Author: TICS
Rating: PG13
Summery: Glorfindel pays someone an unexpected visit.
Genre: Humor. AU…please do not expect anything even remotely resembling canon here. Feedback greatly appreciated…desired…wanted…needed…:DChapter 15
Erestor's Begetting Day, Part I
The rest of the night passed without incident, unless one would consider the twins paying an unexpected call at two in the morning an incident.
The author, snug in her bed, with visions of Pulitzers dancing in her head was rudely awoken by the sudden, fierce bouncing of her person on the mattress. Screaming "Earthquake" at the top of her lungs, she was catapulted from the bed, to land squarely on her rear on floor.
As her vision cleared and she realized that the only things still shaking were her hands and her bed, she spotted two identical dark-haired faces beaming down at her from the mattress.
"YOU TWO! Are you insane? What are you doing in my room at this hour, and why do you feel it necessary to turn my bed into a 8.5 on the Richter Scale?"
"We were bored, so we came to see our favorite author!" Elladan laughed, laying down on the bed and resting his chin on his hands.
"Haven't you ever been bored?" Elrohir asked, mimicking his brother's position on the bed. "We get bored all the time…boredom and immortality go hand in hand, you know."
"Swell. Couldn't you go bounce Glorfindel off his bed? Or better still, bounce Haldir all the way to Mordor?"
"You don't like Haldir very much, do you?" Elrohir asked, cocking an eyebrow at her - looking very much like his father as he did so. "Why?"
"Why? Oh, I don't know…perhaps because he tried to turn my butt into a porcupine last night?" the author huffed.
The twins roared with laughter, rolling around on the mattress like a couple of lunatics - which, of course, they were.
"Snort! I can't believe he missed his shot! Wait until we tell Legolas!" Elladan guffawed, holding his belly.
"Legolas? Wait until we tell Celeborn and Galadriel!" Elrohir laughed, gasping for air, tears of mirth trickling down his cheeks. "The Great March Warden of Lothlorien missed his shot!"
"I think you're missing the point, here…" the author muttered, frowning at the two laughing Elves on her bed. "The point is that he tried to shoot me…"
"Oh, I'm sure he was aiming for a non-vital spot…Elves only shoot the ones they like, you know," Elladan said, wiping the tears from his eyes.
"You people have a very twisted sense of humor, do you know that?"
"It's the whole "Cupid" thing…get it?" Elrohir explained, causing his brother to collapse into fits of giggles again.
"Right. Cupid," the author smirked. "Will you two please leave so I get back to sleep? It's not even dawn yet."
"You humans sleep too much. You spend half of your life snoring…" Elladan said in between giggles. "Sleeping is not the best use for a bed like this!"
"Aye! I can think of at least two dozen other activities that involve a bed…and not one of them includes snoring!" Elrohir agreed, cocking an eyebrow at the author.
"Unless one of the participants in said activity is Erestor…then…Zzzzzzzzz…." Elladan added, both twins snorting loudly again.
The author grabbed her pillow and blanket from off the bed, and retreated to a quiet corner of the room, curling herself up on the floor, trying to go back to sleep. As far from the lecherous twins as she could get, she muttered something about "crazy, sex-obsessed Elves" under her breath, leaving the them to continue to roll about on her bed, laughing their Elven asses off.
When she next awoke, the twins were snoring loudly on her bed, a tangle of arms, legs, and long jet hair. "They may be pretty, but they all seem to have deviated septums…gods, they sound like chainsaws!"
Their glazed, open eyes freaked her a bit also, as she skirted the bed, entering the bath to wash up and change. Dressed in a comfy sweatsuit, she slipped from the bedroom, leaving the twins still sawing logs on her bed.
The first person she encountered - thankfully he had actually gotten himself dressed this morning - was Erestor. The Advisor smiled at her, taking her elbow to escort her to breakfast.
"You look tired, my dear…didn't you sleep well?" he asked, as they walked toward the dining area.
"Would you have slept well if the twins decided to pay you a visit at two in the morning?"
"Ahh…enough said, my dear. Those two are a quite a handful…actually, each one is a double-handful…quite well-endowed for Elves their age…"
"ERESTOR! EW! Knock it off…don't you people think of anything besides sex?" the author shouted, pulling away from the Advisor and looking at him sternly.
"There's something else?" he asked, looking at her askance.
"Never mind. By the way, Happy Birth…er, Begetting Day, Erestor."
"Oh, thank you, my dear! I do hope you'll be staying for the party tonight…"
"I'm not sure that would be a very good idea, Erestor…considering what you people do on normal days, I'm almost afraid to find out what a party would like…"
"Nonsense! It will a wonderful party…well, at least until everyone gets drunk. Then it will be same as every other special occasion…Legolas and Elrond will sing - badly - and Galadriel and Celebrian will try to seduce Glorfindel - again, very badly (those two couldn't seduce a bear out of the woods with a bucket of honey and a tranquilizer gun) - and Haldir will recount every order he ever gave as Captain of the Galadhrim, until someone finally hits him over the head with something heavy."
"Sounds like a blast, really, but I think I'll probably have to be heading back home…I've got enough material from the interviews for a whole series of fanfics…" she answered, trying to be polite.
Changing the subject, Erestor said, "I wonder what Glorfindel has bought me for my Begetting Day present…last year he gave me a pestle and mortar set. Can you imagine? I nearly sent him back to the Halls of Mandos for that."
Snorting to herself, the author wondered what he would have done if Glorfindel followed his original plan and gave Erestor a garbage can for this year's present. That would be worth sticking around for…if he didn't listen to her advice and buy something else.
"Maybe I will stay for the party, Erestor…but only if you promise that I can be the one to hit Haldir over the head."