Fruits Basket: Truth or Dare.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fruits Basket. Fruits Basket owns me. How's that for a disclaimer?!
(Thankyou to everyone for your reviews and my sincerest apologies for not updating sooner. I have been busy with a stressful one exam and mourning over my (non-existent) love life. But now I'm back, (general polite applause) and insanity shall rule over your petty existences once more! MWAAA HAAA HAAA!! *Cuddles plushies that Kewie gave to her* Ooh Akitty in boxers plushy... I wonder if this is one of those ones that you can change the clothes on? *Wide eyed expression* N E way, this is Haru's chapter and I was having a lot of trouble deciding what I was going to make him do but I eventually came up with something that doesn't involve boxer shorts or guys in dresses... All those who are disappointed please raise your hands. (Looks at all the raised hands and sighs.) Oh well... back to the drawing board...)
"'You are the night and the night alone understands you and enfolds you in its arms. One with the shadows. Without nightmare. An inexplicable peace.' Quote: Louis; Interview with the Vampire.'' Hatori phrased randomly, standing with one leg extended and the toes pointed in a very campy-ish fashion.
The Sohma's stared at him oddly.
"I hate to ask, but did that have any relevance at all to the upcoming fanfic?" Hiro asked, probing at his eardrum with a pen lid. [Note to readers: Probing at your ears with pen lids is dangerous. Do not do it.] Hatori pivoted on the spot and gazed down at the young sheep thoughtfully.
"I thought the readers might appreciate a little classical literature to help counter balance the impending insanity they are about to be put through, after they've waited God knows how long for the lazy author to update." He glared upwards as he said this because as we all know, people tend to do this when they are referring to omnipotent sources and fanfic authors. These can be one in the same.
Hatori suddenly got hit in the head with a plushie of himself.
"Ow...." He grumbled picking himself and the offending soft toy off of the floor. "Figures that she'd use my plushie to maim me with. And while we're at it, why doesn't my plushie have an eye underneath the hair? Were the makers just so lazy that they forgot to put one there or do they really think that I had my eye completely removed?" He shook the Ha-Chan plushie around as though it were a maraca. "I still have both eyes!! The other one JUST DOESN'T WORK RIGHT!! I DIDN'T ASK TO BE THIS WAY! I DIDN'T ASK TO BE THE BORING CHARACTER. I WANTED TO BE SHIGURE BUT THEY SAID I WASN'T HORMONAL ENOUGH!!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT OLD MAN!!!" Then Hatori fell to the floor and proceeded to have a mental breakdown. As this was such a regular occurrence in the Sohma family household, no one even bothered to look up.
"Hey, hey HEY!!" Momiji squealed randomly. "They should make Fruits Basket action figures! Wouldn't that be cool, ya'll?!"
Before anyone could offer their opinion on this fascinating subject, the front doors were thrown open and Yuki and Kyou both rushed in with a general crowd of screaming fangirls hanging off of their every limb.
"Help me! THEY'RE OUT OF CONTROL!!!" Kyou yelled, thinking of himself for a change. Yuki was busy trying to pry a random fangirl called Kireina off of him with a crow bar but she was proving resilient.
"But Yuki! We're meant to be together!" She cried in a tone of voice that made even Kagura proud. "You told me in my dreams that you loved me!!"
"And that's the only time I ever would!!" Yuki yelled back, giving up on the crowbar and grabbing a conveniently well placed Fire Extinguisher that just happened to be on the wall. ""Well don't just stand there staring. Help us!" He snapped at the rest of the Sohma's who were standing around and staring like stunned mullets.
Haru snapped into action. "Of course I'll help you, Yuki!" He said striding towards the fangirls with a determined look on his face. Hatori, recovered from his little mini-drama, was in his face before he could get another step further.
"After the stunt you pulled at the mall I think not." He preached taking hold of his arm and leading him away.
"But Yuki neeee~eeeds me!" Haru cried, struggling like a ferret in a sack. Hatori accessed the situation of current teenage molestation and made an educated decision.
"He's fine on his own."
