Six part story. Rated PG-13 for moderately mature subjects and language. Genre is Romance/Humor with a dash of Drama. Warning of homosexuality, and slash is featured! Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and Co., and I don't make any money off of them.
The Joys of Sexual Education
Part Two: Perfecting the Death Glare
By: Roslyn Drycof
Their next class was on Wednesday. It was a day Harry really wasn't looking forward to. Malfoy had been giving him death glares the entire two days after the class on Monday. And if he'd thought Malfoy's glares had been scorching before? Now. . .they were like hellfire. Seeing those silver orbs of flame boring into his skull every time they were in the same room together got to be a bit unnerving.
Although, Harry didn't blame the git. He didn't know what he'd have done if he'd been the "mother". Probably blow up a few tables in the Great Hall or something like that. But seriously. Why would a teenage guy, who was by all appearances (to the general population) straight, need to go through a simulated pregnancy? And with his worst enemy, of all guys? Where was the logic in this? As far as he could see, none. Nada.
Ron and Hermione's project made so much more sense. They had to first work on a comprehensive list about each other and then become the other person by use of the Polyjuice Potion for the second week of the project. The final week would be comprised of writing down all the things they learned being each other.
Even Dean and Seamus's project made sense! They had to take care of a baby House Elf for the three weeks and record their feelings and thoughts about the whole thing.
So why in the bloody hell did he have to be stuck with Draco Malfoy, with the prat going through a fake "pregnancy"? It made no fucking sense!
And so on this wonderful Wednesday afternoon, Harry slid into his seat with great trepidation. He took out his project journal, which McGonagall had given each person as they left the classroom on Monday. Dipping his quill in ink, he wrote his first feelings about the project. It was easy.
-Day Three
This project sucks. I hate it and I hate Malfoy. This makes no sense whatsoever. Whoever thought this up belongs in St. Mungos with Lockhart. With a straightjacket. And Voldemort for company. Maybe they can give old Voldie tips on how to fuck up the world even more. Yes. I just swore. And do I care? No. I say again. This project sucks and I don't give a shit if I fail it. I hate my life.
"You hate your life? Try being me," a familiar voice snarled angrily.
Harry snapped his head up, dropping his quill and accidentally causing a black stain to spread on the bottom of the paper. Malfoy stood there, his face paler than usual (quite a feat) and his hair mussed up. His death glare was being used in full force.
"What the hell happened to you?" he blurted out, staring in shock at the disheveled blond.
Malfoy threw his rucksack on the ground and dropped himself haphazardly into his seat. "This fucking project happened, that's what."
At Harry's clueless look, the other boy growled. "You know how I'm supposed to experience "morning sickness"? Well it's started, and it's incredibly real."
"But Hermione looked up the spell for me. She said the strongest its supposed to be is slight nausea."
Draco dropped his head into the cradle of his arms and groaned, "Well, I had the whole enchilada. My stomach is now utterly empty."
A frown furrowed Harry's brows and he leaned over to dig around inside his rucksack. He pulled out the slim book his friend had gotten out of the library for him and flipped through it. Nowhere did it say that the subject of the spell would actually experience the full effects of pregnancy. Vomiting wasn't mentioned at all.
"Could you be sick?"
The blond raised his head and glared at him through narrowed eyes. "No, Pot-head. I'm not sick. Pomfrey checked."
Just then, Professor McGonagall announced, "Each day, you will check what your partner has written thus far in their project journal. You may do so now."
Great. Malfoy would get a kick out of what he'd written. The Golden Boy of Hogwarts swearing and acting quite uncharitably? A phenomenon!
Harry slid his open journal across their desks to the sickly-looking Slytherin and waited impatiently for him to give up his. Malfoy looked mutinous, his arms crossed and his mouth pursed.
"Malfoy, where's your journal?" Harry finally exploded after three full minutes of waiting for him to move.
"I'm not letting you read it," said the stubborn blond.
"And why not? Do you have some secret in there, like how you're really a flaming homosexual who loves cross-dressing?" Harry hoped this would get Malfoy to give him the stupid journal.
It worked, but not without a price. Malfoy practically lobbed the thin book at him, smacking him in the forehead. Wincing, Harry rubbed the offended piece of skin and glared at him. Malfoy simply raised an eyebrow and opened the journal on his desk.
