Patlabor: Personal Files
An Episodic Patlabor Fanfic by David A. Tatum
Disclaimer: Insert legal junk here...
Episode 15: Haunted Love
March 1, 2000
Noa put her last bag into the trunk of Asuma's car. It seemed odd to her
that only two hours before she had been angry with him, learning from his
father over breakfast that he was jealous of Alphonse.
It was still morning. They'd finished breakfast shortly after their little
fight (avoiding Mr. Shinohara in the process) before packing up their
belongings, and were finally about to leave. It was then that Noa thought
to ask what they were going to do.
Asuma shrugged in response to her question. "Well, when we got the
assignment I was thinking that we'd probably finish early, so I figured we
might want go to a nearby bar and get drunk- I was pretty sure I'd need it.
I've changed my mind about that, though." With that, he ducked into the
driver's seat.
Noa smiled, getting into the car. "Good. I'm not sure I like you drunk."
Asuma blinked, looking over at her as he buckled the seatbelt. "You
don't?"
"LAST time you got drunk around me, you asked me if you could pick on me!"
Asuma smirked, starting the car. "I don't see what the problem is. It
seems to me that I'm MORE polite when I'm drunk."
"Whadya mean by that?" Noa asked.
"If I hadn't been drunk, I probably wouldn't have asked."
"Why, you!" Noa growled playfully.
Asuma pulled the car out onto the highway before continuing. "Anyway,
since getting drunk doesn't seem to be a good plan anymore, I figured we
might want to drive around town and see what's open. We don't have to be
back at headquarters any time soon, but if we head towards it as we go we
might be able to cut a few hours off of the trip. At any rate, we'll have
dinner and a movie tonight before heading back, but I don't really know
what we CAN do between now and then."
They drove on in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, the car radio on
in the background, before leaving the suburban area in which the Shinohara
mansion resided and arriving in the outskirts of downtown Tokyo. Noa,
looking out the window, spied the listings for what was playing in a movie
theater, and started idly talking about the lack of any recent good mecha
movies.
The pleasant conversation that followed lasted until Noa spotted something
else that caught her attention- a fair.
"Oh, Asuma, look! Why don't we spend the day there? There's bound to be
plenty of things to do!"
Asuma thought that they were a little old for that sort of thing, but since
he couldn't think of anything better to do he agreed and parked the car.
In the end, he had to agree that they weren't too old for it, after all,
since he found himself having a lot of fun. He tried to win a few prizes
for Noa- first he tried to catch some koi, but he couldn't keep the catcher
intact, and then he tried racing to fill balloon up to bursting with a
water gun, but his aim was terrible. In the end, though, he only was able
to get her a really small stuffed bear. She didn't seem to mind, giving it
a great big hug and giving HIM a peck on the cheek for winning it for her.
Despite Noa's best efforts, they hadn't filled up on cotton candy by the
time dinner rolled around. Instead of going out to a restaurant, though,
they headed over to one of the food vendors and stayed for the fireworks
show at the end of the day.
The fireworks were fantastic, lighting up the sky with hundreds of red,
blue, green, yellow, and white stars which shined off of their features
around them. Asuma smiled, turning to look at Noa. She was already
staring intently at him, and he could see the fireworks reflected in her
eyes.
Asuma read the emotion in those eyes, and swallowed hard. For the first
time, it struck him- this girl didn't just like him, wasn't just satisfied
with their casual dates and occasional mild intimacies. She wanted more,
he could see. For the first time, Asuma realized that Noa was really in
love with him.
The fireworks ended. Noa continued to stare up into his eyes, even as the
people around them started milling about to leave. "Asuma," she began.
She was going to tell him- to end all doubt of her feelings. And she was
going to do it then.
The thought terrified him. 'Oh, god... I'm not ready for this,' he thought
frantically. 'I never really thought it'd go this far... did I? Oh, no...
but I can't... I'm not ready!'
Coughing, he turned away. "Come on- it's too late to go to the movies. We
need to head back to headquarters before it gets too late."
He glanced back at her before moving. Noa still watched him, but her
expression looked somewhat hurt. As if she knew WHY he wasn't letting her
tell him. "Asuma?" she asked plaintively.