And he was. Using his amazing rodent powers of pre-pubescent mouse hood, Yuki set the fire extinguisher on the fangirls and escorted them out the door in a wave of fluffy white stuff. There was lots of screaming, which would undoubtedly go hand in hand with multiple Yuki fangirl suicide later on that day. I don't think that they would be able to handle the rejection.
"The authors just gone... weird..." Hiro muttered, finally removing the pen lid from his ear cavities. "She's trying in vain to sound smart and later on, when she's older she'll look back at this story and think to herself, 'I used to let people read this crap?' and then she'll kill herself."
Hiro then suffered a long slow painful death from piercing his eardrum with the pen lid and filling his head up with blood until it came out his nose.
No just kidding. I wouldn't do that to my fifth favorite character. I would however, hit him with a Hiro plushie.
"At least mine has both its eyes." The Sheep commented thankfully.
Kyou was having a little more trouble with his fangirls. They down pat just refused to let go of him despite his countless death threats and pointless screaming.
"Dammit Nezumi!! Do your cousin a favor and spray these fangirls!!" The orange haired neko cried, as he bashed his girl-laden leg up against a wall. This did little to deter her incessant humping of his appendage.
Yuki eyed off his dripping fire extinguisher, then looked over at Kyou's plight with a very smug expression.
"Nah..." He said, setting the Extinguisher down against the wall. "Don't feel like it Kyou..."
Kyou glared at him with murder in his eyes. "YOU ARE DEAD, DO YOU HEAR ME YUKI?!! DEAD!!" This threat out of the way, the neko looked around for anything that could save him. He spied a crucifix that just happened to be hanging on the wall in a Japanese house and pulled it down. "HA!! I have a CRUCIFIX!! Be aware all ye fangirls!! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!!"
Kyou thrust the crucifix forward, a deranged look in his dilated eyes. The fangirls stared at him in wonderment, not sure what to make of their beloved cat's crazy behavior. Momiji giggled and bounced over.
"YEAH!! You'd better leave Kyou alone!" He leaned in all menacingly as lightening flashed in the background. "He's got the power of God behind him..."
The fangirls looked back and forth at each other then instantaneously decided that they should go in search of less insane people to hang out with. So with that, they left the Sohma household in peace. ... Well, it wasn't exactly peaceful but it was back to normal. Whatever they considered normal anyway.
"Wowee Kyou! You sure showed them!!" Momiji squealed, leaping up to give Kyou a high five. Kyou hit him with the crucifix.
"SHUTTUP!! I hate you all! You all made me walk through a crowded mall dressed as a woman!! Shigure filmed me! People laughed at me! The entire army turned up to try and kill me! I was molested by five bazillion and one crazy fangirls who wanted to see me and Yuki get down and dirty!! And worst of all-" Kyou's rant broke off into a series of incoherent sobs. "-A-All the readers know I'm a v-v-virgin now!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!" With that, he threw himself to the floor and began to beat it with his fists in child like aggravation. Yuki looked on, not caring a jot.
"Well... my only concern is that it inspired countless Yuki/Kyou Yaoi authors to pick up their crusty pens and start scribbling out the lemons..." He commented, brushing out the lapel of his green suit. "Otherwise I don't really care. Everybody loves me regardless of what I do. Bet Kyou wishes he could say the same." This caused Kyou to cry ever harder.
"You bet we love you Yuki!!" Haru cried, no longer resisting the urge to keep his eager little hands off of the spunky hunk of mouse meat. He broke free of Hatori and threw his arms around Yuki's midsection, almost lifting him off the ground in his passion. "But next time, you should hold my hand instead of Kyou's! I wouldn't struggle against my urges like he did."
This comment was enough to make Kyou stop crying for three seconds. He leapt to his high-heeled feet and pointed accusingly at the love-struck cow.
"Now hold on just one cotton picking minute! I did not have any urges to struggle against at all!" Kyou screeched, making all the other characters prod at their ears to stop the woeful ringing noise it produced. "Unlike a certain Octopus Head, whom I feel it would be indelicate of me to name right at this moment, I am not a flaming homosexual!"
Haru gasped in shock and possibly horror. "How could you say that, Kyou? I'm not gay! In case you'd forgotten, oh forgetful one, I dated Rin who is a girl. That's more then you could ever say." He added with a sneer.
