Disclaimer: I don't own Re4. I also don't own "The Bum Bum Song" from the Tom Green Show. Or for that matter, Tom Green or his show. The song is his, not mine, I'm just twisting it around to degrade Leon some more.
Luna: 130 REVIEWS? Wow! I never EVER thought I'd get this many reviews! I just want to say to all my fans, THANK YOU! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Anyway, I got this idea by watching too many 'Tom Green' shows and the song got stuck in my head. :it's a show from the late 90's, but Mtv2 shows reruns: Brace your selves for stupidity, for this is chapter 21.…
Chapter 21: Iron Maidens? Eek!
Leon reached where Ashley was being held, finally. How did he know she was there? Hm, I guess the tell tale sign was that she was shrieking, " LEON, HELP!" every 5 seconds; gave it away. No, make that every nanosecond.
"Ashley, SHUTUP!" I screamed.
" Hey, it's the creepy voice that dissed me in the castle!" said Ashley.
" No! It's my magical conscience!" declared Leon.
"Yeah….that…just shut up…" I muttered.
" Guess what conscience?" asked Leon.
"Hm?"
" I'm bored, so I'm gonna sing, " The Infected Bum Bum song!"
Before I could find something to clog my ears, head for the hills or will myself to die, he sang:
My bum is on Ashley's cell door,
My bum is on Ashley's cell door,
My oh, my, my bum is everywhere!
Ashley stared. Yes, she is quite the perv. But it got her to shut up. Unfortunately for me, Leon didn't.
He ran out the door.
My bum is on the Regenerator,
My bum is on the Regenerator,
I hope he doesn't infect my bum!
The Regenerator just sort of stared in horror, and then said in a very calm and nasally voice, " Sorry. I don't go that way."
Leon ran into the other room and sang:
My bum is on the control panel,
My bum is on the control panel,
Look at me! Its magic!
An iron maiden entered, it looked exactly like a regenerator except with spikes on its body.
" Leon, I swear, if you do what I think your gonna do…." I said,
Leon just sang:
Its fun to put my bum on things!
Fun for everyone!
He got out of singing mode and noticed the Iron Maiden.
His exact words: Eek!
Leon defeated the iron maiden and got Ashley's card key.
" I did it!" said Leon, and sang:
My bum is all alone….
My bum is all alone!
My bum is all alone!
My bum is all alone….the cell door is alone..
The regenerator is all alone..
The control panel, is all alone….
"Please tell me you'll shut up now," I said, " Before I stuff my cat in my ears to stop the sounds!"
Leon wasn't listening. He ran back to Ashley's cell and unlocked it with the card key.
" Leon!" screamed Ashley, and tackled him into a bear hug.
" Nice to see you, too…." said Leon, and then whispered to me, " Conscience, a little help here?"
I didn't answer. I was too busy being scarred for life from Leon's song and dance routine...horrors..
Mean while…..
Saddler was watching the security cameras in disgust. He never expected Leon to get this far. In fact, based on his records, Leon was destined to fail.
Saddler fingered through the TOP SECRET files of the CIA of their analysis on Leon.
It said:
Expert marksman, enjoys jumping off ladders. Flaws are: enjoys using his name in the 3rd person; such as saying, 'the Kennedy Kick of Doom'. Has ADD, talks frequently of magic and conspiracies. Enjoys eating Pez.
That was Saddler's plan, to plant the Pez dispenser so he'd 'volunteer' for the mission.
No matter, Leon would pay, sooner or later….
Back to our hero in an awkward position….
A paper airplane was thrown through the window, giving Leon an excuse to break away from the awkward position. It said:
Handsome,
If you haven't guessed it, you can escape by going down the garbage disposal thing.
p.s if she's hugging you, I swear I'll break her pretty little neck- I mean, good luck!
Love me, not Ashley, ME!
Ada Wong.
Leon and Ashley finally got to the garbage disposal area, and Leon was looking down.
"Come on," said Leon.
"No way!" said Ashley, " And let my Pradas and 400 dollar sweater set get ruined? No! Way!"
"Way," said Leon, and grabbed her wrist, jumping down.
Leon landed gracefully on his feet, Ashley on her ass.
"Leon, are you CRAZY?"
" No! I'm special!"
Uh-huh, very special.
After shooting, cowering, collecting and running; they ended up doing the unthinkable.
Leon and Ashley open the door at the same time with their door opening skills. WOW!
Leon, now decked out in his Survival Vest, went through the door.
To see a bulldozer.
Luna: That's it for now. Next Chapter: BULLDOZER!