself."
"Con…sort?" Kikyo had heard that word before in stories. She had asked Miroku about it, and though he had been rather vague, she had gathered more from the mere context in which it was used. She was suddenly very worried about exactly what she was supposed to be doing in the Apartment. "Why is she here with us?"
"Hime-chan, didn't you realize what you're here for?" Suneru looked sympathetic, but surprised all at once. "We're all consorts. Here to serve the Youkai lords that would want us."
Kikyo fainted dead on the spot.
----------
"All right then, I'll have his hide this time, and make no mistake." Moriyaku was a nice enough woman at first glance. She seemed rather pleasant, plump, like a grandmother who was always baking cookies and hugging children indiscriminately. But nothing changed her mood so fast as the constant misbehavior of the most troublesome ward she had ever been charged with. Inuyasha was always running off, and he seemed to think that she would simply allow his irresponsible behavior to continue indefinitely. Just because his brother was the crown prince and he was not, that did not mean he was completely exempt from the responsibilities and expectations that faced a Youkai prince of Fukumaden. And she would never have it said that she had simply let him run wild and do as he pleased. Of course not. She did everything in her power to keep him under control, but the second her back was turned, he was gone, wandering the castle or going straight for his usual destination.
Moriyaku was one of the very few people that knew the circumstances of Inuyasha's birth, and that was only because she had been the midwife present for that moment. Of course, all the girls in the Apartment knew about it. How could they not? But they hardly mattered, and they knew better than to spread such knowledge around. If the rumor escaped and was traced back to them, they might all end up in the dungeon for the duration of their pathetic lives. His Majesty, Inutaiko, he knew the truth. Of course. He was the father, how would he not know? And Empress Kijo had found out about it, somehow. It was an unfortunate thing for Inuyasha, as she knew better than to let word of his parentage out, but the fact that she treated him so horribly soon enough made it the rule for the aristocrats that knew who really ruled Fukumaden, the ones that were constantly doing whatever she asked. Or her nasty brother. He was a horrible sort of person, and Moriyaku didn't trust him at all. She was Youkai herself, as the royal family would never settle for less than other Youkai taking care of their babies, but she liked to believe that she had some of the instincts her ancestors had possessed, and that these were what told her that his Lordship was someone who couldn't be trusted. He reminded her of a snake dressed as a human, luring it's prey to him with a kind face and smooth voice, and then swallowing them whole. Horrible man. If only he spent some more time in the country, watching after his two daughters, instead of constantly staying in his Palace apartment, conveniently located just next to the Empress' own chambers. Of course, he rarely spent any time in his room when he could just cross the hall to Kijo's sitting room and sleeping chambers. They were always together, and Moriyaku had little doubt that he knew about Inuyasha's parentage as well. It was disgusting, to think of a Youkai and a Gifted together like that in one body, but it was still something that did not bother her nearly as much as his Lordship's presence.
Shaking her head away from thoughts of that man, Moriyaku continued her trek through the Palace halls to the one hidden place she was sure she would find Inuyasha keeping his mother company. Without having to think hard, she tapped three times, went up the stairs, and swept down like an angry hawk on the mice housed in the Apartment. Why they feared her so much, Moriyaku would never know. She had never touched any of them harshly, that was not her job. And she had certainly done less to them than any man who had visited these chambers. Well, of course, Inuyasha didn't count. He was the only one who could claim to have a mother from the Apartment. For some reason, the girls never seemed to have children, but Keiko had successfully carried and delivered a healthy looking little boy who was now prince of the nation. It must have been satisfying for her, in some way, knowing that this country that despised her had to serve her only child without question.
"Inuyasha!" Moriyaku reflected that perhaps the girls were afraid of her because she only visited when she was mad at Inuyasha and coming to collect him, but she threw the revelation away. It didn't really matter what they thought of her, after all. "Inuyasha, you come here this instant!" she snapped her fingers and stomped, and after a ten second pause, during which every girl stared at her like a terrified forest creature, Keiko emerged from her little niche, carrying a very reluctant boy with her.