It was Kyou's turn to gasp. "Rin doesn't count! She's in the manga, and she's a ho and the author hates her." He quipped as though that somehow ended the question of Haru's involvement with her. "But as of now, it would seem that I'm not the one cuddling up to the loser nezumi. But... you know what they say; Who's the bigger loser? The loser or the loser who's in love with the loser?"
This last remark from Mr. Articulate himself was just too cutting. Haru gave a furious cry and went Black, charging Kyou head on and pushing him flying through the window. The two started brawling and exchanging blows on the front lawn.
"My poor house!" A familiar voice cried in anguish. They all looked up to see Shigure trot down the stairs in his earthy brown kimono. Hey, it was a hell of a lot better then the Village People ensemble he was displaying before. Ayame followed suit, donned out in his usual flamboyant pink leopard skin coat... and nothing else. Oh and for those of you that missed that last chapter, or read it months ago and have since forgotten what happened, well these two did it. Yes, did it. Ayame and Shigure did it. It bears repeating until it sinks into your denying minds. Ayame and Shigure yaoi-ed each other until they died and went to heaven. But they got better. And yes, you can expect me and author Hash to go into this in graphic lemon detail very soon.
"I didn't need to know that..." Yuki grumbled.
"Neither did I." Hatori agreed, whipping out a pack of cigarettes to smoke in under 30 seconds. He will most likely have lung cancer by the time this fanfic is over.
"My house is so abused!" Shigure complained as he eyed off the shattered windowpane with a critical air. Ayame giggled at his displeasure and bounced down the stairs, causing them all to rattle jarringly.
"It looks as though Kyou and Haru are fighting for my dear baby brothers affections!" He sang gesturing to the dueling pair outside. At this, Kyou stuck his head back in the window and screamed; "I don't want that damn mouse's affections!!" before Haru pulled him back out by the hair.
Kagura snorted and tossed her head. "Hmph. Yuki and Kyou, how ridiculous. Everyone knows that Kyou belongs with me."
Everyone stared at her for a few seconds then broke into raucous laughter. Kagura stared at them confused.
"What?" She wondered.
"No offense doll but - *chuckle* - I don't think that baka neko's - *chuckle* - going to agree with that anytime - *snicker* - soon!!" Ayame managed to wheeze between giggles.
"In other words; "In your dreams." Hiro translated to the confused boar.
Kagura just stared. "You guys are mean..." She stomped off towards the kitchen. "You just wait!! One day, Kyou and I will be together and happily married with five children called Janet, Persephone, Steven, Lulu and Bobby Corwin! Then you'll all see how stupid you were you... you... BIG MEANIES!!" With that she stalked into the kitchen where Tohru was busy concocting something that smelled vile.
All the Sohma's stared in silence for a few minutes.
"I... guess she's put plenty of thought into it then...?" Ritsu said at length. Everyone else just nodded lightly and mentally put it under the Sohma's list of; "Things that don't make any fucking sense and therefore we shouldn't even try to understand it."
There was a loud yell from outside and then Haru marched through the doors, head held high in triumph. Shigure noticed and clapped loudly.
"Ahh! Hatsuharu returns I see!" He said, as Haru took his place back on the floor looking extremely smug. "I must say I'm surprised. How did you manage to beat Kyou this time?"
"My thoughts exactly." Hatori added, chewing on the end of his cigarette thoughtfully.
Haru waved a hand lightly. "Oh... I didn't beat him. Akito just got to him first." As if to clarify this, there was another scream of pain from outside and then the resounding thud of bare feet coming towards the house. Everyone paled simultaneously.
"Oh God..." Momiji squealed latching onto Hatori's arm. " What are we going to dooo~ooo?"
"Akito's going to kill us!!" Hiro summarized for the readers, just in case they were drooling morons who couldn't tell that Kyou's screaming was a bad omen. Hiro fell to his knees before Kyou's crucifix and folded his hands in prayer. "Please oh please Oh mighty Father. Don't let Akito kill me. Let him kill Hatori instead, nobody likes him!"
Hiro was bombarded with flames and abuse from a thousand and one Hatori fans whilst the author remained safe behind her supposed non-hand in Hiro's statement. Hatori was thinking of who he could give up first in order to gain a few precious seconds to escape with his one good eye and had just settled on Ayame when the doors blew open and Akito stormed in.