"We have to go, Noa," he said. "Sorry."
That apology was for more than just having to leave, and he knew that Noa
understood that. It didn't stop her from still being hurt, however.
Putting up a brave front, she regained some of her cheer. "All right. But
we'll have to do this again someday. All right?"
She was also asking for more than just the chance to come back one day.
Asuma understood this, and sighed. "Maybe. We'll see."
* * * * *
The silence of the trip back to SV2 headquarters was worse than it had been
on the trip to the Shinohara mansion.
Noa was unhappy. She still had no clue what had happened. It had been a
very good day up until she fireworks show- even the early morning fight had
been a plus in the end. Things were fine when they left the mansion-
they'd chatted pleasantly, and Noa certainly hadn't sensed anything wrong
then.
Then the fair- what had happened there? They'd had a lot of fun- he'd even
won a teddy bear for her. Sure, it wasn't the largest teddy in the world,
but then he wasn't really very good at the types of games the fair had- it
had taken a lot of tries just to get that for her.
Then the fireworks show. The explosions of color that darted the sky
highlighted his features, and he'd never looked more handsome in her eyes.
It was the perfect moment, the perfect mood, the perfect time.
Noa realized then that she didn't just 'like' him- it was more, much more.
It was something she'd never felt for ANYONE before.
And for a brief instant, she thought she saw the same thing in his eyes.
Then it disappeared into an expression of absolute terror. That terror was
quickly followed by a cancellation of their plans, and then they left. And
Noa STILL couldn't figure out what happened.
For his part, Asuma wasn't entirely sure what to do about it all. He liked
Noa- he really did. But love? That was... something different. That
entailed obligations he wasn't ready for.
That was too much like what happened with Yukie.
Yukie Kashima- the girl he hadn't thought of since, well, since his high
school reunion, really. The first person he'd come to care about after the
dead of his brother. He hadn't seen since he'd graduated.
Or had he? He was still never certain of that. He could have sworn he'd
met her during that reunion. According to his classmates, however, she was
probably in... where was it again? Hokkaido? At any rate, she was
supposedly too ill to attend. And when he had gone back to that art
gallery, he never found her signature in the guest book. Had she been
there, or not? Had HE even been there?
Come to think of it, Noa was the one who pulled him out of the funk when
Yukie left again. Or when the dream of Yukie left, whichever it was. He'd
been standing out in the snow, trying to figure out what next to try to
find her, and along came Noa. And so he gave up looking for Yukie to hang
out with Noa.
But still, Yukie was his first love. Very much his first love. She was
also his first kiss (a very shy first kiss, at that- he hadn't even said a
word to her by then, she just noticed a sad, shy boy in the corner at a
party, walked over to him, and gave him a sweet little kiss), and at one
point he thought she'd one day be his first, er, partner (odd that he'd
choose that word to think of it, considering he'd ALWAYS thought of Noa as
a partner- though maybe not in that way). But then she disappeared- she'd
moved away, without saying good-bye, without leaving a phone number,
without leaving a forwarding address, without... anything.
And perhaps that was what Asuma was afraid of. That if Noa loved him, he'd
be obliged to return that love. And everyone he'd loved- his brother, his
mother, and Yukie- left him. His brother committed suicide, his mother...
well, he didn't want to get into that. And Yukie just disappeared.
'Damn,' he thought to himself. 'I never should have let this thing with
Noa get to this point. What do I do? How do I NOT lose her? If I don't
love her back, I'll lose her... and if I do love her, she'll leave. Gods,
how did I get into this mess?'
It was thoughts like these, and others, that plagued the young couple for
the entire trip back to what was, for them, home.
* * * * *
Noa and Asuma reached Gotoh's office just minutes before Unit 2's duty
session was over. He was rather surprised to see them.
"You two are back early," he said, surprised. "I wasn't expecting you for
another two days."
Asuma coughed. "Yes, sir. We finished early."
Gotoh nodded. "Well, the shift's practically over... but I expect to have
your report in the morning. See you tomorrow. Dismissed."
Asuma nodded, and left the room. Noa followed.
"Asuma..." she began, concerned.
