Disclaimer: No….Re4 I don't own it…. I also don't own Captain Crunch.

Luna: This chapter is EXTRA special! Wanna know why? It's been co-written by my friend Spiderman:her name's Kat in this fic:. Kat has a bit of a potty mouth, so whenever she curses, I'll put in : and a less offensive word in it. Also, picture that the less offense word is said in a badly dubbed British accent. Here it is…

Chapter 22: BULLDOZER!

" Look, it's a bulldozer!" said Leon, pointing out the obvious.

Ashley, much to Leon's fear and dismay, hopped into the drivers seat and proceeded to closely examine the levers and buttons.

" Convenient….she can't shoot a gun, but she can operate heavy machinery…." Kat's voice chuckled.

"Ahh, what the hell?" asked Leon, " Now there are 2 scary voices!"

"Umm….magical, yep, that I am," said Kat, nervously.

"Magic? Conscience, what's going on?" asked Leon, confused; as usual.

"She's…..your heart!" I cried, " I'm your conscience and she's your heart! The Good Witch of Heart!"

Wow, I was really good at lying. I should become a lawyer.

" Great…..I'm a friggin walking cliché," scoffed Kat, rolling her eyes.

" Oh. Cool!" yelled Leon, giddy.

"Do you even know what a cliché is?" I asked.

" It's….uh, infected?" asked Leon, dumbly.

" Are you talking to the voice again?" asked Ashley.

" Yeah… but now there's more than 1!" he yelled.

The huge piece of machinery groaned, and with a loud creak; it began to move. And thus, behold the Ganodos! The rabid idiotic villagers! Or military people, same difference.

" Behind you, moron!" yelled Kat.

Leon turned, with his finger upon the shotgun; shooting the approaching villagers off the gigantic bulldozer.

The bulldozer kept going, riding on its breaks. Leon had trouble keeping his balance on the bulldozer and felt his breakfast of Captain Crunch coming up on him.

The scaryass Ganodo thingys continued to bother Leon. Shot after shot was fired, until he was out of ammo. In desperation, he chucked the shotgun at Ganado and he fell, dead. The problem was he now had no weapon equipped and just wasted his Striker. And just when he picked up some shotgun ammo….

"Idiot!" yelled Kat, as he KKD'd one of the Ganado's off the bulldozer.

" I'm trying here!" whined Leon.

" Stupid, use your Sniper Rifle, or Black tail," I said, " Geez….you really ARE clueless…."

Leon took out his BlackTail and used his KKD's and busted some caps in the Ganado's asses.

Ashley stopped short, and Leon lunged forward and fell. Smooth…

" Leon, I'm counting on you to flip those switches!" said Ashley, " I'll keep the motor running."

" Why? So you can get killed?" asked Leon, " Look! Ganados! Must….shoot…."

And Leon took after them, going up the ladder to flip the switches.

He busted some caps in more of the Ganado's asses, and ran. He broke open the crates with his shiny knife and stared at the switch.

" Press the f: switch, you moron! Ugh, stupid…." Kat yelled.

" Flip….Flip the switch. Come on, you can do it!" I encouraged.

Leon blinked at looked at the switch for 5 minutes.

Leon kicked it. It flipped. Kat rolled her eyes.

" Good enough…." said Kat.

" Good boy! I'll give you a biscuit later! Or Pez….a biscuit of Pez!" I said, " Now the 2nd switch…."

Just then, Ashley started screaming, " Help! Leon, Help!"

Leon, on instinct, looked down. There wasn't any Ganados or anything down there.

" Ashley, what's wrong?" asked Leon.

" My nail! I broke it…." she said, tearfully.

" Stupid b: female dog:" muttered Kat.

" Huh?" whined Ashley.

" Keep driving….sh: poo-poo: get in the car!" yelled Kat.

" It's a bulldozer…" I said.

" Whatever!" she replied.

Leon, daringly, jumped into the back of the Bulldozer, and it began to move. Leon stumbled back and fell on his ass, as the bulldozer kept moving. A Ganado came after him, but he got a taste of the KKD.