He was a scary sight. Scarier then anyone had ever thought possible. If you want to visualize lets just say that he made the Aliens on Alien Resurrection look like cute friendly little lap pets. He was pissed. And it didn't help that he was completely naked either. Hence Kyou's screaming.
"All right..." He snarled, cracking his blood stained knuckles as he surveyed the terrified assembly. "Who dies first?"
"Ooh! Me! Me! I wanna!" Momiji said trying to imitate Shigure's voice as he waved the authors hand around. Shigure quickly snapped it back to his side, managing to brain the jovial usagi in the process.
"Um... no Akito. I do not want to die first. And why would you want to kill me anyway? Especially after we got so cosy in the manga that one time..." Shigure tried unsuccessfully to flirt with the genocidal family master. "You love me, right Akito? You love me..."
Ayame's eyes filled with tears. "You cheated on me with Akito, 'Gure? Oh GAWD I can never trust you to behave when you're out of my sight!"
Shigure latched onto his arm. "I didn't cheat on you Aya!! I was only being a ho so that I can be on Akito's good side and eventually manipulate my way into becoming leader of the Sohma family and having everyone kowtow to my whims and obey me as their master 4EVA!!"
Everyone stared at him, including Akito.
"Erm..." Shigure tried to think of something witty to say. "I um... need to... gotortureMit-Chan!!" With that, he took of running. Akito predictably, gave chase.
"Didn't anyone ever tell Shigure that the worst thing you can do when faced with a predator, is run?" Kisa asked softly as Shigure zoomed up the stairs like a bat out of Hell. Hatori shrugged.
"Don't know, don't care. How's that?"
Hiro patted Kisa's back as she lowered her head obviously upset. "Geez Hatori. It's no wonder nobody likes you..."
Hatori glared at him from behind his wall of smoke.
"Don't make me sic my fangirls onto you, Hiro." He warned, pulling out a laptop computer and logging onto a Live Journal sight. "Because I'll do it. Though they're probably all still recovering from Chapter 2 but I'm sure some of them are still willing to fight to protect me."
'Some' of course entitled 'Four thousand and fifty.' Hiro lowered his head, defeated.
Akito suddenly jogged back into the room and started to look around. Haru noticed and took his eyes off of Yuki for a few vital seconds to see just what it was the family master was searching for.
"Excuse me Akito, but... what is it you are searching for?" He wondered politely. Akito sniffed and picked Haru up to check underneath him. Then he picked Yuki up too, probably just for the Hell of it.
"I lost my boxers. Has anyone seen them?" He asked, his tone close to despair. Hatori decided to give in to the author's fantasies and handed over the Card Captor Sakura boxers. Akito put them on and all was right in the world.
"Yippee! I missemed my boxers!" Akito cried ignoring the spell check that said 'missemed' wasn't a real word. If Akito said it was, then it was. He danced around the room happily with the rest of the family looking on apprehensively. Akito's moods seemed to jump from cranky, to crazy, to lovey-dovey, to silly, back to cranky, then homicidal, and then back to silly. It was exhausting trying to keep up.
"Tra la la la la!" He sang, dancing around on the couch. "I like fairy cakes! Tee hee hee!"
At this point, all the readers must assume as I have, that these are a magical pair of boxers that make the wearer act like a total nut case. Then again, it could just be proof that whilst I have my favorites, I don't favor them.
"Bangers and mash! Bangers and mash!" Akito screamed in confirmation. Everyone paled and considered therapy.
"Is it safe to come out yet?" Shigure yelled from the hall closet. Ayame almost considered wrapping some wire around the door and keeping him locked in there as punishment for his whorish behavior. But then again if he did that he wouldn't be able to have yaoi with him and that would just never do. And shuttup all you damn Hatori/Ayame, Hatori/Shigure, Hatori/Ayame/Shigure fans I am not one of you, I am a SHIGURE/AYAME fan and since this is my fic, I will put whatever couples in here I want. If you don't like it, don't waste your time reading it and flaming me. Go away and read another authors work, one who is willing to put Straight Hatori with any of his bisexual cousins.