He shook his head. "Why don't you just go to bed, Noa? I'll take care of
the report... I won't be able to sleep tonight, anyway. Got too much on my
mind."
Noa searched for something she could say to reassure him, anything that
would help him through... whatever it was that was making him so distant.
"I..."
"Please, Noa?" he begged.
"Okay," she said, reaching out and squeezing one of his hands. It was a
bold move, considering they were practically out in the open in SV2
headquarters, but it was something she just needed to do. "But if you need
me, just get me, okay? I probably won't be able to sleep much, either."
Asuma sighed, watching her leave. She'd been trying to reassure him, but
all she did was make it more difficult. He was more sure than ever of her
feelings, and it was starting to hurt not being able to risk returning
them. Oh, well- there wasn't anything he could do about it just then.
Maybe if he got his mind off of his romantic problems and set it to
stretching the five sentences of information he got from his father into a
ten page report, he'd be clearer the next day when he tried to come up with
a solution. At any rate, just standing there and looking wistfully at the
doorway she'd just gone through wasn't helping.
* * * * *
Asuma leaned back in the chair and sighed. He'd finished the report,
working manically from the moment he sat down, but he still hadn't cleared
his mind of his problems with Noa. He still didn't know what to do.
"Just tell her," a female voice said from behind him.
Asuma's eyes widened. Spinning around, he found that Yukie Kashima was
actually standing before him, smiling sadly.
"How did you get in here?" he asked, shocked.
"I was needed here," she answered simply. "You're making a big mistake.
You need to tell her."
"Tell who? What are you talking about?"
"Noa, silly."
"How do you know about Noa?" he wondered. "I never told you anything about
her... I'm not even sure I've seen you since I've met her."
Yukie laughed. "You've seen me since you met her... surely you haven't
forgotten our class reunion, or the trip to the art gallery?"
Asuma paused. Last time he thought he was talking to her, he was mistaken.
Well, maybe- he still wasn't sure. "Did that really happen?" he asked.
"Sort of," the girl answered mysteriously. "It's a long story. But I do
know about Noa. I know a lot about you. Some of the things I know about
you I doubt you even know... or realize, at least."
Asuma frowned. "Oh? Like what?"
Yukie just smiled and shook her head. "Come on- let's go for a walk.
You're done here."
"Uh... okay," he said, getting up and following her.
She made her way out of the building, walking over to the edge of the
fishing pier before saying anything else. "Asuma... what happened between
the two of you? Why did you make her so upset?"
"Huh? Who?"
Yukie bopped him lightly on the forehead. "Noa, silly. I'm here to talk
to you about her."
Asuma frowned. "How do you know about her? I KNOW I never told you about
her?"
Yukie sighed. "If you were willing to know, I'm pretty sure you would.
Now, quit avoiding the question- why'd you make her so upset?"
Asuma sighed himself, sitting down at the pier and dangling his legs over
the edge. "I'm not really sure how to answer that. I guess part of it
was... well, you."
Yukie smiled slightly, smoothing out her skirt and jacket and sitting down
next to him. "I know. That's part of why I'm here... but what I meant
was, why do you think what you did made her so upset?"
Asuma shifted uncomfortably. "Well, I think it's pretty obvious that she
loves me. I suspect she's upset because I can't return that love."
"Can't? Why not?"
"Seems pretty obvious to me. If I do, she'll disappear."
"That seems like a pretty silly reason to me- why would she disappear if
you loved her?" Yukie said. "But suppose it's true- shouldn't you tell her
about it? Doesn't she deserve to know WHY you can't love her?"
Asuma nodded. "She does... but she wouldn't understand, and I don't know
how to make her understand. That's why I haven't told her."
"Hmm... so why didn't this ever come up before? You've been dating her for
months, now- surely you must have realized that it would eventually lead to
some pretty deep feelings."
Asuma sighed, kicking his legs against the pier. "I never really thought
about it. It wasn't really my idea to go out at all- it was Noa's. I just
didn't want to lose what I already had with her."
"Well, you're going to lose something now. The comfort factor between you
two is gone- she feels rejected, and you can't even explain to her why.
What IS this nonsense about you losing her if you love her, anyway?"
