Fruits Basket: Truth or Dare.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Fruits Basket. Nope. Not me. It belongs to Takaya Natsuki, someone who makes way much more money then me. Please don't sue me, because I like what little money I have. I also don't own any of Shania Twain's songs, which I count for as being a good thing.
(Sorry it's taken so long to update! My Internet died on me and I've only just been able to resurrect it! The reviews *snuffles* make me so- *snuffles again*- happy! ... I got cookies... *Cries anime tears* Thank you Kewie! Thank you everyone who reviewed! Except you Hash. Quit your whining about Ayame. If I wanna put his head in a toilet bowl, then gosh darn I will put his head in a toilet bowl! Are we clear? Yes I know I'm so romantic when I'm forceful. *Winks at Hash* Hmm, a lot of people want Yaoi... what will I do about that? *Smiles dirtily* Hatori fans will either thank me or hate me in this chapter. That's the only hint, beside the chapter title that I'll give you. Please read on and abandon hope all ye who enter this fanfic! MWAA HAAA HAAA HAAA!! )
Whilst Shigure cleaned himself up in the bathroom, (the first person to make a sick joke here shall face my wrath) the rest of the Sohma family returned to their previous position's in the living room. This was not as easy as it looked however, since Ayame was still unconscious and had to be carried inside; a fact not helped one tiny bit by Akito, who had his arms and legs wrapped around the snakes chest.
Finally Kyou got fed up. "Dammit Akito!! Would you just get off the guy already so we can sit him down?!" He winced and covered his eyes. "And for the love of God would you put your robes back on!! I'm getting sick of looking at those boxers, not to mention your rubber chicken body!!"
Akito just continued grinning as though he hadn't heard a thing Kyou had said. Ah, selective hearing. It's a wonderful thing.
Tohru frowned at the neko. "That wasn't very nice calling him a rubber chicken, Kyou." She gently chided in that well renowned passive aggressive lead female way. "I think that you should apologize to Akito."
Kyou puffed up like Jigglypuff. "I didn't call him a rubber chicken! I said he had a rubber chicken body!! And why should I apologize to him anyway?!?!!?"
"Well... you might have hurt his feelings." Tohru murmured, backing down as usual. The day that she grows half a spine around members of the male community will be the day Yuki's fan club throw him over for Hiro.
"Akito hasn't got any feelings!" Kyou snapped glancing at the Sohma family master as he sparkled and cuddled up to Ayame affectionately. Momiji bounded up randomly, with a carrot protruding from between his teeth, just to ensure that he was carrying on with the rabbit stereotype.
"But Kyou!" He squeaked, spraying lumps of chewed carrot all over the place. "Of course Akito has fillings! Remember how Hatori had to take him to the dentist last year because he ate too much candy and didn't brush his teeth three times a day so he got a CAVITY!!!" Momiji gasped dramatically as though he had just seen his mother naked. "And then the dentist got out the drill and started drilling Akitty's teeth and Akitty started screaming because the dentist had "forgotten" to use anaesthetic because she was a member of Yuki's fan club and Pretty Akitty got mad so he grabbed the dentist and started drilling a hole through her cheek and then- Oh Toh-ru!!"
Yes ladies and gentleman the Rice Ball has fainted. Why, you may ask? Well my dear friends, it is because she is the girl in this scene and girls always faint when they hear scary or disgusting stories because it is their job to do so. That and the fact that Tohru's friends made her sit down and watch that horror movie "The Dentist" when she was ten years old didn't help.
But because this is a really dramatic scene, it took forever for Tohru to fall over, which meant that Kyou and Yuki both had time to see it happening and started to run towards her in slow motion, arms outstretched to catch her. Can't you feel the tension folks?! No? Me neither.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~OOOOO~" Yuki bellowed in his high pitched girly voice. How anyone can bellow in a high pitched girly voice is beyond me, but if there is one person who can do it, it's Yuki.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~OOOOO~" Kyou bellowed back as he ran dramatically towards Tohru, whilst the Baywatch theme played in the background. Luckily our favorite neko was not donned out in the red swimsuit. Or this could be unfortunate depending on how perverted you are.