"The authors kind of touchy isn't she?" Yuki marveled as Haru spooned him from the side. Hatori stumped out his cigarette, wondering if for once luck was running his one-eyed way.
"Miss Author Person? Did I ever tell you I have a penchant for fangirls who don't like the idea of me pairing off with either Ayame or Shigure?" He asked, close to what could be considered flirting. The author, breaking his heart and ignoring him, was not about to degrade herself by doing a Mary-Sue self-insertation into the story that would pair off with Hatori and eventually marry him and have his children. One; because self-insertations suck and two; She didn't like Hatori.
And a billion and one Hatori fans cried out in anger and got their fingers a typing on their keyboards and flamed the author until she died.
"Okay..." Yuki mumbled as Kyou crawled into the room, bloodied, bruised and currently trying to remove his eyeballs with a dull spoon. "Oh what's wrong with you baka neko?"
"I s-s-saw Akito's—my eyes!!" Kyou screamed, convulsing on the floor like a sprayed spider. Yuki hit him, kindly.
"Get up you damn fool! You weren't the only one!" He yelled, then as an afterthought, "And undoubtedly not the last, way he's acting..."
As if they needed anymore proof, Akito slung his arm around the couch and grinned at it sleazily.
"So... what's a good looking couch like you doing in a lounge room like this?" He sleazed, stroking the sofa hornily. Hatori once more considered ritualistic suicide and much death by burning. It was times like this, he knew he would get along well with Mit-Chan.
As though sensing his anguish, Shigure sashayed down the stairs with Ayame in tow who was taking the opportunity to scope out the inu's butt.
"Come on now everyone!" He cheered, striking what he considered to be a studly leader pose. Ayame practically got off whilst everyone else just stared in disgust. "The readers are undoubtedly getting bored with all this crap! Come! We must get back to the point of the story! Truth or Dare!!"
And so they did, since the author couldn't be bothered stuffing around anymore. So when the scene reopened, all the Sohma's were set out in their little circle again, wearing their usual clothing (Akito is the except because I said so) and completely healed. They were even enjoying the little meal Tohru had prepared for them.
"This is exquisite Tohru!" Ayame cried, shoveling down food like a dying man.
Shigure puffed out his chest. "Ah but of course! My wonderful wife is quite the culinary genius you know Aya!" Tohru blushed modestly. "What did you call this again, Tohru?"
"Oh it really is a quite simple recipe." She said cutely, batting her overused eyelashes for effect. "I found it in a recipe book during our delightful day trip! It's called... hmm ... French Fries and cheeseburgers I think..."
"WHEE!! Ketchup blast!!" Momiji cried, bombarding his 'French fries' with an entire bottle of ketchup. "Yay! Now my fries can go swimming in the sauce!!"
"Why don't you put on your swimsuit and join them?" Kyou asked, taking a meaty bite out of his cheeseburger. His suggestion turned out to be a bad one, because Momiji followed it and started to roll around in his plate covering himself in sauce. Yuki sprayed him with the fire extinguisher.
"Down boy!" He commanded to the two eyes blinking out of the foam and sauce. He set the extinguisher down and picked up his cheeseburger. "So baka neko... seeing as how it was your turn last time, you get to choose who goes next."
"Don't call me baka neko it really hurts my feelings!!" Kyou screamed, spraying cheeseburger all over the place. Naturally, everyone stared at him, though you'd think by now they'd be used to such crazy behavior. "Uh... I pick... Octopus Head." He back peddled quickly.
Haru huffed. "Don't you think it hurts my feelings when you call me Octopus Head?"
"Dude... no one cares about your feelings. I mean, just look at the limited amount of Yuki/Haru fanfics there are out there in comparison to all the Tohru/Yuki ones." Kyou stated the obvious through a mouthful of food.
Haru hang his head. "Boy... that guy sure knows how to hit you where it hurts." He snuffled.
Kyou didn't care. "Truth or Dare?"
For some odd reason, Haru decided that he was going to go out on a limb and be an individual, so he chose 'Truth.' This marked the beginning of The First ever Furuba character to pick Truth so far. It was very exciting.