"I always lose the people I love. I loved my mother, and she left us. I
loved my brother, and he killed himself. I loved you, and you disappeared
without even saying good-bye." He shrugged. "Maybe I'm just being
paranoid, but I don't want to risk losing Noa because I love her."
Yukie looked over at him. "You are just being paranoid... AND you've
misdiagnosed the problem. It was never because you loved them that they
left, but because they feared the people they loved didn't love them. Your
mother feared that your father didn't love her, and so she ran off. Your
brother thought that meant she didn't love him, and without her presence to
stabilize the hatred he felt for his father, there was nothing to hold him
back from his ultimate act of defiance. And I... well, if I'd known you
loved me before... well, I might have been able to stay. I don't know."
She looked up at him. "At any rate, it wasn't your love that made them
leave. It was their fear that they were unloved. And right now, Noa is
VERY afraid you don't love her."
Asuma's eyes widened. "But... I don't. Not yet, anyway- I may one day,
but I don't yet. That was another reason why I wasn't able to let her tell
me, yet...."
"Don't you?"
"I... I still love you, Yukie. I like Noa, but... sometimes, it seems like
I'm worried you'd get jealous of us, and so..."
Yukie laughed sadly. "Asuma... you need to realize you can love both her
and me. I don't mind. I really don't."
"Yukie... I don't want to settle for Noa if there's still a chance I could
have you. Is there?"
Yukie sighed. "I just can't do it... it violates the rules, but I can't
keep it up any longer." She reached out and touched his chest... only she
didn't touch it, but instead, her hand went through it. "Asuma, I'm dead.
I went to Hokkaido to go to the hospital. I died only a few months after
high school."
Asuma's eyes widened as he focused on her arm protruding from his chest.
"What?!"
"I was sent her to help you out.... Asuma, I can tell you something right
now. I'm supposed to just let you figure this out, but I'm already
breaking the rules by letting you know I'm a ghost." She focused on his
eyes. "Asuma... you do love Noa. More than you ever loved me. The simple
fact that you're so afraid of losing her should tell you that." She
laughed slightly. "You're right, though- I am a little jealous. I was in
love with you in high school, but didn't know how you felt about me. I
feel what you and Noa have, and WISH it was what I had with you. But it
isn't... and all I can do is make certain you don't lose it." She bent
over and kissed his cheek. "Good-bye, Asuma. I have to go now. I'm
afraid we'll never see each other again, but that's all right."
She faded from sight, leaving him staring where she had been.
* * * * *
Noa woke up. Somehow, she'd dozed off to sleep- she had no idea how, but
she had. Something was tugging on her now, though- it almost felt like she
was being pushed out of bed.
She hadn't even changed into her pajamas that night- the second night in a
row she hadn't, come to think of it. She was hoping, though, that Asuma
would show up to talk. Now, though, she felt like she was being pulled by
some spectral hand to find him.
She wanted to check his dorm room, but something told her that he wouldn't
be there. She moved on, eventually stepping outside. There he was,
sitting on the fishing pier skipping stones across Tokyo Bay. Cautiously,
she walked out to him.
"Asuma?" she asked.
He jumped, nearly falling into the water. "Noa!" he cried, desperately
trying to keep his balance.
Noa grabbed an arm and pulled in an attempt to help him, but it was too
late. Downwards he plunged, pulling her along with her.
*splash* "Gack!" Noa sputtered, trying to keep from drowning.
"What were you trying to do, Noa? Give me a heart attack!?" Asuma growled,
spitting out some water as they struggled out of the water.
"I'm sorry, Asuma... I'm sorry!"
As they struggled out of the water, the invisible ghost of Yukie Kashima
sighed to herself. Oh, well- one opportunity for the two knuckleheads to
tell each other how they felt was gone, but they'd have more. Many more.
And she knew, deep in her soul, that they'd say it one day.
If only she could have resisted the temptation to knock them into the bay,
though...
--------------------------
Next Episode: The Second Unit goes on its second annual joint vacation.
Asuma has something he wants to tell Noa, but will the others get in his
way?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
desaix@sysnet.net
Sir Desaix, member # 116 of the Knights of the True Fiancee
anime fanfics available at
http://www.geocities.com/zednik.geo/fanfics.htm
An Episodic Patlabor Fanfic by David A. Tatum
Disclaimer: Insert legal junk here...
