Author's Note: I don't own Gravitation, Yami no Matseui and Getbackers, I just like toying with the characters, hehehe . (that's why it's a FANfic, right? ;) Anyways, thanks so much for those who reviewed the last chapter, you really "awakened" me from the slump! Finally, I'm decided to finish this fanfic one way or another OoO. Anyways, before I go on to the story, I just want to note that this chapter will be written in a different Point of View, just to make things a little more interesting .
Chapter 7: Circumstances
He looked at me with his icy stare. I never understood why he looked at me that way, but I was sure I didn't like it at all… not one bit. It's ironic, that I'm having lunch with him… For the sake of Yuki…
He led the way into the restaurant. I was expecting it to be a simple diner or an ice cream parlor where we could have a dessert while I would "talk" to him. I don't even know how I got myself to do this in the first place. The restaurant looks huge, and I have a feeling a burger here will cost me more than the hotel's daily rate. Funny, now I'm feeling thankful since I wasn't able to eat much with Hiro and the others earlier. Also, the atmosphere is pretty cozy— wooden seats, expensive-looking utensils, round tables covered with silky cloth, and, my favorite, the crown-shaped folded napkins! I just hope it's enough to keep me stable the whole hour…
We sat down, the waiter hands us our menu's and waits for our orders.
I look up from my menu, only to find Miraku-san staring at me.
I thought my heart would drop to the floor…
"Shuichi-kun," He smiles at me, though he doesn't know that it scares me even more, "what would you like to eat? Just feel free to choose anything, it's all on me."
At the moment, I didn't really care to eat at all, but it was funny how my mouth disagreed with me and answered, "A bowl of ramen and a tall glass of iced tea, please," all on its own.
Miraku-san didn't seem to notice at all, and just proceeded to tell the waiter what he was having, "One cup of coffee please. No sugar."
"WHAT!" I thought, "He said we were having lunch! This feels awful, I'm going to look like some… some…"
The waiter interrupted, "Sir, would you like our special plate of sashimi to go with your order?"
"Yes please." Even my mouth doesn't listen to me…
I watched the waiter nod, excuse himself then walk from our table. If only I could ask him to take a seat with us… I really can't imagine how I am going to spend an hour with Miraku-san without turning to stone…
"So Shuichi kun," I looked at him, as he clasped his hands together, and rested them on the table, "what do you think?" He eased into his chair, his shoulders now more relaxed than earlier. I wish I could have said the same for me.
"E-Eh? Think?" I hear myself croak.
"I mean, about the commercial, about everything. Or better yet… what do you think about us having lunch right now?" He grinned again, his eyeglasses reflecting the light, I blinked from the glare. I thought I saw something again, his right eye… hmm, must be hunger… But at the moment, I had to answer his question or he might decide to cancel the deal… I really need that money…
"I…I think it's nice!" I smiled the best, most credible way I could.
"Really now." His eyes smiled as well, "You're not just doing this just because of the money, are you?"
"U-uh? H-Hehe… that's funny… I'd like to talk to you anyway so uh… I think this is okay anyway…" What the heck am I saying?
Miraku-san looks back at me, he looks serious. He looks at me as if he's trying to read my mind, and it feels as if he actually can. I notice how his mouth turns into a soft curve at the end—it makes him look even more sinister… I can hear my heartbeat, it's racing. I don't know what to say anymore. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't care how hard I have to work for that money anymore! …Maybe I can try dancing in the street so people will give me alms or something… anything but this!
"Is that so?" He pauses, then smiles again, "Very well then, if you don't mind, I'd like to bring up certain topics. Is that fine with you, Shuichi-kun? Or perhaps you have anything in mind you would like to talk about- anything to keep us from having a moment of awkward silence, if you know what I mean." He chuckled.
"Oh no, go on ahead!" As if I'd even want to bring up anything…
"Shuichi-kun, I never thought I would be able to have this opportunity to speak with one of the most prominent people in the music industry! It simply is," he paused and took a deep breath—or rather, sighed, "amazing…"
"That's…nice" I smiled, or at least I think I did.