Kyou of course could always be counted upon to use it to his advantage, and decided that he'd use this one of a kind opportunity to embarrass his favorite Octopus Head.
"Truth... okay. Tell us, truthfully, how you really feel about Yuki!" Kyou cried, praising his own genius. He was meet with more condescending stares. "GAWD!! I wish you people would stop that already!! GEEZ does this family have a staring problem or what? Stare at Haru! Haru's about to horribly embarrass himself by admitting his secret feelings about Yuki to the world! Stare at Octopus Head!!"
Haru, thinking that he'd already made his feelings on the matter perfectly clear, decided to get it over and done with. "Well... I um... I love him." Boy, did that feel good to get off of the chest.
Yuki stared at him in shock. !Shock! I say!
"Do you really?" He asked, in all seriousness. When Haru nodded, Yuki looked down at his hands a contemplative expression on his face. "Wow... I never knew that..."
Now everyone stared at him oddly.
"You never knew?!" Hiro snitched. "How could you never know? It's soooooo obvious! I mean, in episode 10 he sleazes up against you in the fight scene, he turned into a cow and let you ride on his back when he got sick, (And I'm sure some dirty bastard has written a lemon about that somewhere) he told Tohru that you're his one true love and then he said that he liked you to your face when you woke up! HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW?!"
Yuki just continued to look oblivious but in an adorable way. "I just never really considered it... I suppose..."
"It's nice to know you're so considerate of Haru's feelings Yuki." Shigure muttered as he cuddled with Ayame in the corner. Kyou, who was sitting nearby, was dry retching.
Yuki gazed at Haru who was still huggling his arm, not in the least bit embarrassed about admitting his feelings. "Haru... are you sure you love me?"
"Um... pretty sure!" Haru chirped. Akito suddenly chucked a fit and threw a vase to the floor.
"No! I won't allow this marriage!" He shrieked as he pointed his finger dramatically at Yuki and Haru, a twisted look on his evil, EVAL face.
He was only wearing his Cardcaptor Sakura boxers.
"What are you talking about you idiot? Haru only said he loved Yuki, it's not even like the feelings mutual..." Kyou muttered coming to the realization that he was about to lose the two guys who he was usually paired with in Yaoi fanfiction, to each other and feeling very open to the idea. Akito continued to glare.
"I don't care! I've been so OOC for so long I feel like I'm going to EXPLODE!!" The family master yelled, looking like a kettle that was about to boil over. Then he saw Ayame cuddled up with Shigure. "WHAT THE HELL?!! IS EVERYBODY GETTING MARRIED WITHOUT MY CONSENT??!! IS THIS THE TWILIGHT ZONE??!!!???"
"Kyou! Darling, we should get married too!" Kagura trilled as Momiji hummed the Twilight Zone theme in the background. Kyou suddenly felt as though a Yaoi relationship with Haru might be the way to go. Akito jumped around crazily.
"NO ONE IS GETTING MARRIED WITHOUT MY CONSENT!!" He shrieked, because that's all he can do. "Doesn't Episode 8 scare anyone, anymore??!! What do I have to do to earn some respect around here??!!"
"Why not try... PUTTING YOUR DAMN CLOTHES ON BIRD BOY???!!!" Kyou yelled back, jealous because he wasn't the loudest in the room at the moment. Akito stepped up to the challenge.
"WHY DON'T YOU COME ON OVER HERE AND MAKE ME CAT LOVER??!!" He shouted, causing furries everywhere to start writing out Kyou/Kitty Kat lemons. "YOU HAVEN'T GOT THE GUTS TO TAKE ME ON, EVEN THOUGH YOU TEND TO BREAK MY NOSE IN EVERY OTHER FANFIC BECAUSE I'M THE MOST HATED CHARACTER IN FRUITS BASKET AND EVERYONE BUT A SELECT FEW LIKE TO VENT THEIR ANGSTY ISSUES TOWARDS ME BY MAKING SOMETHING HORRIBLE HAPPEN TO ME, LIKE MY NOSE BEING BROKEN!! HELL I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES THAT'S HAPPENED BUT I'M GETTING SICK OF IT!! EVEN MORE SO THEN YUKI AND KYOU WORKING TOGETHER TO BEAT ME UP!! IT'S NOT FAIR!! JUST BECAUSE I'M THE ONE CHARACTER THAT HATES TOHRU AND THE ONE THAT HURT HATORI, AND THE ONE THAT HURT KISA AND THE ONE THAT'S JUST A BASTARD IN GENERAL EVERYONE PICKS ON ME!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!" Akito grabbed the camera and pressed his face right up against it, scaring the crap out of all the viewers. "WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU, HUH??! YOU BETTER WATCH YOURSELVES!! I'LL BE COMING FOR YOU!! YOU'LL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN BOYS AND GIRLS!!! MWAA HAA HA HAAA!!"