Episode 15: Haunted Love
March 1, 2000
Noa put her last bag into the trunk of Asuma's car. It seemed odd to her
that only two hours before she had been angry with him, learning from his
father over breakfast that he was jealous of Alphonse.
It was still morning. They'd finished breakfast shortly after their little
fight (avoiding Mr. Shinohara in the process) before packing up their
belongings, and were finally about to leave. It was then that Noa thought
to ask what they were going to do.
Asuma shrugged in response to her question. "Well, when we got the
assignment I was thinking that we'd probably finish early, so I figured we
might want go to a nearby bar and get drunk- I was pretty sure I'd need it.
I've changed my mind about that, though." With that, he ducked into the
driver's seat.
Noa smiled, getting into the car. "Good. I'm not sure I like you drunk."
Asuma blinked, looking over at her as he buckled the seatbelt. "You
don't?"
"LAST time you got drunk around me, you asked me if you could pick on me!"
Asuma smirked, starting the car. "I don't see what the problem is. It
seems to me that I'm MORE polite when I'm drunk."
"Whadya mean by that?" Noa asked.
"If I hadn't been drunk, I probably wouldn't have asked."
"Why, you!" Noa growled playfully.
Asuma pulled the car out onto the highway before continuing. "Anyway,
since getting drunk doesn't seem to be a good plan anymore, I figured we
might want to drive around town and see what's open. We don't have to be
back at headquarters any time soon, but if we head towards it as we go we
might be able to cut a few hours off of the trip. At any rate, we'll have
dinner and a movie tonight before heading back, but I don't really know
what we CAN do between now and then."
They drove on in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, the car radio on
in the background, before leaving the suburban area in which the Shinohara
mansion resided and arriving in the outskirts of downtown Tokyo. Noa,
looking out the window, spied the listings for what was playing in a movie
theater, and started idly talking about the lack of any recent good mecha
movies.
The pleasant conversation that followed lasted until Noa spotted something
else that caught her attention- a fair.
"Oh, Asuma, look! Why don't we spend the day there? There's bound to be
plenty of things to do!"
Asuma thought that they were a little old for that sort of thing, but since
he couldn't think of anything better to do he agreed and parked the car.
In the end, he had to agree that they weren't too old for it, after all,
since he found himself having a lot of fun. He tried to win a few prizes
for Noa- first he tried to catch some koi, but he couldn't keep the catcher
intact, and then he tried racing to fill balloon up to bursting with a
water gun, but his aim was terrible. In the end, though, he only was able
to get her a really small stuffed bear. She didn't seem to mind, giving it
a great big hug and giving HIM a peck on the cheek for winning it for her.
Despite Noa's best efforts, they hadn't filled up on cotton candy by the
time dinner rolled around. Instead of going out to a restaurant, though,
they headed over to one of the food vendors and stayed for the fireworks
show at the end of the day.
The fireworks were fantastic, lighting up the sky with hundreds of red,
blue, green, yellow, and white stars which shined off of their features
around them. Asuma smiled, turning to look at Noa. She was already
staring intently at him, and he could see the fireworks reflected in her
eyes.
Asuma read the emotion in those eyes, and swallowed hard. For the first
time, it struck him- this girl didn't just like him, wasn't just satisfied
with their casual dates and occasional mild intimacies. She wanted more,
he could see. For the first time, Asuma realized that Noa was really in
love with him.
The fireworks ended. Noa continued to stare up into his eyes, even as the
people around them started milling about to leave. "Asuma," she began.
She was going to tell him- to end all doubt of her feelings. And she was
going to do it then.
The thought terrified him. 'Oh, god... I'm not ready for this,' he thought
frantically. 'I never really thought it'd go this far... did I? Oh, no...
but I can't... I'm not ready!'
Coughing, he turned away. "Come on- it's too late to go to the movies. We
need to head back to headquarters before it gets too late."
He glanced back at her before moving. Noa still watched him, but her
expression looked somewhat hurt. As if she knew WHY he wasn't letting her
tell him. "Asuma?" she asked plaintively.