"But more importantly, I think it both vital and beneficial that we have a connection, a relation which transcends petty business and financial matters. Perhaps other people would think that their relationships should end the moment they no longer needs each other's assistance, but I think otherwise, Shuichi-kun. I think we should get to know each other better, besides, we may perform even better in our work when we do… don't you agree?" He smiled, and looked at me, waiting for my answer.
"Makes sense," I thought, though I couldn't say anything. I answered with a nod once more.
"Although… I hope you don't think anything peculiar of what I'm about to say but… The first time I saw you Shuichi, I knew I wanted to talk to you… there was a special reason. And that is particularly because when I first saw you…" He paused a moment… you have no idea how many things connected all at once… Shuichi-kun when I first saw you…"
"I couldn't take my eyes off you," I thought and shuddered inside, "I couldn't stop thinking about you… I wanted to make you mine… I wanted you so badly… Please Miraku-san, finish the sentence…"
"I saw potential within you."
I finally exhaled in relief… But then again, what did he mean?
"Potential?" I asked.
"Yes, potential. I wanted to talk to someone about matters outside the world of business affairs. I mean, you have a world outside work, don't you?"
I nodded.
"In the same way, I thought it would be not only an intellectual improvement for us both, but also a pleasure. That is to say, that we will learn more about what actually matters at the moment, things which cannot be replaced by money alone. And the moment I saw you, I thought I saw an individual who would possibly listen to me, if I was given the chance."
Again, he made sense… Maybe I misjudged him... but then again…
"A pleasure?" the word disturbed me for some reason.
"Ah, yes," he chuckled deeply. He must have understood the expression on my face, "Nothing malicious, Shuichi kun. I know about your affair with Eiri-kun, and I doubt that I would like to have anything to do with anything which would contribute to any problems between you too…" He winked.
I felt my cheeks burn, I shook my head.
"Anyway, going back, perhaps I was assuming too much. I need to know what you think too, Shuichi. I wanted to talk to you not for the sake of having a listener for my extensive speeches; I want to have a conversation. I want to know what you really think… A conversation can only be healthy if both people take sufficient turns; it is not monopoly, but mutualism… that seems fair, doesn't it?" He rested the tip of his nose on his clasped hands. He looked as if he was praying… praying for my approval, maybe.
"Y-yeah, I guess so, hehehe!" I couldn't help but scratch the back of my head. These things he brought up were heavy, although they did make sense. He was so good at explaining these things that it almost reminded me of something…
He smiled, and nodded softly. I must have gotten used to his smile by now, but this once, he seemed different… I don't know why. In that split second, he looked at me, and suddenly I saw Yuki before me. I held my breath, my heart paused in its beating- time completely lost its relevance.
"Shuichi-kun?"
I blinked. A couple of times… I shook my head and looked at the man before me again.
It was Miraku kun.
"Are you alright, Shuichi kun?" he looked at me with concern, his voice almost melodious in his question. I don't know why these delusions keep bothering me. First his eye and now this? I really need to talk to Yuki… I need to! Even for just a minute… Or I might just go crazy…
"Mhmmm…" I nodded, forced a smile. I didn't want to destroy his appetite for conversation… like I said, I needed the money.
"Your orders, sir" The waiter politely said as he carried our dishes. He set them in front of me. I forgot I was the only one eating. Muraki smiled again, now his smile seemed to say something else, it was more like, "Go ahead, fill yourself…" unlike the smile earlier which said, "I'm glad you agree…" Now that I think about it, it's amazing how one man could have only one smile and yet make each smile vary in its meaning. And even without saying anything, I'd understand what he wants to say. I wonder if I could do that too…?
I must write a song about it…
"Well then, shall we eat, Shuichi kun?" He asked me, although he was only having a cup of coffee. I was a little embarrassed at first, but like I said earlier, my mouth rarely agrees with me…
…………………………………………
"I don't want to talk about it." I replied. Clearly, my sister didn't believe me at all. I hate her for that… she knows when I'm lying.
"Eiri kun, you know better than that…" She smiled, taunting me. Ever since we were small, she was always capable of toying with me. I hated her even more for that, but right now, I need all the help available.
"Where's Tohma?" I evaded. I needed to talk to him, I needed to know if Shuichi was keeping in touch with him. And if ever he did, I might have to go over to Hokkaido and demand an explanation.
