Thanks to:
XME – Bald Scott is really scary!
Bant – Hope this is soon enough! This is the last chapter but I hope to have something else comedic up soon. I'm working on my dark fic and about a million piles of studying!
TheDreamerLady – GAH! Jean wanting to have her own mini-Prof is just perverted! I'm hoping to write a sequel at some point but I've got a lot on at the moment, so you'll just have to keep an eye out for it later in the year!
Riderazzo – I'll use the idea for a sequel but I don't know when it will be posted because I'm snowed under at the moment! But keep an eye out for it and I'll try to get it written when I have some time free.
Anti-X YO – I so wish they did that sticker, I don't know when I had the idea although I did use it in another fic I don't think anyone noticed it then!
Dis Chick Digs Da Fuzzy Dude – I like both names! Drunk Logan is the most fun to write and lets the kids be terrified of what will happen to them when he sobers up!
Todd Fan – The Eyebrow is the most feared power in all of Bayville! And drunk Storm is a laugh, although not as much fun to write as drunk Logan for some reason.
LadyEvils – Pyro's just a chick magnet! Who could resist that cheeky face and psychotic grin… OK, that's enough of that. Taking off the Eyebrows would render the Prof looking pretty funny, I wish I'd done that in this chapter.
Rogue14 – That pilot will never get over this flight, ha ha!
Randomnimity – Yeah, this is the conclusion all right…I find the idea of being impaled by spiked hair a highly amusing way to go! Watch out for the bear!
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Author Note: This is the last chapter of the fic, hope you enjoy it! I'm not actually sure that this last chapter works so let me know what you think. I've been asked for a sequel by several people (the joy of being liked!) but at the moment I have a mountainous workload on and another fic that I haven't been devoting enough time to so it'll take a while before it's posted. Speaking of my other fic (shameless self promotion coming up!) my current fic is called "And I Feel Fine" and is still ongoing. It's a dark fic about the end of the world as we know it and I've been killing off major characters left right and centre. Feel free to check it out!
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The Professor waited at the Institute, imagining what his students could have gotten up to. He imagined that Storm had taken the girls to a show; maybe Logan had taken the boys to watch a boxing match. There was so much for young people to do in Vegas without resorting to sex and weddings.
A loud crash suggested that the students were home. With a pleasant smile, he went to greet them at the door. He wasn't prepared for the sight that greeted him.
Logan stood in the doorway, holding up Storm and partly using her own bodyweight to keep himself upright. "Hey Chuck. We brought back all the kids! And they have all their limbs."
"Oh good." Xavier sniffed the air. "Can I smell alcohol?"
"We might have had a single glass of champagne on the way home," said Storm.
"To congratulate ourselves on a job well done!" Logan grinned hopefully.
"Of course." Xavier watched the pair help each other into the mansion.
"It's good to be home!" Scott walked into the mansion, baseball cap firmly in place. "We had a good time! No one got arrested at all!"
"Right." The Professor wondered if he should start reading some minds.
Amara ran into the house and threw her arms around him. "Thank you for all you've done for me Professor, I'll always appreciate it, but I'm moving into the Brotherhood house! I've fallen in love!"
"Uh, you've what?"
"Fallen in love! With the most wonderful man in the world! Pyro!"
"Huh? Pyro? Insane Pyro?"
"He's not insane, he's just complicated." Amara raced upstairs to pack.
Jean tried sneaking into the house and Xavier decided it might be a good idea to start with her. "Jean, what's happened on your vacation?"
"Oh you know. Saw the sights, went on the roller coaster. No one got arrested! Especially not me!"
"Oh no…" Xavier rolled his eyes and was about to find out what was really going on when Sam and Roberto ran into the mansion.
"We have to go stay at the Brotherhood house for a while!"
"It's really important!"
Xavier blinked. "What?"
Sam gestured wildly. "Pyro is our teacher now! We can learn so much more from him than we could here!"
"Like how to score with two chicks at once," added Roberto.
That did it. The Professor decided he was reading the mind of the next person to walk into the room. Unfortunately for him, that was Kitty.
"You got a tattoo where?"
"Oh, like, hi!" Kitty chuckled nervously and decided it might be safer to phase through the wall.