All of a sudden the budget ran out and the author couldn't afford to use 'Dramatic slow-motion mode' anymore, so everything returned to normal. Tohru fell like a tree towards the ground, whilst Yuki and Kyou, who were not prepared for the sudden transition from slow-mo to normal speed, fell over her and landed in each others arms. Yaoi fans around the world screamed in ecstasy whilst the homophobes started writing nasty feedback to the author, stating a billion and one reason's why Yuki and Kyou can't like each other and why they can't get together. I'm telling you ahead of time that I don't care. This is my fanfic and I'll do whatever I like with it's characters so nyah. If you don't like it, then go and read some fic's in the general section or whatever it is you homophobes do. I wouldn't know.
"EWW! Get of me baka neko!" Yuki screamed pushing the startled cat backwards.
"Hey it's not like I wanted to hug you!!" Kyou defended as he turned the same lovely color as his hair. This could be considered quite unhealthy, as Kyou's hair is more orange then red and people don't generally turn orange, unless there is something wrong with them.
As for our favorite rice ball *cough* she had landed on poor Momiji who had naturally, you know being a Jyuunishi and all, went up in a puff of yellow smoke and reappeared as a lovely little rabbit. As opposed to a non-lovely fat rabbit. But Momiji is neither un-lovely nor fat, so therefore he remains dubbed: A lovely little rabbit.
"I think the author needs to take her medication..." Kyou muttered, trying not to gag at the memory of Yuki touching him in such a Yaoi-ish way. He jumped about three feet in the air as Tohru sat up, obviously forgetting the first law of fainting; you generally don't recover right away. But Miss Honda was obviously too dumb to realize this.
"Miss Honda!" Exclaimed Yuki as he scrubbed at his body with a wire brush that came from nowhere. "Are you alright?"
Tohru nodded so perkily it would have made Bugs Bunny jealous. And speaking of bunnies, she just so happened to spy the one hopping along the carpet infront of her, with Momiji's hat on its back.
"Aww! A lovely little rabbit!" Tohru cooed having a momentary brain fart and forgetting the Sohma family curse completely. She scooped up the rabbit and cradled it in her arms as she petted it. "I will love him, and pat him, and feed him lettuce and call him Fluffykin's."
"Uh... Miss Honda?" Yuki asked, pausing in his attempts to scrub the top layer of his skin off. "Are you sure you're okay?"
Tohru looked at him with her wide perma-bulging eyes and nodded again.
"Of course I am Yuki! I am just wondering where this lovely little rabbit came from!" And with that she squeezed the living daylights out of the bunny, causing its eyes to bulge in an uncanny resemblance of her own.
This disturbing scene was further enhanced by the author who walked in with a tray full of Zodiac shaped cookies and a big grin on her face.
"God... she's elapsed into self insertion..." Haru moaned, slapping a hand against his forehead. "What more can this evil woman subject us to?"
"COOKIES!!" The author chirped holding the tray up high. "One of my reviewers made me cookies! Wasn't that nice?"
"Yes indeedly do." Hiro chirped mysteriously as he edged closer. "It was."
Kyou suddenly revealed the Samurai sword he had hidden in his inter dimensional pocket. That or up his ass. We'll go with that first one shall we?
"Hand over the cookies and no one will get hurt..." He said in what was supposed to be a threatening voice. It kind of lost the intended effect it would have otherwise possessed, had he not croaked warbishly on the last word. He cleared his throat and looked around hoping no one would notice.
"So how is puberty coming along, baka neko?" Yuki asked grinning.
A large vein pop appeared on Kyou's head and he waved the sword in Yuki's face dangerously.
"Don't talk to me about puberty, Mr. Yuki-My-voice-actor-is-actually-a-girl-Sohma!!" He roared looking extremely silly to anyone who was watching. Yuki hardly noticed Kyou's accusation's or how ridiculous he looked, as he was rather pre occupied with the sharp phallic shaped object being pistoned towards his forehead. Haru immediately felt inadequate.