Harry sighed and opened the green book that held Malfoy's thoughts about the stupid project.
-Day One
I hate Potter. It's his fault I have to go through with this stupid thing. I know it. Snape is a greasy bastard. McGonagall is an ugly hag. I think they should just die. Now.
-Day Two
I hate life. It is my firm belief that whoever thought I needed to be partnered with a guy for this stupid project and go through a fucking pregnancy deserves to be tortured by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named for all eternity. I am not and I hate Potter. Why the hell can't I write gay? Wait. I just did. What the hell is going on? This stupid journal is a piece of . Damn. Is this this cursed?
-Day Three
I give up. I don't care if I fail. I want out of this stupid project! I hate throwing up. It's disgusting and gross and I hate it! I want Potter to . Damn. Why won't this write properly? I hate this! I hate it! I hate it! I HATE IT!
The journal slid through Harry's fingers to drop on the desk with a thud. He looked at the silver-eyed boy, shock in his emerald eyes. Hermione had said the journals were bespelled so that only the truth could be written. A clever idea, and one that Malfoy really should've looked up. He knew what the blond had been trying to say when he'd first noticed it wouldn't write certain things. He'd been trying to write, "I am not gay." Looks like that little bit really wasn't true.
"So Malfoy, you are gay. I never would've guessed, the way you go through girls," he said, smirking mischievously.
Draco dropped Potter's journal onto the desk and clenched his fists. What the hell? How did he know. . .oh shit. The journal hadn't written those words because they weren't true. That meant the stupid thing was bespelled. Damn! Now Potter knew!
Well. If Potter even for one second thought about using this information against him, he was sorely mistaken. "Well Potter, if I go through girls like that to hide the fact I'm gay, can the same reason be stated for why you screw so many girls"
"I've never screwed any of them" Harry blurted out, instantly regretting it. He clapped a hand over his mouth and wanted to berate himself for his stupidity when he saw Malfoy's look of glee.
"Aha! Proof you are gay!"
"That is not proof. Maybe I'm a chivalrous guy."
Malfoy snorted. "Potter, I know what kind of guy you are. You're a red-blooded teenage guy who gets hard every time he rides a broom. There's no way in hell you'd give up sex with all those girls if you were straight."
"Hey! I resent that," he shouted, flushing hotly. How does he know?
Suddenly, Draco felt a thread of nausea swimming through his stomach and groaned silently. Not now!
Obviously, the nausea didn't care. It got stronger and his innards roiled dangerously. Pressing a hand over his mouth, he bolted out of his seat and out the door to the nearest bathroom.
Harry was left stunned at his quick departure. Why had. . .oh. A hand over his mouth, his face suddenly paler. Morning sickness. A condition he really wasn't supposed to be feeling so strongly.
He stood up and got Professor McGonagall's attention. Making his way towards the door, he cocked his head in the direction Malfoy had left. She nodded, a puzzled expression on her stern features.
Once outside the room, Harry started jogging towards the bathroom he knew was closest to the classroom. He made it there within a few seconds.
He opened the door to the sound of Malfoy retching. Grimacing in sympathy, he called out, "You okay?"
The other boy took a few minutes to answer. Flushing the toilet, Draco rasped, "What do you think? I just lost any food I had left in my stomach, for fuck's sake!"
Uh, yeah. He kind of deserved that. It had been a stupid question. "How much longer does this last?"
"The rest of the week. Don't you know anything about pregnancy, Potter?"
"Um. Not really. I've never been pregnant or gotten anyone pregnant before. You know, the whole closet flamer thing."
Harry heard a faint chuckle from the blond and let out a breath of relief. At least Malfoy wasn't feeling so bad that he didn't catch the sarcasm in his voice.
"So you admit it."
"Admit what? That I'm so gay I could've been on Queer As Folk? That I'm so gay, I have several issues of Wizards and Their Wands stashed under my bed?"
Another chuckle was heard from behind the bathroom stall. "I never pegged you for the porno type, Potty."
Harry leaned against one of the sinks and replied"Think of what you just called me. And hey, I know you have just as many dirty mags as I do, if not more. That wand holder you had at the end of last year? I know that was from the April issue of Wizards and Their Wands. And I bet you know who was the centerfold for the July issue."
