Listening to: "Screaming Infidelities" by Dashboard Confessional (dude...no one seems to be a fan of them...sniffs...so sad)

Chapter 8: So Impossible (DC lyrics ahead! Yay!)

The school bathroom's mirror must have been skewed. Why else could Legolas not find someway to make himself look acceptable?

He covered his face with his hands in despair, and just as he was on the verge of tears, he heard hushed voices in a stall next to him.

"How are we supposed to get him out of there?"

"I don't know," another voice whispered. "But we've pulled it off before --- we can do it again."

"Yeah, but last time, it was just a grab, run and light ---"

"So this should be easy."

There was a pause. "Yeah...yeah, it should..."

There was a short silence...and then cackles of laughter...

.o.

Gimli, Frodo, and Gandalf stood in a daze in front of a glowing, golden toilet. The former wizard bowed his head gravely.

"It is as I feared."

Gimli wrinkled his eyebrows. "But it doesn't have the markings ---"

Gandalf sighed and then turned to Frodo, looking at him grimly. In a low voice, he said slowly, "Flush...the Toilet."

The former hobbit took a deep breath and flushed it. An inscription began to flicker along the edges of the toilet seat, and Gandalf nodded.

"It reads: 'One Toilet to contaminate them all, One Toilet to find them, One Toilet to infect them all and in the sewer bind them.' "

Frodo looked up slowly.

"What must I do?"

.o.

"So class, what did you think of the Ranger?"

Frodo hunched lower in his seat, managing to catch the attention of his teacher.

"Christopher?"

He coughed. "Umm...he's...dirty?"

The teacher stared at him.

"He's...dirty. Well. Would you care to elaborate?"

"Well...he's always um, sweating, you know. Not that he wouldn't with all the um, fighting he um, does. And I don't think he owns a uh, brush...you should see his hair in the morning when he wakes up. That must be the worst case of bed hair I have ever ---"

The teacher coughed, silencing Frodo.

"Very well then. It seems you have an...imagination."

She searched the room for another victim.

"Carl, do you find the hobbits to be wise in agreeing to go with the Ranger?"

The boy shrugged. "Guess not. I mean, the hobbits are stupid. Dude, come on. What was that Frodo thinking when he "accidentally" put on the Ring. He is like, so lame. Why doesn't he just admit he's corrupted already and is being a weak pawn of Sauron?"

Frodo stood up indignantly.

"Excuse me?"

Carl scoffed and gave Frodo a weird look. "You're excused."

Frodo began walking slowly towards Carl with is hands clenched.

"How dare you accuse me of being in league with ---"

"He did not accuse you, Christopher. He accused Frodo. Frodo Baggins."

Frodo glared at Carl, who was now cowering in his seat.

"Yeah, that's right...not you...F-Frodo..."

"I demand an apology either way," Frodo growled.

"I-I'm sorry..."

Frodo glared at him one last time. "That's better." He sat back down slowly, and the teacher went on.

"Oookay...now that we're done with that..."

.o.

After class, Frodo found that everyone kept their distance from him. So he was surprised when at lunch, he felt a light tap on his shoulder.

He turned to see one of the girls in his class. He recognized her as a redhead that sat near the front, one of the few who actually paid attention during class.

"Hi," she said meekly. "I was just, well, I thought it was cool what you did today." Frodo flushed, remembering. "Carl's never really been into that class...I think you gave him a run for his money." She paused and added, "Plus, I've always been a fan of Frodo too. He's pretty cute in the movies."

Frodo blushed, hoping he didn't turn red and coughed.

"Well, I uh ---"

"You actually sort of look like him, by the way." Frodo blushed again. "That's a comment, you know, by my standards anyway."

She paused for a moment before saying, "I was just wondering, well, you know the thing Nick and Pete are doing, right?" Frodo nodded. "Umm, well, everyone's going to the party...won't you come...if I come with a friend for...your friend? I'd be so pleased to see you out of the classroom..." She smiled, and Frodo blushed again, his face the perfect shade of a ripe tomato.

"I was hoping to learn a few things like...do you...do you like dishing the dirt on the whole class and playing the fool and wearing all of the latest fashions or bucking the new trends and wearing your old threads...if you like taking a cup of coffee in the evening...These are a few things that I'd like to know..."

Frodo realized after she had stopped talking, that she was waiting for his reply. He was about to accept when he felt his mouth go off on things he never thought he would ever say (A/N below).

"I've been scheduled to work, but I'll call in, and my friend isn't busy. He'd be happy to join me. And maybe my friend and your friend will hit it off...or maybe, we will?"

Frodo blushed again, but couldn't keep himself from talking.

"I'm dying to know do you...do you like dreaming of things so impossible, or only the practical, or ever the wild? Or waiting through all your bad bad days just to end them with someone you care about...and do you like making out and long drives and brown eyes and guys that just...don't quite...fit in?" He finally caught himself, cursing the day he had learned to speak, and said, "So yes, I'll see you there."

.o.

Starred Author Note (except they took away the stars!): That's because he didn't know he'd been struck by the crazy Dashboard virus! Wah!

A/N: Sorry...this chapter was sort of...weird...hehehe...I'm sorry it took so long...school's come back to haunt me...