"Uh... Tohru! You are hugging me very tightly!" Momiji piped up from the Rice-Balls arms. She looked down at him and gasped in surprise.
"Ah! The rabbit talked!" She squealed, predictably dropping the furry bun-bun onto the floor. All animal rights activists reading this are instantly outraged.
There was a loud puff and suddenly, Momiji was human again, lying sprawled out naked on the carpet with a bunch of Akito's birdies doing circles around his head. Tohru gasped again.
"Momiji! Where did you come from? And where are your clothes?!" She clucked quickly scooping up the random garments and throwing them onto his dormant form. "We weren't brought up in a barn you know!"
"I feel like I was." Yuki muttered wishing Kyou would move that shiny sword tip away from his face. "Um, Miss Honda? You do remember the family curse right? Right?"
Tohru just blinked stupidly at him.
Kyou and Yuki exchanged a look. No not that kind of look, although you can take it that way if you like. I live only to be of service to my audience.
"Akito..." Kyou drawled, turning his sword arm so the Pointy Phallic weapon of En Masse Yaoi Doom (TM) was pointed in the Family Master's direction. "You haven't gotten Hatori to erase Tohru's memories have you?"
Akito looked up from Ayame and immediately went into, 'Random whistling and look up at the ceiling mode.'
"Now why would you think that?" He asked innocently as the Author handed out Zodiac cookies to the Sohma family members.
"Oh.... just a punt..." Yuki grunted as Tohru gazed around muttering to herself about how nice it was to visit 'The Prince's' house. We'll pretend, for the sake of being bias that she is talking about Akito. Even though he's more of a Queen then a prince.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Akito said in a totally non-convincing way. The fact that he was whistling some tuneless song and adjusting Ayame so that he was now in the immediate line of danger, were two small clues. "I haven't touched our dear Tohru's memories! Why would I want to erase Tohru's memories? I'm very fond of our dear Tohru." He turned away for a second and stuck a few pins in a brown haired voodoo doll that was dressed in a schoolgirl outfit. He then looked back at Yuki and Kyou and smiled nicely. "I wouldn't wish any harm to befall our precious Tohru whilst she lives under this roof and on my grounds."
Kyou and Yuki continued to stare venomously at Akito, who had started putting corn rows in Ayame's hair whilst he whistled 'Girls just wanna have fun.'
He was still only wearing his Card Captor boxers.
"Hatori!" Kyou yelled spinning around in a circle to face the dragon. Unfortunately, his cat reflexes decided to take the day off and so he ended up tripping over his own feet and falling over. "Oof!"
Everyone laughed and immediately, started to choke on their Jyuunishi cookies and died.
...
...
Okay not really. That would be really anti-climatic and the Hatori fans would hate me for not telling them what I am about to do to him. Mwah haa haaa haaa!!
"Uh... you do realize that we can hear every word of your narration you know?" Haru snapped between bites of Cow-cookie. Hatori sobbed quietly from the corner and actively contemplated running away to join the cast of Inu-Yasha. But he can't do that because his fangirls would bitch and stop watching Fruits Basket.
The author blushed guiltily and snuck out of the fanfic, almost tripping over Kyou as she went. Once her evil presence had left the building, Kyou jumped to his feet and brushed himself down, ignoring everyone's amused giggles.
"Uh... Hatori!" He cried dramatically, pointing the sword at the doctor. "Did you erase Tohru's memories?! Don't even think about lying to me now, because I will magically know if you do!!"
Fortunately Hatori could take care of himself. He rolled his one good eye and clambered to his feet trying not to think about what impending fate the author had in store for him.
"No Kyou, I did not erase Honda Tohru's memories." He said emotionlessly, as if he could speak any other way. "I think that what has happened to her is that she has suffered a severe acute case of short term memory loss. In case you hadn't noticed it happens a lot in this family."
