Author: TICS
Rating: PG13
Summery: Glorfindel pays someone an unexpected visit.
Genre: Humor. AU…please do not expect anything even remotely resembling canon here. Feedback greatly appreciated…desired…wanted…needed…:D Warning: Patricia, slash-lover extraordinaire, has requested that I include a choking hazard warning: may induce uncontrolled spewage on the keyboards. Keep fic away from food and beverages.Chapter 14
Glorfindel Re-visited
Later that afternoon, the author finally awoke from her swoon to find herself lying on the sofa Elrond had been reclining on. Evidently, while she was unconscious, the Elves had picked her up from her former position of facedown on the floor in a puddle of drool and put her on the couch. Unfortunately, she noticed upon rising, that Erestor's painting of Elrond was gone...along with all of her clothes. A note lying on the table next to her explained it all.
"Dearest Author,
While you were napping, we took the liberty of taking your clothes to be washed and dried…they were soaking wet from the pool of drool you were sleeping in. You really should have that narcolepsy checked out.
Sincerely,
Elrond and Erestor"
Who said chivalry was dead?
Now, unfortunately, she was stuck in the study, sans clothing. She had to get back to her room, but wasn't about to go traipsing through the hallways in her birthday suit. Although in this place, no one would probably even notice. Looking around the room, she spied two fairly large pieces of blank canvas from Erestor's supplies.
She peeked out of the door to the study, looking both ways to make sure no one was coming, before gingerly stepping out into the corridor. Carefully positioning the two pieces of canvas like a sandwich board, she tried to hurry to get to her room before anyone spotted her.
Just as she got abreast (no pun intended) of her door, she froze as a familiar deep voice called to her.
"Just the person I was hoping to see! Although, I must say…I didn't expect to see so much of you."
Cringing, she squeezed both eyes shut, hoping against hope that if she couldn't see him, then he couldn't see her. No such luck.
Cracking open one eye, she saw Glorfindel looking down at her. To be more precise, he was looking down right between the two pieces of canvas.
"Madam…I really must suggest that you rethink your wardrobe. First I see you in that tiny napkin you called a nightdress, and now this! Were you born without a fashion sense, or is your lack of style due to some unfortunate accident?"
"My lack of fashion sense, as you so eloquently put it, is due entirely to Elrond and Erestor…so I really must suggest that you take it up with them! Now, if you'll excuse me, I hear my underwear calling me."
She stormed into her room, slamming the door behind her.
As if a closed door would stop Glorfindel.
Shrieking, since she had already dropped the two pieces of canvas, the author scrambled to find something to cover herself with. She settled for ducking behind the curtains.
"Would you kindly hold still a moment? I need to speak with you. And kindly stop that caterwauling…my ears are quite sensitive!" he said imperiously. "Honestly, where did you acquire your manners? The County Zoo? An orangutan would have better behavior."
"MY manners! You barged in after I clearly slammed the door in your face! Can't you take a hint?"
"Are you trying to insinuate that I'm dense?"
"If the insinuation fits, then wear it!"
"You are exasperating!"
"You are infuriating!"
"I can see right through those curtains - they're sheers!"
The author was struck silent by his last remark. Believing that he'd finally gotten the last word, Glorfindel continued with the reason for his visit.
"I need to purchase something for Erestor…tomorrow is the anniversary of his Begetting Day. I was going to buy him a lovely white wicker wastebasket, but…since he's become rather, shall we say…bitchy…of late, I thought perhaps you'd have a better suggestion."
"You were going to buy him a garbage can for his birthday? Now I know how you died…it wasn't a Balrog, was it? You gave someone a garbage can for their birthday and they killed you, didn't they?"
"That was quite unnecessary. I've already admitted that a wastepaper basket might not be the best choice, considering Erestor's condition as of late…which I might add, is entirely your fault!" Glorfindel huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "You may as well come out from behind there, you know…you're not hiding anything from me, and that window faces the archery field. I believe that is Haldir about to shoot an arrow into your moon as we speak."
"Close your eyes!"
Glorfindel sighed, doing as he was told.
The author ran into the bath, throwing on her robe. When she returned to the bedroom, Glorfindel was looking at the wall directly opposite from where she had been standing, at the arrow that was now imbedded in it.
"Glorfindel, let me ask you a question. If I kill Haldir, will he be reincarnated?"
"Most assuredly."
"Damn."
"Might I ask again for your opinion on a gift for Erestor?"
"Glorfindel…you really need to learn to be a little more creative…a little more romantic. Buy him something pretty…a new robe…a new hair clip…ANYTHING but a garbage can!"
"Thank you…I'll take it under advisement," Glorfindel said, giving her a slight bow and exiting the room.
She stalked to the wall and pulled out the arrow, turning it over in her hands. "I am SO going to make him sleep with Gollum…" she thought.