"Oliver Wood, wearing a special Puddlemere United uniform," the lanky blond muttered almost instantly.
"Oh yeah, most of the uniform was missing. A great picture. Dean has it stuck to the wall near his bed. It grosses Neville and Ron out, but he won't take it down."
"And why would he? It's a fabulous picture!" Draco said, sounding quite outraged.
Harry burst out laughing. "You do realize just how gay that sounded"
Malfoy strode out of the bathroom stall and washed his hands in the sink next to where Harry stood. "I'm not in denial about my orientation. I simply don't wish to broadcast that fact since there are so many homophobes in our school."
"It's going to come out sometime. Okay, that was not intended as a pun."
The other boy shook his head in exasperation. "Potter, of course I know it's not going to stay a secret forever. What do you think I am? A Gryffindork?"
Harry narrowed his emerald eyes. "Malfoy, that was uncalled for."
"I have a right to say anything I want for as long as I'm puking out my guts because of some stupid project I'm stuck working with you on."
"Yeah, whatever."
Their next encounter was on Monday, being as class had been cancelled on Friday because Snape had been affected by a cauldron explosion in a fourth year class that morning. Most students had rejoiced at the reprieve, but Harry had actually been disappointed. He'd been looking forward to spending time with Malfoy, although he'd never let the lanky blond know that.
Malfoy was already in his seat when Harry walked into the classroom with Hermione and Ron. Today, Ron and Hermione were going to switch places, and had both been worried about it. Ron had even started hyperventilating.
"But she's going to be me! And see everything!" the redhead had cried, slumping on his bed.
Harry had vainly tried to suppress a giggle at the horror on his friend's face. "Ron, it's okay. It's not like she doesn't know what guys look like."
"What! You mean she's seen someone!" Ron had bellowed, looking insanely jealous.
"Calm down. I meant, since she's read so many books and is so smart. Of course she'd know what a guy looks like."
Ron had only looked a little relieved.
Hermione had been almost as bad. She'd holed up in the library behind thick stacks of books. Her face had been pale and her hair had been a complete mess, tied up into a knot.
"Harry, you don't understand. I can't let Ron be me! He's going to have to change clothes as me, and will see more than I ever intended for him to see!"
"You're acting just like him, you know. He's up in the dorm almost hyperventilating. It's quite amusing."
She'd looked shocked. "This is not laughing matter, Harold James Potter! I can't let him be me!"
He'd taken her by the shoulders and gently shaken her. "'Mione, it'll be okay. Just be glad you're not Malfoy right now. He was shut in the prefects' bathroom for hours this weekend just because his "morning sickness" wouldn't go away."
The brunette had wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Yuck. I definitely wouldn't want to be him."
That had effectively stopped her from becoming a nervous wreck and she'd followed him to class, albeit reluctantly, but without more complaining. However, she and Ron looked anywhere but at each other, their faces a bright Gryffndor red.
Harry left them at the door, striding over to where Malfoy was sitting with his head propped on his elbows. The blond was doing an effective job of glaring the houseplant on the windowsill to death. The poor thing looked quite washed out and sickly. . .the plant that is.
Malfoy did look a little worse for the wear, though. Underneath the scorching look in his silver eyes, misery lurked there. Harry had never seen Malfoy miserable before, but he knew misery when he saw it.
"Malfoy, you're killing the poor plant," he said, sitting down across from the lanky Slytherin.
Draco didn't take his eyes off the plant. "So? It's a pathetic piece of shit, anyway."
"Are you all right?" Harry asked worriedly, noting the growling tone in his rival's voice.
The other boy finally turned to look at him, anger shining in his grey eyes. "What do you think, Potter? That I'm having the time of my life?"
"But the morning sickness should be over by now."
Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Of course it is, you idiot. But did you stop to even think about what happens when that ends?"
"Mood swings?"
"Yes, but I'm talking about the stupid swelling of my stomach! It's hideous," Draco shouted, slumping down in his seat with a scowl.
Harry was instantly curious. What did Malfoy's stomach look like now, "Can I see?"
The other boy looked at him as if he was insane. "Are you mental? Of course I will not show you my stomach!"