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..." Tohru sang, bobbing up and down in place. Everyone looked at her weirdly.
"I think that 'Anonymous' put it best when he said; 'Insanity doesn't run in my family; it gallops.'" Yuki sighed, watching the girl that the script had chosen for him and suddenly developing a strong desire for Yaoi. "But Miss Honda's not family so I don't think I understand."
"A common problem." Kyou hissed sheathing his sword back into either his ass or inter dimensional pocket. "Since when do you ever understand anything Chikushou Nezumi?"
Yuki gasped like some bad daytime Television actor. "You take that back, baka neko!"
"Shan't!" Kyou huffed, striding across the room all dramatic like. Yuki went beat red and a pointy mouse-tail sprung up from the seat of his trousers.
"Kyou! Don't make me come over there!!" He threatened, in a voice almost as intimidating as Minny Mouse's. Everyone in the world laughed at him. All except Tohru and Akito. Tohru didn't laugh because she was too nice and she didn't get what was so funny anyway and Akito didn't laugh because Yuki is his precious~ssss... Oh and he was busy trying to get in his brothers dress.
Before anything else too amusing could take place, Shigure finally returned from the bathroom decked out in a pair of bike shorts and a tight yellow singlet top. Okay, forget about that amusing part right now.
"Okay! Are we ready to carry on?" He asked joyfully jumping up and down in place. The Sohma's just stared at him in shock and horror. "Whaaaa~aaat-uh?!" He whined.
Kyou just sighed and rubbed his head. "Just when you thought the guy couldn't get any campier he goes and does this. You'd think I'd be expecting this by now."
"Just be thankful you didn't go to school with him." Hatori grumbled, as he proceeded to chain smoke at an alarming rate. Cigarettes were the only things that allowed him to deal with the eccentric Inu on a daily basis. Let's not even go into what he does in order to cope with Ayame.
Kyou mentally counted his blessings as the Sohma family returned to the game; Ritsu apologizing at a million miles a minute for taking up carpet that someone else could have sat on. Shigure gave him a playful chop on the head and the monkey shut up.
All the Jyuunishi were sitting in a circle again with the exception of Ayame who was slumped out cold against Shigure's shoulder, drooling. Akito was cuddling up to his arm affectionately with a stupid grin on his face.
"AKITO PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!!" Kyou and Black Haru yelled in unison. Akito just glared at them.
"Hmph! You're just jealous that the readers don't want to see you in your boxers!!" He sniffed, striking a porn star pose whilst still managing to hang onto Ayame. Kyou flared up like a FireCracker.
"FUCK YOU AKITO, I DONT WANNA SEE YOU IN YOUR BOXERS!!" He screamed like a frustrated child. "AND WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND CARD CAPTORS?! IT'S COMPETITION YOU DAMN BAKA, YOU CAN'T LIKE IT!!"
"Um... Kyou... I think that you should calm down." Tohru requested softly, randomly regaining her memories.
"Yeah you stupid cat, we wanna keep playing the game." Hiro growled, ignoring Kisa who was begging him not to be rude. The cat turned on him then.
"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO YOU LITTLE BRAT!!" Kyou roared spraying spit like a fountain. "I'LL BEAT THE CRUD OUT OF YOU... YOU... SHEEP!!"
"Go ahead." Hiro snorted, looking smug. "But you'll get sent to prison for beating up a kid."
"And you know what's gonna happen to you in jail, Kyou-kun?" Momiji squealed in a sing song voice. "You'll be someone's prison bitch!!"
Yuki grinned at the vision of Kyou witnessing first hand the typical shower dilemma, then realized that he was thinking of Kyou nude and shut off his brain. He didn't want people to think that he was gay or anything...
"Um... I choose Hatori!" Shigure cried trying to get the fanfic back on track. To his immense relief Kyou concurred and sat back down, muttering various naughty words under his breath.
Hatori sighed and stubbed out his wonderful cigarette, feeling his very soul die with it. "Oh wonderful." He said, sounding not the least bit happy about it.
