As Strong Bad continued his story, Dan tried to get a word in. "Strong Bad, what you're saying leads me into my next question. To be perfectly honest, when I first heard about your team, they just looked like a ragtag group of kids. How did you know they would be so good?"
Strong Bad wasn't sure how to answer this question. The truth was, he didn't know, but he was never one to admit one of his own faults. But after a few seconds of thinking about it, he decided it would be best to give credit where due. "Well, see it was Marzipan who told me about all these qualities that everyone in Free Country had. At first, I didn't want to believe her, but she was right. I mean, I do run the show with this team. Me, and maybe The Cheat. But I have to give her some credit. Out of all the awesome our team constitutes, I only have, like, 95 of it. Maybe 96. Then Strong Mad and The Cheat split a percent, and Marzy has the rest."
"So, Strong Bad, what did she see?"
Marzipan just continued to smirk at Strong Bad, at the same time wondering just how to put what she was thinking into words. "I just don't see how you can't see it", Marzipan finally said, "but I'll try to explain anyway. Let's start with Homestar-"
"Oh, I see. Starting with your boyfriend. Typical."
"I'm starting with him because of his talent. Maybe you haven't noticed, but Homestar can run. Runner isn't just his last name, y'know. He'd certainly be a prodigy at halfback."
"Okay, so that's one, but I still don't see how-"
"You want me to go down the list? Let's see. Strong Mad would be incredible on defensive line. I shouldn't have to tell you why. Bubs is a big guy, but he's got a bit of speed as well. He'd make a good linebacker. Strong Sad and the King of Town-"
"Don't bother telling me about them. Trust me, they're useless; they're just wastes of fat space."
"Exactly. That's why they rule."
"Yeah, I know, and guh-wha?"
"Strong Sad and the KoT are big and heavy and hard to move around. In other words, they're perfect for the offensive line. Same with Pom Pom."
"What are you talking about? Pom Pom's light as a feather! Yeah, he's big, but he's filled with helium or hydrogen or argon or potassium or one of those gasses."
"Strong Bad, potassium is not a gas at room temperature."
"Maybe at room temperature, but inside the bodily fortress of certain unknown doom that is Pom Pom, who knows?"
"We're getting off track. Pom Pom is good on O-line because he's big. He isn't heavy, but he's so big that he'll intimidate the opponent. Football is just as much a mental game as it is physical."
"Fair enough…so what about me?"
"Well, you'd obviously be the quarterback."
"Well, of course. I do have passing skill."
"Actually, you'd only be the quarterback because you're so self-absorbed that you'd have a mental seizure if anyone besides you was running the show. But that's not why you'd be such a good player. I've seen you kick The Cheat, and you can get some good distance on that poor guy. You would be excellent as a kicker or a punter. Which brings me to The Cheat himself. The Cheat would actually make a good wide receiver since he is so short. I know that seems to make absolutely no sense, but his height, or lack of it, means that he isn't in the defenders' field of vision. It might take a bit of threading the needle to get it to him, but I'm sure you can work on that. That leads me to the Poopsmith. I don't know about his football skill, but anyone who makes a career out of shoveling has got to be in pretty good shape. He certainly won't be a liability. Now, as for Homsar…"
"Wait, wait, wait. You honestly can't be serious this time. Homsar? This one I gotta hear."
"A big part of football is about confusing the opposing side of the ball. If the opponent doesn't know what you're up to, they don't know how to react. Confusion is pivotal, and there's no way you can deny that Homsar is the epitome of confusion."
"True." Strong Bad appeared to be counting on his fingers, despite the fact that he was wearing boxing gloves. "Marzipan, that's only ten players."
"I know."
"Yeah, and football teams have eleven players. At least."
"I know."
"So who's the eleventh?"
"Me. Who else?"
"What? No. No. Not gonna happen."
"And why not? I want to have some fun doing this too. Either you let me be on the team or you can kiss my help goodbye."
Strong Bad was very frustrated. Even after all he had seen, he was still afraid that Marzipan would go hippie on him. But he could already tell that without her, the team would be nowhere near its potential. "Fine, Marzy. You win. I'll let you on the team."
"Excellent!", Marzipan chirped. "But I have a question. This team is going to be Division I, right?"
"There are other divisions?", said Strong Bad, confused.
"Yes, that's why it's called 'Division I'", Marzipan said, silently adding "you moron".
"Well, I guess so. What's your point?"
"CGNU isn't really a college, is it?"
"No. Not really. I mocked up most of it just for that one e-mail. In reality, it's nothing more than a spare room in my house."
"Well, if you want it to be NCAA accredited, we better make it one fast."
"Whaddaya mean 'we'?"
"I'm sorry. You better make it one fast."
"That's right I better- hey!"