Disclaimer:Repeats Self: I own my plots and chars but not J.K. Rowling's wonderful stuff.
A/N: GAH! ALMOST DONE! Gweneth...u rock.. Oh, I know I'm going quickly in the time setting of the story...but I need to.. so there! lol hey..tell your friends about this story so I can have more reviews-)
Chapter 25: Spring Fling
The day after Valentine's Day, Seamus approached me. He appologized for the bad remarks he gave me when I told him I didn't like him more than a friend. With a sigh of relief, we hugged and promised to be best friends forever. Upon the conclusion of our conversation, I admitted that I deserved the yelling. I told him it was true; I would die alone... But I also said that I couldn't see myself falling in love. Seamus told me one day I would too, see the magic of love.
March came and left with no real situations worth a brain cell to remember. April also passed quickly, leaving memories dusty and stale. The months just seemed to hate me, and spited me by leaving without any trace of a good time...or bad time.. The months were boring... Until the middle of May.
May fouteenth was the day before the Spring Fling. I paced to Hagrid's hut and knocked on his door. He let me in, and asked me to sit down. I hadn't visited him in a month or so, and I missed my Godfather. We sat and talked about random things, as always, and then came upon the subject of the dance.
"Yeh' goin' with anyone?" Hagrid asked me.
Twiddling my thumbs, which was my worst habit, I chuckled, "Yeah right.. I don't think so.. I'm going solo as always.. I might dance with Neville or Seamus as friends, but no date for me."
"You know," Hagrid scolded me, "you really should start looking for a boyfreidn or something. To get the feel of a relationship. I know you don't like the subject, but maybe you need some love in your life."
"Nah.." I stood up and looked into the empty mug that once held my hot cocoa.
Hagrid shook his head, "One day you'll give in. Other than the dance, is there anything else you want to chat about?"
"Not really.. I think we've talked about everything. We went from Valentine's Day to the reason I call Gilderoy, Gilderoy Poptart." I smiled as Hagrid stood up to give me a hug.
"Well, I guess I'll see yeh' tomorrow. I'm one of the chaperones for the Spring Fling." Opening the door, I left Hagrid's hut in a better mood than I entered with.
0o0o0o0o
I awoke to hear birds tweeting away. They were back, which was good. The birds were my alarm clock for Spring, Summer, and Fall. During Winter I used my actual alarm clock. There were no classes, seeing as it was Saturday, so I stayed in bed for a few extra minutes before heading to breakfast.
"Lazy Maranda, will you get up?" Hermione sang in a cheerful tone.
Rolling out of bed, I rubbed my eyes and responded to the already-dressed 'Mione, "Yeah I'm up... I'm awake... I'm alive...Whatever reply you'd prefer...Just take it."
"I'd like you to know," She said as-a-matter-of-factly, "We get to go to Hogsmeade today. We get to go shopping and buy our dresses for tonight! The only thing is, you need to get a signed permission slip from Dumbledore. I think since you don't have parents he will let you be an exception."
"Ok...so what do you want me to do right now?" I began to rummage through my trunk to find something to wear.
pointing at my clothes, Hermione ordered, "Get dressed and meet me in the Common Room. From there we'll go to Dumbledore's office and get a permission slip for you. If he says it's ok, we'll go to Hogsmeade together. Most of the school is going as well, but I think it's be fun if you and I shopped together. Umm...Harry and Ron said they'd meet us in The Leaky Cauldron for butterbeer at noon. So let's get a move on!" She was way to perky...but it was fine with me.
Hermione and I strutted to Dumbledore's office. He let us in, heard my plea to go to Hogsmeade, and decided to do me a favor. He handed me a permission slip and then signed it himself. Telling me I was the only one who had this done, he told me to keep it between myself and Hermione. We agreed and left his room in a rush so bad I got a headache from the excitement.
Hogsmeade was wonderful. There were shops for pranks, clothing, candy, entertainment, and practically everything anyone could ever think of! It was beautiful! I followed 'Mione into a dress shop entitled, Daisy's Delectable Dresses. Catchy name. After browsing for at least ten minutes, I found a yellow, strapless, above-the-knee dress with tiny red roses scattered around it. Of course the roses were part of the fabric. If they were real, I think I would have been covered in bees and butterflies.
On the other side of the store was 'Mione, who found a red, spaghetti-strap, over-the-knee dress. we went up to the cashier, who was a wrinkly old lady, and paid for the dresses. I paid with currency Hagrid gave me for my birthday. Well, he actually gave me the money a few days after Valentine's Day, because we hadn't any time to see each other on my birthday.
I was so excited. Going to a dance and having people to really dance with this time. I was anxious, anxious in the worst way possible.