Shigure grinned and fluttered his eyelashes. "Well? Truth or dare?"
"Dare." The dragon said without hesitation. "Because there is no way I am ever going to give personal information to you Shigure."
The Inu groaned in defeat. "Aww... well it was worth a shot. Now what's something really ridiculous and embarrassing I can make Ha-Chan do?"
He went off into day dream world for a while, trying desperately to think of a good dare. It was Akito's whistling that finally gave him an idea.
As Shigure whispered the task into Hatori's ear, the dragon paled exceptionally and furrowed his eyebrows.
"... I won't do it." He bitchily bitched. Shigure glared at him, with puffed out cheeks and a nasty look in his eyes.
"You will." He snarled, frothing at the mouth like a rabid dog.
Hatori scowled back, looking twice as threatening. He had more practice. "Or what?" He asked sarcastically.
Shigure's tone was menacing. "Or I'll get Tohru to hug you-"
"She already knows I turn into a seahorse Shigure." Hatori snapped, wishing that she didn't. Being the dragon of the zodiac was cool in many ways, but turning into a seahorse was just... sad. "You can't embarrass me into doing something more embarrassing."
"-and let Akito play 'Swirly' with you." Shigure finished, smiling in a most evil way. It looked kind of weird considering what he was wearing. " And let me tell you; I don't think the results will be quite the same as Ayame's, considering you'll be a seahorse and all."
The message was very clear; Do the dare, or do the long carnival ride down the sewerage pipes. After he considered this threat for a few moments, Hatori amazingly decided that the dare was the lesser of the two evils and hung his head.
"I'll do the dare..." He muttered, hating every single thing in the world at that moment. Shigure pumped his arm in the air.
"Great! I knew there was a party animal in you somewhere Ha-Chan!!"
"So, uh... what is it exactly that you are making Hatori do Shigure?" Yuki asked scratching his chin.
Shigure grinned mischievously. "You'll see."
The Sohma family and Tohru were now standing outside on the side of the road watching Hatori prepare himself for the dare. All the neighbors had come out to watch and a generally large crowd was starting to form, eager to find out what could have brought the reclusive family into daylight. So far, they were proving to be as odd as everyone had thought.
There was Hatori Sohma, standing in the center of the road, surrounded by orange hazard cones that forced the flow of traffic to go around him. He was wearing his white lab coat, buttoned all the way up the front and had the most miserable expression on his face since he found out that people paired him with Ayame in fanfiction. That alone was entertaining enough to watch and Kyou had started a ticket booth a little off down the road to earn some extra money off of the 'event.'
Akito sniffed from beneath his giant black umbrella.
"Just how much longer do you expect me to wait, Shigure?" He snitched, pissy because they had to leave Ayame inside. "I can't stay out in this terrible sun for too long! You know my skin is extremely sensitive!"
Yuki looked up at the stormy grey sky and shook his head.
Shigure smiled broadly at the young family master. "Not too long now Akito. I just have to wait for Momiji to bring the last of the accessories." He paused to examine Akito for a minute. "Um... Akito... you do realize that we are out in public don't you?"
Akito blinked at him sarcastically. "Well judging by the cars and the people Shigure I would have to take a wild guess and say that; Yes, we are. Why do you ask such a ridiculous question?"
Shigure scratched his head and laughed nervously. "Because... your um... still only wearing your... Card Captor Sakura boxers... Sir..."
"Well... What do you know?! I am!!" Akito said as though deeply shocked. "Like wow! I like never noticed! Gosh Shigure, like, build a bridge and get over it!!"
With that he stormed off to harass Kyou, leaving the poor Inu puzzled over just what had happened.
"Hey Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggguuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu~uuuuuree!" Yelled Momiji as he ran full pelt towards the author. "I got what you wanted!!"
"Ah! Thank you Momiji!" Shigure beamed, patting the bunny on the head. He took the object that the boy held out to him and raced over to Hatori with it held aloft in one hand. "Oh Ha-chan! Here you go Ha-chan! We're just about set to go!!"