"Moriyaku, I apologize." She really did seem sorry, though Moriyaku didn't doubt that the woman valued Inuyasha's visits. After all, it must be hard to never see one's own child. Of course, she was Gifted, so her feelings hardly mattered to Moriyaku. "I told him not to run off, but there is little I can do to make him listen. I hope he did not cause you too much worry."
"No, he is an ornery child, that is sure." Moriyaku took the hand that Inuyasha was trying to keep out of her reach, and she pulled the boy toward her. "I knew where he'd be, but it is good he did not have me looking too long."
"How come I'm not allowed back here?" Inuyasha grumbled, angry as always at being taken from his sanctuary. "I'm higher ranked than a lot of the lords that come here whenever they want."
"Silly child, they come back here for the right reason." Moriyaku left the Apartment behind, still dragging Inuyasha along. "When will you learn that the Gifted are our enemies, not our friends?"
"She's my mother, though!" Inuyasha protested, and Moriyaku stopped short, shooting him a glare vicious enough to make him tremble in fear of her.
"You had best learn to stop thinking of things that way." She ordered him. "And you know well enough not to speak of it at all. Just forget about useless things like that. She is still Gifted. She is your enemy, no matter what, remember that."
"I can't hate my mother." He mumbled after some time.
"Then forget she's your mother." Moriyaku continued pulling the boy back to his room. Inuyasha kept his mouth shut the rest of the time. How could she understand what it was like, after all?
They treated him like a Youkai, but they always forgot. He was Gifted too. And he loved his mother, no matter what they said.
----------
"Stop fidgeting, child." Kijo used her folded fan to rap her son's knuckles so hard they glowed red in comparison with his otherwise pale skin and clothing.
"I do not fidget, mother." His tone was annoyed, and it was clear that he was unhappy to be with the elegantly dressed Empress, sitting and pretending to enjoy drinking tea as they awaited her guests. "And I am hardly a child."
"You are not sixteen until next month." She reminded him. "Until then, you are a child. Also, I will not have you taking an ill-mannered tone with me. I am your mother, and you love me above all others. When you are married next month, you will still see me as the center of your universe, and you would be wise to remember that."
"Yes, mother." Sesshoumaru did not like arguing with his mother. It was troublesome and aggravating. It was easier to let her have whatever she wanted and keep his mind diverted from her stubborn quirks and obvious inadequacies. In this vein, he let his mind wander to his younger brother. He had seen the child only one week ago, running down the hall to escape poor Moriyaku's care. Sesshoumaru had smiled at the time, happy to see that the boy seemed to be getting taller and a bit stronger and more boisterous. He had worried that living with Kijo would crush the little boy's spirit altogether. He knew that the boy was not Kijo's son, but it was still rather petty of her to treat him so horribly. Likely the consort responsible had been a youthful rival of hers when she had first arranged her own ascension to the throne. It was all very silly of her, and the fact that she hated the boy so much only made Sesshoumaru sure that he must be a wonderful person to know.
Of course, Kijo would not let him come near the boy, much less treat him like the brother that he was, and so he had no choice but to watch Inuyasha grow up at a distance, waiting for Kijo to die or go away or get over her grudge so that he might finally build a relationship with the boy who he was sure could understand his life better than anyone else. It would truly be a wonder to feel connected to someone, to feel as though he was free to love and be loved in return. He was sure that his brother could give him something of that, some sense of family. Real family, not like the cold and angry and Kijo or her horrible brother, or his always busy, distant father. He wanted someone to notice him for the person he was, not the rank he held or the ties that bound him so tightly he thought he might choke and wither away under his mother's eyes.
"His Lordship and the young Mistress have just arrived." An old maid curtsied as she addressed the Empress, who nodded regally and sipped her tea.