"He's at work, like everybody else. And, by the way… that excludes us." She smirked and took another sip from her glass.
It hurt, those words hurt… but it didn't last long. I wish I could refute, but she was right. I'm supposed to be finishing the last part of my novel and yet… and yet… Shuichi…
"You need the inspiration?" She asked out of the blue.
"No." I strongly replied, "I just needed a place to type my novel… a place where I know there's another living, breathing creature in it."
"That's new, Eiri kun," she smirked, "I thought you needed peace and quiet."
"I said I needed a living creature, not noise…"
"Very well then. Just trying to be a good sister. But if you really want to clam up, then that's not my problem." She sighed, the sarcasm in her words were lethal.
"I'm not clamming up." I picked up the laptop bag at my side, and stood up.
"Whatever you say… by the way, I read that not being able to express or release your emotions is detrimental to your health… and it seems I'm seeing the first side effects already taking place on you, Eiri kun."
"I haven't slept, that's all. It's got nothing to do with your stupid readings…" I left for a vacant room.
I settled for a well-furnished room. I think it was Tohma's study room. Books were everywhere, and one shelf caught my eye—it was lined up with nothing but my novels. I made sure I had my back turned to it. I placed my laptop on the vacant table, and sat down. There were a few papers, a few notes, nothing interesting. A picture frame of Mika and I. I looked at it for a moment. I saw myself, and at the same time, my own reflection. Mika was right, I didn't look like I used to. I had forgotten to shave, my chin now a little rough. My hair was a mess, although still manageable—I just didn't care about fixing it. My eyes were weary, dark shades seemed to support it. I couldn't believe the contrast, and I didn't want to. I slammed the frame down, and that was the end of that.
I opened the program, and my file. I wonder how much progress had taken place. I'm beating a deadline and now I'm the one who's suffering from a- what did Shuichi call it?—
SLUMP…
I read through the file. I made it to fifty pages at least. But it seemed so bland. It was a typical romance novel. I wonder if Shuichi even bothered to read any of my books. But in another aspect, I'm relieved that he didn't—or else he'd forget about reading this one. It was terrible, I tell you. Terrible. And yet my editor already went through it and said that
"it is the best work you've done so far! A Masterpiece!"
I could still hear her annoying high-pitched voice.
I wonder what they see in this anyway. I'm convinced… if I would have to sell my own books, I might end up discouraging them to buy.
….
Why am I so pessimistic?
I closed my eyes, resting my face on my hands. I was shaking. I couldn't understand why things were turning out this way. I was haunted by my dreams, to the point that sleeping was not an option anymore. Even a nap… but I couldn't… I couldn't deprive myself of sleep. Somehow my body rejects the idea that I should stop sleeping so I wouldn't miss Shuichi too much. Not even my body listens to me.
In the middle of my contemplation, I hear the door creak. I raise my head to see it slowly open, Mika comes in. She still held her glass of wine in her right hand.
"What?" I look at her.
"Eiri kun…" she softly answers, and for the first time, she looks at me with pity, with kindness. I never thought I'd see the day.
She lays the glass on the table, and walks towards me. She pauses a moment, standing in front of me. She seems cautious, unsure of what she's to do. Even I don't know what she's thinking. Since childhood, we haven't talked as much. She would tell me what I should and should not do, but besides that, we were on our own. Maybe she cared for me at times, but how was I to know? She never told me anything but what I should do.
Now, here she is, standing like a deity sent to ease me of my suffering. Where was she all the time? Could she tell me? And even if she told me, she was too late…
And, out of the spontaneity of it, she extends her arms, and wraps me in them. I gasp, I don't know what's happening… I'm confused…
I feel the warmth, and unconsciously, my body seems to return the gesture. My cheek against her chest, my head cradled in her arm, as the other grasps my back. Her head rests on mine. I could feel her heartbeat, and it beats with mine. I'm shocked, surprised, appaledl. I want to reject her, push her away as far as I could, and curse at her. I want to tell her to leave me alone, to stop pretending to look out for me. I want to scream at her, get up and get out of this God-forsaken house. I want to lie… I want to lie to myself, and be alone again.