"Come on Akito, come and have your nice medicine..." Hatori simpered dragging Akito away by the hem of his boxers. Akito struggled and cried.
"No I don't want my medicine it tastes funny!!" He sobbed as he was dragged out of shot. Shigure looked up from playing tootsies (hint to future lemon!) with Ayame.
"Hey... where'd Yuki and Haru go?" He wondered looking around for the two teenagers. All the Sohma's + Tohru, only then realized that they were missing.
"Oh no! I wonder what happened?" Tohru thought as she searched under the cushions for Yuki and Haru. "I hope they're alright..."
On the contrary, Yuki and Haru were more then all right. They were strolling in the garden, for random plot reasons. Actually, Yuki felt as though they could use a little privacy to discuss the !shocking! revelation and didn't feel as though that would be possible inside. What with Akito's cackling and Kyou's wise cracks and Shigure's echi jokes and Tohru's well... Tohru-ness. That and the fact that the script said that he was supposed to end up with Tohru and that made his own true feelings a little hard to decipher.
"So... in what way do you love me Haru?" He asked, looking at the white haired cow out of the corner of his eye.
"I don't know, I just do!" Haru snapped, annoyed with Yuki's tendency to ignore the obvious. "Do I need to love you in any particular way?"
"No... I don't suppose you do. It's just that..." Yuki sighed and lowered his head, his purple eyes trained on the ground. "You do know what the script says right? That I'm supposed to..."
"Get with Tohru? I know..." The Cow muttered, hating the scriptwriters more and more by the second. Suddenly, he whipped out his pen and notebook and added them to his 'Who-to-kill-next-whilst-in-Black-Haru-mode' list. Yuki caught a glimpse over his shoulder.
"Is that your shit list?" He asked, though it was pretty obvious what it was from the big thick title he had scribbled on the top. "There's so many people on it..."
"Yeah, well... a lot of people are getting on my nerves lately..." Haru replied, scribbling down the authors name and anyone who wrote Yuki/Tohru fanfics as well. Then he slipped the notebook back into his trenchcoat pocket and looked Yuki in the eye. "Don't worry though. You're not on there."
Yuki chuckled. "I trust I wouldn't be. I wouldn't be much of a First Love in that case, now would I?" If this charming quote wasn't enough, a halo of orange sparkles appeared over Yuki's shoulders as he gazed into Haru's eyes. Haru felt his knees go all weak and he was suddenly imagining Yuki in a high school girl's outfit again. Somehow he didn't think that this was going to do his hormones any good and they were already in full swing.
"Haru..." Yuki whispered, taking a step closer. "I- I..."
Haru shook himself free of his fantasy to focus on the grey haired beauty before him, who was suddenly looking very demure. This made Haru's hormones misbehave even more. Hey, that sorta rhymed!
"I ... I..."
"Out with it, Yuki." Haru said, feeling strangely enough like Ryan on the last episode of the Bachelorette. And whoever laughs at the author for actually watching that gets hunted down by Akito.
Yuki, though clearly more nervous then a mouse in a room full of cats, reached out and took Haru's gloved hands in his own. Cue romantic music and Instant Sparklies.
"Haru I- ... I'm glad you told everyone that you loved me. ...I really am..." Yuki whispered, trailing one hand upward to rest on the cow's chest. He could feel his heartbeat speed up through the wall of his black shirt. "Because now it means that I can tell you... that I... ...love you too."
This was clearly the greatest moment of Haru's life. A huge grin split across his face, so wide that it was a wonder his whole head didn't turn inside out. He whooped loudly and leapt into the air, pumping his fist like a guy at a football match. Yuki had to smile.