Ray stomped into the Institute and glared at the Professor. "They dragged me off the roller coaster!"
"Home! Home! Home!" Twenty-three Jamie's raced toward the kitchen.
"Logan! Ororo!"
The Professor made his way to Logan's room and shoved the door open, smothering his embarrassment at catching the pair semi-clad. "What the hell happened?"
"We can explain…"
The doorbell rang and a moment later Kurt teleported into the hallway. "Professor, there are some odd people at the door…" He noticed Logan and Ororo. "Wow, for two people who didn't leave their room all weekend you're sure anxious to get busy!"
"You are dead elf!" Logan jumped off Storm and popped his claws.
"Eeep!" Kurt teleported away as the Professor took the elevator down to meet their guests.
"Hello." The two people at the door looked a little strange and he silently admonished himself. It had been a stressful day but he had no right to wonder about their appearance. Many mutants looked strange.
"Hey!" The boy, a waif with fine blonde hair, stepped forward. "Roberto said we could crash here if we were passing through. And guess what? We got a plane!"
"You'll have to excuse him," said the girl, her hair mostly shaved save a couple of tufts. "This is RJ and I'm Spooky."
"You certainly are," muttered the Professor. "I'll summon Roberto right away."
As luck would have it, Roberto had finished packing and was making his way down the stairs. He paused as he saw who was at the door. "Wow! Spooky, RJ! I was just going away for a few days…"
"Don't be so rude Roberto," said Xavier, a gleam in his eyes. "You invited your friends to stay, you'll have to put off your visit to the Brotherhood."
"But Pyro…" Roberto sighed. "Come on in guys."
"Some pad you got here," said RJ.
"And some friends." Spooky dropped her bag and leapt onto the Professor. "I totally get off on bald guys…"
"Actually Roberto, why don't you take your new friends to the Brotherhood house with you!" The Professor tried to extract himself from Spooky's arms. "I'm sure they'll fit right in!"
"Great! Come on you two!" Roberto headed out of the door with RJ and a disappointed Spooky in tow.
"Is something wrong Charles?" Storm had managed to dress and make it down the stairs but she was obviously still under the influence.
"Actually yes." It wasn't often that Xavier lost his temper but he was getting there. He rolled out toward the kitchen, Storm following. "What the hell happened this weekend that I find weirdo's at the door looking for Roberto, Kitty tattooed, half the New Recruits about to move to the Brotherhood house and the instructors drunk and disorderly…and Gambit and Rogue making out in the kitchen!" The last yelled as he rolled into the kitchen and found the pair doing something potentially unsanitary on the table. "What is going on here?"
"We were just, uh, leaving!" Rogue stood, rearranged her clothes and took Remy's hand, pulling him out of the room.
"The thing is Charles, uh…" Storm tried to think of an explanation. "Uh, Mastermind was there and he made us all do it!"
"Do what?"
"Anything you might find out that we've done. It was all his fault!"
Another ring of the doorbell had the Professor wheeling to the door, Storm beginning to feel unpleasantly sober trailing after him. As if on cue, Logan appeared from nowhere and handed her a bottle of beer.
Xavier yanked the door open and was greeted by two girls in sparkly bikinis. The blonde one smiled at him. "Hi!"
"We're looking for Fred," said the brunette.
"Fred doesn't live here!" snapped the Professor.
"He, uh, lives at the Brotherhood house," said Logan quickly. "I'll just write down the address and directions."
"Wait," said Storm, a grin breaking out over her face. "You two were the room service!"
The blonde one shrugged. "You could say that."
"Here." Logan thrust the address at them and slammed the door. "Um, they were just a souvenir that Blob picked up…"
Another ring at the door had the Professor wishing he'd never dreamed of mutant-human peace. He wished he'd considered violence. It would solve a lot of his problems right now.
He pulled open the door. "What?"
"Uh, excuse me but I'm looking for Kurt?" The purple haired girl extended a hand. "Betsy Braddock. I hear this place is a refuge for mutants?"
"That's right." The Professor beamed and shook her hand. "It's nice to know that at least one person on the trip was thinking about our image," he said pointedly to Logan and Ororo.
