Disclaimer: hmm…..18 chapters later do U think anything has changed? Cause I still don't own RE anything! I also don't own that band from Kill Bill or own Kill Bill, therefore I don't own the "Woo-hoo" song.

Luna: HIII! Remember in my earlier chapters the villager that sold Leon's jacket? His name is Random and is appearing in this chapter today! There's not much to say here except thanks for the reviews! And enjoy!

Chapter 18: Where's the dog with a Rocket Launcher when you need him?

Leon had just killed 12 villagers and 1 chainsaw guy. He was now in a large room with no enemies.

"Easy as pie!" declares Leon.

Just then, 2 Giants ran out at Leon.

" Where's the dog with the Rocket Launcher when you need him?" asked Leon, as he ran.

Meanwhile on a luxury cruise….

Random, the villager Gando had escaped the village with Rover, the Rocket Launcher dog. He was fulfilling his dream of going on a cruise.

"This is the life…" said Random, currently chugging down a Corona.

"…..Indeed." said Rover, taking a tan.

For some reason, Hunnigan was on the cruise and spotted Random.

"You! Your infected!" cried Hunnigan, " My good God! Leon had corrupted my mind!"
"You?" asked Random, " Aren't you supposed to be helping the American?"

Except everything he said came out in rapid Spanish.

Hunnigan kicked poor Random and shouted, " That was an HKD!"

"H…KD?" asked Rover, " Look lady, we don't want any trouble…."

" Hunnigan Kick of Doom!" she cried, and kicked him again.

"Get away from him, woman!" cried Rover.

"Unlike Leon, I come prepared for infected villagers and talking dogs!" said Hunnigan, and pulled out a Rocket Launcher.

Unlike Leon, she never aimed it before. And she aimed down.

BOOM!

And the ship sunk….tsk-tsk. I give you this question, dear readers, is ANYONE sane in this fic?

Back to Leon and the Giants….

Leon climbed on the ladder on the far side of the room and stood on the platform. There was a pulley, and he grabbed it and swung across the room to a lever.

He heard them stomping his way, and pulled down the lever.

The lever activated a trap door that one dumb giant fell into. The trap was chock-full of magma, and let's just say he's a crispy giant. Very crispy.

"Ha!" shouted Leon, " I don't need no Rocket Launcher dogs! I have the trap door!"

He tried to use it again, but it was in 'lock down'.

"Bah!" said Leon.

He was forced to fight the leather clad giant manually, and it was long. And annoying. Equipping the Striker, he shot it until the Plaga emerged. Leon did some snazzy knife moves, and repeated the process 3 times until it croaked.

Then Leon fought Novisadors, solved a puzzle, out witted crushing blocks that wanted to well…..crush him, etc, etc.

Finally, he was put of the underground and on the surface. One of the many merchants was there and had a letter to deliver to him from Ada. It said:

Hey handsome,

The infection is spreading, the Plaga is growing. You have to get it out. But the girl has been infected longer and will turn quicker. One bullet through the head will cure this, and I'm saying this because I'm afraid she'll hurt you, not because I'm jealous….no…

Hugs, kisses and shotgun shells,

Ada Wong

"Hey!" said Leon, " I think I found out something about Ada's character!"

"That she's easily jealous and deceitful, stranger?" asked the merchant.

"No. That her last name is Wong, and it reminds me of Wong-Tong soup!" said Leon," I'm hungry…Wong-Tong soup…..yummy…"

"Stranger!" screamed the merchant.

"Leon!" I shouted, " Was that a double meaning?"

"…huh?"

"….Anyway I got mighty fine goods on sale, stranger," said the merchant.

Leon upgraded his weapons and moved on to see 10 plus villagers gathered around a bonfire. He sniped them all out and went down a ladder, happily. He mowed through the sea of villagers and chainsaw guys for a mine key. He used the mine key to operate the rail car.

"Woo-hoo, Woo-hoo, woo hoo-hoo woo- hoo woo hoo," sang Leon, bored.

"Woo-hoo- WHAT?" shouted Leon.

The villagers jumped on and attacked dear old Leon. Leon had his Striker and BlackTail and squeezed the triggers of both, but not at the same time.

Then, a chainsaw guy boarded the train from hell.

"…..Can I ever have a break?" asked Leon.

" Sorry, you have much more stupidity and horrors to endure," I said.

30 villagers, 4 chainsaw guys and several clips of ammo later…

Leon had managed to finally get to a place where there was a tall statue of Salazar, at least 12 ft tall. Once again, Napoleon complex to it's fullest. Height issues.

"Now all I have to do is stroll across that path to the door, because that Salazar statue won't come alive, that's too obvious." stated Leon, the eternally oblivious.

He started to sprint across just as the statue came alive, to chase him. Leon dodged pillars and finally got to the door. He shot the lock off. Gee, Leon, would it of killed you to do that in Raccoon City? I guess you need special military training to shot locks off doors…..

He ran through the door and mumbled, "Jacket, the things I do for you…"

Luna: Done! Next Chapter: Leon v.s Midget w/ Napoleon complex