For Disclaimer see Default Chapter
Chapter Eleven – Every Now And Then"Uh, Grissom. What the...! You've scared the shit out of me!" In the semi-darkness of the Sheriff's office Sara could barely see anything but his silhouette. He switched on a desk lamp. The expression in his face was pure Grissomish non-expressive.
With one eye-brow lifted he said in a soft tone "Sara, may I have a word with you?" not showing the inner turmoil of his emotions. He was in absolute control.
"Uh, look! I…Phil and I…this was…." Sara stumbled.
"Sara!" He interrupted her sternly. "I'd rather prefer not to talk your private life. As long as you're doing your job this is none of my business." came out bluntly. "But we are on a case, remember? And by the way I need your advice on something else." He added in a softer tone.
"Yes, sir!" Sara said bustling, though still confused by what happened a few minutes ago when she found herself in Phil's arms. They returned in the more comfortable back office where Grissom had set up a fire. They sat down, Sara on the sofa, Grissom in an armchair. He offered her a mug of fresh tea. She made herself comfortable trying to ignore the enhancing emotional distance between them. The tea refreshed her and sobered her up a bit. Her brown eyes were resting on Grissom now. He preferred to stare in his mug and didn't return her look. . "I'm all ears. Go ahead!" she hoped that it would sound as business as usual.
"I was wondering" Grissom mused, "if the wife has been in the charade from beginning or if she just came in at some point in the middle. Perhaps she's not a suspect but also a victim of unpredictable circumstances."
"But perhaps she planned the whole thing, you know, motivating her lover to go for the lover-kills-husband scenario." Sara said. "except she couldn't foresee the natural event, of course."
"Yes, but why then would she shoot her lover at the end? That doesn't make sense." Grissom asked. "Perhaps she felt that her lover planned something and went after him, when he killed the husband."
"Or she wanted to get rid of her lover and asked her husband to kill him to live happily ever after. And this plan went wrong."
"We do not have any evidence to prove either of these scenarios, Sara. And in cases like this I sometimes get the feeling that evidence is not enough. Never mind, we should probably not jump into conclusions before we finally meet that lady in person. The sheriff gave me some background information on the vics and our female suspect.
Clark Vincent, the husband is a tradesman, freelancing in construction. Hence often away from home, but making quite good money. House, two cars, neighbours stated a healthy relationship. No arguing or fighting. And she is employed with Drake's Gym in Ely, works as a fitness trainer." Grissom flipped through his notes.
"At least we have a connection. Wife home alone, taking opportunity of an extra-marital romance, commencing a liaison with her boss, who also seemed to be a friend of Clark, at least a friend in mind when it came to wild game. The older guy reliable husband material, the younger for the itching, mh, uh, for the passion?"
"Yeah", Grissom cleared his throat. "So it seem. Sara, you tired?"
"No, I'm good. What's up next?" During their conversation she calmed down an got back to working mode.
"I, uh, we, I mean, we hadn't the opportunity really to talk about what happened with Cath and Ecklie and, well, me. It seem that Ecklie finally got what he wanted. He had always been a pain in the ass, just waiting to see me screw up, which I did."
Sara opened her mouth to object, but Grissom calmed her down with a gesture of his hand. Now that he opened that Pandora's box of his mind he wanted to continue.
"No Sara, we know both that I am first and always a scientist, not a leader. I have never been good with people, hence the management style turned out even worse. Without Catherine there wouldn't have been much of a management. Of course I was giving out the assignments but it was often her who coordinated the follow-ups and I was lucky to have a team which didn't need to be micro-managed. But I feel that I completely failed in the few cases that some of you needed my help. I screwed everything up, Sara, especially with you." Grissom firmly looked in her eyes and before she could even manage to gather herself due to his last comment he continued, "This will probably the last case here, I'm going to leave. My days with the crime lab have been counted anyway since Ecklie's promotion."
Grissom turned around not longer able to meet the surprised and more than hurt look in her dark-brown eyes.
"Gris, I don't know what to say. I mean, you just can't do that. You once said to me, that the lab needs me. It may sound pretty familiar to you, but the lab needs you, too. I, uh, we, the team needs you."
Sara tried to give it a shot "Could I convince you to stay if I would send you a plant or something or would you prefer a friend for your pet spider?" She put a hand on his back. Grissom flinched and straightened but turned around to her. She smiled helplessly and looked very vulnerable.
He rested his hands on her shoulders and looked firmly in her eyes. They stood just a few inches apart from each other, feeling the body heat emanating from each other, picking up their scents. Grissom smelled her shampoo and closed his eyes. His olfactory senses would always recall her. Sara just stood and watched him unsettled, also feeling his very presence and his scent of leather and earth.