"Send them in, by all means." She spoke, and Sesshoumaru felt an odd twist in his stomach. He really did not care for his uncle. The man was positively vile, and he had no desire to meet the lord's oldest daughter, either. Especially since he had some grave suspicions about that smile on his mother's lips. He hated that smile.
"Your Majesty." He was there, his hair held in a neat and stylish ponytail at the base of his neck, his eyes red and dark and darting, his hand reaching out for Kijo's hand as he bowed. He kissed her fingers slowly, lingering over the polite gesture. "My dearest sister, I have returned from the country with the girl you asked to see."
"Your Majesty." The girl standing just behind her father looked rather annoyed at the situation, and Sesshoumaru could see at once that she wanted nothing to do with the man who was her father. Perhaps she was not all that bad, after all. One couldn't be blamed for their parentage, he noted to himself. "I am pleased to meet you."
"What a sweet girl she is." Kijo waved for them to sit, and they did, just across from Sesshoumaru and his mother. "Lovely hair, and eyes like that are quite rare. She reminds me of you, to some degree."
"She looks much more like her mother, I assure you." He smiled silkily and patted the girl's hand. She seemed torn between ripping his arm off and running away, and Sesshoumaru felt that even though she was clearly younger than him, she was obviously smart enough. Her eyes were red, but they were hardly the same shade as her father's. They looked like bright drops of blood caught in the middle of her face, and they actually suited her rather well, even though the pout her mouth was stuck in did not fit Sesshoumaru's tastes at all. She looked angry at the world. Not that he could blame her. If Naraku was his father, he would have felt rather put upon as well. "Kagura is a sweet enough girl. A bit willful, but I have been sure to teach her all the ways of a true lady."
"She will be the perfect match for Sesshoumaru." Kijo's smile grew, and Sesshoumaru suddenly felt like he might vomit. This was clearly news to Kagura as well, who was now staring at him like he might suddenly attack her and she had no idea how to defend herself.
"Indeed, I can hardly think of a better princess for our little Prince." Naraku smiled so warmly at Kijo that one could not doubt he honestly felt affection for her. Sesshoumaru still felt like vomiting.
"I will not marry her." He spoke up finally. Three pairs of eyes turned to him immediately. His mother's, black as soot and angrier than he'd ever seen. His uncle's, red and surprised and angry and somehow hungry. And Kagura's bright red eyes, gleaming with hope and fear and uncertainty. "She is my cousin."
"As if that is problematic." Kijo laughed as softly as if she was not ready to stab him with that fan of hers. "There are many precedents for this. It is difficult to find women ranked high enough to marry into royal families, and so it often happens that one must marry an aunt or a cousin of some sort."
"It's disgusting." He tried again. "Ask her. She clearly agrees with me on this point."
"Kagura?" Naraku turned to her and she all but burst into tears with fright of the man. Sesshoumaru could only imagine how her life must be, having to turn to this as a father. Her mother had died some years ago, he knew, and he had to wonder how horrible it must be to have him as one's only parent. "Do you not wish to marry Sesshoumaru? You would be a princess."
"I…I do not…" Kagura was having quite a time with the question.
"It would please me." He added, his voice thinly veiled steel. "Very much."
"Oh." She fell silent, and apparently that was taken as agreement, because Naraku turned back to Sesshoumaru.
"You have no choice, after all, child." Kijo told him, her tone sharp and ready to strike. "I am your mother. You know nothing of this world and it's workings. You rely entirely on me, and therefore you must follow my decisions totally."
"I do not even know her." He knew he was lost, but it felt horrible to stop fighting.
"That does not concern me. I know what is best, you need not think twice about it." Kijo told him, and he lowered his eyes, feeling that at the very least, Kagura and him could understand what it was like to hate the one person you should most love. Perhaps they could be friends. But he could not love someone he did not even know. It was horrible, and he had no choice.
"Yes, mother." He agreed finally, then tuned her voice out. He did not want to hear her anymore.
He wondered when she would die.
*****
The End (Of Part 6, That Is)