"Do I really have to do this?" Hatori muttered as Shigure slapped the musty old top hat atop the dragon's head. Dust flew up from it causing him to sneeze continuously.
Shigure gasped. "Of course you do Hatori! You simply must! Would you prefer to go play 'Swirly?'" The silence confirmed his question. "I knew you didn't! Now, here's your microphone and stand. I want plenty of emotion in the words Ha-chan. After all, music is love and love is music."
Hatori did not feel much love for anything then, especially not music. But it beat being stuck down the sewerage pipes with the possibility of turning back into a human and experiencing a fate worse then death.
Shigure gave him a big thumbs up and ran back to the side lines where Ritsu was holding a large boom box that almost squished him beneath it's weight.
"You can put it down now Ritsu!" Shigure chirped, pulling a CD out of a case in his hand and sticking it into the CD slot. The monkey immediately put the player down and burst into a frenzy of tears.
"Oh I'm so useless!!" He sobbed, burying his face in his dress sleeve. "How could I make you waste precious air by telling me to put down the boom box WHEN I COULD HAVE READ YOUR MIND AND PUT IT DOWN BEFORE YOU USED UP OXYGEN?!!? I'M A MISERABLE CREATURE!! MISERABLE, PATHETIC, PITIFUL!! OH SHIGURE, YOU MUST TAKE MY OWN AIR AS REPAYMENT FOR MY EVIL DEEDS!!"
With that, he grabbed the confused Inu, tilted him backwards and proceeded to breathe into his mouth. Yaoi fans around the nation wonder why this doesn't normally happen on the show and I reply because the writers have a silly vendetta against all Yaoi fans and don't want to give them any. They also have hatred towards all us Akito fans and therefore have vowed to make him as big an asshole as possible until the day he dies. But that's another story...
"R-Ritsu!!" Shigure spluttered, trying to tear his mouth away from the monkey who was breathing in and out so quickly he sounded like a prank caller. "How many times have I told you that the air you breathe out is Carbon monoxide! Not oxygen!!"
Ritsu gasped. "OH FORGIVE ME!! I HAVE MADE POOR 'GURE-SUN WASTE MORE AIR BY TRYING IN VAIN TO EDUCATE ME!! MY STUPIDITY IS A DANGER TO THE WORLD AROUND ME!! I SHOULD JUST KILL MYSELF AND SPARE EVERYONE THE PAIN OF LISTENING TO ME!!"
"No objections here..." Kyou muttered as he sauntered past in a ticket collectors hat and bum-bag.
"GOMEN-NASAI!!" Ritsu screamed in determination, trying to hurl himself into the path of an oncoming truck. Tohru pulled him back to safety.
"Ritsu! Don't do that!" She cried, stroking the boy's long chestnut hair. This caused him to wail even louder.
"Oh Tohru-Kun is so kind!!" He snuffled, accepting the handkerchief she offered him. "She is concerned that the truck driver may have clean my entrails off the truck later and waste time in between his delivery's! Her pity is wasted on someone like me!" He blew his nose loudly and handed her back the hanky.
Tohru just looked at him, for the first time in her life not knowing what to say.
Shigure saved her the trouble. "Alright everyone! We're ready to execute Ha-chan's dare! Are you ready Hatori?"
The dragon looked up, banishing his last thoughts about snowflakes and shook his head sadly. He could not have looked sadder even if he were forced to erase Kana's memories a second time. Shigure however, was all smiles.
"Okay! Heeeeeeeeeeeee~eeeeeeeeeeeeere goes!" He sang, hitting the play button on the boom box. A whiny country beat started up and Kyou recognizing it, broke down in giggles at the thought of what Hatori was about to do. Everyone else however was confused.
Hatori mentally shook off stage fright, tried to envision himself naked and clasped a hold of the microphone stand. The metal was cold against his hand, almost as cold as his heart. Trying to put everything out of his head, he leaned close and started to sing, praying that the ground would suddenly swallow him up.