Grissom looked at her again and sighed "Sara, you have your life back, you seem to have found somebody who cares for you. I'm sorry but I witnessed your, uh, um, interaction. That's fine for me. They also have a good lab in Reno, in case you wanna, uh, pursue a, um, a relationship with this Phil Solder, he seems to be a nice guy. And you still have your career. So move on, get a future. Take your chances and get a life. I don't want to see your life going down south again because of…" He paused and took a deep breath, then continued almost inaudible, "Because of me. It was wrong to hold you back when you wanted to go. It was my fault. I'm so sorry, that I also had a part in screwing up your life."
"Grissom!" Sara shouted. "I cannot believe you. You can't be serious. My life was already screwed up long before we met. This had nothing to do with anything you did, you should know that by now. Although you did pretty good to hurt me. But this wasn't your fault. You made it pretty clear that you are not interested in me. I have made the terrible and non excusable mistake to fall in love with you and whatever I'm trying to do, I can't stop it, it just won't go away, Gil. Please don't. Leave. Me." Sara calmed down exhausted, her eyes filled with tears.
He flinched when she probably for the first time ever used his first name and it stroke a chord in him, triggered something inside he have not felt for a very long time. He frowned, was irritated by her outburst and immediately started analysing his feelings upon her confession. 'Rationalize, go quote something sophisticated, Grissom. Something Shakespearish about unreturned love perhaps or… He watched Sara in her turmoil of emotions with this broken-heart look in her eyes, despairingly waiting for any reaction of him. "The past is never dead. It's not even past." He whispered more to himself than answering Sara when Faulkner crossed his confused mind.
Suddenly beyond thinking, just following his impulse Grissom bent forward and gently kissed her lips. Hesitating first but then encouraged by Sara's surprised but more than willing response he kissed her with a desperate and deep passion he had never known before. His lips wandered down, tasted her, drank her. His hands not longer in control removed her shirt and explored her soft skin. He felt Sara pressing against him, answering his body, a hand in his neck playfully touching his curls, the other started unbuttoning his shirt, striking his chest.
Then he pushed her away, "Sara." He managed to whisper in a rasp voice. "Let's. Not." Sara stood breathless, confused, her heart pounding hard. She shook her head in resignation. "I don't get it, Gris. I don't get you. I always thought I just misinterpret your approach to me, that I was the one who got your messages mixed up. But this, I mean, you kissed me. This was more, this has to be more."
"Listen, Sara." Grissom took a deep breath and started to explain, "When I called you in five years ago, it wasn't just out of pure professional interest. I have to admit that. When I asked you to stay it was also out of my selfishness. I so wanted you, uh, to have you around me. You're a pro, brilliant, smart and an excellent CSI. I don't know what else I was thinking back then. I guess, I always had feelings for you, but I never had a clue how to deal with it. I mean, you're much younger than I am and I always thought that you just have a crush on me. I pretty well understood your hints but I was somehow scared to death. I was frightened of what would happen. Not so much the rumours though, what would happen if this relationship wouldn't work out and you would leave me, dump me for somebody younger, I kept asking myself. I wouldn't know how to deal with the consequences. So I played it safe and built up this wall between the two of us. But despite everything which happened in the meantime, you're still here, we are still working together and we managed somehow to become friends again. But, um, I feel so much more than friendship and affection, Sara." Grissom paused and gathered himself. With a silent plea in his eyes he touched her cheek. "I love you deeply. With all my heart. If you could bear with me I'm going to make this right. I mean if you could consider, uh, being with a weird guy who is pretty much fifteen years older than you and never had anything similar to a relationship besides one with bugs in his past life."
"You know I like bugs too." Sara answered in a defiant voice but looked serious in his eyes. "Gil, you know what I'm feeling for you. I have waited since, well forever, to hear this words from you. That was pretty hard for you, wasn't it? Now, what are we going to do with it, with me, with the job in Vegas? Do you want me to leave too, go with you? I would do that."
"Sara, we have waited so long for this to happen, let's, um, let's take it slow and close our investigation before we jump into something out of control. I mean I am pretty much out of control right know anyway." He added slightly ambiguous. "I mean, emotionally."
Sara gave him a big smile and nodded in agreement. "Gris, then let's have a break now and get reat. What would you at least think of sharing the bed, you know, without the, I, uh, I mean I really want to sleep with you, but you're right that we need to prioritize right know, let it be the case then."
"Sara, first of all, I would really prefer that you would call me Gil. I like the way you say it. It makes me feel that I have done something right here, finally. I am not sure though if I can manage to sleep when you are so close to me." He started teasing her.
They had to admit that both were too exhausted and tired from the events of the day and their out coming, so they did not even bother to undress. They just sank down on the bed in silence, kissed once more, but with holding back their passion it felt like a final good night kiss. And comforted by Grissom's arms, listening to his strong and steady heartbeat Sara fell asleep in no time.
Grissom stroke her hair and sighed "Oh Sara, what are you doing to me? What are you going to do to me if I would let you?" Finally he also found some uneasy sleep.