Yoh awoke with a moan. As the room around him slowly came into focus, he realised he was home. Home – the word sent chills down his spine. It seemed so long ago that Amidamaru had first complained of indigestion.
Speaking of Amidamaru –
Yoh began to rise but was stopped by a hand on his chest, pushing him down. He looked into the troubled face of Manta.
"How are you, Yoh?" The small boy asked. Yoh smiled.
"Feeling better, Manta, feeling better. I was just going to check on Amidamaru." He said, his voice trailing off at the end of the sentence as he saw Manta swallow nervously. "He is ok, isn't he?"
"Yoh, you have to understand, the injuries he received are far more extensive and far more serious than he led you to believe. He's got really nasty internal damage and the axe wound... it's gone right through his skull, Yoh.." Manta's voice was shaking and tears were threatening to fall from his eyes. Yoh's heart sank.
"And...?" He asked in barely more than a whisper.
"He apparently can't die, but... with the injuries he's got... he might never wake up..."
"What?" the shaman asked. He felt the prickling of tears behind his own eyes and there were already two prominent tracks down Manta's cheeks.
"He's in a coma, Yoh. The axe wound should have killed him, but he can't die... and he might not recover. He might be in the coma forever."
Yoh felt the hot tears begin to stream down his cheeks and was engulfed by an inexplicable anger.
"No." He said quietly.
"Denying it won't change it, Yoh."
"You're lying." Yoh's voice was growing steadily louder and more threatening while Manta's was getting quieter.
"I only wish I was..."
"YOU'RE LYING!"
The young shaman leapt from the bed and sprinted out of the room. He had to find Amidamaru, he had to prove to himself that his samurai would be ok...
There! In the spare bedroom, he had to be in the spare bedroom! Yoh rounded the corner and dashed into the room.
Amidamaru was lying on the bed, still wearing his bloodstained samurai robes. A lose bandage around his head covered the axe wound and he was pale as death, breathing hoarsely through slightly parted lips.
"Amidamaru?" Yoh asked cautiously, moving next to the bed and stroking his friend's matted hair gently. "Please wake up... please..."
Amidamaru made no sign of having noticed Yoh. The young shaman bit his lip as more tears threatened to fall. He couldn't lose his samurai... not after all he had been through to get him back...
"Yoh! Dinner!" Manta's shout alerted the shaman to the present day reality. No doubt Anna had cooked something for dinner. Yoh didn't feel hungry, didn't think he could eat anything... he just wanted to stay by Amidamaru's side, to tell the samurai that it was all going to be ok, that he would wake up...
Yoh didn't speak at all during dinner, nor did he speak when Ren and Bason called round and asked if they could stay for a while. After all the formalities of having guests to feed had passed, he rushed straight back up into Amidamaru's room. The sunset showing through the window reflected beautifully on Amidamaru's pale face.
Yoh pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed, stroking Amidamaru's hair, caressing his cheek, hoping to wake him up. It was no use; the samurai remained oblivious to all that was happening around him. Yoh sat there with Amidamaru until long after sundown, until long after everyone had said their goodnights and gone to bed.
There were no movements from the warrior, no signs of recognition, nothing. Yoh suddenly collapsed on his samurai, crying almost hysterically, pressing his ear to Amidamaru's chest. Listening to the dreadfully slow heartbeat.
He raised his head again, blinking the tears away, leaving his hand on Amidamaru's bare, scarred chest. An insane thought flashed across his mind as he looked at his friend's slightly parted lips. Surely it wouldn't hurt... a final goodbye...?
Slowly, gently, Yoh pressed his lips to Amidamaru's in a soft, almost loving kiss, though the samurai could not feel it and made no response. Yoh sighed as he withdrew, a tear trickling down his cheek. He had never got a chance to confess to Amidamaru... to tell the warrior that he loved him. Yoh had finally accepted that what he felt towards his guardian was more than just friendship, and now that he could identify his feelings, he could not tell the warrior... no. He would not let Amidamaru be stolen from him again!
"Ami – chan... please wake up..." Yoh laid both his hands on Amidamaru's chest, moving his right hand in small circles over the exposed flesh. "I... I need you... I can't live without you, you're more than just a friend to me now... if you go, I don't know how... I don't know how I'll survive... please wake up, Amidamaru, please don't leave me... I love you..." the young shaman dissolved in a sobbing fit as soon as he finished his short speech.
The samurai's eyelids flickered. Yoh froze in shock as a cold, weak hand closed slowly around his own.
"Do you mean that?" Amidamaru asked. "Do you really mean that?"
It was hard to describe the mix of feelings that coursed through Yoh as his friend hauled himself painfully into a sitting position. Relief, happiness, shock... all were relatively slow in gripping the boy, so his anger showed first.
"You were listening!" He pointed an accusing finger at Amidamaru, who looked away.
"Yes." The warrior admitted sadly. "I was listening. I came round just before you said "I need you" and I realised you were talking to me... I let you finish, because it is harder to say things of that sort to someone's face if they are conscious. If I had interrupted you, you might never have finished and I... I still wouldn't know..."