"I'm going out tonight-I'm feelin' alright
Gonna let it all hang out (Obnoxious laugh from Kyou.)
Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout."
Hatori swayed from side to side in time with the music then leaned close the microphone to deliver the, "Ha." The girls all fainted at the sexual nature of the voice whilst the guys just grunted that they could 'Do that.' No you couldn't boys, only Hatori can.
"No inhibitions-make no conditions
Get a little outta line
I ain't gonna act politically correct
I only wanna have a good time
The best thing about being a woman (Sweatdrops.)
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and...
Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts-short skirts." At this point, Hatori pulled back the hem of his coat to reveal one bare leg up to the tiny black mini skirt that barely covered his thighs. Shigure and the now revived girls screamed in delight, Kyou laughed hysterically, Tohru stared and Akito contemplated mass homicide. Hatori quickly concealed his limb and continued singing.
"Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman! Hoo!"
As the music strummed out the beats between the verses, Hatori slowly unbuttoned his lab coat just the way Shigure told him to; sliding each button out in a seductive manner, whilst trying to smile at the surrounding thousand or so people in the same way. It wasn't easy though considering that Kyou, Momiji and Hiro were rolling around on the ground laughing so hard they nearly wet their pants. Kagura was using the distraction to try and fall on the neko but Kyou was too busy enjoying himself to notice. Hatori sighed and threw off the coat, revealing the open buttoned white shirt and slinky black cocktail dress underneath. Fanboys throughout the audience just about creamed themselves whilst the girls began to drool at an alarming rate. Shigure seemed to be doing both.
Hatori nearly burst into tears and suddenly wanted his mummy for the first time since he was seven. No not that way you sicko's. Still, he was a very brave man and continued to sing away, gyrating his hips in smooth wave like motions. A sigh of unified appreciation erupted from the audience.
"The girls need a break-tonight we're gonna take
The chance to get out on the town
We don't need romance-we only wanna dance
We're gonna let our hair hang down" (Brushes his hand through his fringe.)
The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and...
Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts-short skirts." Hatori tugged on the shirt's collar as he sang that line prompting another cry of satisfaction from his cousin and the fangirls/boys. He couldn't help thinking that Shigure had just been waiting for the chance to get him into such an outfit.
"Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman! Hoo!"
A long guitar solo started up and Hatori danced around between the orange cones feeling ridiculous. A twenty-car pile up had occurred behind him as the driver's attentions had all been diverted to the bishounen wonder singing a Shania Twain song. Hatori slowly peeled the white shirt off of his body, revealing that the black dress was strapless and the dragon had been forced to stuff a few pairs of socks down the front of it to keep it up. Regardless he looked rather good in it, as though you all couldn't tall from the drool status. The only problem was that he hadn't really taken the time to shave his legs before he started singing and thus his legs were rather... uh, hairy. If Ayame had been conscious at that point in time he would have been mortified.
"Oh yeah. The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun- fun-fun-"
Hatori paused long enough to whip the top hat off and toss it to the side in an elegant manner. His normally sensible brown hair had been done in a little bun on top of his head and he had curls running down the side of his face. If this wasn't bad enough he was wearing cherry red lipstick, mascara, black eyeliner and eyeshadow, foundation and blusher. Shigure had obviously been responsible for the application because if anyone else had done it Hatori would have ended up looking like a clown. Now he only looked like Ayame, minus the hair. Kyou laughed so hard he could barely breathe and Yuki, who had managed to stay serious up until that point, broke down completely, clutching his sides and cackling like a crazy chicken. Yep, just like Kureno.
Hatori exercised self-control that most of us can only hope to aspire to and returned his attention to the song. It's almost over he kept repeating in his head. Once it's over you can kill Shigure. It's almost over Hatori.
"Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts-short skirts." (Hatori raised an eyebrow seductively and the audience all fainted in rehearsed unison.)
"Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style. (Campy pose.)
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman! Hoo!"