"We have to go, Noa," he said. "Sorry."
That apology was for more than just having to leave, and he knew that Noa
understood that. It didn't stop her from still being hurt, however.
Putting up a brave front, she regained some of her cheer. "All right. But
we'll have to do this again someday. All right?"
She was also asking for more than just the chance to come back one day.
Asuma understood this, and sighed. "Maybe. We'll see."
* * * * *
The silence of the trip back to SV2 headquarters was worse than it had been
on the trip to the Shinohara mansion.
Noa was unhappy. She still had no clue what had happened. It had been a
very good day up until she fireworks show- even the early morning fight had
been a plus in the end. Things were fine when they left the mansion-
they'd chatted pleasantly, and Noa certainly hadn't sensed anything wrong
then.
Then the fair- what had happened there? They'd had a lot of fun- he'd even
won a teddy bear for her. Sure, it wasn't the largest teddy in the world,
but then he wasn't really very good at the types of games the fair had- it
had taken a lot of tries just to get that for her.
Then the fireworks show. The explosions of color that darted the sky
highlighted his features, and he'd never looked more handsome in her eyes.
It was the perfect moment, the perfect mood, the perfect time.
Noa realized then that she didn't just 'like' him- it was more, much more.
It was something she'd never felt for ANYONE before.
And for a brief instant, she thought she saw the same thing in his eyes.
Then it disappeared into an expression of absolute terror. That terror was
quickly followed by a cancellation of their plans, and then they left. And
Noa STILL couldn't figure out what happened.
For his part, Asuma wasn't entirely sure what to do about it all. He liked
Noa- he really did. But love? That was... something different. That
entailed obligations he wasn't ready for.
That was too much like what happened with Yukie.
Yukie Kashima- the girl he hadn't thought of since, well, since his high
school reunion, really. The first person he'd come to care about after the
dead of his brother. He hadn't seen since he'd graduated.
Or had he? He was still never certain of that. He could have sworn he'd
met her during that reunion. According to his classmates, however, she was
probably in... where was it again? Hokkaido? At any rate, she was
supposedly too ill to attend. And when he had gone back to that art
gallery, he never found her signature in the guest book. Had she been
there, or not? Had HE even been there?
Come to think of it, Noa was the one who pulled him out of the funk when
Yukie left again. Or when the dream of Yukie left, whichever it was. He'd
been standing out in the snow, trying to figure out what next to try to
find her, and along came Noa. And so he gave up looking for Yukie to hang
out with Noa.
But still, Yukie was his first love. Very much his first love. She was
also his first kiss (a very shy first kiss, at that- he hadn't even said a
word to her by then, she just noticed a sad, shy boy in the corner at a
party, walked over to him, and gave him a sweet little kiss), and at one
point he thought she'd one day be his first, er, partner (odd that he'd
choose that word to think of it, considering he'd ALWAYS thought of Noa as
a partner- though maybe not in that way). But then she disappeared- she'd
moved away, without saying good-bye, without leaving a phone number,
without leaving a forwarding address, without... anything.
And perhaps that was what Asuma was afraid of. That if Noa loved him, he'd
be obliged to return that love. And everyone he'd loved- his brother, his
mother, and Yukie- left him. His brother committed suicide, his mother...
well, he didn't want to get into that. And Yukie just disappeared.
'Damn,' he thought to himself. 'I never should have let this thing with
Noa get to this point. What do I do? How do I NOT lose her? If I don't
love her back, I'll lose her... and if I do love her, she'll leave. Gods,
how did I get into this mess?'
It was thoughts like these, and others, that plagued the young couple for
the entire trip back to what was, for them, home.
* * * * *
Noa and Asuma reached Gotoh's office just minutes before Unit 2's duty
session was over. He was rather surprised to see them.
"You two are back early," he said, surprised. "I wasn't expecting you for
another two days."
Asuma coughed. "Yes, sir. We finished early."
Gotoh nodded. "Well, the shift's practically over... but I expect to have
your report in the morning. See you tomorrow. Dismissed."
Asuma nodded, and left the room. Noa followed.
"Asuma..." she began, concerned.