Yoh's forehead creased in a frown, though it was no longer in anger.
"What do you mean?" He asked, suddenly breathless, knowing exactly what the samurai would say.
"That I... well..." Amidamaru blinked and swallowed, as though he could not quite believe what he was saying. "I think... I have looked at you as more than a friend for some while now, Yoh, but I never truly realised what it was that I felt... until now. You have just made the answer clear to me."
"You love me too." Yoh stated. Suddenly Amidamaru's clarification on this point was the most important thing in the world.
"Yes." Yoh looked at Amidamaru and realised how much bravery it must have taken on the samurai's front to admit this. It must be dishonouring for a samurai, he realised, to think about someone so much younger in the way Amidamaru thought about him. Though honour was not as vital as it had been 600 years ago, old habits die hard. Amidamaru must have been so scared of rejection, knowing that Yoh and Anna were engaged... bottling up feelings makes them grow...
Yoh smiled. He could see he needed to put Amidamaru's mind at rest, to help the samurai confess more of his feelings, to show that he, Yoh, really was being sincere.
He again pressed his lips to Amidamaru's, though this time Amidamaru was conscious and alert, and the young shaman could feel the samurai's response. It was... hesitant. Nervous. Almost fearful. Why was Amidamaru scared? Yoh pulled away quickly and saw Amidamaru was trembling like a leaf.
"What's the matter?" He asked, his voice radiating genuine concern. "Was it bad?"
"I – I – I..." The samurai stuttered. "It... it was..." He swallowed and regained control of himself. "Did you really mean what you said earlier?"
"Of course I did, you big lump" Yoh said jokingly, though his heart was heavy on the inside. Why hadn't Amidamaru answered? "Anyway, it's late and I want sleep. I'll be here in the morning to check you aren't a mirage."
Amidamaru smiled weakly as Yoh left the room.
The samurai cursed himself. Why hadn't he answered Yoh's question? It was his first romantic experience and surely it was the shaman's too? Why had he risked destroying Yoh's ego like that? Great lover you are, Amidamaru. Make the poor boy self conscious and scared of kissing before he's even given you a real kiss.
So why hadn't he answered the simple question? Because he didn't know the answer. True, it had aroused senses in him that he had never felt before, but there was a deep scar, both physical and mental, that had been awakened while he was being touched as Yoh touched him. He could not quite place it, but it scared him, prevented him from enjoying his first kiss with Yoh as he would have liked.
The samurai was both embarrassed and scared as he recovered from the post- coma disorientation and realised what it was that had placed the permanent scar in his mentality. He was scared the others would find out, would laugh...
Amidamaru began to withdraw into his shell.
Speaking of Amidamaru –
Yoh began to rise but was stopped by a hand on his chest, pushing him down. He looked into the troubled face of Manta.
"How are you, Yoh?" The small boy asked. Yoh smiled.
"Feeling better, Manta, feeling better. I was just going to check on Amidamaru." He said, his voice trailing off at the end of the sentence as he saw Manta swallow nervously. "He is ok, isn't he?"
"Yoh, you have to understand, the injuries he received are far more extensive and far more serious than he led you to believe. He's got really nasty internal damage and the axe wound... it's gone right through his skull, Yoh.." Manta's voice was shaking and tears were threatening to fall from his eyes. Yoh's heart sank.
"And...?" He asked in barely more than a whisper.
"He apparently can't die, but... with the injuries he's got... he might never wake up..."
"What?" the shaman asked. He felt the prickling of tears behind his own eyes and there were already two prominent tracks down Manta's cheeks.
"He's in a coma, Yoh. The axe wound should have killed him, but he can't die... and he might not recover. He might be in the coma forever."
Yoh felt the hot tears begin to stream down his cheeks and was engulfed by an inexplicable anger.
"No." He said quietly.
"Denying it won't change it, Yoh."
"You're lying." Yoh's voice was growing steadily louder and more threatening while Manta's was getting quieter.
"I only wish I was..."
"YOU'RE LYING!"
The young shaman leapt from the bed and sprinted out of the room. He had to find Amidamaru, he had to prove to himself that his samurai would be ok...
There! In the spare bedroom, he had to be in the spare bedroom! Yoh rounded the corner and dashed into the room.
Amidamaru was lying on the bed, still wearing his bloodstained samurai robes. A lose bandage around his head covered the axe wound and he was pale as death, breathing hoarsely through slightly parted lips.
"Amidamaru?" Yoh asked cautiously, moving next to the bed and stroking his friend's matted hair gently. "Please wake up... please..."
Amidamaru made no sign of having noticed Yoh. The young shaman bit his lip as more tears threatened to fall. He couldn't lose his samurai... not after all he had been through to get him back...
"Yoh! Dinner!" Manta's shout alerted the shaman to the present day reality. No doubt Anna had cooked something for dinner. Yoh didn't feel hungry, didn't think he could eat anything... he just wanted to stay by Amidamaru's side, to tell the samurai that it was all going to be ok, that he would wake up...
