Part 2: The Smile of my Child

September16, 2008

Dear Stephen,

I don't have much time to write to you today because my son is taking a nap and I have a feeling that he will wake up soon. I haven't mentioned him yet, have I? Yes, I have a three year old son named Caleb. He's great, he really is and I'm not saying this to convince myself because without him, I couldn't go on. He has become my life and I am okay living with the fact that I am a twenty-four year old single mother.

Well, I mean…sometimes I find myself thinking about what life could have been like if I didn't keep him. And then I realize I would be alone. I wouldn't have stayed with Max either way…I couldn't do that to him.

Ugh! Max is the person I only talk about when I had too much alcohol and I lose my self control. It's like when I'm writing to you, I lose my self control. I just can't put up any boundaries in whatever I say to you.

Caleb is awake now.

Love always,

Liz

I knocked onto the door and listened for any sign of protest but instead heard a girl around the age of seven sing some type of kid song. I listened to the words and every muscle in my body tensed.

Have you ever gone fishing on a bright sunny day

Down by the pond where the little fishes play

With your hands in your pockets

And your pockets in your pants

Have you ever seen fishes do the hoochie chooche dance

I came in and she screamed "Ack!" as she ran behind her mother. She frowned in embarrassment as she was not sure what else to do. According to my charts, her name was Zoey Griffin and she suffered from the early stages of leukemia. My eyes closed and I hissed at myself wishing I could cure her. She is so young and there is so much for her to live for. It isn't fair that the only thing I can do is help her feel better. I put down my charts and started sing and dancing to the song that she was singing.

Zoey snickered when I shook my hands and danced around by the time I got to "hoochie chooche dance" and slowly made her way out from behind her mother's shoulder.

"Who taught you that?" questioned Ms. Griffin. Her eyes had lit up, grateful that her child smiled even though it was at the expense of my own dignity.

"My wi, my…ugh," I stumbled over realizing I haven't talked about her in nearly two years, "My girlfriend in high school was pretty goofy and always knew how to make a person laugh."

"Well, thank you Doctor…?"

"How could I forget to introduce myself? I'm Zoey's new doctor, Dr. Evans but the kids around here call me Dr. Maxie." I laughed, "Because I come running to them whenever they call."

"Max Evans…" Ms. Griffin rolled my name around. "Your name sounds familiar," she continued, "but you have to be too old to be the Max Evans I've heard about." Questions formed in her head, "Although you don't look over the age of 25."

"I'm not."

Author's note:

The Smile of my Child -"The Smile of my Child" is sung by Amber

"The Smile of my Child" lyrics

(La...)

"Your hair shines like gold" says my child

"You are pretty old" says my child

And I think to myself how I used to be

There's another wrinkle that I see

Then he takes my hand and smiles at me

Chorus:

The smile of my child makes me realize that I'm alive

The smile of my child makes my life worth living

The smile of my child is a reflection of my life

And an endless source of love, an endless source of love and

giving

"You are so nice" says my child

"You are so wise" says my child

And I think to myself how it's going to be

I see so much bad news on TV

Then he takes my hand and smiles at me

Chorus

You are so beautiful when you dance and smile

And even though you are so small

I want to be everything for you

My beautiful child

(La...)