But… the warmth got the better of me. For a moment, I thought we shared the same pain. I felt as if we thought the same way the whole while. Were women always capable of this? Hiding their emotions so well? I could hear her, sniffling, trying to conceal her emotions. She was trying to pretend like she wasn't crying. She was trying to lie to me, trying to act strong when she had already given up. How long had she been lying to herself as well?
She slowly releases me, and the warmth fades, but I'm intoxicated. I feel as if she filled my heart with wine, and though I've let go, the warmth was still there. She looks at me, her eyes puffy. She wiped away the tears, but I could still see its path on her cheeks. She smiles, a smile full ofsincerity. It was a smile of happiness, of freedom, of relief… a smile I never saw. She placed her hand on my cheek, running her thumb carefully…
And it was only then that I realized I was crying too.
"I never wanted you to suffer like I did… but I guess I was wrong." She started, her voice a little hoarse. I listened…
"I didn't want you to be a prisoner of your emotions, to go astray from your reason. But now, now I see… even reason itself can't make you happy."
I took a deep breath. The whole while I knew why she married Tohma, although now she proved I was right.
"I… I know you and Shuichi…" she paused, she was being cautious in her words. I permitted her to mention the name, "I know you really care for him… maybe it's more than I'll ever understand. But… please think of what you're getting yourself into. Yuki, I can't bear seeing you like this. You've been unstable as far as I can remember, and each time I could only do so much to help… And now, now that you're with him, you've been a prisoner. You've turned out worse than before. I know you don't want to believe me but… This relationship is fruitless. Nothing is going to happen, nothing productive… and in the end, when it's too late, you may realize that it wasn't love at all. Yuki, I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want you to pretend anymore… Please don't be too careless… I wish I could have told you this long before but you always pushed me away, and I never had the heart to say what I thought was right…"
My mind was going in circles. There she was, trying to comfort me, and yet she tells me to leave Shuichi. What is this! Whose side was she on? She was wrong, she should have never even mentioned it. Fruitless? How does she know? As far as I can remember, Shuichi and I shared the best moments I could have only imagines. And he was the only person who bothered to tell me when I was wrong… he was the only one who went after me even after numerous times that I tried to leave him. He was the only one who didn't see Yuki Eiri, the writer, nor the killer… he saw the real me. Isn't there anything substantial to that? Doesn't that mean anything?
I look at her with disbelief. I could tell she was pouring her heart out. Why would she go to this extent just to convince me?
"I know it's hard… I know it seems impossible, but you'll see that after that, you won't be suffering this much anymore."
I couldn't hold it in…
"And who are you to tell me that? What are you, some sort of fortune-teller! My life is my life, and I'm sorry if your life turned out shitty because of your 'reason'… but that's your life and it has nothing to do with mine. And where were you all this time? Can you tell me that, huh? All the time I've been alone, disowned by you and father… by everyone! Where were you when…" I paused, she shouldn't know my past, what I did to sensei, "Do you think this is going to help me? Do you think your crying can make up for all those lost years! I'll live the way I want to, and that's going to be with Shuichi!"
She looked at me, wide-eyed. She frowned. She was trying hard not to cry, I could see. She let me go, and stood beside me. She turned her back, folding her arms across her chest. She was shivering.
I was also shocked at what I said, I'll admit. I thought for a moment that Shuichi took over my body…my defense was based on a completely illogical reason… completely illogical…
"For a moment…" she started, her voice shaky, "just for a moment I thought you understood me. I guess you're still as immature as you've always been."
And with that, she picked up her glass and stomped out of the room. She didn't bother me for the rest of the day…
……………………………………………..
"Can you sense it, Hisoka?" I asked my blonde-haired friend. Until now, we were still on the trail of Shindou-san.
"Very faintly, but yes… They must have gone to a classy restaurant, knowing Muraki…" he concentrated his gaze on the street, as if he was looking at an invisible trail of breadcrumbs.
I still couldn't believe how we ran into him just a few days ago. I swear, if I was on this case alone, I may have not found Shindou san sooner… Being with Hisoka is fun, though I admit that he's too serious. And to think he looks younger than me…
"Over there." He pauses, and looks straight ahead. I turn to see.
