Disclaimer: No! I don't own RE4 , The Addams Family or Batman or Alien.

Luna: Yes! It worked! No more freaky symbols plaguing my chapters! So here's the bug free chapter….

Chapter 17: Creepy, Slimy, Traitors Pit!

Leon was exhausted. He had just killed 2 Garrodars, a seemingly endless supply of cultists and he wasn't even sure where he was going.

"Conscience?" asked Leon.

" I'm here, what do you want?" I responded.

"Can you send me some Pez? I'm wounded….." said Leon.

" Mix and eat some herbs, Pez isn't going to help…..stupid."

"I did, but it tastes minty….and I like lemon.. I HAVE TO SAVE ASHLEY!"

Finally he entered the room that Ashley was in.

" Ashley!" cried Leon.

" Leon!" she shouted.

"Mr. Kennedy!" said Salazar, on the throne, " So glad you could make it!"

" Yeah, me too," said Leon, " Come on Ashley, we have to go."

" Uh, kinda can't…." answered Ashley, pointing to the cloaked dudes guarding her.

" Well, then, WHAT THE?" he shouted, in horror.

Leon spotted the sad individual known as Simon.

"I got bored…." said Ashley, sheepishly.

" Mr. Kennedy!" said Salazar, a little louder.

"Hang on Salazar," said Leon, " I feel bad for you. I had 2 Garrodars and endless cultists to keep me busy! Is that…..MY BOTTLECAP? Of me?"
" I can explain!" said Ashley.

" Mr. KENNEDY!" screamed Salazar.

" Hold your horses!" said Leon, then said to Ashley, " It's broken….Why did you have it in the first place?"

"MR. KEN-NEDY!" screeched Salazar, annoyed.

"What?" asked Leon.

" How am I supposed to be a big villain with entrance lines and comebacks if you keep getting distracted?" he asked.

" Oh excuse me," said Leon, " I'm sorry if I damaged your fragile ego. Oh, Salazar, your such an evil, diabolical 3-year old midget. Better?"

Salazar was outraged. Believe it or not, Leon wasn't trying to insult him.

" I give up!" screamed Salazar, " I just! DIE!"

" That's not very originall!" cried Leon.

The reason why his last words were so drawled out and loud; much like when he screamed 'ADAAA!' was because Salazar pulled a lever. A lever that activated a trap that opened up the floor beneath Leon. He fell, but luckily had a Batman gadget, the grappling hook. This saved him from falling on the spikes.

"And this is the Executioner on channel 55.2 with the sounds of Leon Kennedy's impalement!"

There was no screaming in agony as expected. Instead the sounds were of a gunshot and Leon screaming, "Booya! And we'll talk about this later, Ashley…."

" Leon, your alive?" asked Ashley.

No really, Sherlock.

In the traitors pit…..

Leon was confronted by large pointy spikes and dead cultists, impaled on them.

"Ouchies….." he mumbled, and kept going until he saw the merchant.

"Whoa, you guys really go out on a limb for customers." said Leon.

"What'll it be, stranger?" he replied.

" The usual. Oh and a Rocket Launcher!"

"For that special someone?"

" Nah, just saving it for a rainy day."

Leon happily took his very best friend, the Rocket Launcher. And yet another transmission from Salazar…

" Your days are numbered, Mr. Scott Kennedy," sneered Salazar, " I've sent my right hand to kill you."

" It comes off?" asked Leon, " Like in the Addams Family? Cousin It! Wait, no….that was the hairy guy….one was a hand. Did it even have a name?"

" Why do I bother?" asked Salazar.

"Thing! That was it's name!" declared Leon.

"….I hope Verdugo bites your head off…." muttered Salazar, and the transmission was over.

Leon countuied down the dimly lit corridor until he got to a room with a control panel to operate the elevator. Just as the 'thing' was about to attack him, Leon narrowly dodged it.

Leon's attacker was Verdugo, Salazar's right hand body guard. Verdugo was an 8ft tall bug-like creature.

"Eww…." said Leon, looking at Verdugo, " You look like that slimy alien from the Alien movies ….are you gonna have a face hugger lay eggs in my chest? Ewwww…."

" Leon!" I shouted, " Stop talking! Start shooting! Use the conviently placed Nitrogen freezer tank thing and freeze it! Then use the Rocket Launcher!"

Leon kicked over the tank and froze Verdugo. He used his Rocket Launcher and shot him into a million, ice shards of bug.

"Whoop!" said Leon, " Hey! I can't reload the Rocket Launcher? Only 1 shot? Damn, that's cheap! 300,000 pestas down the drain….."

But if he had done it the normal way….it would've took forever….and ever…

Leon went up the elevator and through the mine. At the mine site he spotted a lot of villagers. A lot.

"Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust," whispered Leon, taking out his sniper rifle.

"Hey, that entrance line was pretty cool!" I said, " Less cheesy."

"Really?" asked Leon, way too loud.

And that response attracted the attention of all the villagers….

Luna: Okay! Next Chapter: Where's the dog w/ a Rocket Launcher when you need him?