Disclaimer: No! NOOO! I don't own RE4 or anything related to any Re's! Okay? I also don't own Chia Pets. Or Wizard of OZ. Or Captain Crunch.

Luna: Weird…. Half of my last chapter came out in bold for no reason….well at least its not as bad as the symbols…Anyway here's the chapter, chock full of Salazar bashing…..aww this is the last chapter I'll be bashing him…but then there's still Leon…:grins evilly:

Chapter 19: Leon v.s Midget with Napoleon Complex

Leon was finally in a room cornering Salazar.

"Ah, Mr. Kennedy," said Salazar, " WHY WON'T YOU DIE, DAMMINT?"

" I'm sick of this," said Leon, " I'm taking Ashley back whether you like it or not."

Salazar got angry. Leon got pissed, which turned him into a bad ass. A bad ass that threw his Bowie knife through Salazar's hand and pinned it against the wall.

Leon gave him a cocky smirk. But if he was a real bad ass, he would've whipped out a gun and shot him. Alas, Leon can never make things easier for himself. Salazar began crying.

"Mr. Kennedy gave me a boo-boo!" whined Salazar.

The cloaked figure pulled the knife out of Salazar's hand and threw it directly at Leon. He dodged it.

"My boo-boo!" he cried, tears streaming.

Leon was about to KKD his tiny ass to the moon, but Salazar and the cloaked figure ran. And separated themselves from him with a gate. What, is this the 10th time this game used gates to separate people?

Then he was swarmed with cultists and Leon got out of bad ass mode and into panic mode.

He ran upstairs and noticed a lever. Leon pulled it, and barrels dropped down . The barrels rolled down the stairs, toppling the cultists coming up.

"Oh yeah!" stated Leon, " Now I am Leon Scott Kennedy, Lord of the Barrels!"

Or lord of the idiots, pick one.

After every cultist had been killed from the horror and raw power of the barrels, Leon continued his stalking of Salazar. He ran outside of the rooms and entered the double doors. And confronted Salazar.

"Just tell me where she is!" said Leon, annoyed.

"She's somewhere…." said Salazar.

"Over the rainbow?"

"No! She's on an island where Ganados can actually use guns," he answered.

Leon just noticed that a huge plant thing was behind Salazar, and it had a freaky head thing with one, bulbous, red eye. The plant thing ate Salazar and the cloaked guy, and formed into a creepy midget hybrid.

"Heh. Monsters." said Leon, " Just have to kill you and they'll be one less. Note to self, have to think up more macho lines…."

" Looks more like a Chia Pet on steroids…." I said, "Listen carefully Leon…"

"Damn, that's one ugly thing…"

" I said LISTEN! There's an easy way to kill this thing. And for you folks at home who had trouble beating Salazar, turn up the volume and listen too. Shoot one tentacle until it disappears and stick to that side of the room. Then you can shoot the creepy eye on the head until Salazar appears. Also, the head can't chomp on you from here cause it can't reach, got it?"

"….it's so ugly…."

Leon did as he was told, and Salazar emerged, glowing and pasty white. He sniped him out. Twice. Three times. Four. Five……Twenty. ARGHHH! Anyway, he killed Salazar! Hip-hip, Hooray!

"Ha! Take that!" said Leon.

He dropped down into the pit and collected items and exited.

"Ada….." he said, "Where are you?"

Meanwhile….

Ada was tearing up pictures of Leon. She was waiting in a boat for him, and was pissed. She tore up the picture of him getting coffee, Leon eating Captain Crunch, Leon in a swimming pool, and Leon doing his victory jig.

Ada wasn't an obsessed stalker…..no…never….

I can't believe him! thought Ada, picking that brat instead of me! Cheating on me! How dare he!

Then she got a brilliant idea.

If I pretend to care about Ashley and help save her, he'll love me more! Mwhahahah!

Back to Leon….

Leon made his way to the dock and there was a boat with Ada in it.

"Hey, handsome, need a ride?" asked Ada.

"You lied!" he replied.

"Lied…?"

"You said you'd save my ass but you never did!"

"I meant at the island. Come on, I'll drive."
"Oh….okay then."

Leon got in, and Ada started driving REALLY fast.

The whole time, Leon was staring at her like a retard. He didn't ask her how she was still alive, why she was here or anything. Ada noticed this and swerved the boat to the left, Leon toppling on her.

"Where did you get a license?" asked Leon.

"Same place as you."

" I never got a license."

" Exactly."

She parked the boat……wait, is it possible to park a boat? Okay, she stopped the boat. There!

"Later, handsome," said Ada.

"ADAAAA!" screamed Leon.

"Yes?"

" I told you, it's a reflex, I can't control it!"

Ada used a grappling hook and began to scale up the cliff.

"ADAAAA!" he screamed.

"LEONNNN!"

"ADAAAAAA!"

"LEONNNN!"
"Ada…..I can't….breathe….owies…"

"Leon, as much as I enjoy screaming your name, I have mysterious Umbrella agent stuff to do." she said, and disappeared.

"Why must you confuse me, woman?" asked Leon, and then got a transmission from Saddler.

"Salazar's dead, Saddler," said Leon, " I whupped him from here to Timba 2!"

"What…?" asked Saddler, " Now you think your big because you killed my small time subordinate? Get it, small time? He was short……tough crowd…"

"You're small time, Saddler," said Leon.

"Ow, that stung." said Saddler, and laughed evilly.

Saddler hung up, or ended the transmission, and Leon was alone again.

Luna: Okay! Next chapter: They use GUNS now?