AN: Sorry about the delay in postings. Hopefully it will get better soon, but I can't promise any postings for another week since I'm going away. After that though hoping, hoping, hoping … Great thanks to everyone who has sent feedback and reviews. You make me a better writer! Also Thank you Cria for betaing!

Part 12

She slowly opened the door and found Harm throwing himself from side to side in the bed, still asleep and very tormented by a nightmare. She walked up to the bed and sat down on the side.

"Harm, wake up. It's just a dream. You're home now. No one can hurt you here," She repeated those sentences and others like them over and over again and at the same time she stroke her hands over his face and hair. Slowly he was calming down and starting to wake up.

He looked at her in confusion like he thought she was just a trick his mind was playing him.

"Everything's OK, now. The people who did those awful things to you are very far away and they can't get you here. You're here with Isabelle and me, where you belong," Mac continued to comfort him. The name of his daughter was the final thing that brought him back to the real world.

"Did I wake you? I'm sorry," Harm said. As soon as he was finished talking a loud crack was heard, a flash lightened up the night sky and the rain started pouring down. They both flinched at that and looked out through the window. Loud thunder was heard again and soon after that they heard the squeaking of the door to Isabelle's room being opened and Mac got up from the bed and walked over to the doorpost.

"Belle, did the thunder wake you up?" she asked and soon Isabelle came running into her arms.

"Mom, I'm scared," she said into her shoulder.

"There's nothing to be afraid of. We're perfectly safe in here, honey." Mac lifted her up and walked back into Harm's room. He was now sitting on the bed, where Mac had just sat.

"What do you both say to going downstairs and having some hot cocoa? I think all three of us need that right now."

Isabelle looked up and her and smiled, but the smile soon faded when a new crack of thunder was heard. Mac held on a little tighter to her and looked over at Harm to see if he would come as well. He had already gotten up from the bed and walked towards them. Together they walked downstairs. Mac led the way into the living room and sat Isabelle down in front of the fireplace.

"Hold on a second," Mac asked the two of them and disappeared into the kitchen. Soon she returned with milk, cocoa, marshmallows and some other supplies. In the meantime Harm had gotten together all of the cushions and blankets that were lying all around the room. When Mac entered the room he had just started to get the fire going. On top of the fireplace there was a cooking plate where they could make the cocoa. It didn't take long until they could settle down on the floor with blankets wrapped around them and cups of hot cocoa in their hands. Isabelle felt a lot better now sitting securely between her parents.

"Mom, why were you in Harm's room?" she suddenly asked.

"Well, because …" Mac didn't know what to tell her. She wanted Harm to be allowed to decide himself if they was going to tell her that he had had a nightmare.

"I was having a nightmare and I woke Mac up. So she came and woke me up so I didn't have to have it any longer," Harm explained.

"Oh," Isabelle said "I didn't know adults can have nightmares too."

"I have nightmares sometimes," Mac said.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Does Dad wake you up then?" Isabelle continued to ask.

"Yes, sometimes."

"But who's going to do that now?"

Mac smiled "I guess I'll have to wake myself up. You know before I had you I lived alone and besides I almost never have any nightmares when I know that you're sleeping safely in your room."

"Good," Isabelle seemed relieved.

Now and then they could still hear the thunder and see flashes through the window, but the thunderstorm was calming down and moving away. Isabelle was starting to doze off, but Harm and Mac were still wide awake, watching the fire and at times looking down on their daughter who was now lying between them using her mothers lap as a cushion. Mac was occasionally stroking her hand through Isabelle's long, brown hair.

"Have you gotten to talk to someone? I mean about what happened over there," Mac finally spoke.

"Yes, well sort of … I had to talk to a psychiatrist after I had that debriefing, but I'm not so sure that it helped a whole lot. He simply wrote me off as no danger to myself or others and I was free to go."

"Do you think maybe you should go and talk to someone? For real you know."

"I haven't really thought about it, but I guess I should. Just don't know with whom."