Yoh didn't speak at all during dinner, nor did he speak when Ren and Bason called round and asked if they could stay for a while. After all the formalities of having guests to feed had passed, he rushed straight back up into Amidamaru's room. The sunset showing through the window reflected beautifully on Amidamaru's pale face.
Yoh pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed, stroking Amidamaru's hair, caressing his cheek, hoping to wake him up. It was no use; the samurai remained oblivious to all that was happening around him. Yoh sat there with Amidamaru until long after sundown, until long after everyone had said their goodnights and gone to bed.
There were no movements from the warrior, no signs of recognition, nothing. Yoh suddenly collapsed on his samurai, crying almost hysterically, pressing his ear to Amidamaru's chest. Listening to the dreadfully slow heartbeat.
He raised his head again, blinking the tears away, leaving his hand on Amidamaru's bare, scarred chest. An insane thought flashed across his mind as he looked at his friend's slightly parted lips. Surely it wouldn't hurt... a final goodbye...?
Slowly, gently, Yoh pressed his lips to Amidamaru's in a soft, almost loving kiss, though the samurai could not feel it and made no response. Yoh sighed as he withdrew, a tear trickling down his cheek. He had never got a chance to confess to Amidamaru... to tell the warrior that he loved him. Yoh had finally accepted that what he felt towards his guardian was more than just friendship, and now that he could identify his feelings, he could not tell the warrior... no. He would not let Amidamaru be stolen from him again!
"Ami – chan... please wake up..." Yoh laid both his hands on Amidamaru's chest, moving his right hand in small circles over the exposed flesh. "I... I need you... I can't live without you, you're more than just a friend to me now... if you go, I don't know how... I don't know how I'll survive... please wake up, Amidamaru, please don't leave me... I love you..." the young shaman dissolved in a sobbing fit as soon as he finished his short speech.
The samurai's eyelids flickered. Yoh froze in shock as a cold, weak hand closed slowly around his own.
"Do you mean that?" Amidamaru asked. "Do you really mean that?"
It was hard to describe the mix of feelings that coursed through Yoh as his friend hauled himself painfully into a sitting position. Relief, happiness, shock... all were relatively slow in gripping the boy, so his anger showed first.
"You were listening!" He pointed an accusing finger at Amidamaru, who looked away.
"Yes." The warrior admitted sadly. "I was listening. I came round just before you said "I need you" and I realised you were talking to me... I let you finish, because it is harder to say things of that sort to someone's face if they are conscious. If I had interrupted you, you might never have finished and I... I still wouldn't know..."
Yoh's forehead creased in a frown, though it was no longer in anger.
"What do you mean?" He asked, suddenly breathless, knowing exactly what the samurai would say.
"That I... well..." Amidamaru blinked and swallowed, as though he could not quite believe what he was saying. "I think... I have looked at you as more than a friend for some while now, Yoh, but I never truly realised what it was that I felt... until now. You have just made the answer clear to me."
"You love me too." Yoh stated. Suddenly Amidamaru's clarification on this point was the most important thing in the world.
"Yes." Yoh looked at Amidamaru and realised how much bravery it must have taken on the samurai's front to admit this. It must be dishonouring for a samurai, he realised, to think about someone so much younger in the way Amidamaru thought about him. Though honour was not as vital as it had been 600 years ago, old habits die hard. Amidamaru must have been so scared of rejection, knowing that Yoh and Anna were engaged... bottling up feelings makes them grow...
Yoh smiled. He could see he needed to put Amidamaru's mind at rest, to help the samurai confess more of his feelings, to show that he, Yoh, really was being sincere.
He again pressed his lips to Amidamaru's, though this time Amidamaru was conscious and alert, and the young shaman could feel the samurai's response. It was... hesitant. Nervous. Almost fearful. Why was Amidamaru scared? Yoh pulled away quickly and saw Amidamaru was trembling like a leaf.
"What's the matter?" He asked, his voice radiating genuine concern. "Was it bad?"
"I – I – I..." The samurai stuttered. "It... it was..." He swallowed and regained control of himself. "Did you really mean what you said earlier?"
"Of course I did, you big lump" Yoh said jokingly, though his heart was heavy on the inside. Why hadn't Amidamaru answered? "Anyway, it's late and I want sleep. I'll be here in the morning to check you aren't a mirage."
Amidamaru smiled weakly as Yoh left the room.
The samurai cursed himself. Why hadn't he answered Yoh's question? It was his first romantic experience and surely it was the shaman's too? Why had he risked destroying Yoh's ego like that? Great lover you are, Amidamaru. Make the poor boy self conscious and scared of kissing before he's even given you a real kiss.
So why hadn't he answered the simple question? Because he didn't know the answer. True, it had aroused senses in him that he had never felt before, but there was a deep scar, both physical and mental, that had been awakened while he was being touched as Yoh touched him. He could not quite place it, but it scared him, prevented him from enjoying his first kiss with Yoh as he would have liked.
The samurai was both embarrassed and scared as he recovered from the post- coma disorientation and realised what it was that had placed the permanent scar in his mentality. He was scared the others would find out, would laugh...
Amidamaru began to withdraw into his shell.