"That restaurant?" I see the medium-sized building. It looks like a place where only the really rich people go to spend their money on food… Then again, this was Muraki.
"Definitely." His emerald-eyes gazed back at me. He rarely did that.
"What now?" I had no idea how we would introduce ourselves… Sure, we found Shindou san, but how do we explain the fact that he's working with a psycho maniac who's into young guys?
"We wait…" he answers. I've gotten used to his frankness somehow.
"Until when do we have to do this, Hisoka san?" I complain, "until when?"
"Until it's time…" He looks annoyed; I think I'll just keep quiet…
So we sit on the bench on the sidewalk. It's snowing. It's really cold now. I never imagined I would be here, on the trail of Muraki again. I hope I never had to see him again, after all the things he's done to me and Hisoka. He deserves to…
"Crackers?" Hisoka offers a packet to me. I'm surprised, he's rarely this thoughtful.
"Thanks!" My stomach was grumbling since an hour ago…
……………………………
Oka-san… finally, I won't have to steal anymore.
I still can't believe how I bumped into those two guys earlier. They scared me a bit, but Ginji was really nice. I wish Ban chan could be nicer. But then again, right now, all that matters is this medicine I hold.
I'm almost home, almost there. I can't wait till you try this medicine. Although I'm a little skeptical about this, it's still better than the guilt I suffer everyday. I hope they didn't trick me, but then, they assured me I could tell the police…
The streets are filled with slush and snow. Each step I take makes my feet even colder. But at this moment, nothing seems to matter, nothing but you, mother.
I wonder how this winter might have turned out if you weren't sick…
Maybe you would be making her winter feast. Maybe you would be decorating the house with the paper-snowflakes you cut out, and I'd be helping you hang them on our doors. Maybe you would be asking me to sort out my toys and other things for the other kids who are less fortunate. I never thought we were rich, I never owned much, but you always made me feel like a millionaire. Nothing mattered much, nothing seemed wrong though dad left. Until now, he still leaves that scar, and sometimes it hurts when I think about him. How could he abandon us like that? How could he?
But you were strong, mom… you never cried… although I heard it at night. But when I woke up, you would be smiling again, and greeting me a good day, and it definitely would be a good the whole day.
Maybe that was why you got sick… you kept it all inside, just so I wouldn't know. But I knew, mom, I knew. And it hurt me to hear it when you thought I wasn't listening. We should have cried together, maybe that would have helped. Now, I'm facing this nightmare… the thought that you're going to leave me too. You know I can't make it alone, the scar still hurts, mom… I still need you…
I see it, our house! I'm coming, I'm running…
This is it, my house, our home. The door is dull without the paper snowflakes you put every winter. It's not as bright as it used to be…
I place my hand on the knob, and step in…
It's cold even inside. And there she is, lying down on the bed. She's asleep, as she's always been.
I kneel down beside her, place my hand on her forehead. She's still cold to the touch. I quickly make it to the kitchen to get a hot towel, and place the warm cloth on her forehead. I hope she knows that I'm now here.
Now, for the medicine…
I reach for it in my pocket. The vial feels like a huge diamond. I pull the cover, and place the container right under her nostrils, to make sure that she smells it. The scent is strong, I can smell it too. It smells like roses and all the other heavenly-scented flowers put together. I'm dizzy, but at the same time, rejuvenated by the scent.
My mom takes in a deep breath. Is this for real! I can feel my smile reach up to my ears! This is the first time I've seen her breathe deeply since she got sick… it's been nothing but shallow breaths.
I hear footsteps. I quickly replace the vial's cover, and tuck it in my pocket.
"Good afternoon!" Someone greets, as the knock echoes. It's him again.
I get up to open the door.
"Good afternoon…" I reply. Although this man helped me keep mom safe, he was still the reason why I turned to stealing. And until today, I've never actually hated him for it.
"How's your mother doing? Any progress?" he asks, and walks in. He removes the white gloves on his hands.
"Yes, doctor. She's been breathing…"
He chuckles and pats me on my head, "You're a very funny child… You're mother must be delighted to have you…"
I smile courteously.