"Really?? You do?! Oh, YEAH!!" Haru turned to the camera. "Granted this would never actually happen on the show can all the reader's cut me a break? That would really make my day, thank you." He then turned back to Yuki and the mushy music started up again. "Oh Yuki... I... I don't know what to say... maybe I'll just babble some illiterate dribble at you that really enhances the moment and makes my sudden shyness even more sexy by comparison?"
Yuki swept in all dramatically, pressing a long finger to Haru's flapping lips. "Don't speak.... for some things in life, there are no words..." He quoted from Willy Wonker. Haru fortunately had never seen the movie, and was so stunned by Yuki's beautiful words that he was compelled to step even closer to the older boy's svelte figure. Yuki closed his eyes, leaning in as Haru's lips neared his own, their breaths brushing each other's cheeks as-
"Romance..." A familiar voice, said from beside Yuki's ear. The mouse spun around in horror, coming face to face with the towering figure of his older brother. Ayame, not seeming the least bit apologetic for breaking up the love scene, simply smiled and pressed his index finger to his temple knowingly. "Manly romance in the garden... it's so beautiful! If only we had some pink cherry blossoms to compliment the scene! And I must say Yuki; you really surprised me with that poetic phrase you just belted out it simply blew my mind! I wasn't sure you were capable of such emotions as love, seeing as how you try to kill your dear brother at every chance you get, Still you know what they say; 'You hurt the one's you love!!'" He then proceeded to laugh his campy gay cackle that sucked the soul out of people's bodies. Yuki scowled and rolled up his sleeves.
"If that's the case then I love you to fucking death." He hissed as Haru stood with his back to the non-existent camera, trying desperately not to go Black. It really wasn't all that charming, or so he'd been told.
"Hey, we've been looking for you two." Shigure called as he walked into shot. "Um... Yuki... What exactly are you doing to Aya?"
What Yuki appeared to be doing, was making a pretzel out of his older much pervier brother. But since Ayame was so flexible, he wasn't nearly in as much pain as he should be; though it looked pretty awful to anyone watching.
"Stay out of this Shigure! Unless of course you want a go too?!" Yuki exclaimed with an insane glint in his eye. Akito would have been so proud.
Shigure chuckled nervously and took a few steps back, knowing he couldn't bend in as many places as Ayame could. "No thanks Yuki. Maybe later. Listen, we've come up with a good dare for Momiji, but we kinda need Haru's help to execute it. Seeing as how, he only had a Truth and that was kind of lame, so we're giving him a dare as well."
Haru looked over from pouting off screen and raised an eyebrow. "What do you want me to do?"
Shigure just smiled. "Inside, we'll tell you then-" He winced as Ayame screamed in pain, a sound like snapping bones echoing throughout the garden. "- Yuki... I think he's been punished enough, don't you?"
"He won't be punished enough until he's in HELL!!" Was Yuki's response as he twisted Ayame's arm practically out of its socket. Shigure sweat dropped, sending sympathy to his mutilated boyfriend.
(WHAT WILL HARU'S DARE BE? WILL AYAME SURVIVE LONG ENOUGH TO SEE IT? AND WILL THE AUTHOR ACTUALLY UPDATE MORE FREQUENTLY AND NOT BECOME A LAZY ASSHAT? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON CHAPTER FIVE OF "FRUITS BASKET: TRUTH OR DARE!!")
Like I said, sorry everyone for taking so long. And sorry about the short chapter it's sort of like a filler until I can get back into the routine of writing it. I've actually been working on an Ayame/Shigure romance fic - (Everyone including Ayame and Shigure stare at her and laugh) – hey shut up alright?! I know the idea sounds ludicrous and that's exactly why I've been working on it so hard! To make it sound believable! Still, regardless I hope someone at least enjoys this chapter but with a bit of luck I'll do better in the next one. R and R and even flame if you feel like wasting a spare few seconds of your time to rag on me. It makes me feel even more special! ^^ (Oh and on that note: Don't be offended Hatori/Shigure/Ayame fans you guys have the right to write whatever you want! I was just having a bit of fun! Don't hate me. (Shigure eyes.)