Heaven Knows How Much I Wish
The sequel to We Could Have Been Happy
Author: Finn-TurnerRating: R for implied slash, implied non-con. A bit harsher than the prequel, I'll admit.
Summary: Draco's disappearance is not as black-and-white as it appeared in We Could Have Been Happy. The suspect was not the kidnapper, but another victim.
Author's Note: well, I never thought I would write Draco's view, but this is it. It is basically the same as We Could Have Been Happy, but you know where Draco went. I am eternally grateful for the kindness of past reviewers – you are all so sweet to me! This is for you guys. I hope you like it. Oh, and I'm sorry to Snape fans, as I'm not very nice to him here. :( I'm not as happy with this fic as I was with the past few, so I hope it lives up to standards.
Heaven knows how much I wish
That I could be beside you.
♦
It has been four months, two weeks, three days, eleven hours, sixteen minutes, and eight seconds since I last saw you, Harry.
And I miss you.
You turned your back on me and when you turned back, you expected me to be there. And I wasn't. And I wasn't. I'm so sorry that I was not there and now I know that you are falling apart – because that's whom you are. You've lost so much, Harry, already, and to lose me, well … well…
Well…
Heaven knows how much I wish I could be with you right now, but … but … things can never be like they were then, Harry, because … because … because… there are many reasons.
I do not know where I am, Harry, but … but … but … it's terrible here, really. It's terrible. The walls are dark and damp and smell of mildew, and the floor is hard and stone. I have no bed, just a blanket and the man comes in sometimes and … and … and … it's dark sometimes and I don't remember. I don't remember. He smells sour like ammonia and lemons and limes. I don't remember. I don't remember. Don't make me tell it. Please. Please.
Father is with me, Harry. I hear him sometimes yelling to me. I know there is a hallway – outside this stone doorway with the very small window that only lets in a bit of light and I can hear him sometimes, yelling for me, yelling for me to try to free myself that … that … that … the man … he will…
Harry. Heaven knows how much I love you. None of this is your fault. The most comforting thing to me is that the last thing I saw of you was your back and your eyes glinting in the darkness as you searched for me. You searched and yelled my name and how desperately I wanted to call back to you, I cannot say. I was only inches from you at one time, Harry. But he put his hand over my mouth and told me not to say a word.
Harry. You don't know how close I am to you sometimes. I can hear you when you are in potions. I hear your laugh – how hollow it is. Harry. Harry. I want to scream, but my voice is dying in the darkness, the darkness filled with mold and dust. I can hear you, tortured and alone, and I know you miss me. And Harry, I miss you too. Don't think I don't. Please don't think I ran away because I loved you, I love you.
Someday maybe I will get out of here and he will let me free and Father will not scream in the night for him to let me go, that this is not my fault. Nothing is his fault, nothing, understand? Draco is the innocent one, no, no, no, no. Screams and rushes, the fluttering of robes.
Harry. Harry. I want to scream for you and heaven knows how much I beg him to let me see you just one last time. To tell you that I love you. To tell you that everything is alright, that I'm okay.
I'm … I'm… I'm not okay, though, Harry. I'm not okay. I ache and I am hungry, but he tells me that food will make me less of myself. And I stare up at him with hungry eyes and let him … because … because … I don't know Harry I don't know. I don't remember, sometimes Harry. The darkness is too great for me sometimes.
And I miss you, Harry. I wish I could tell you that. I think of screaming, but he's told me he'd kill me, he'd kill you. Harry. Harry. Harry. I wish I could yell to you. I'm waiting for you, Harry, I always thought you were hero-boy. Please Harry, come and save me.
I know I sometimes told you that your fights were won by luck, but now I regret that, Harry. I know I said our fate was that of pain, but now I regret that, too. Harry I am waiting for you to save me, please be hero-boy to me now. Please, please, come save me Harry.
Heaven knows how much I ache to be beside you. Heaven knows how much I wish for that day to come …