I get totally crazy
Can you feel it
Come, come, come on baby! Hoo, hoo, hoo!
I feel like a woman!"
The music strummed out its final beats and Hatori posed with one hand in the air dramatically. The audience erupted in applause whilst love hearts floated above the fangirls heads in awe and new found admiration of their beloved dragon. But the applause was none so apparent then over with the Sohma's, who were managing to clap between their various chuckles and guffaws. Shigure's grin nearly stretched around his head as he ran over to shake his poor cousin's hand.
"Well me old beauty! That wasn't so hard was it?!" He cheered, slapping Hatori heartily on the back. Hatori fell flat on his face. "Bet you feel totally invigorated inside, huh?"
"Hatori I am absolutely disgusted!" Akito shrieked from the sidelines as fangirls converged upon him. "This action is unforgivable! I will flog the skin from your back, just see if I don't!!"
"Wow... are those really Card captor Sakura boxers?" Some random boy asked with a wide-eyed Tohru expression. "I've been looking for them everywhere on E-Bay."
"GO AWAY!" Akito sobbed, not understanding why his beloved Hatori had forsaken him so. "Now is not the time to talk about boxers!!"
He whirled around and tottered back towards the house, nearly falling over as his head spun. No, not in the exorcist way, but considering that it is Akito we're talking about I would not be surprised.
As Hatori clambered to his high-heeled feet, he noticed a pair of similar shoes stop infront of his nose. He looked up into a very familiar pair of eyes, wondering if it was really her or if he had just hit the ground too hard.
"Kana?" He asked uncertainly. The woman looked at him with a puzzled expression and tossed her hair a little disdainfully.
"Hello Hatori..." She said, placing a finger on her chin. The dragon leapt to his feet so quickly he caused a hurricane in Tokyo.
"What are you doing here?" He asked with a hopeful look in his one, very lonely eye. Shigure got the hint and moved closer, hovering over Hatori's shoulder like some annoying black haired mosquito. Such was the similarity that Hatori nearly sprayed him with Mortine.
Kana put her hands on her hips. "Well, I came to tell you that absolutely at random my memories returned and I wanted to give our relationship another go-" Hatori lit up like a Christmas tree. "-but... after today's performance, I can see that your tastes tend to run a little, uh... differently then when we last met. So I guess I'll be seeing you."
With that, the love of Ha-chan's life spun on her heel and walked off, disappearing into the horny crowd before Hatori could say; "Truth or Dare my love!"
The dragon finally found his voice. "NO!" He screamed leaping recklessly into the throng in pursuit of his old lover. "You don't understand Kana! This isn't something I do regularly! Shigure threatened to flush my down the toilet!! WAIT!!"
He ran out into the streets away from the crowd, searching for her. A dramatic rain started to fall and Hatori went down on his knees in a convenient little puddle, sobbing as his makeup ran rivulets down his face.
"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY???!!" Hatori screamed at the sky for 15 minutes. "WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME GOD?! WHY?!! WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYY??!!!"
This went on for around an hour, coming to an abrupt halt when Hatori lost his voice. He sat sullenly in the rain, wishing that he had taken the option of being flushed down the toilet when Shigure had given it to him. It would be a lot less painful then this.
'I wonder if Akito will allow me to erase my memories?' He wondered to himself.
(WILL HATORI EVER GET HIS BELOVED KANA BACK? WILL AKITO EVER PUT SOME CLOTHES ON? WILL THE NEXT VICTIM SUFFER EVEN MORE THEN HATORI HAS? FIND OUT NEXT TIME, IN FRUITS BASKET: TRUTH OR DARE!)
Thanks again to everyone who reviewed. I can't blame anyone who doesn't understand my writing because quite frankly I can't understand it myself! Chapter 3 will be up soon so keep reviewing please and to all Hatori fans; I hope I made it up to you! __^ Oh yeah and Pretty Akitty is my nickname for Akito, so I get Momiji to call him that too. *Sweat drops* Erm... I gotta go eat those cookies now. Bye! *Bolts*