He shook his head. "Why don't you just go to bed, Noa? I'll take care of
the report... I won't be able to sleep tonight, anyway. Got too much on my
mind."
Noa searched for something she could say to reassure him, anything that
would help him through... whatever it was that was making him so distant.
"I..."
"Please, Noa?" he begged.
"Okay," she said, reaching out and squeezing one of his hands. It was a
bold move, considering they were practically out in the open in SV2
headquarters, but it was something she just needed to do. "But if you need
me, just get me, okay? I probably won't be able to sleep much, either."
Asuma sighed, watching her leave. She'd been trying to reassure him, but
all she did was make it more difficult. He was more sure than ever of her
feelings, and it was starting to hurt not being able to risk returning
them. Oh, well- there wasn't anything he could do about it just then.
Maybe if he got his mind off of his romantic problems and set it to
stretching the five sentences of information he got from his father into a
ten page report, he'd be clearer the next day when he tried to come up with
a solution. At any rate, just standing there and looking wistfully at the
doorway she'd just gone through wasn't helping.
* * * * *
Asuma leaned back in the chair and sighed. He'd finished the report,
working manically from the moment he sat down, but he still hadn't cleared
his mind of his problems with Noa. He still didn't know what to do.
"Just tell her," a female voice said from behind him.
Asuma's eyes widened. Spinning around, he found that Yukie Kashima was
actually standing before him, smiling sadly.
"How did you get in here?" he asked, shocked.
"I was needed here," she answered simply. "You're making a big mistake.
You need to tell her."
"Tell who? What are you talking about?"
"Noa, silly."
"How do you know about Noa?" he wondered. "I never told you anything about
her... I'm not even sure I've seen you since I've met her."
Yukie laughed. "You've seen me since you met her... surely you haven't
forgotten our class reunion, or the trip to the art gallery?"
Asuma paused. Last time he thought he was talking to her, he was mistaken.
Well, maybe- he still wasn't sure. "Did that really happen?" he asked.
"Sort of," the girl answered mysteriously. "It's a long story. But I do
know about Noa. I know a lot about you. Some of the things I know about
you I doubt you even know... or realize, at least."
Asuma frowned. "Oh? Like what?"
Yukie just smiled and shook her head. "Come on- let's go for a walk.
You're done here."
"Uh... okay," he said, getting up and following her.
She made her way out of the building, walking over to the edge of the
fishing pier before saying anything else. "Asuma... what happened between
the two of you? Why did you make her so upset?"
"Huh? Who?"
Yukie bopped him lightly on the forehead. "Noa, silly. I'm here to talk
to you about her."
Asuma frowned. "How do you know about her? I KNOW I never told you about
her?"
Yukie sighed. "If you were willing to know, I'm pretty sure you would.
Now, quit avoiding the question- why'd you make her so upset?"
Asuma sighed himself, sitting down at the pier and dangling his legs over
the edge. "I'm not really sure how to answer that. I guess part of it
was... well, you."
Yukie smiled slightly, smoothing out her skirt and jacket and sitting down
next to him. "I know. That's part of why I'm here... but what I meant
was, why do you think what you did made her so upset?"
Asuma shifted uncomfortably. "Well, I think it's pretty obvious that she
loves me. I suspect she's upset because I can't return that love."
"Can't? Why not?"
"Seems pretty obvious to me. If I do, she'll disappear."
"That seems like a pretty silly reason to me- why would she disappear if
you loved her?" Yukie said. "But suppose it's true- shouldn't you tell her
about it? Doesn't she deserve to know WHY you can't love her?"
Asuma nodded. "She does... but she wouldn't understand, and I don't know
how to make her understand. That's why I haven't told her."
"Hmm... so why didn't this ever come up before? You've been dating her for
months, now- surely you must have realized that it would eventually lead to
some pretty deep feelings."
Asuma sighed, kicking his legs against the pier. "I never really thought
about it. It wasn't really my idea to go out at all- it was Noa's. I just
didn't want to lose what I already had with her."
"Well, you're going to lose something now. The comfort factor between you
two is gone- she feels rejected, and you can't even explain to her why.
What IS this nonsense about you losing her if you love her, anyway?"