"Well, I'm a telepath." Betsy entered the house and glanced around. "Not bad. Anyway, when Kurt told me where he lived I thought, why not? So here I am. Bloody good job too. I can't believe I left him that picture of me in my underwear! I must have still been drunk! So anyway, where's our room?"
"Would you give us a moment please Betsy?" The Professor wheeled himself into the study and poured himself a drink.
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At the Brotherhood house…
Lance threw the door open and wandered happily in. The weekend had been good, he'd got laid and Pietro had made an idiot of himself. This had been the most perfect weekend in history…
"Hello boys."
"GAH!" Lance dropped his bag and stared in shock. Magneto had turned up. He was stood in the centre of the room, hurriedly replacing his helmet.
"Uh, hello sir!" Lance wondered how long he'd been there.
Magneto glared. "I've been waiting for you all weekend. Where were you?"
"Vegas," said Fred happily, going through to the kitchen to see how the food was doing.
"Vegas." Magneto looked over as a sheepish Pietro walked in. "I wondered what that strange phone call from Mystique was about."
"Uh, Mystique called you? I thought you two hated each other!" Pietro wondered if it was time to panic. "Anything she told you is a lie!"
"So she's not my daughter in law?"
"Busted," said Lance with a smirk.
"Shut up Avalanche!"
Magneto sighed and sat down on the chair, wondering why he'd ever bothered to have children. "She called me and said she knew it would break your heart but she was getting a divorce and staying in Vegas with seventy-two male strippers and a family sized tub of strawberry yoghurt. Care to explain?"
"Uh, not really…" Pietro was relieved when he was saved from explaining by the arrival of Pyro, a casual arm around Tabby's shoulders.
"Hey boss." Pyro tipped Magneto a wink. "Love to stay and chat but I've gotta save my strength."
"Wait," said Magneto sharply. "Why is she here?"
"I'm moving in," replied Tabby. "Me and Amara both. We're in love with Pyro!"
"And I said those other kids could move in too. Sam and Roberto. They want to learn from me." Pyro gave a grin. "The girls can't resist mate. It's me sexual magnetism!"
Magneto shuddered. "Half of the X-Men moving into the house. That's going to be fun. Is there anything else I should know?"
Pietro opened his mouth, hoping to get himself out of trouble, but Lance knew exactly what his plan was and interrupted. "No, nothing else happened. Nothing at all."
"That's something at least." Magneto stood up and glared at the group. "Since your marriage is over Pietro, there is no reason for me to stay around. Thank goodness your sister has more sense. Where is she by the way?"
"It's traditional yo," came a voice from the hallway, followed by a girl giggling. Magneto clenched his fists as Toad came into view, carrying Wanda in his arms.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO MY DAUGHTER?"
"Father, stop shouting," said Wanda, making Toad set her to her feet. "This is my husband! We fell in love and now we're married. We're going to start a family!"
Magneto's eyes glowed as he levitated two feet from the carpet. Lance and Pietro took cover behind the couch. Wanda stood her ground, trying not to be intimidated by her father, Toad cowering behind her.
"You're a dead mutant Toad!"
"GAAAAH!" Toad fled the house with Magneto in hot pursuit.
"Father, no! Don't hurt my Toddy!" Wanda ran out after them, hands glowing blue, firing hexes at Magneto in a desperate attempt to stop him chasing her husband.
Pietro slammed the door behind them. "At least it gets me off the hook!"
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Betsy surveyed the X-Men in bemusement as the Professor introduced them all.
"This is Mr McCoy…"
"A pleasure to meet you Betsy."
"This is Logan…"
"Quack quack!"
"This is Ororo Munroe…"
"Woof woof woof!"
"Scott Summers…"
"Oink!"
"Jean Grey…"
"Purrrrrr…"
"Um, excuse me Professor Xavier?" Betsy looked hesitant. "Did you make everyone think they're animals?"
"Everyone except you of course. They've just pissed me off so much." The Professor glanced around in satisfaction as alligator Remy bit flamingo Bobby in the ankle. "They'll get over it in a few days."
Across the room, monkey Rogue jumped onto giraffe Kitty and tried to slide down her neck. The Beast produced a video camera and indulged in picking up a little blackmail material.
"You're devious Professor," said Betsy in admiration, "I like that in a man. I'm looking forward to moving in."