0o0o0o0o
Entering the Great Hall was the ice-breaker I needed to overcome my nerves. The Hall was decorated with flower-shaped, floating candles that lit up like the joyous look on a child's face when they recieve a Christmas present. A bar, without alchohol, was set up at the far end of the hall with stools for people to rest on. A buffet of cookies, brownies, cakes, fruit, vegetables, and all sorts of drinks was adjacent to the non-alchohol bar. Students of all ages were scattered about with their friends. Hermione had mentioned that only years four through eight were allowed at the dance.
Now being pushed into the Great Hall, I found myself power-walking to Hermione, Ron, Harry, Seamus, Neville, Veronica, and some girl named Kelly who was in Ravenclaw. This was our group, and even though I didn't know one member, I still felt comfortable where I was. Dancing to the fast-paced music that a boombox was playing. I guess the boombox was the only electronical thing in the entire castle..but it was operated by magic. Oh well, a strange world we live in.
Seamus asked me to dance a slow dance with him, and I didn't object. It was fun, a little akward, but fun. Another slow song came on and I danced with Neville. Three words: Two left feet. It wasn't bad, it was hilarious. Every other step he made, he ended up walking on my feet. We both laughed at it, and I taught him how to properly dance within fifteen minutes. He was nothing short of ecstatic.
Hearing another sluggish ballad come on, I sighed and walked over to the non-alchoholic bar. Sitting on a stool, I asked the man behind it to please pour me some punch. I hadn't seen this man before, so I thought maybe he was hired to serve us from his little bar. What a convenient idea. I downed the punch in less than three seconds, and asked for another. Maybe Draco spiked it again... Wouldn't that be something to laugh about.
Appearing almost out of thin air, Professor Snakey-Snape sat next to me, and asked the bartender for some pumpkin juice. I hoped he wouldn't see the state of depression I was in, for I really had some stupid reason to be in it.
"What's troubling you, Miss Maguire?" He had to ask? Snape had to stick his abnormally large, but cute nose into my business? Did I just think of his nose as cute? (I am truly going insane.)
Taking a deep breath, I turned to face my curious professor. His eyes glimmered at me as I spoke, "I dance with Seamus, I feel nothing. I dance with Neville, still...nothing. I see couples dancing together and wish they didn't exist. No jealousy, no envy, just hatred. Why must I be so alone all the time? Why must I hate love..? Seamus was right, I am going to die alone..." The words came out of my mouth, but I completely disregarded that it was Snape to whom I was speaking.
"..." Snape imbibed his juice and then glared at me in a pitying way, "Miss Maguire, you might think I am just an old fool and a pain in the arse, but I'm going to tell you something I don't normally talk about. Those couples you see in our school rarely end up together once they graduate. Now, I know you aren't talking about finding someone to be with, but you are doing the right thing by not worrying about relationships. However, the world is cruel.. Even if you don't believe in love, you need to try your hardest to do so. If you wait to long before you realize how precious love is, it won't be there when you need it the most. You need to grasp onto it before it's too far away to reach.."
Holy Mother Of White Pearls, Snape gave me a lecture on life. I twiddled my thumbs, "You're right, Professor," That's right, I was talking to Professor Snape. I almost forgot.. "I know I need to believe in love, but I find it hard.. You don't know how it is to wake up everyday wishing you had parents around... You don't know what it's like to be alone even when you have fifty close friends nearby. I look at anyone, even you, and see people who have everything I don't."
"Maranda," Snape saw something I didn't.. Something wet was crawling down my cheek...A tear...A tear escaped from it's prison behind my eyes and I didn't even notice until Snape spoke my first name. I didn't care...For once in my life, I feltcomfortable. I was talking with Severus Snape, Master of making me feel better.
Sniffling, I felt another tear fall from my eye. I wiped it away and looked at my feet, continuing the twiddling of my thumbs.
Severus patted my back and whispered, "The truth is, I do know how it is to feel all alone..."
Taking his hand off my back, he watched me wipe away the few tears that moistened my cheeks. I stood up, half-smiled as though nothing happened, and said my final words to Snape for the evening, "Professor, I couldn't imagine someone like you being all alone.."
I walked away, leaving Snape in thoughts I didn't know of. For a moment, I felt my stomach quiver and lurch. My nerves acting up again.
For the rest of the night I put on an act of being happy. No one knew about the tears incident..No one except for my Professor. When it was time for bed, I layed down with my own thoughts swimming and squirming in my brain. Severus Snape had told me he knew what being lonely was like, but I argued. With so many years to his life, he must've had someone he cared for. Someone he loved... He had parents..From what I know, he did. And the more I thought about it, the more I felt that my tears may have opened a door to a path I was supposed to travel on.
Maybe the path lead to the horribly lonely life I was destined to live. Or perhaps, in some instant hope that burned in me like a fire, the path was to lead me to a so-called love that everyone yearned for so badly. Maybe letting one person see my tears would have an impact on the whole world... Or maybe I was just kidding myself as usual.. After all, who would want poor, ugly, miserable, depressed, lonely, little me?