A/N What is this? Another update? Surely my eyes deceive me! Nope, here it is, the next chapter. Enjoy! XX til

Chapter Twenty One – Real Feelings

Two weeks had passed since the wedding. Two weeks and Buffy and Spike still weren't dating. In fact they'd both gone out of their way to avoid each other, much to Dawn's annoyance. She knew something had happened between them at the wedding, something more than what they'd told her, but both had skilfully avoided her interrogation one way or another. Buffy had developed a 'we're just friends' mantra that neither of them could tell if was for her sake or Dawn's. Spike had stopped calling at the house and the Magic Box or anywhere else he thought Buffy might be. In fact it had taken all of Dawn's powers of persuasion to get him to come round tonight. She'd promised him that Buffy would be at work until late, and even offered hot chocolate as an extra incentive. Dawn looked at her watch, he was due any minute.

Outside Spike took a deep breath and tried to compose himself. He knew he'd have to face Dawn eventually, but the prospect of her probing questions was less than welcome. He shook his head at the humour of him being terrified by a teenage girl, even a hair puller like Dawn. Finally he knocked on the Summers' front door and presented flowers to the blushing young lady who opened the door.

Dawn stayed true to her word, and warm chocolaty goodness quickly followed Spike's arrival, and then the two friends contentedly curled up on the couch together. Spike was the first to break the silence that hung between them.

"Dawn, I'm sorry I haven't been around much since the wedding…" Spike started.

"You don't need to apologise…" Spike began to relax at her interruption, only to tense up again when she finished her sentence.

"…you need to explain."

Spike gulped. There was no getting out of it. It could be worse, he mused, pictures of his interrogation by Glory flashing through his mind. Dawn folded her arms and glared at him. Scratch that. It definitely could not be any worse. He opened his mouth and shut it again, unsure of what to say.

"Why don't you start by telling me what happened at the wedding?"

"Sure, ok. Well… you see… Sarah finished with me." Spike admitted, glad that it didn't hurt as much to say it after two weeks.

"I know, I saw her leave with Skank-boy. I even got in a well-placed slap for you. That little ho is probably still walking round with my hand print on her face." Dawn said with an evil grin. Spike shook his head in disbelief, a smile forming on his lips. He knew he shouldn't encourage that sort of behaviour, but he couldn't help feeling enormous pride in his Nibblet.

"That's my girl." He grinned back at her.

"Anyone who hurts my best friend has me to answer to." Spike brought Dawn in for a tight hug at this, whispering his 'thank you' into her hair.

"Wait a minute; don't think you can get away with it that easily. I still want to know what happened between you and Buffy." Dawn pulled away to prompt his response.

Spike took a deep breath and closed his eyes. She really wasn't going to like this.

"I kissed her."

"And it was that bad?"

"What? No! It was… nice."

"Right, that's why you've been avoiding each other ever since. Did you bang teeth or something?"

"No! No, the kiss was good… Very good." A goofy grin appeared on Spike's face as the memory hit him in full colour.

"Eww, gross much! Can't you save fantasising about my big sister for your alone time?"

They both chuckled at this, neither one hearing Buffy arrive home early from work. She was about to make her way upstairs for a bath, not wanting to disturb Dawn's alone time with Spike, when the mention of her name stopped her, her foot on the bottom step.

"So what's going on with you and Buffy then?" Out in the hall, Buffy held her breath.

"I don't know, I really don't know."

"Do you love her?"

"Of course I do."

"Do you like her?"

"I… I… I don't know. She's a friend. A good friend. I just don't know if I trust her enough to let anything else happen between us."

"Is this all about the spell, cos that's just dumb?"

"No… no… it's just…"

"You're not happy, are you?"

"I never had much of a life as a human, and it's been fun for a while. Trying it out, seeing what I missed, seeing how it could have been, but it's not me. I'm just not happy with a human existence. I had forever. Buffy took that from me."

"Spike, I don't doubt what you're saying. I know you're hurting, but are you sure this isn't just about Sarah? That must have cut you up pretty bad, that's probably why you're feeling so down."

"I wish it was, Dawn, but I've been feeling like this since Sarah did the spell."

"Wait. Sarah did the spell?"

"Yeh, so she said."

"And Buffy didn't tell you?"

"No. She didn't. I probably wouldn't have believed her if she had." Spike sighed before speaking again. "This is all such a mess."

"I know, but things will get better, you just need some time to think."

"No, Dawn, time isn't going to heal this, I'm just going to get older and be more hurt by what Buffy did."

"We still might find a way to reverse the spell."

"I can hardly see the others chomping at the bit to change me back into a master vampire. Besides Buffy and Sarah are probably the only two people who can do anything about this and neither one of them has been tripping over themselves to help."

"Maybe Buffy thought she'd done enough damage."

"Or maybe she just wanted me to stay as Spikebot until she could figure out how to re-program me."

"Spike, that's not fair." Dawn may not have liked what her sister had done, but she could see how cut up she had been about it, and leapt to her defence.

"I know, I know." Spike settled down. It really wasn't fair dragging Dawn into all of this. He was about to open his mouth to offer some sort of apology when the front door slammed shut. They both jumped in shock.

"Buffy, is that you?" Dawn called out.

Silence.

Spike got off the couch and signalled Dawn to stay quiet. He relaxed a little as he got to the front door and smelt Buffy's perfume. She'd been here not long ago.

"It's ok, Bit. I think big sis just popped back for something."

Dawn walked into the hallway, but instantly noticed the note on the stairs that Spike had missed. Her brows furrowed into a puzzled frown as she began to read.

Dear Dawn,

I'm sorry. I have to go out of town for a while. Someone I care about really needs my help. I've hurt them and only I can make it right. Willow, Tara and the others will take care of you. Tell Giles that the Hellmouth will have to do without a slayer for a little while.

Ok, well I need to get going. I'm sorry, Dawnie, I have to. I love you and I wish I could say a proper good bye.

Buffy x