"I always lose the people I love. I loved my mother, and she left us. I
loved my brother, and he killed himself. I loved you, and you disappeared
without even saying good-bye." He shrugged. "Maybe I'm just being
paranoid, but I don't want to risk losing Noa because I love her."
Yukie looked over at him. "You are just being paranoid... AND you've
misdiagnosed the problem. It was never because you loved them that they
left, but because they feared the people they loved didn't love them. Your
mother feared that your father didn't love her, and so she ran off. Your
brother thought that meant she didn't love him, and without her presence to
stabilize the hatred he felt for his father, there was nothing to hold him
back from his ultimate act of defiance. And I... well, if I'd known you
loved me before... well, I might have been able to stay. I don't know."
She looked up at him. "At any rate, it wasn't your love that made them
leave. It was their fear that they were unloved. And right now, Noa is
VERY afraid you don't love her."
Asuma's eyes widened. "But... I don't. Not yet, anyway- I may one day,
but I don't yet. That was another reason why I wasn't able to let her tell
me, yet...."
"Don't you?"
"I... I still love you, Yukie. I like Noa, but... sometimes, it seems like
I'm worried you'd get jealous of us, and so..."
Yukie laughed sadly. "Asuma... you need to realize you can love both her
and me. I don't mind. I really don't."
"Yukie... I don't want to settle for Noa if there's still a chance I could
have you. Is there?"
Yukie sighed. "I just can't do it... it violates the rules, but I can't
keep it up any longer." She reached out and touched his chest... only she
didn't touch it, but instead, her hand went through it. "Asuma, I'm dead.
I went to Hokkaido to go to the hospital. I died only a few months after
high school."
Asuma's eyes widened as he focused on her arm protruding from his chest.
"What?!"
"I was sent her to help you out.... Asuma, I can tell you something right
now. I'm supposed to just let you figure this out, but I'm already
breaking the rules by letting you know I'm a ghost." She focused on his
eyes. "Asuma... you do love Noa. More than you ever loved me. The simple
fact that you're so afraid of losing her should tell you that." She
laughed slightly. "You're right, though- I am a little jealous. I was in
love with you in high school, but didn't know how you felt about me. I
feel what you and Noa have, and WISH it was what I had with you. But it
isn't... and all I can do is make certain you don't lose it." She bent
over and kissed his cheek. "Good-bye, Asuma. I have to go now. I'm
afraid we'll never see each other again, but that's all right."
She faded from sight, leaving him staring where she had been.
* * * * *
Noa woke up. Somehow, she'd dozed off to sleep- she had no idea how, but
she had. Something was tugging on her now, though- it almost felt like she
was being pushed out of bed.
She hadn't even changed into her pajamas that night- the second night in a
row she hadn't, come to think of it. She was hoping, though, that Asuma
would show up to talk. Now, though, she felt like she was being pulled by
some spectral hand to find him.
She wanted to check his dorm room, but something told her that he wouldn't
be there. She moved on, eventually stepping outside. There he was,
sitting on the fishing pier skipping stones across Tokyo Bay. Cautiously,
she walked out to him.
"Asuma?" she asked.
He jumped, nearly falling into the water. "Noa!" he cried, desperately
trying to keep his balance.
Noa grabbed an arm and pulled in an attempt to help him, but it was too
late. Downwards he plunged, pulling her along with her.
*splash* "Gack!" Noa sputtered, trying to keep from drowning.
"What were you trying to do, Noa? Give me a heart attack!?" Asuma growled,
spitting out some water as they struggled out of the water.
"I'm sorry, Asuma... I'm sorry!"
As they struggled out of the water, the invisible ghost of Yukie Kashima
sighed to herself. Oh, well- one opportunity for the two knuckleheads to
tell each other how they felt was gone, but they'd have more. Many more.
And she knew, deep in her soul, that they'd say it one day.
If only she could have resisted the temptation to knock them into the bay,
though...
--------------------------
Next Episode: The Second Unit goes on its second annual joint vacation.
Asuma has something he wants to tell Noa, but will the others get in his
way?
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Sir Desaix, member # 116 of the Knights of the True Fiancee
anime fanfics available at
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