" BULLDOZER!" Kat and I screamed in unison.

Leon hopped on the bulldozer as graceful as a swan with a broken neck.

" Leon! Look! A truck coming at us at full speed!" cried Ashley.

She stopped the bulldozer completely.

" My life just flashed before my eyes!" screamed Leon, " Wow, that was fast and boring."

" I just thought of my last words!" said Ashley, " I LOVE YOU, LEON! MARRY ME!"

" Shoot the truck already!" I hollered.

Leon blinked. ADD has taken its destructive toll…..

" Shoot the f: freaky: truck!" yelled Kat, even louder, " Come on, DO ITT!"

" Um….. Oh yeah!" he said.

Leon pulled out his Rocket Launcher that he kept incase of emergencies, and fired. The truck exploded into bits, and the Bulldozer veered off course; hitting the wall with a CRASH.

" M-marry you?" stuttered Leon.

" Not the time for committal issues, jack: behind!" Kat growled.

Ashley hopped out the truck, Leon's mind only registering now what happened.

They went through the room with the merchant to another one.

Saddler was there and said, "Come Ashley…."

" Never!" hollered Leon, and ran for attack.

Saddler extended his hand, and Leon was thrown back. He made some groans like he was constipated, in immense pain.

" Ashley…." said Saddler.

She began to whimper, and Leon yelled, " No! Don't!"

Too late. Her eyes turned red and she began to walk towards Saddler. But then she ran back to Leon, and kicked him in the crotch.

" Hey! I didn't command you to do that!" said Saddler.

" I know. It's just me saying thanks Leon, for letting me get kidnapped and not attempting to help. AGAIN." said Ashley.

She ran back to Saddler, Leon on the floor in pain.

" Hey, Saddler!" Kat yelled, as the madman turned.

" Who was that?" asked Saddler, annoyed.

" Me, ya stupid: behind: Just wanted to say, you suck at this….and I am SO much more sadistic than you!" giggled Kat.

" You know," I said, to Leon only, " While she's distracting Saddler, you can shoot him anytime you feel like it….just a hint…."

Leon made a groan, and stared off into space.

" Well, you could always throw a Secret Agent man tracking device on her…" I said, " that he may or may not see and force you to fight this creepy U3 thingy that…is VERY creepy!"

Leon threw it, and it landed in Ashley's hair. And he was still a heap on the floor.

" Nu-uh!" countered Saddler, much like a valley girl.

" Yu-uh, ya crazy f: duck: I win, you lose, you suck I don't! HAHAHAAH!" sang Kat, still laughing.

" Can I interrupt this cross fire for 1 second?" I asked, " before you scare off the remaining fans? Can we move on now?"
" Nu-uh!" screamed Saddler, " I'm a evil master mind that can accessorize my shoes and cloak!"

What matching shoes and clothing has to do with being evil, I'll never know.

" Ha!" screamed Kat, " What, are they shoes from Payless? And what's that stain on your cloak? Vomit or Urine?"

" N-neither!"

Meanwhile, Leon is huddled in the corner, still clutching his manly damaged goods.

" That is NOT Chanel, nor Gucci, nor Armani, therefore you are pitiful!" Kat yelled, mocking him.

" I'm gonna pretend I knew what you just said," I said.

" B-but….uh…." tried Saddler.

" Shut up! I own you now, man-b: female dog!" yelled Kat, laughing again.

And Saddler looks like…he's crying? Ugh, that's beyond pathetic.

" Ohh, go hide in the hole you crawled out of, man:female dog!" grinned Kat, taking character abuse to a whole new level.

Saddler ran off with Ashley, near tears.

" Leon, you lost her again, congrats," I said, dryly.

" Ouch…" he said, trying to stand up, sorely.

Luna: this has got to be the longest chapter I ever wrote, and with the most character/author interactions. Hope you liked it! Next chapter: Laser Beam Fun!