"Malfoy, come on. We're supposed to share the experience of pregnancy," Harry said, not knowing why the hell was was actually supporting the stupid project. He should be trying to stay the hell away from Malfoy, not asking to touch his abdomen. What was wrong with him?
"No."
"Malfoy. . ." the emerald-eyed teen said warningly.
Draco finally snapped. "Fine. You want to see this deformity? Go ahead."
With that, the blond shoved up his shirt. Harry couldn't see anything with the desks in the way, so he got up and rounded the wooden obstacles. And he froze. Malfoy's stomach was a porcelain white, pure and unblemished. . .except for the curved, emerald studded belly ring piercing his belly button.
"What the hell is that!"
Malfoy narrowed his eyes at the raven-haired teen. "What do you think it is, you idiot Gryffindor?"
The silver body ring with the single emerald set in its center captivated Harry and he unknowingly reached out a hand to touch it. Instantly, Malfoy shivered. "What are you doing?"
"Aren't you going to have to take this out?" Harry asked in a wondering tone of voice, ignoring Malfoy's panicked question.
Malfoy growled angrily. "Yes."
He didn't sound too happy, and Harry knew he was justified in feeling that way. Seriously though, the belly ring was hot.
After playing with the piercing for a few minutes while Draco tried to stop from making any movement to show how much the Wonder Boy's fingers affected him, Potter pressed both hands on the whole of his stomach. A half awed, half wistful looked appeared on the black-haired boy's face.
"It's not ugly," he breathed, massaging the slight rounding with wonder shining in his emerald eyes.
Draco felt his breath hitch at the feeling of Potter's hands on his pale skin. It felt wonderful, and he was loathe to admit that he was feeling pretty aroused.
"It is ugly, Potter. You're just blind," he said quietly, making sure to stay as still as possible.
Harry raised his head and looked straight into his rival's silver eyes. "No, it's not. Even though it's not real, it's still amazing. I would give anything for a child, but I'd never bring an innocent child into my life the way things are now."
Draco knew what Potter meant. To bring an innocent child into the middle of a war was sheer stupidity. And Potter definitely wouldn't be able to protect a tiny baby, no matter how much he loved it. Hell, Draco even knew that his own life was too hellish to bring a child into. But yes. . .a baby was something he wouldn't mind having.
As long as he wasn't the one to have it, though. He was terrified of pain. Hated it with a passion to rival his hatred of Potter.
Although. . .he didn't hate Potter as much as he used to. Funny how things changed because of a stupid project. Maybe they had needed to be partnered together. But their assignment still made no sense.
After a few minutes of silence, Potter removed his hands in a manner that was clearly reluctant and Draco lowered his shirt. Realizing how intimate what they'd just done was, they looked around the room embarrassedly. Luckily, only Professor Snape was looking at them. And he did it with a strange gleam in his coal-black eyes. It was a look that neither boy wanted to investigate.
The rest of the class went by much more normal. They switched project journals, commented on them, and spent the remaining twenty minutes with their heads cushioned in the cradle of their arms. It was nap time.
As Draco settled in for the little bit of shut-eye, he mused silently, Looks like this is changing me more than I thought. Who'd have thought I'd be taking a nap during class? Amazing, really. . .
A/N: Well, this is Part Two. A little more humor and some sweetness. No real slash, but we'll be getting to that in Part Three. Amusing, though. Don't you think?
And if anyone is wondering why some of the things were able to be written in their journals, like "whoever thought this up belongs in St. Mungos" is there when the journals are supposed to be bespelled to write only the truth. . .well, Snape thought up the project. And we all know Snape is a little left of center and does deserve what both Harry and Draco write. Does anyone else agree with me?
Oh, and I just spent ten of the most boring minutes of my life inserting the commas, exclamation points, and question marks from certain parts of the storythat decided to disappear when I uploaded. Why is it doing this! rant ended You may go review now. grin
Thanks for the reviews from Part One! And yes, the story only gets much funnier. . .in different ways. And sorry that I may have offended anyone with the negative viewpoints on gays given by the Slytherin students and Ron. It was written purely as motivation as to why Harry and Draco keep their orientation silent.
Hint for Chapter Three: Snape has a secret that our two sexy boys discover. What could that secret be and what does it have to do with Harry's Godfather?
Roslyn Drycof.