"Hoshi, I appreciate that you really take this much responsibility. Any child your age might have just given up and resorted to crying. I commend you for that." He smiles at me, his silvery-white hair slightly tossed to the side… I always wondered why he covered his right eye.
"Thank you doctor…" I respond, as he starts examining my mom.
He places the stethoscope on her chest. His eyebrows crease. I'm getting nervous for some reason. He fidgets a bit, though tries to conceal it. He continues to replace the stethoscope on my mother's chest, as if he couldn't hear her heartbeat. I really am getting nervous…
"What's the matter?" I stutter.
He looks up at me, wide-eyed. It's the first time I saw him react like that. But he immediately smiles again.
"Have you given your mother anything, Hoshi? Anything aside from the medicine I prescribed?"
I pause. I don't know what to say… should I tell him?
"Is there anything wrong, doctor? I followed your prescription, I swear!"
"Alright," he sighs, "but keep in mind that if you keep anything from me, the consequence of your action will follow. If you lie to me, your mother will be the one to receive the penalty…"
My heart is beating faster. I don't know what to do. But I feel that I really can't tell him… he's looking at me sharply, and it's scaring me. He's never looked at me this way before. In fact, he always smiled at me.
"N-no, I swear I didn't do anything but what you told me!" I defended; I prayed he would believe me.
He gazed at me, sternly looking at me the way my dad would when I tried to lie my way out of punishment. I didn't like it at all. But then he soon removed his stethoscope, replacing them into his bag.
"Alright then. It was nice to have done business with you, Hoshi." He smiles again, although it was completely fake.
"What?" I can't believe him, "W-what about my mother? Aren't you going to give me any more medicine?"
"You seem fine on your own… besides, she's alright now. Perhaps she'll wake up in a day or two… or at least I hope so… Good luck to you both." He picks up his bag and walks to the door.
"She's… okay? What is it really? " I can't believe it… she's finally coming back?
"Yes, it's good you followed my orders obediently," he opened the door, and I run to see him off.
"Doctor…" I don't know what I should say… Thank you for making me a thief or thanks for the time you spent…?
He doesn't look back, although he still smiles. It's now I noticed that his white cloak was still clean. I could never do that, my socks alone always got dirty with the slush. He seemed to glow as he walked away, but the aura he left behind was far from pleasant. Now I felt completely free, I no longer had to work for Muraki-sama. I didn't have to steal anymore… All I needed was this miracle medicine…
…miracle medicine… I reached for it in my pocket, this saviour… I can't thank those two enough…
"Where is it?" My heart pauses. I can't feel it.
I turn my pockets inside out—nothing! No… no, this can't be happening! It must be here somewhere!
I ran back to my mother, rummaged through the side table's drawers… nothing! I clearly remember placing it in my pocket.
I can't… no… I can't lose it… no, there has to be some mistake… no… Now I can feel the tears pouring from my eyes. I feel stolen of all the dignity left of me, I feel like I've been robbed by my own self…
My heart hurts… it's turned to stone, to fire, to a mass of thorns. This can't be real… it can't! After all I've gone through… this can't be real…
I can't do anything now… I'm whimpering… crying… my tears won't stop falling… I can't take this anymore…
Why… why? Mother, could you tell me why? Why is it so unfair!
I wish my screams would reach my father. I wish mother would wake up... I wish she could…
If only they knew all that I've been doing for them. If only they would know what I gave up just to cure mother… the sacrifice I made…giving myself to Muraki-sama… that demon… If only I had the power, if only I was superhuman… If only I could make wishes happen!
What a different world this would be…
But I guess… knowing reality's cruelty… I can only wait for my happiness in my dreams…
Author's note: AUGHHHH! I feel so bad for Hoshi… hai hai…I can't believe it myself. But… haah… I hope you guys liked this chapter. Oh, and if you're a little confused about the appearance of muraki kun… hehehe, I'll explain that in the future chapters. It's actually a little a later in the afternoon when he comes to see Hoshi, if you notice o... Anyways, more to come D BTW, thanks so so so so much for those who've read my fic so far and even reviewed it. I've said it before and I'll say it again, YOU MADE MY DAY!