"Harm, I … You're always welcome to talk to me. But maybe you'd rather talk to someone else, I just … I just want you to know that I'm there for you if you need me," Mac looked at him intensely, but also kept an eye on Isabelle to make sure that she was still asleep.

"I guess I'm just not so sure that talking about it would help. I just want to forget that those things happened. I try so hard to do that, but I'm always reminded of it," Harm closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Mac brought her hand over to stroke him over his hair and down his cheek. He opened his eyes and simply on instinct started talking. "At times things were really intense there. They kept asking me these questions that I didn't have the answer too. They thought they could torture me into answering, but I couldn't tell them what they wanted to hear."

"Harm," she sighed and her fingers kept contact with his face and hair as support.

"Then at times they'd leave me completely alone. If it wasn't for the food that was put into the room when I was sleeping I would have thought they had completely forgotten about me. For months I wouldn't see a single soul and then one day it would start all over again," Harm had kept looking into the fire as he was talking but now he turned his face to look straight into Mac's eyes. There was no pity there meeting him, yet it was one of the strongest emotions he had ever seen reflected in anyone's eyes. It was like he could touch the pain she was feeling. Like she had been there right beside him going through the exact same thing.

"Mac, if there's anyone I can talk about this with, it's you," he moved his hand up to touch her face the same way hers was touching his. Isabelle stirred a little and that caught both of her parent's attention. She didn't wake up though.

"I've been thinking about what to do when we go back to DC," Harm said and looked down on Isabelle.

"Yes?"

"After the debrief I also had a discussion about my career and future. I have the possibility to go back to JAG HQ. They said the JAG wants me back if I want to. But I can also retire if I want to. I have by 20 years in the service. They didn't need an answer just yet and I have three months of recovering before I'm allowed back anyway if I choose to do so."

"Of course the JAG wants you back," Mac smiled understanding that Harm didn't know who the current JAG was. "But what do you want?"

"I think I'm going back to JAG. There are so many new things going on here, I'm not sure if retiring and start doing something different is something I should add to that list. For now that seems to be the best option."

"I can understand that, maybe better than you think," Mac smiled at him. "I went back to work just six weeks after Belle was born. I was still at JAG then and Admiral Chegwidden would have let me take out more leave if I'd wanted to, but I had to go back to work and have something to occupy my head with. So I didn't have so much time to think. Something I knew from before."

"Work wasn't really what I wanted to talk to you about," Harm said and Mac wasn't very surprised "I know that Isabelle is with a sitter or Harriet during the days when you're working now that she isn't in school."

"Yeah," Mac nodded.

"Well, I want to ask you if she could be with me instead," he stopped when he saw the fear that was all over Mac's face. "Oh no, Mac," he realized what she thought he was saying "I didn't mean that she would come and live with me, I don't want to take her away from you. I'd never do that. Not to you and not to her. You're her mother and I'm practically a stranger." Harm was almost stumbling on the words.

"I'm sorry, Harm, I didn't mean to think …" Mac said. "Please explain what you had in mind."

Harm smiled at her and started talking again "Well, I thought instead of you taking her over to the sitter I'd come over to your house and stay there with Isabelle the whole day. I just really want to get to know her so that I can be her real parent, her real father. I don't want to be a weekend Dad and I think this could be a good start for us. I don't know what to do after these three months. As I said I don't intend to take her away from you in that way. I want her to have one home. I just really want to get to know her. To see her everyday," Harm would have continued forever trying to plead his case if Mac hadn't stopped him.

"Harm, you had me convinced at the first sentence. After I realized what you were actually saying. I think it's a wonderful idea. And what we should do afterwards, I guess we'll have to figure out at a later date."

Harm sighed in relief. They both turned back to look at the fire that was now slowly dying down. Even though they knew that they probably should be getting up and off to bed again, they were both unwilling to leave this calm togetherness and stayed there until the fire was long gone and they had both drifted off to sleep.

TBC